Bibimbap 비빔밥

Holding on, letting go, or never giving up.

When does one realize that a relationship isn't working? How long does one hold on? Is holding on even worth the time and effort? I must say that I'm learning from my present foray into this subject. No idea how long this ride will last nor where it will go before it ends.

To Tiggy (Tiggy) re "sheluvme"  "Very well written and wonderful insight... but hindsight can function that way... sometimes.

Pan and I have been together 9 months. I ask the same questions. It's easy living with him and I prefer that to living alone. That said... ain't no picnic.

Love? So many ways to express it. Here in Thailand it's intertwined with rituals, traditions, family obligations and money... always money.

Today is Thursday. I will buy him a rose.

Love is simpler if society allows it. Even friendships can be fraught with drama when opposed by bigotry and custom. Growing up I didn't realize how deeply my community hated me. Not everyone... but enough of them. Made it hard to trust and love is hard without trust. It's good to love another; but it's best to love oneself.

To 🌻 thankful pwheeler nano re "He Loves Me & I Love Him"  Hmm... When I met Mark I fell in love at first sight. I wanted to marry him by the time I was 15. But... I was shy, withdrawn, nerdy and... well you get the picture. He was smarter than anyone ever gave him credit. He married someone else.

And they stayed married.

But looking back... Mark was my first love, and I told him that over 30 years later. It was hard for me to say. He knew.

I wanted a lot when I was a teenager but seldom got what I needed. I needed more than others could give me and I had no clue how to get anything for myself. Lack of self-esteem? Lack of financial resources? Lack of support?

Being gay was the greatest obstacle. In some ways it still is. I can't fall in love with just anyone and express it. I can't be openly gay in many parts of the world... or around certain people. I have few protections in the U.S. I'm considered 'dangerous' in Florida... but not only there...

I write love poems. They are seldom, if ever, read by the one I write them to.

Glad to read that you are happy. Glad that your life is full of love.

If we aren't validated as children? Humans do not exist as individual self-contained units. Very few sentient entities on this planet do. If we are not validated with love can we still love others? Fortunately, there are always kind nurturers around. But do we, especially those who have been traumatized, accept their love?

To THANKFUL SONALI Library Class! (Sonali) in "Validation"  "Validation. I liked getting a second place ribbon for my writing yesterday. It validated me! Yes... wouldn't it be nice to be recognized academically, culturally, monetarily... maybe.

I've been validated in many ways but for much of my life I've put up barriers and put in earplugs so I could neither see nor hear those kind affirmations. I rejected what little was offered and hid in my cave. Trauma will do that...

Have I ever loved myself? That's the question I've faced for years."

Inspired by 48-HOUR CHALLENGE: Media Prompt. The song, sheluvme by Tai Verdes.

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