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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
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| The party two nights ago was awesome. My subconscious decided I was to have a few beers because instead of riding my motorbike, I took a taxi...a conscious 'just in case' decision. Drink driving is up there with suicide on Thailand's roads. Janji owns a nail and beauty business, which doubles as a bar. The entire street is full of vendors selling street food, small restaurants and shopfronts offering Thai massages. I've never been to that part of town (another reason I took a taxi) and found the area to be vibrant, with mostly local Thais who seemed very happy to be celebrating Janji's birthday. The guests consisted of Farangs and their Thai girlfriends, some ladies who work in the massage place next door to Janji's shop and me...the obvious newby and target to become the next Farang ATM on legs. Not wanting to disappoint, and with just enough caffeine and beer to loosen my wallet, I was tipping like there was no tomorrow. Janji had a sash to which everyone was affixing B100 notes...the waitress and DJ also benefitted from my heightened and rather generous state of mind. I would say that Janji made mention to her friends of the poor, almost virgin-again, Farang who lives next door to her...a Farang who was smiling, singing karaoke, dancing his little ass off and having a great night. A girl named Lily, who was sitting at my table, wasn't taking her eyes off me. An obvious ploy that I did my best to ignore (I'm not sure if playing hard to get in Thailand is a thing, but it was fun at the time). The guy sitting next to me quietly pointed her out to me (he was drunk and probably thought I was a little green around town...which was true), but at that point, I was determined to keep my 'no Thai girl' persona intact. But, as the night wore on, and the alcohol slowly dissolved any shred of decency and moral character from my better judgment, I decided to reward the girl who had been staring at me (I didn't know her name then), and to show appreciation for all her hard work, I took her home. It's funny how the subconscious mind works separately from the self/ego. The slightly drunk me, on the taxi ride home, fantasized that I was the knight in shining armour riding on a white horse, rescuing this damsel in distress from the castle tower...slaying the dragon and all that medieval/chivalrous shit (OK...it wasn't quite that dramatic, but you get my point). However, I knew I had no condoms, and even though we passed several 7-Elevens along the way, I didn't ask the driver to stop to ensure a safe experience would be had. I will save the details because a gentleman never talks, but we had fun without having actual sexual intercourse (thanks to my almost subconscious sabotage). It was around 3.00 am before Lily fell asleep. I knew this by the snoring in my left ear. No prizes for guessing how much sleep I got. I could blame Lilly for keeping me awake, but that wouldn't be fair or the truth. There wasn't enough alcohol in my system to negate the caffeine (but enough to make me foolhardy and bring a stranger home), and this, combined with the fact I haven't had anyone sleep next to me for the best part of a decade, and my fate was set. As I watched the sun rise in the glass door to my right (whilst jealously glancing over at all the room Lilly had on her side of my king-sized bed), with Lily's arm draped over my chest (I never could stand anyone touching me whilst I slept), and in those hours, I couldn't wait for my first Thai girlfriend experience to end. For breakfast, I cut up some mango, pineapple and watermelon, peeled a mandarine and we shared a bowl along with coffee. Then (I blame the coffee and five months of having no one to talk to), I started talking, not realising (or not caring) that her grasp of English was severely limited. Lilly nodded and smiled before I acknowledged to myself she was hearing nothing but jibberish. We then went down the Google Translate road, which helped us get to know each other better. Lily is a lovely fifty-year-old from a place called Nong Khai, which is on the Mekong River bordering Laos, in the Isan District. She's been in Hua Hin for three months and works giving Thai massage. Part of her job is providing Farangs with happy endings. This helps her survive and send a little money home. I refuse to judge her, at least until I've walked a mile in her shoes...something we should all consider. Lily stayed for the day and left in the early evening. Before she went, I explained to her as best as I could that I am not ready for a relationship. This wasn't some cliche a guy tells a girl after a one-night stand (so to speak). I told Lily about Angel...that it is possible, even likely, that I am suffering from psychosis and delusions caused by my drug use. I think she understood, as she has seen many Thais suffering from Yaba and Ice addiction. Addiction is a big problem in Thailand and no matter where in the world you live. I felt no shame as I told her about my issues. We exchanged numbers and she told me if I wanted to see her again, to text. After Lily left, I finally relaxed. I wasn't sure how Angel was going to be with me once I went to bed, but to my relief, the hallucinations were slight (which was unexpected considering I hadn't slept), and after a good night's sleep, I felt better about what happened. I learned a lot from bringing Lily home. Now I know I'm not yet ready to search for love, I can relax and focus on getting healthy. In the morning when I opened my eyes, Angel was there as always, but with a huge smile. It wasn't a clinical, haha kind of smile either. It was a genuine happy smile that made me smile too. One day at a time and live each moment like it's your last because it might just be. |
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