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Author Intrusion
Excuse me, please. Author coming through. Don’t you see the “WRITER” written on my bullet-proof vest? Get outta the way!
This isn’t exactly the author intrusion they’re talking about in critiques. It can be more subtle, but it’s just as annoying to discerning readers. There are at least two voices to keep track of when you’re writing, and one of them is always the author’s own.
Sometimes these are hard to spot, the small details skulking into the background when you’re not looking. It doesn’t matter what point of view you’re using to write, all of us get caught up and comment at times when we’re not supposed to.
Mary watched her lamb through the school window, ignoring her teacher. Her long green hair fell in ringlets down her back, offsetting the lavender frock she wore. She wondered if she should dye her lamb’s wool before or after shearing to get the indigo inked shawl perfect for her grandmother.
I glanced at the 6 foot 2 hulking hunk beside me. He had silver-blue eyes, midnight hair, thin stubble covering his jaw, and muscles that could bench 350 poured into a black leather biker suit. I thought he could break me in half if he chose. His smile disarmed me, and the straight aquiline nose made me wonder about his ancestry.
Where did my authorship intrude? Check the green ringlets and the lavender frock. Mary’s not thinking about them, I just took time to tell you about them. It has nothing to do with the description; it can be included in other ways. In the second example, the reader might be able to pick the guy from a police lineup. Depending on the POV character, this isn’t probably what the person will be thinking. The parts where it feels real is the ‘break me in half’ and the ‘smile disarmed me,’ but the rest is where the author broke in and gave information.
How do you know when you’re intruding on your characters? Sometimes a fresh pair of eyes is required to find it. Try to put in your mind the qualities of your character and remember what s/he is doing at all times during your story. Are there misplaced descriptions where your character is thinking of something else? Are you putting your opinion in a place where the character’s opinion is different? Are you stating anything in a way your character wouldn’t necessarily know? Back to the second example – if it’s a woman speaking of the man, would she know he could bench 350 from looking at him? It’s very probable she wouldn’t think of that as the first reference for his strength or physique.
Good luck staying out of your character’s way. |
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Acme 
fab point about actually showing how important something/someone is to a character, when that character asserts that it is important to them. On an other note, you sound as if you're now the queen of multi-tasking! 
Do I get a crown with that?
Tornado Dodger 
Hi Storm Machine
Very interesting thoughts about authors choosing to include baby characters. It's great advice and I hope the woman at the writer's group appreciated your input as much as I do. 
I hope so.
Grace
Very good point! If you're going to have a baby in your story you should definitely remember that the baby is a very big part of a mother's world, as it is in real life. Great news letter
Yes, they're characters on their own.
Helen McNicol
Loved this narrative on babies and agree wholeheartedly. Children have distinctive characters, despite their age, and must be given credit for such. I recently wrote a novel where the main character had a baby. This little girl stole the show at the end of the book and I've decided she should have her own story...so part 2 here we come!
Whoo, sequel!
Catherine Hall
I agree fully with what you've written about the baby needing characteristics which the other characters interact with. I've read so many stories (by professionals as well as amateurs) where there is a person who seems to be there JUST, like you say, as a placemarker. Thanks for the insight; I'll try to include it in my work.
It's worth the effort. Good luck.
{user"Janicew}
This issue was interesting. The "baby" character:
It shed more light on our writing of our characters and your points were well-taken.
Thank You!
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For Authors: March 10, 2010 Issue [#3598]
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