The Magic 21

         The day that all college students eagerly await had arrived. I was, at last, turning 21. No more having to drink in the dorms, making fake ID nor waiting until a friend was checking IDs at the door of whatever bar he worked at. I was legal and it was time to celebrate.

         The first interesting part of this comedy of errors was my father's birthday present. He paid for a four hour limo ride to take us to the 21 bars we intended to drink at and gave us $400.00 to spend there. He meant well, figuring this way no one would drive.

         The original cast of characters included myself, Forest, Ed and Dan. Despite being small of stature I was fairly well known for my drinking capacity. Forest was six foot, four inches tall and a well muscled rugby player. He had this interesting talent of being bottomless. He would get really, really drunk and then no drunker no matter how much more he drank. Ed was fully Irish and weaned on whiskey. He could easily outdrink most people. Dan was a last minute invitee, there to keep things interesting. Another friend with the ability to drink a lot, Dan was simply fun to have around when the booze flowed. The only rule for the night was that no one was to be left alone so none of us would find any trouble.

         The idea was to meet at my place and take the limo from there. It started off poorly when the limo was an hour late and Ed still wasn't there. Finally our adventure began and we left without him.

         At the third bar of the night we found Ed, sitting there waiting for us. He had never been to my new place and rang the wrong doorbell so he decided to wait for us at the one bar everyone goes to on their 21st birthday. Now our cast was complete, or was it?

         The very next bar was 100 feet away so we decided to walk and have the limo meet us there. On the way, we passed an acquaintance sitting out on his porch and he joined our merry group. When we went inside the next bar there were many tables but not many empty seats. Dan, who was never shy about anything, especially when drinking, spotted a large table occupied by two cute members of the opposite sex. He went over and invited us to sit down. After that our merry group was no longer unisex as the two girls joined us for the rest of the night. Our original party of four was now up to seven, but it was okay because we had the limo.

         The rest of the night progressed with only minor incidents, a few almost fights, and large amounts of alcohol. Beers, shots, cocktails and more beers were consumed by all. We were pretty much determined to get as drunk as possible and still be conscious.

         When it was time to pay the limo driver we had him leave us at the bar where Ed had joined us since his car was there. We stood around the parking lot just enjoying the night air. To be honest, I don't know what we were doing in the parking lot as this point of the night is where my memory fails. The next part of the adventure is second hand information.

         Ed grew annoyed. He was upset simply because he liked one of the girls that had joined us and this girl was more interested in Dan. Ed expressed his displeasure by getting into his boat sized Monte Carlo and driving off. Meanwhile, Forest had passed out on the trunk of Ed's car and woke up as the car started moving. He grabbed each side of the car with his long arms and tried to hold on. Supposedly, Ed reached about 30 MPH before Forest was finally flung off.

         At this point I took a look at Forest and told him he should go to the hospital. The last anyone saw of us that night, we were stumbling down the street, arguing about his condition.

         Finally, vague memories come back. I remember walking the streets by myself and deciding to go home. When I arrived at my summer, sublet apartment, my key wouldn't work. Thinking, oh so clearly, I proceeded to punch a hole in the window to unlock the door from the inside. Guess what. It wasn't my apartment.

         Next I remember a lot of flashing red and blue lights and wrestling with a lot of people that were struggling to handcuff me. They apparently succeeded as my next memory was the back of a patty wagon. Being a pissed off, drunk and limber gymnast, I stretched until I got my cuffed hands in front of me and then stuck a finger down my throat to throw up all over the back of the truck I was locked in. The police did not appreciate this.

         There are very vague memories of my time in the police station but I was never placed in a cell. Finally at 6:15 AM (remember that time) I was dropped off at my actual apartment with the instructions to be in court at 9:00. I went inside and passed out at last.

         Forest, who was a roommate, made some noise around noon and I peeked out my bedroom door. When I looked at him I thought he'd been beat up. He said he'd been thrown from a car and had trouble believing I didn't remember this. Two minutes later we were both sound asleep.

         Around 3:00 I woke up again and called Ed to yell at him. My shoulders were sore from getting the cuffed hands in front of me, my wrists were bruised from the cuffs and my struggles against them, and, of course, I was still a bit drunk.

Flip: "Ed, I'm mad at you. You left me alone last night!" (I was only kidding about being mad.)

ED: "Flip, wait a second..."

Flip: "Nope, you were supposed to keep me out of trouble."

Ed: "Flip, I was..."

Flip: (Still not letting Ed complete a sentence) "I trusted you to watch me last night."

Ed: "I was arrested last night!"

Flip: "You were arrested too?"

Ed: "You were arrested too?"

         I'm pretty sure that Ed was still drunk too but after we stopped laughing we sorted out the details. I found out that at 6:15 AM (I told you to remember that time) Ed was found behind the wheel of his car, stuck in a ditch, out of gas, with the keys in the ignition. They arrested him for drunk driving at the very same moment I was left at my house. Ed, who was nine inches taller than me, had a blood alcohol level of .032. I, who had even more to drink, was supposed to have made it to court at 9:00. I don't think so.

         Filling in the final details; when I called my parents to tell them of my arrest my mother couldn't stop laughing. It turns out my father had been arrested for being drunk and trying to get in the wrong house 21 years earlier. I pleaded guilty to a class C misdemeanor, which is just a fine, and had to pay for the window. Ed lost his license for 90 days. Forest, who finally went to the hospital, had a concussion, a cracked rib and two broken fingers. I never saw Dan or the girls again and I have one hell of a 21st birthday story to tell.

         The saddest part of all of it is how every detail led to another. If we hadn't had the limo we all would have walked that night and the girls wouldn't have joined us. If Ed had found my apartment, his car wouldn't have been at the bar to drive off in and almost kill Forest. If we hadn't included Dan at the last minute the girls wouldn't have met us and Ed would never have gotten pissed off enough to drive away and I would never have been arguing with Forest nor wound up by myself. And if Woody had gone to the police in the first place, none of this would have happened. It was the house that jack built and every little nail made a big difference.