The Thought's of Me!

Complicated

I feel things are getting a little more complicated. A little? Let me rephrase that. Okay...things are getting tremendously complicated!! That sounds better.

I have no f***ing clue how to deal with these...issues, problems, emotions, whatever the f*** you want to call them!

Before 8th grade, I was perfectly stable. I hid all my feelings, didn't let them show. I had a mental block in my head. Nobody could get through, and nothing could get out!

Then...all this starts to happen. And I find myself practically pouring out my heart and soul to her. Telling her everything. Making her, and my life, more complicating.

Before...I'd flinch away when anybody tried any type of physical contact. If could have been a hug, or a friendly handshake. Didn't matter, I'd refuse. To some, I still do. I won't let them hug me, or even lay a reassuring hand on my arm (friendly gesture! Get your mind out of the gutter people!!). She's the only one, this year, that I've let get close to me. I don't flinch around her. Anybody else, I do. Her, and my friend since I've know since I was 2 years old, are the only one. I don't even hug my parents most of the time.

Now...I know you're probably wondering. What happened to her to make her like this? No, it wasn't physical abuse. I've never been beaten by my parents. I just...it comes with the territory I guess you could say. I've never really had anybody THAT close to me. I've never had friend that would consider doing that. It's a mental thing I guess you could say. No friend's that cared, no physical contact.

I really think I need a break. Just go to some place where I can relax and just think. Think about what all is going on. I would't mind going to the park. Just mess around and sit on the swing set's. I wouldn't minde if a friend came with be. Just as long as I could relax, and have some fun. I just want to have some fun!!!!!!!!!! If I don't have some kind of fun soon...well...I might go (more) insane.
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"What would you do if Death stared you in the face?Would you run and hide? Or take it with pride?"

*Merry Meet and Blessed Be*