Wonderland 2024

H-2. Educations

PROMPT ▶︎

The Mock Turtle has received quite a lot of ‘educations’ under the sea like the different branches of Arithmetic - Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision. Share with us a most unique branch of education entirely from your imagination. (<500 words)

Shutupification

My specialized branch of education is an entire undergrad series of classes about when keeping quiet and saying nothing is actually a better option than making yourself heard. There are quite a few classes available, including the 100-level Intro to Shutting Up, which answers such big picture questions as, "Do I actually need to say something here?" and "When is it okay to just say nothing at all?"

From there we move into the more involved 200-level classes, which focus on specific scenarios where it might be appropriate to just shut up. Class offerings this semester include:

          Are My Two Cents Worth Adding To The Pot
          My Coworker Said Something Dumb
          Family Conversations Around The Holiday Dinner Table
          Someone Online Was Wrong About Something

And then of course there are the 300-level "advanced" classes, where you'll have a chance to look at in-depth case studies of people who did or did not shut up and how that worked out for them:

          Managers And The Karens Who Would Like To Speak With Them
          The Bed-To-Couch Sleeping Ratio Among Opinionated Spouses

Shutupification is an exciting new educational offering starting to be rolled out at select state universities and community colleges of moderate prestige. Enroll today!

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(210 words)