Down the Rabbit Hole

Push

Its been a slow, dull day here in the office. Tonight is New Year's Eve and I'm looking forward to a nice dinner and later, a night of peace and warmth at home. Today, perhaps inspired by the pending end of one year, I started working on the book again. I know that before I can really focus on another project, this, important one needs to be finished. I need to assemble the pieces of the past before they can be buried and I can be past them once and for all. I took on perhaps the most intimate, most revealing piece today and worked through my first edit session with an efficiency and objectivity that surprised me. It has not left me melancholy as I had feared, but just merely reflective..nothing more. It also renewed my sense of self-awareness. I'm quite proud of how I took that painful and raw part of my life and crafted a narrative that is as honest and as real and as beautifully horrific as possible. I realized today, "In Your Absence" is perhaps the most "about me" portion of this book. In the journalistic parade of my observations throughout the days of Seth's hospitalizations, it became as much a diary of my own progress as it was an account of his illness and recovery. I can see those moments when my spirit was transforming me into more of the person I am today. It is still not at the point with I can make it accessible. This work, I feel, may remain "Private, Not Public" in my port until the entire work is closer to being assembled. It is the most revealing, most intimate portion and as a result, it will be the hardest to relinquish up for the consumption of friends and strangers. I also think I will need to give my fiance a chance to read it first. He will find this part of the book the hardest to digest and even though it goes against my feelings as a writer, I feel I must give him the time with it first and foremost out of my love and respect for him.