Crimson

My struggle with life.

Endless, hopeless failures.
When will it be enough?

With every achievement
I fall backwards.
Every disappointment
Drives me further on.
How much is too much?

How can I stop
When this is all I know?
Every goal accomplished
Leads to another.
Harder. Higher.
Pushing myself
To the point of death.

How long must this go on?
I have to be smarter,
Better, more talented
Than everyone in my life.
Or so I've been told.

How do I pull myself up?
For the path I've chosen
Seems too far traveled.
I can't turn back now,
I will drown in my failings.
But the life I'm living,
Will take me in the end.

Only a few more hours. . .
Lady Sleep has left me,
Found me a lost cause.
Her refuge, My escape,
I can no longer turn to.

Only a few more times,
And sleep will be mine.
She'll have no choice.
Unwillingly or not,
I will be hers forever.

As I lay here now,
This poem on my wrists,
I see Crimson. . . I see White. . .
And I lie here, wondering,
If this is the end.