Illiterate Retards Anonymous

Well there they all were, in one big room watching the new comer ascend the stage.
“Hello, My names Bob.” The rather large balding man said softly
“Hello Bob!” The previously silent group said as a whole, in an almost cultish fashion
“And I’m a…” Here Bob choked up; the group seemed to lean forward, anticipation written on every face, joined only by mock sympathy
“A… a bad speller.” He breathed than broke into uncontrolled sobs.
A few heads nodded with would be compassion as if to say that they understood completely
“It’s all right Bob.” A small rather mousy looking man wearing a badge that proclaimed ‘Jose, IRA leader’ said in a gravely voice, “we have all been through the same thing.”
Bob just nodded sniffling loudly
“Here, have a seat Bob; Mike here can share his story with you.”
Mike, a seemingly average man other than his moving glass eye and spiky black hair stepped up to the podium.
“Hello, my name is Mike and I just-“here the speedy talker was interrupted by the drones of
“Hello, Mike.”
“-would like to thank you for welcoming me into this group!” Mike finished unfazed
“I first realized I couldn’t type or even spell almost three months ago!”
The crowd made a sound that could only tell you that this was a very bad thing indeed
“Just let out anything your feeling Mike, you can’t keep it bottled up like that.” Jose said with a slightly hysterical edge to his voice. Bob agreed with a nod
Mike let out a sniff than tears were suddenly streaming down his face
“I don’t know what to do!” He wailed flailing his arms
Bob jumped up, suddenly crying again, and ran over to Mike. Mike looked at him than suddenly threw his arms around the pudgy man
“Hold me Bob, just hold me!”
At this exact moment through the backdoor stepped the most beautiful woman any of them had ever seen. With raven hair down to the middle of her back and pale blue eyes. She looked around seemingly puzzled,
“Hello?” She murmured shyly but loud enough to get the attention of every man in the entire room.
“Hello!” the crowd said in unison, sounding almost human.
“Hello Miss, please approach the front and just tell us a little about yourself.” Jose said the drool almost falling out of his mouth.
“But-“The young beauty started
“now, now dear, we won’t bite!” Jose said his smile almost sickly and Mike licked his lips, as if to say biting sounded good.
“But I just-“She tried again starting to look disturbed
“Oh, are you shy? Yes, yes, let’s give the young lady some applause to get her going!” Jose said his eyes glowing, Bob began clapping his floppy hands excitedly and soon the whole place had joined in. The girl, looking exasperated made her way to the front, through the lines of drooling drones. She stepped behind the podium while Bob’s eyes grew to the size of sausages, eying her long legs.
“Hello, My names Tinka!” She said with the sudden urge to laugh at all these people who were ogling her.
“Hello Tinka!” The welcome was much more thrilled than it had been for the last two to join the group but it did not appear that they minded because they had willingly added there voice to the mass.
Tinka’s insides fought between laughing and running. She had to make do with a small snicker than continued to talk
“And I think I stepped into the wrong-“Here for the third time tonight she was interrupted by Jose
“Can you spell correctly?” He murmured in a breathy voice everyone in the room seemed to stop breathing as soon as he finished his sentence and all eyes moved to look at Tinka
“Uh,” Tinka said looking around at all these people that seemed enraptured in what she had to say
“I guess, yeah” She muttered completely confused
“You can not… guess, as you say, it must be yes or no.” Jose said a snooty air about him
“Well I spell as good as the next guy, I mean everyone makes mistakes!” She said quickly adding the last bit at the groups look of obvious horror. Bobs eyes grew again,
“They do?” he asked shock written all over his face
“No BOB! Don’t believe her!” Jose said his eyes looking berserk “she lies; She is a messenger from hell!”
At these words Tinka burst into laughter
“Yeah, ok! That sounds really true!” The sarcasm could not be missed even through the laughter, but it seemed that the majority had sided with Jose. They looked at her with hate,
“She lies, she lies, SHE LIES!” They began to chant slowly standing up and approaching her
“Let us kill this evil spirit with the everlasting hug!” Jose said his hair seeming to literally stand to life as he spoke. The eyes of every male in the room widened as they suddenly stormed the platform
Tinka’s legs were soon shoved out from under her as she was passed around to be hugged by what she was now sure were a bunch of nuts!
She writhed away from one only to be in another’s arms. She balled up her fist and punched a young man directly in the nose; it broke with a distinct crunch, dribbling blood down his front.
“She is truly of hells own making!” Jose yelled in a high pitched voice, Bobs round head bobbed up and down in agreement.
The crowd, though outraged seemed to break away from her as she screamed obsinity’s and hit anything that was near enough.
“You all are a bunch of fucking psychos!” She heard herself scream, they backed away as if she had just conformed there every fear.
As she glanced around she realized there was an opening and she knew this would be her only and last chance to escape these lunatics.
She began to run for the door but within moments mutable hands were pulling her back, she jerked with all of her might and was free!
Tinka grasp the door handle and wrenched it open as the screams of hatred sounded much to close for comfort.
She turned to see Jose’s face, livid with hatred. She couldn’t help but smile as she slammed the door shut and quickly locked it.
She could here the banging and yells of rage from inside the door, but she really didn’t care anymore, she turned to find her friend with the classic What-the-hell-did-you-do look on her face mixed with the slightest bit of amusement.
“You would not believe what just happened to me.” Tinka said shaking her head.
“Hey, anything’s possible with Tinka!” She said with a grin as they headed down the hall
“Oh yeah, did you ever get directions?”








Dedicated to Tina, who makes everything in life fun and insane!
Love ya Tina!



Please do not rate this according to grammer or anything being in the right place because I haven't even put in most of the punctuations yet! Any advice would be helpful though! Thank you and hope you enjoyed!