Each day feels new, and my memory of the one before is faint. I’m learning to adapt. |
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In September 2019, a seizure revealed a lime-sized meningioma pressed against my hippocampus—the part of the brain that governs memory and language. The doctors said it was benign, but benign didn’t mean harmless. Surgery removed the tumor, and three days later I opened my eyes to a new reality. I could walk, I could talk, but when I looked at my wife, her name was gone. I called her Precious—the only word I could find. A failure of memory, yet perhaps the truest name of all. Recovery has been less cure than re-calibration. Memory gaps are frequent. Conversations vanish. I had to relearn how to write, letter by halting letter. My days are scaffold by alarms, notes, and calendars. When people ask how I am, I don’t list symptoms or struggles. I simply say, “Seven Degrees Left of Center.” It’s not an answer—it’s who I’ve become. |
| This morning, I’m doubting whether I’m a real writer. I love framing the house. I’m less enthusiastic about painting the trim. In writing terms, I love drafting. Big ideas. Fast fingers. Characters talking over each other while my coffee is still too hot to drink. That part feels alive. Revision? Revision feels like reheating yesterday’s coffee and pretending it’s fresh. The story is out of my head. The walls are up. The roof is on. Now I’m supposed to sand corners and make sure the doors don’t stick. That’s when my brain wanders. “Maybe it’s not good enough.” “Maybe real writers enjoy this part.” “Maybe I should start something new.” Classic avoidance. And here’s the funny part: while I’m doubting whether I’ve learned the craft of finishing, I’m sitting here writing a blog post about it. Which is technically finishing something. I don’t hate polishing. I just don’t get the dopamine rush from it. Drafting is that first strong cup of coffee. Revision is the slow sip after it cools. Not flashy. Not dramatic. Just steady. Framing the house is fun. But if I want guests, I need to paint it too. And drink fresh coffee while I’m at it. |