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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
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| This is night three of taking Quetiapine, an antipsychotic drug used primarily to treat people with Schizophrenia, Bipolar Disorder, depression and psychosis. I took half a tablet an hour ago and am struggling to concentrate. The doctor advised me to take a whole tablet for each of the first three nights, then switch to half a tablet. On the first night, I took a full tablet, but it was too much. About an hour later I began to hallucinate (the tiles on the floor in my ensuite, which are white, turned a light shade of pink...and Angel's face appeared to form in the texture on the surface) and my legs were super restless. It felt like I needed to stretch them, but nothing could bring relief. Even worse was when I closed my eyes. I saw Angel completely wasted. Her eyes rolled around and were bulging out of her head. This went on for hours until the drug finally wore off and I fell asleep. Last night (night two), I reduced the dose to a half tablet. This was much better. I can (even now, if I close my eyes) see Angel, low and to the left in my field of vision. She's faded and is not a happy entity, but then she never was. I was told it would be six months before the meds could be stopped. And then, we would see what happens. I deliberately underplayed (to my doctor) my thoughts on what exactly it is that afflicts me. I didn't want him to think I was completely bonkers. That, and I want to remain as open-minded as possible. Telling him this or that, when I don't know what is real, is what I would expect someone who is delusional would do. It does seem strange though that the hallucinations appear to be wasted. They are not as easily detected now I am on medication. I'm trying not to engage with Angel, but that is easier said than done. As usual, my worst enemy is curiosity, and I will be the first to admit that I am, at best, reinforcing this delusional belief that a demon has taken up residence inside my head...and by continuously asking it questions and then getting answers in reply, I might be setting myself up for something I don't want to think about. |
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