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 |   So playing the trombone wasn't getting me in enough trouble? |
My left eye was twitching from being on screen too long. This was the sixth revision of the speech announcing his candidacy, he was being very particular, and I was on the verge of hysteria. I was also on the verge of telling him to shove the speech up his little bum. He read the latest draft, moving his lips while he read. Finally, he gave me a tight-lipped nod and headed off to dress for the big speech. The momentous moment materialized. The band was vamping on the horn intro to the chorus of Stranded in the Jungle  , one of his favorite tunes. He had decided on a black tailored suit, the fit was a credit to his tailor. Making him look good in a suit was no mean feat. On cue, he walked out from the wings, headed for the podium. Two steps up the small riser behind the microphones brought his head into view. He held up his tiny little mitts, signaling that the thunderous applause should stop. The band faded out, falling with the applause into silence.He paused dramatically, letting the silence hang in the air, savoring the breathless excitement of the crowd. Finally, he spoke; "Authors, Muses and Writing.comites, lend me your auditory vestiges. (The line didn't get a laugh, but, I got a glare of annoyance from him.) I come before you tonight as your friend, colleague, and fellow artist. For too long, we, as the prime mover of creativity, have labored in the shadows. For too long, our contributions and sacrifices have gone unacknowledged. For too long, others have laid claim to the fruits of our work. For too long, the words forged from our sweat and blood have suffered at the slashing pens of editors and critics. Well, my friends, that tyranny and oppression will stop now! Each and every member of my staff will proudly display and acknowledge their Muse publically and openly, no matter how embarrassing or humiliating that acknowledgment might be! A rustle of interest The so-called Rules of Grammar and Style will be repealed so that never again will our words be challenged, and forced to fit the standards of others. Cheers Books and guidelines like the "Associated Press Style" Book and "The Chicago Manual of Style" will be banned, burnt, stomped on, spindled, and mutilated. Enthusiastic Cheers Critics and reviewers not offering helpful, kind, and supportive reviews will be rooted out and forced to watch Barney the Purple Dinosaur, while listening to Baby Shark over and over. More Enthusiastic Cheers Booksellers, none of whom I'll mention by name, at the advice of our Attorney-General Designate, will be prohibited from limiting in any way where or how we chose to display, sell or offer our works to the public at large. Even More Enthusiastic Cheers We will gather the population into our community, spreading the love of books, writing, poetry, and prose far and wide, until it unites us and the world in a common bond of love and compassion. The Assembled Crowd Goes Wild!! Ad-libbed and off the Teleprompter There will be rum and vodka in every liquor cabinet, unlimited bananas, and pineapple for all! Crowd rushes forward, security whisks Andre off the stage Before he's completely offstage, Andre shouts, "I am Andre, and I will be your next President, hic!" Cue the Band |
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