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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
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| An edited piece I wrote, hoping it might help others make better choices. Over the many years I was using drugs, I learned so much about the hobby we love. A hobby of such importance that we would gladly die for. When I first began using drugs, I was 'just' a recreational user. There was no harm in being young and experimenting, was there? Of course, I didn't know then what I know now...that the most important person you must learn to lie to is yourself. It is imperative to believe you can stop whenever you choose...that you control the drug, but the drug does not control you. Lying to friends, family and those who love you the most should remain secondary because it's only a matter of time before they become aware of your newfound hobby. They will notice the inevitable changes in you. Things such as weight loss, skin becoming pale and pasty and Tuesday irritability...which will soon also include Wednesday. The late nights and early mornings. The strangers appearing and then quickly disappearing at all hours of day and night. The inevitable crashes that will see you in bed for days, after the ever-increasing binges become the norm (and absolutely necessary). All part of the fun of learning how to become a better and more wiser junkie. And this is where my years of experience can benefit you. I considered myself the poster boy for how a functioning junkie should look, sound and act like. I was proud of my ability to hide my habit from everyone who mattered. I had all these cool new friends, who I could truly depend upon...to steal from me if I looked away for a few seconds, rip me off and use me to gain free drugs, yet never pay me back. People who left me as soon as I became dejected because of how they were treating me. Oh, the joy...good times indeed. Of course, if you are to become the best junkie you can be, you need priorities. And they are, get drugs, use drugs and get more drugs. Then continue this pattern until something drastic happens (and I stake my reputation on the fact that it will). A rookie mistake I saw many young up-and-comers make, was allowing their income to drop. The excuses (and you will need plenty of those) were because of workplace drug testing or not feeling like doing the job anymore because, let's face it, that time could be better spent getting and using drugs. But then reality (which is a very real and dangerous side effect caused by not taking drugs) hits home when your friendly neighbourhood dealer stops your line of credit and either he or one of his henchmen will break your arms if not paid by Friday. And so, desperate times call for desperate measures. Breaking and entering is, after all, only stealing from the rich and giving to the poor (the poor dealer, who is always happy to exchange the goods for small quantities of heavily cut drugs). It is virtually a victimless crime, except for the property owners feeling like they have been violated, their insurance premiums skyrocketing and having to replace their toothbrushes. And from an addict's point of view, it's a win-win situation for all concerned. I discovered early on in my career that I was handicapped with ethics and morals. These disabilities prevented me from going down that well-worn path. So, much to my dismay, I faced the reality that drugs didn't come for free, and a job was an essential part of the success I so desperately sought. The silver lining was that not using drugs during the week (due to the fact that I had to work)) made the weekends more fun. Another bonus was this five-off and two-on routine caused my tolerance levels to stabilise. Sure, I took a lot of Mondays off, where I would find myself still high on Sunday night and not having slept since Friday morning; making the obligatory Monday morning call to the boss another essential skill. But, I was weak back then, becoming more hardened as time went by...and time went by very quickly indeed. As I got older, my drug habit evolved along with me, as will your own. Becoming like an old friend who is difficult to say goodbye to. And not many friends stuck by me like drugs did. Of course, there is always a price to pay in any relationship, and a relationship with drugs comes at a very high price indeed. The question is, are you willing to pay that price? Especially when you can and will receive your consequences on a buy now, pay later scheme. But, make sure you read the fine print because once the time comes to pay, you will find that regret is of no value whatsoever. You may detect a tinge of melancholy in my words, but I am trying my best to tone this down. The main problem you will find (as I am now) is there is no escaping your past. To give you some context, here are some examples of my regrets, so you might look back one day and compare. Abandoned by my children and almost every friend I've ever had. The hundreds of thousands of dollars I gave to dealers. My physical and mental health, which are now demonstrating to me their own opinion of my choices. Self-esteem and self-respect lost long ago. Knowing what a fool I was, and yet, I was unable to learn from my experience and change into someone wiser and more grounded. I could go on, but I'm sure you have better things to do. But, if you have taken the time to read this, at the very least, think about why you do drugs...and what, instead of slowly killing yourself, you can do now, so one day you won't wake up and feel compelled to write a story like this...hoping that someone like you or I will read it, and not go down the path we have chosen for ourselves. |
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