Crosstimbers Review Forum

Item Reviewed: "Witchcraft and Other Oddities"   by GeminiGem🐾
Reviewer: Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈

                                                             
As always, these are just one person's opinions. Always remember Only you know what is best for your story. I've read and commented on your work as I would try to read my own. I hope you find something here useful , and that you will discard the rest with good cheer.

                                                             
What I liked best
This is a fun slice-of-life story about a witch's shopping trip for spell ingredients. I loved the way you effortlesslyi wove so many little details about her home--which doubles as a shelter for wayward Familiars--into the narrative. These details really brought Sydney and her world to life!

                                                             
Opening
There is much to love in your opening. You do the basic tasks of orienting the reader in time and place, but you also name your point-of-view character and start with her acting and sensing, i.e., interacting with her fictional world. All of this puts the reader firmly in Sydney's head and, thus, inside her home and world of witchcraft. Great job!

                                                             
Plot
The main plot of the story involves Sydney's shopping trip, first to the Witchees' Wicked Warehouse and then to Nature's Nurture and amusing encounters with its non-witch patrons. At the end, Sydney returns home, glad to be back in the friendly chaos of her home/shelter.

I do have some thoughts on foreshadowing and framing the "it's good to be home" plot that's revealed in the closing to the story. We get a suggestion of the chaos of Sydney's home with the Familiars dashing about and Maizy's gyrations in the kitchen, but we don't get much in the way of Sydney's emotional reaction. Also, as good as the opening is, it doesn't foreshadow the plot, i.e., the impending shopping trip.

So, here's a couple of ideas you might consider. While she's leafing through the spell book, she might also be jotting down a shopping list for a planned trip to the WWW (love the alliteration of the name, although I confess it made me think of the World Wide Wrestling Federation). This suggests that the shopping trip is her goal. She might do a bit more than sigh at the clatter from the kitchen--frown, perhaps, or maybe a grimace. This adds to her goal--a temporary repreive from the Maizy/Familiar generated chaos. Later, when she commences her shopping trip, she might be grateful for the escape from from her home. Little tweaks like this could help establish the story arc and make the conclusion--and the lesson she learns--more satisfying.

                                                             
Style and Voice
Third person limited, in Sydney's head. No slips.

                                                             
Referencing
Here is where the story really shines. All the myriad details, from the Familiars, to the Maizy's Great-Aunt Mabel, to the pesky grimoire, and so on fill the story with a sense of magic. Better yet, all of this appears naturally with the overall flow of events--it's revealed in the words and deeds of the characters with nary an info-dump in sight. Excellent craft in evidence here.

                                                             
Scene/Setting
See above--loved these parts of the story!

                                                             
Characters
You've managed to breathe life into even minor characters like Basil and Great-Aunt Mabel. Indeed, the quirky minor characters are a big part of the charm of this story.

                                                             
Grammar
Comma Splices.
I don't read for grammar, but almost always find something to whine about. Not here. I wish I could produce such clean copy.

                                                             
Just my personal opinion
This is really a fine story. As a slice-of-the-witching-life story, it works well. Amplifying on Sydney's goal (escape from the chaos of home) might foreshadow/resonate with the the "there's noplace like home" theme of the ending, but it's a great story as it stands.

Thanks for sharing! This was a fun read to start my Saturday morning.

                                                             
Line-by-line remarks
Your text is in BLUE.
My comments are in GREEN.
If I suggest a re-wording, it's in GRAPE.
                                                             
Sydney headed out of the old, haunted Victorian house she called home. She waved goodbye to the group of teenaged were-animals who were having a contest in the parlor My Comment: This transition felt a little abrupt. She’s actually leaving the kitchen, right, and then passes by/through the parlor where she encounters the were-animals *before* she actually leaves the Victorian house. You might consider slightly expanding this, having her leave the kitchen and Maizy-induced chaos behind before seeing the teen-aged chaos in the parlor. Giving her an emotional reaction to this adds to the story arc that she’s escaping the messy life of the home/Shelter to the relatively bland exterior world. This wouldn’t need to be much—just an adjective or two might suffice. Once you’ve established Sydney as the POV character, arguably everything on the page is something she’s sensed or thought, so having noisome adjectives applied to the were-teens establishes her emotional state.

She took a quick, deep intake of breath, closing her forest green eyes and relaxing her hands in her lap. My Comment: This is maybe a tiny POV slip, where the author sneaks in a comment: Sydney is unlikely to be thinking about the color of her eyes at this point. There is a place later, however, where you could sneak in this nice detail in a more natural way—see below.

"Do I really need to look for the agrimony? Can't I just substitute something else? What about using lavender? Both have protective and sleep properties, so that should work, shouldn't it?"My Comment: I’d never heard of agrimony and had to look it up. But, with this little whispered conversation, you gave enough information that I didn’t really need to go to Wikipedia after all. This is a good example of how you wove these details into the story in a way that’s both informative and natural to the flow of events. That's the mark of a talented and experienced author!

She caught her reflection in a glass display case. My Comment: Here’s a more natural place to mention the color of her eyes…

                                                             

I only review things I like, and I really liked this story. I'm a professor by day, and find awarding grades the least satisfying part of my job. Since I'm reviewing in part for my own edification, I decided long ago to give a rating of "4" to everything I review, thus avoiding the necessity of "grading" things on WDC. So please don't assign any weight to my "grade" -- but know that I selected this story for review because I liked it and thought I could learn from studying it.

Again, these are just one person's opinions. Only you know what is best for your story! The surest path to success is to keep writing and to be true to your muse!

Max Griffin
Please visit my website and blog at
https://new.MaxGriffin.net

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