Loss

Walking into the room brings my predicament into perspective
I look at the women who are so scared,
holding onto their partners or parents or friends,
looking at each newcomer walking through the door
as if they held the hope that they wouldn't
have to go through with this.

A name gets called
Then the next victim stands before
the opaque window.
Answering questions, trying to be quiet
Hoping no one else will hear but knowing that they do

The whispering makes this a surreal dream,
a wish that I could wake up and realize
that there are no places like this.
That the events that have brought me down
this winding road didn't stop
at such a dead end.

Yet they have and deep down I know it was my fault
I understand.

My name is called, maybe shouted,
the other patients look at me
pity shining from their eyes, pouring from their souls.
I look back with fear and commiserate with those that come after.
There is a bond with these women, one I have never wanted
Hope never to have again.

The nurse asks me questions
barely penetrating the dense fog that has surround me.
I'm pronounced ok to continue
I walk through the back door
Following the nurses click clack of heels

A room calls to me from the end of the hall
a neon white light whispering for me to enter
the sheer coldness of its shade.

Taking a tentative step forward
I pass the threshold
and feel my body sucked into the
cocoon of the horrors its seen

There in front of me, a table,
its stirrups waiting for my legs to be imprisoned
by its gleaming, cold metal

Laying there
Looking up at the stupid pictures
condemning me,
thoughts scream through my head of promises,
odes of love and devotion that were whispered
beseechingly into my ear.

Tears start to cascade over my cheeks
their salty sting burning paths of fire
that will scar me for life

I wait for the prick of the needle
The sudden rush of drugs entering my system
No turning back

A tearing at my womb sears my body
I know there is a voice screaming for help

No one hears it

I try to speak but words stumble from my sticky tongue

No one hears

The nurse looks over my face
Telling me brusquely its over

That's it
Its finished