Writer's Fallout Shelter

I have just completed my second novel. I could never get any agent to read my first one as my query letters sucked. This one might be different though as it's a mystery. Any help writing this new Query would be really welcome.

To whom it may concern,

My latest manuscript follows the return of Patrick Keihl to Portland, Oregon from England, where he’s been living for the past few years. The last time he was in Portland, he was at his parents’ funeral, and for the first time, he’s living here alone. His girl friend left for Paris a few months back and he now lives in a cold, dark apartment in the city.

Despite his mild, hate ridden depression, his grandfather shows him the family fortune, businesses and other assets that Patrick is now in charge of. Patrick cares nothing for it. He can’t appreciate what he did not build himself. Finally he’s called to his grandparents’ house to be shown one last bit of inheritance. It’s a seat in a private club, an organization made up of just seven men. Years ago, when the first of the Keihl fortune was made, the first spoiled Keihl child was born, and his easy life spawn utter boredom, and so he devised, along with some friends, the idea of a secret society. They would solve mysteries, criminal cases that the police could not or would not solve.

Now, nearly a century later, Patrick joins this group, and is thrilled by it, finally alleviated of the direness of his existence. He is introduced to Judy, a girl whose family has helped the society for years, and Vincent, an employee for one of the companies the society is investigating.

Patrick is first assigned a theft, but eventually discovers that it is connected to another theft, possibly leading to a string of burglaries. Then, oddly, he finds that the stolen items are being replaced.

Patrick is convinced that he can solve the case by interviewing suspects. He has a keen ability to discover a person’s entire life history within minutes, even seconds of speaking with them. Throughout the weeks that he is involved in the case, however, he is constantly frustrated by an inability to find the culprit.

In the end Patrick finds himself uncovering a cult and his life is in danger. He must solve the case before the cult stops him.

I would love for you to read this 95,000 word manuscript and consider representing it.

Thank you,

Christopher P. Kohls