Witness to withness

Watch Out!!

November 3, 2011 at 00:43

          I was a security guard at the Kansas City, Missouri library for one reason only. I felt unsafe. It had started at the turn of the century. My dad died, the church I pastored decided to close, and I was divorced. As time went on I was reminded in that my efforts to make persons better off, I was being vicitimized. I took care of a developmentally disabled adult and everyone talked about what I wonderful job I did taking care of a woman people tended to dread. After a few years I am placed in a situation with two different person, both disabled, it is determined I switched their medicines by accident. I was kicked out of the field. Too make matters worse my mother and ex-wife were clamoring for me to get on Social secutiy income lest I mess someone elses life up. I got a second opinion from a career counselor who saw otherwise. From there I was hooked up with a therapist in 2004. Life has been on the upswing ever since.


          After many years in therapy I learned I had little reason to feel safe. I tended to alway expect the worst. My time at Taunton is a door from which I can gain perspective. I enter the halls of my new environment:
There is the smell of urine, a stark naked female greets me as I enter the ward. It is noisy and all around me are persons that seem out of control. I try to talk with staff and they treat me like I am not even there. Unbeknownst to me I have been labelled with an ailment called "schizophrenia".

A week later the nurse came to me with medicines I had never taken before. Before being at Taunton I was being treated for bi-polar disorder. At least I knew what to expect. He was very curt and demanding.
Now take your meds, they'll make you feel better.

I have some side effects from the medicine, my mouth is bothering me.
Go to hell.

Then a more painful betrayals of trust took place as I wandered the halls of my new hospital abode. A Jamaican speaking muscular man calls me to his side. He is one of the Janitorial attendants on staff at Taunton State Hospital. He takes me on as a project. His voice booms ebullient as he limps toward me.

"Well hello Mr. Larry" "You know it is really good to see you again!" What kind of mess have you gotten yourself into now?"
"You know you will never get out of here. You are in this place for the rest of your life. What can we do about that?

The story is just beginning to unfold....