How Facebook Cost Me a Job

My name is Glenn. I'm 47 years old and I have been unemployed for the past 8 months. Last week a company that I interviewed with had told me that I did not get the job. When pressed for a reason, they told me that I was qualified and had the desired amount of experience. However, their HR department does a complete background check on candidates and my Facebook page was the reason I did not get the job!

Before I get into the details of what was so disturbing on my facebook, let me give you a little history on the past eight months.

January 6, 2009: Boss tells me that due to the economy I am being let go.

January 7, 2009: My friends take me out to the local bar for a few beers to cheer me up. I have one too many and before we know it, I am demanding that they drive me to my boss's house. I take my kid's Louisville Slugger out of the trunk and bash in his mailbox while my buddies videotape the incident.

Facebook mistake #1. I upload the video to my page later that night with a caption, "Getting even with my ex-boss"


February 8 2009: The wife and kids are getting a little tired of me moping around the house all day. An innocent comment from my wife about finding a new job turns into a huge fight.

Facebook mistake #2. Wrote, "My wife is a miserable bitch. She say's I need to get a job...well she needs to get a fucking life!

March 7, 2009: My wife (well ex-wife) and I meet at the courthouse to sign divorce papers. I give my kids a kiss and head over to my new apartment which is conveniently located above Mr. Kim's House of Noodles.

March 31. 2009: Haven't left the apartment in two weeks, I adopted a pet I found behind the dumpster. I believe it is a groundhog or something similar. I named him Buford. A new friend from down the street calls me up to see if I want to go out tonight. I got so drunk that I don't remember much of the evening.

Facebook mistake #3. My so-called friend thought it would be funny to write on me in Sharpie as I lay passed out on the bathroom floor. I thought it was funny and posted the pic on my page. My forehead reads, "LOSER" and I have a handlebar mustache and a soul patch.

April 15, 2009: Money is starting to get tight and I am looking for some creative new ways to make some cash.

Facebook mistake #4 I become a "friend" of How to Start a Meth Lab For Profit.

May 5, 2009: Cinco De Mayo is in full effect and with my relaxed schedule I start the festivities early. Buford just threw up from eating too much fried ice cream. I'm in no mood to clean it up so I take a walk down the street. I run into my old friend who is doing face painting for the kids in the neighborhood. He offers to paint me for free. Again, my so-called friend thought it would be funny to paint me as the devil. I'm an easy going guy so I head to the bar looking like Lucifer.

Facebook mistake #5. Posted picture of myself painted like the devil, double fisting Corona's with my arms around two girls, my tongue stuck out for extra emphasis and holding what appears to be a marijuana cigarette in my hand.

June 16, 2009: The ex-wife wants to know why my child support checks are bouncing like super balls. The meth lab thing never took off so I decide to become a delivery man for Mr Kim's House of Noodles. The ex-wife gets wind of this and thinks it's hysterical so they order delivery from Mr. Kim's. I show up to my old house, deliver the order, her new boyfriend throws the money on the ground and says, "keep the change, you loser." My kids and ex-wife find it very humorous and chant, "Loser, Loser" as I scrape up the cash.

Facebook mistake #6. I posted the picture of the dump I took on the hood of Mr. New Boyfriend's BMW and the key marks below that read, "EAT SHIT"

July 4, 2009: What should have been a happy Fourth of July turned out to be a day of tragedy. I found Buford in the tub and unresponsive. Maybe it was his diet of noodles and egg rolls or he could have just been old. In my heart I knew he was in a better place.

Facebook mistake #7 Posted a picture of a dead groundhog in my tub with the caption, "Today, I lost the only person in this world who understood me. I am very unstable and could just go off at any moment, I fucking swear!"

July 16, 2009: Child support checks are still bouncing and I'm inches away from going to jail. I apply for an an accounts receivable position and I get an interview.

July 23, 2009: I'm pretty sure I aced the interview today. Waiting to hear back from them in a few days.

Facebook mistake #8. Wrote on my wall, "Hope I get this job. The pay is so so, the boss seems like a douche, but the secretary is smokin hot. And from what I can tell, I don't think they would notice if I "borrowed" a few extra office supplies for my home office.

The rest is history. It is outrageous that I am qualified for this position and the stupid company won't hire me because of what I do OUTSIDE of the office. Hell, I wasn't even working there when half of this shit went down. Can I press legal charges for them not hiring me? This totally sucks.