Wonderfully written. I watched my mom and grandmother fall into the rabbit hole of demetia and it's hard.
My father, like yours, was always strong and robust. Even when was diagnosed with Parkinson's he didn't slow down. Until a motorcycle accident broke his back and other bones.
After that he too became a shell of his former self. It was so hard for me to witness.
Thankfully he's moved on to a better place. I still hear his voice giving strength to get through my tough times.
Thank you so much for sharing this personal story.
I haven't heard from you for a bit, so I came to your portfolio to see if you'd written anything new.
From your words I can feel the love for the person that the story is being written to. It's such a difficult thing to have given so much of yourself to someone and then they just disappear.
Your writing is definitely improving. This story had more of a flow to it.
OMG! That was absolutely adorable. I loved the older childs personality. I think you captured it perfectly.
It reminded me of my mother telling me how she tried to put her younger brother into the trash can when her parents brought him home from the hospital.
Thank you for sharing your poem. However, due to past experiences it made me wonder if the person speaking was truly sorry or was just saying what he/she/they thought would bring the missing person back under their control.
This of course is simply and unfortunately the way my mind works.
Putting that aside the poem was well written. Comparing the stars to the lost person's eyes looking and judging was powerful.
I really like the flow of this poem.
Like you, the random things children say make me smile.
When my youngest son was little I held my breath at times because, as I used to tell people, he didn't have filters. If he thought it he said it.
That's beautiful and very introspective.
I definitely could relate to your words.
Yes moving on is hard, especially from an abusive or neglectful relationship but it can be done.
I know this from experience and I admire that you see what's in front of you without excuses or denial.
You have a beautiful soul.
My personal opinion is that you describe the setting in the beginning quite well. Wonderful imagery. Then you repeated the same description several times throughout the story. For me it was a bit much. I already could visualize the setting and the repetition distracted me.
Other than that suggestion it was a wonderful and imaginative work of art.
I enjoyed this story. The relationship between Justin and his mother was beautiful. It reminded me of me and my mother. All it took was a look and I understood her precisely.
I loved the visuals that the poem gave. It's true that some of nature rests at night only to wake up the next day. The only suggestion that I would offer is changing the word bercuese. I feel like if you have to explain to the reader what a word means for me it takes away from the flow of the words. Other than that I loved it!
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