Genomorph

Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21

“What are you smiling about?” Brandi asked as Melissa joined her on the deck. She had given her new friends some time to absorb everything.

“I was just doing a little research online. Can I bum a smoke? Oh, and Karen ran out for some groceries.”

Brandi extended her pack of Marlboros and Melissa took one, lighting it in the flame of Brandi’s Zippo lighter.

“I always fall back on smoking when I get stressed,” Melissa said as she exhaled a cloud of smoke.

“I’m sorry; I really don’t mean to add stress to your life.”

“Oh, it’s not you sweetie,” Melissa said, and then amended her statement when Brandi gave her a dubious look. “Ok, it’s not just because of you. I was nearly gang raped last night remember. I hate feeling so helpless.”

“I know what you mean,” Brandi told her.

“You, helpless?” Melissa said, incredulous. “I saw you in action girl. You are anything but helpless.”

“That’s not when I feel it,” Brandi said. “I’m fine in a crisis or a fight; it’s the everyday stuff that makes me feel that way. Melissa, I don’t know how to be a girl. I know I need to start dressing more feminine, if for no other reason than it will make me blend in better. But I don’t know how. I know nothing about makeup or what to do with this hair.”

“I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through,” Melissa said. “Having your gender changed would be bad enough, but all the other stuff you have to deal with is just overkill. Karen and I really want to help you if you’ll let us.”

“I need your help,” Brandi told her, “I’m through running from who I am. I can never go back, so I either have to move ahead or stand still.”

“Well, Karen and I were discussing that earlier,” Melissa said with a big smile. “When she gets back we’ll tell you what we have in mind.”

“Melissa, you have no idea how much this means to me,” Brandi said, her voice trembling. She fought to control her emotions and Melissa reached out and took her hand.

“Brandi, you don’t have to be afraid to cry,” she said. “We girls do that.”

Brandi nodded as she wiped her eyes, “That’s one of the things I’ve found easiest to adjust to. Just being able to let it out … but there’s still a part of me that wants to keep it all inside.”

“Hey, are you hungry?” Melissa asked, “We can whip up some scrambled eggs and sausage.”

“That would be great,” Brandi said. “Why don’t you let me fix breakfast? I’m a pretty good cook but I warn you; since I was changed I eat a lot.”

“Well, it’s a good thing Karen is getting groceries,” Melissa laughed. “If you want to cook, have at it. I confess I am pretty inept when it comes to the kitchen.”

Karen returned just as Brandi finished preparing their breakfast of scrambled eggs and sausage. Melissa and Karen put the groceries away as Brandi set the food out on the table, and then the three sat down to eat.

“Brandi, these eggs are fantastic!” Melissa exclaimed. “What did you do?”

“I just added a few spices. A little dill and marjoram and thyme,” Brandi said.

“We have spices?” Karen said.

“They’re kinda old,” Brandi admitted.

“They were Mom’s I’m sure,” Melissa said. She toyed with her food for a moment and then looked at Brandi.

“Does it ever get easier?” She asked.

“Yes,” Brandi said. “The hurt never goes away completely, but it does get easier.”

“It must have been hard for you, being so far away,” Melissa said.

Brandi gave her a startled look and Melissa smiled, “I told you I had been doing some research on the internet. I looked up Brandon Anderson.”

“I’m on the internet?” Brandi said.

“Of course you are,” Karen laughed. “There are dozens of sites devoted to the Medal of Honor.”

“I hope you don’t mind,” Melissa said. “I just wanted to know a little about your past and I was afraid you might be uncomfortable talking about it.”

“I don’t mind at all,” Brandi said. “I don’t really mind talking about it either. It was hard when my parents died. I felt a lot of guilt, like maybe if I had been there I could have prevented it.”

“You know that’s not true,” Melissa said.

“I do now,” Brandi said. “They were just sitting there watching TV when those punks kicked in the front door and shot them. There was no reason; it was totally senseless. If I had been there I would have been killed too most likely. But grief isn’t a rational process, it’s an emotional one.

“Maybe it was fate … that was what made me decide to become a SEAL. I wanted to be out there facing the bad guys, not standing on the deck of a ship.”

“You didn’t tell us you were such a cutie,” Karen giggled, deciding the subject needed to be lightened up. Then she sighed sadly, “Such a waste.”

Brandi looked confused once more and said, “You mean your not….”

“Oh no!” Karen laughed. “I did a bit of experimenting when I started college but I just like men way too much.”

“Way too much,” Melissa echoed, grinning. “Be careful, Brandi, she could rub off on you.”

Brandi had a good laugh at that saying, “More likely I would rub off on her.”

They ate in silence for a bit but Melissa kept looking at Brandi. It was obvious she had more questions and just as obvious she did not know how to ask them.

“You can’t offend me, Melissa,” Brandi told her. “It may not be a comfortable subject but pretending it isn’t part of me won’t make it go away.”

“Well, I was just wondering what it’s like,” Melissa said. “I mean what do you feel?”

“I don’t know if I can describe it properly, but I’ll try,” Brandi said. “I’m basically aroused all the time. That is not as bad as it sounds, because I can control it. But when someone shows interest in me … when a guy comes on to me, then the programming seems to kick it up.”

“That must be pretty horrible,” Karen said. “So any guy that hits on you sends you into overdrive?”

Brandi thought for a moment before answering, “Not exactly. I do have my standards, thankfully. If I don’t find the person attractive it’s not bad. And if they come on like a total jerk it’s a big turn off.”

“Is it the same feeling for men and women?” Melissa asked.

“There is a difference,” Brandi said, hesitantly. “With men it’s like a need, a very powerful need … and it scares me. It’s like being very thirsty, I mean stuck in the desert thirsty, and all you have to drink is some nasty, smelly water. You know you have to drink it, but you really don’t want to.”

“Now there’s a pleasant analogy,” Karen quipped.

“Sorry,” Brandi grinned. “My experiences in survival training brought that out. With women it is definitely different. There is the same need but there is also a very strong desire. I guess there is enough of Brandon left in me to make me want to be with a woman, and that added to the programming makes the feelings more intense with women. This is the first time I’ve been around a girl I knew was … attainable though.”

“Do I make you uncomfortable?” Melissa asked. When Brandi hesitated answering, she smiled softly and said, “You can be honest, sweetie.”

“I wouldn’t, like, call it uncomfortable,” Brandi said, feeling a bit flushed. “Maybe too comfortable is better. Like, so comfortable it becomes uncomfortable. I don’t know … it’s very confusing. And I like you too, and that makes it … well … more intense.”

“I like you too Brandi, but you don’t have to worry about me coming on to you,” Melissa said. “I can’t even imagine what you must go through. Men and women are such emotionally different creatures, and to have a woman’s emotions just dumped on you … I think it would drive most men mad.”

Even as she spoke Brandi could feel it building. She could clearly sense the reactions of both her friends. With Karen there was curiosity and sympathy, but no trace of arousal. From Melissa, however, she could sense an elevated heartbeat and a slight rise in her body temperature. She could smell the scent of her arousal, the chemical signals her body sent out that were lost to a normal person. The reaction only served to heighten her own feelings.

“Do I need to get a bucket of cold water?” Karen asked, and they all laughed.

“Ok now I have a question, and then we’ll stop grilling you,” Karen said. “I was wondering about what you felt when you got behind that machinegun. I mean did you think about the possibility you could get hurt or die? What gives someone the strength to do that?”

“It was love,” Brandi told her without hesitation. “Yes, I knew there was a good chance I was going to die; in fact I expected to die. It was really a miracle that I survived. But it was really all about love. In combat you develop a strong bond, especially in an elite group like the SEALs. We call it camaraderie or the warrior bond or any of a dozen other things, but I can look at it from a new perspective now, from the emotional view point of a woman.

“There’s another quote from Sun Tzu, ‘Regard your soldiers as your children, and they will follow you into the deepest valleys; look upon them as your own beloved sons, and they will stand by you even unto death’. I loved those men; they were my brothers, they were my children, and they would have stood by me to the end. But I had to get them out of there. And if getting them out of there required my life then I was willing ... I was happy to pay that price. So I made the decision to stay and give them the time to get away.”

“I wish I was that brave.” Melissa said after a moment.

“Don’t you sell yourself short,” Brandi replied. “I saw you; you fought those goons in the alley. You never gave in, even though the odds were badly against you.”

“That was fear,” Melissa said. “I had this flashback in the alley last night. When I was eleven I almost died. We were in San Diego visiting my dad’s brother and we went to the beach. I wandered away from my parents and then ended up caught in a riptide.”

Brandi stared at Melissa as she related her story, a story that had triggered a memory from Brandon’s past with crystal clarity. Suddenly she knew why Melissa seemed so familiar.

“But someone pulled you out,” Brandi said in a stunned voice. “He was jogging along the beach and heard you screaming. He swam out and got to you as you were going under and pulled you back to shore.”

“That’s right!” Melissa exclaimed. “They said he forced the water out of my lungs and did rescue breathing until I started breathing on my own. Then the paramedics showed up and, well, I never even really saw him ….”

Melissa stopped and stared, her mouth open. It took Karen a moment longer to put the pieces together and then she too looked at Brandi in stunned amazement.

“There is no way!” Melissa exclaimed.

“I knew there was something familiar about you,” Brandi grinned. “I just couldn’t place your face … that was almost fourteen years ago. You’ve certainly grown up.”

“This is too weird,” Karen said slowly. “I mean what are the odds … with everything you’ve been through….”

“What are the odds that I would sneak into the sleeper of Arnie’s truck?” Brandi asked. “Like you said, so much has happened to me, so much that is beyond belief … what’s one more?”

“I guess being transformed into a woman is enough to make you take things in stride but I am still … I just can’t believe it!” Melissa said.

“Well, maybe it is fate,” Karen offered. “Maybe you two were supposed to be together. I mean just look at it this way, fourteen years ago Brandon saved Melissa’s life. Then one day Melissa realizes she likes girls, not guys, and here we are fourteen years later and Brandon is now Brandi and nineteen years younger.”

“Actually twenty-three years younger,” Brandi said sheepishly. “Biologically I’m seventeen.”

“Well I think age is definitely relative with you,” Karen said.

Brandi turned to Melissa and put her hand on her arm.

“Don’t let the fact that you were afraid in the alley fool you,” she said. “Fear and courage go hand in hand. All of us feel fear. In the end, courage is just finding the strength to overcome that fear and not let it overcome you.”

They finished breakfast and cleared the table, loading the dishes into the dishwasher. Brandi saw that most of the groceries Karen had picked up were frozen entrees and such, and decided she would do some shopping of her own. Brandon had always enjoyed cooking and she felt good thinking she could contribute something useful to the household.

“Now are you ready to see what else I picked up?” Karen asked with a big grin. “I had to guess your size but I’m pretty good about that.”

“Once we get you fixed up we can go do some serious shopping,” Melissa added.

“How fixed up?” Brandi asked, a sick feeling growing in her stomach.

“Nothing extreme,” Karen assured her. “I think you’ll like what I got. And I got some basic makeup.”

Brandi sighed, “All right, let’s get it over with.”

“Oooh nice attitude,” Melissa laughed. “I know it’s hard for you sweetie, and you can tell us to back off anytime you feel uncomfortable.”

The clothes were not bad at all, a pair of black military style cargo pants and a white button down shirt; very similar to what Brandi had been wearing. They were cut for a woman though, the pants were much slimmer fitting and were capri length, and the blouse likewise was tighter and had three quarter length sleeves.

“I got a pair of flats and some pumps with low heels too,” Karen said.

Brandi considered the shoes for a moment before saying, “Well hell, might as well jump in the deep end and wear the heels. I’ve actually got some boots with four inch heels, but I’ve only worn them once.”

“So you have tried going out in girl’s clothes before?” Melissa asked.

“Like I said, only once,” Brandi explained. “My first night here in LA I was very restless, sexually and, well, I’m made for other kinds of action too. So I got some sexy clothes and even some makeup, which I totally made of mess of using. Then I went to this little park and trolled for some trouble. I got in a fight with six gang bangers and nearly ended up having sex with one of them right there … I totally lost it for a bit.”

“That is really wild,” Karen remarked as Brandi slipped off her shirt and bra. “Would you like us to step outside?”

“I don’t mind if you stay,” Brandi said. “Modesty was not part of my programming.”

The clothes looked good on her, and were not so different from what she was used to wearing that she felt too uncomfortable. They did emphasize her curves much more, and with the two inch black pumps and her exposed calves her legs looked very long and sensuous.

Once she was dressed Karen did her makeup, telling her that for the sake of time she would do it all and later they could coach her as she applied it herself. She did not let Brandi look at herself as she worked, waiting until she was finished to turn her to face the mirror over the vanity.

“Wow,” Brandi said softly. She looked the same and yet different. Karen had done a marvelous job, and her face looked more mature.

“You don’t need a lot of makeup unless you’re trying to look dramatic,” Karen told her. “Your complexion is absolutely perfect; but a little makeup never hurts.”

“You look incredible, Brandi,” Melissa told her with a big smile. “How do you feel?”

“Fine,” Brandi said, still staring at her reflection.

“Uh huh, and how do you really feel?”

“Ok, I am, like, totally terrified,” Brandi admitted.

“Let’s go out on the balcony and we can tell you what we have planned,” Melissa suggested.

Brandi picked up her cigarettes and lighter from the night stand and started to stick them in one of the cargo pockets on her pants when she noticed her friends giving her a disapproving look.

“What?” she asked.

Karen only smiled and pulled a black canvas purse from the bag the clothes had been in. Brandi sighed and took it, putting her cigarettes and lighter and other items in it. It was a casual type purse with lots of zippered and Velcro secured compartments to organize everything. Once she had the purse filled, including a few essential makeup items Melissa and Karen insisted she needed, she slipped the strap over her right shoulder, turned and stuck her tongue out at them.

“Satisfied?” she asked.

They left Brandi’s room, crossed the hall and entered Melissa’s bedroom. It was larger than the living room downstairs. Brandi noticed among the other furnishings a treadmill and a very elaborate electronic keyboard. She had noticed the night before that there was an upright piano in the living room.

“Do you play, Melissa?” she asked, gesturing towards the keyboard, and then smacked her head and answered her own question. “Duh, blonde moment. You’re working on your masters in music.”

“Yes, piano is my main instrument,” Melissa laughed. “I also play guitar and cello, plus a few others.”

“Brandon played the guitar,” Brandi said as they stepped out onto the balcony. “He had a Yamaha twelve string acoustic.”

“He?” Melissa asked. “That’s the first time I’ve heard you refer to Brandon like he was someone else.”

“It feels like that sometimes,” Brandi admitted. “More right now than ever before. Maybe it’s the clothes.”

“We saw a picture on a website of you playing on stage,” Karen said as they sat down. Brandi lit a cigarette and handed the pack to Melissa.

“That was probably at Underway,” Brandi said. “It’s a club near the base in Norfolk that caters to the navy crowd.”

“We have a band,” Karen told her. “I sing lead and Melissa plays keyboards. Our friends Cyndi, Renee and Ami are the rest of the band. We’re called the Post-Modern Bimbos.”

Brandi began laughing so hard she could not speak for several seconds. When she at last found her voice she said, “They sound like my kind of girls.”

“We’re getting together tomorrow,” Melissa said. “You should come and meet the gang. Being around other women can only help you adapt.”

“That sounds like fun,” Brandi said.

“Well, I’m sure you’re anxious to hear what we have planned for you today,” Karen said with a wicked grin.

“Please be gentle with me,” Brandi begged.

“No promises,” Karen told her.