Drowning in a Pool of Freezing Water

My pen my paper and my frustration
the hole in my heart from the dagger of misery
my arms at my sides and my chin is awaiting
the blow of your absence to hit me again and
again I am staring, the sun is still rising
I cannot deny but I'll never admit it
My mind keeps on racing, I find myself pacing
A path in my bedroom, a trench in a war I can't win

I wake in the morning, my features are frozen
The sun in the window is trying to thaw me
I rise to my feet but the ground too is freezing
I long for the warmth of a heart not around me
The face in my mirror is so cold and distant
I want him to cheer up, I want him to see that the
sun is still rising, the birds are still singing
the world keeps on turning, the tide still comes gently in

I walk down the sidewalk, I see what's around me
the children are singing, their parents are laughing
the sun is above now, I'm casting a shadow
He's following closely but isn't excited
He wants me to go home, crawl under the covers and
Empty my mind of the thoughts of another
who left me for dead on the bank of a river
Then swam to an island, not ever to be known again

The day passes slowly just like a parade but then
no one is watching, no, no one is waving
I'm wearing a smile that I want to be real
But my teeth have been broken in an unfortunate incident
where church bells were chiming, I only heard tolling
the guests were arriving, they knew not the problem
There wasn't a wedding, there wasn't a bride
that wasn't the groom who watched her fall into the grave

I stood on the outside, afraid to look inside
so full of compassion, afraid to become him
I spread my arms wide to grab all around me
but fell to the ground when she woke up to tell me
'There's more to a life than just singing and strumming'
A lesson learned quickly but forgotten so slowly
I tried to stand up but my legs had been broken
my mouth started bleeding, I feared that I couldn't go on

Back in my bedroom I fall into rhythm
an endless succession of trials and errors
And though it is night now the dark isn't working
to block out the histories, both fact and fiction
I try to forget but it tends not to happen
my blessing has cursed me from now til forever
I'll look back and say if I wouldn't have drown then
I could have tried swimming and cleansing the wounds of my soul

All has grown quiet, the day has been broken
by dreams and enchantment, false wonders I don't know
For I lie awake with my demons around me
They laugh in amusement as I can't stop thinking
for hours and hours of someone who saw me
as something I wasn't, no, something I wasn't
I tried to be real and uncover my soul
But I couldn't reveal it, the water around was too cold