This week: How To Win a Pun War Edited by: Robert Waltz  
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Of puns it has been said that those who most dislike them are those who are least able to utter them.
—Edgar Allan Poe
Puns are the droppings of soaring wits.
—Victor Hugo
The moment I accept that there's an artistic, redeeming quality in puns, I have a horrible feeling I'll get hooked.
—John Oliver
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It's inevitable. At some point, you'll casually mention to someone, "I'm hungry."
And they'll respond with: "Oh, you're Hungary? Would you like some Türkiye?"
Now, the sane, logical response to this would be to hit them with a thing, preferably a pillow or rotten fruit, but maybe a fist. Or to just walk away. But if you don't hit them with a thing, you gotta hit them with another pun.
"Only if it doesn't have too much Greece."
And, at that point, it's on. The Pun-ic War. What you may not realize is that there are rules of engagement, unwritten until now, when I'm writing them for your convenience.
First rule: those three statements have established a theme, and you have to stick with the theme. A good guess for this one would be "countries in Europe." (Türkiye is close enough to count.)
So, they might come back with, "How about a bowl of Chile?"
Okay, so your initial assumption can be broadened to "countries in general." But you've already got another bullet in your pun: "Only if you don't Sweden it too much."
Second rule: if you repeat a pun, you've lost, no matter who made the original pun. So they can't say "There's not much Greece in Chile."
Hopefully they don't break the second rule, and explain, "I'll just Russia to the store to get the ingredients."
"I don't know," you reply. "This is all very Sudan."
"Well, maybe my mom will do it. Alaska."
Third rule: if the theme does change, it can't radically change. In this case, we're still talking about geographical locations, which, to be fair, might have been the case in the first place. If they'd come back with a play on, say, star names or weather phenomena (e.g. "Are you Sirius?") they'd lose.
Otherwise, the winner is the one who thinks of the last pun fitting the theme or something closely related to the theme.
Loser picks up the Czech. |
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Last time, in "Fauxtymology" , I talked about making up our own word origins for fun (and sometimes pun).
Sum1's In Schaumburg  : Thank you for listing my small poem in your newsletter!
Of course! Never let it be said that I don't cater to today's abbreviated attention spans.
So that's it for me for July! See you next month. Until then,
LAUGH ON!!!
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Comedy: July 17, 2024 Issue [#12644]
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