Perilous Thoughts

Mentally Constipated

Dang! What a title. That's what I'm feeling right now though. I'd like to start writing on at least one of my short stories but my mind is just racing too much here.

My latest endeavor as a Project Manager is weighing heavily on my emotions already. I've just realized that not only will my last of two children be completely out of the nest, but I will also be away from close friends and most of all, family. Wow, now that's change. It shouldn't really matter to me since I've grown into somewhat of a loner, right?

I thought about this concept a bit and realized that this wont be as easy as just simply walking away to start a new life. Even though I'm somewhat a loner, I do have the option of letting a friend/family member come over, or inviting someone, a friend or whomever. Once I'm a thousand miles, I wont have that security of knowing they're just minutes away.

But, if I don't go and pursue this dream of making a better life, change of career, or even the beginning of my own profitting business, I wont be happy and will continue to isolate myself if I stay here. This is what I mean by mentally constipated, btw.

Another 'issue' is that I will forever let Twelve come when he feels it's my turn. I know that behavior is dangerous but he is the only man that I want, despite. Oh well, enough about his wicked ways. I must move forward....

Do you have any idea how it feels to be in this mess? I really can't make a decision here, although it's all laid out for me, granted the approval of the financing for the project. My goodness, this is my chance to shine bright, pay for my children's college tuitions or at least support them until they finish. The fact that both of them are in college pursuing is such a blessing.

Pray for me here.