The Top Floor

There was a rumor going around. I heard it in the elevator from a little bald man with a neatly trimmed gray mustache who stepped onto the elevator at the ground floor along with me. The little man pushed 24. When he saw me push 26, he began to talk as the doors closed.

“26, huh?” he said.

Since I had just pushed the button for that exact floor I looked at him trying to decide which of the many smart-ass answers I should give him, but he looked so earnest in his lopsided three piece suit-- radiating “Actuary”-- and my being a V.P of Sales and working for Colonial Mutual Life and Casualty just as he obviously did, I decided to smile and nod my head, and asked only, “How'd ya guess?”

He chuckled and turned a pale red.

“Oh, my! No, no, I'm sorry.” He waved his hands as if to mean No offense. As if to mean, I'm sorry I brought it up After a few moments he asked, “Do you know a guy named Larson?”

Since I was a guy named Larson, I said, “A tall, debonaire fellow always impeccably dressed, with an easy smile and the youngest V.P. in the company?”

“I guess,” he said.

“No,” I said. “I don't know him.”

He looked up at the numbers as they pinged along in rising sequence.

“Why?” I asked when I was sure he was finished with our conversation. I was smiling now along with him, though he wasn't smiling any more, but if he had been smiling, and if he had been looking at me, he would have seen a tall debonaire guy with an easy smile who was the youngest V.P. in the history of the company looking like someone who enjoyed a good laugh as much as the next guy.

“Why?” I asked again.

He shook his head. His eyes remained staring up on the numbers.

“No, really, what's up with this Larson guy?” I asked. My smile was gone.

“You know a girl by the name of Lacy?” he inquired, his eyes still watching the numbers .

“Lacy Lewis?' I asked in return. “Tall redhead, huge tits, legs that start at the ears?”

The man grinned and shot a quick look at me and nodded his head. He had turned a deeper shade of red and started to giggle, but stopped himself with a quick slap of an open hand across his mouth.

“Wears short skirts to mid thigh and tight pink blouses with several buttons undone so you can always catch a glimpse of a lacy, black bra?” I prodded.

The man was like a time-bomb waiting to guffaw. He closed his eyes behind thick glasses that were beginning to fog. He nodded his head yes, and then shook his head no, and then nodded yes again. He was about to say something when the bell dinged.

The elevator stopped at eight.

A woman got on with three large binders held like vestments in offering. “Would you press 9 please?” she asked both of us and neither of us. Her eyes were on the gold lit number 9.

The little man jumped for the button as though trying to beat me to it.

At the next floor, the bell dinged again, the doors opened, and the woman got off. When the doors closed again the little man's eyes were watching as the numbers overhead began to sequence higher.

We went to 12, and 14, and 15, and then 16. At 17 I asked the little runt, “So what about this Larson?”

“Nothing,” the man said smiling and un-smiling. “Nothing at all...”

At 19, I stepped over to him and stood very close. I said, “I'm Larson,” and the little man began to giggle again, still his eyes were on the blinking numbers as he nodded his head for no reason at all.

20 went by and he was bright red now and gaining more color the higher we rose.

I took him by both shoulders and bodily turned him.

“What, you little weasel?” I caught myself and took my hands from his shoulders. In high-school we would have used this guy like a punching-bag.

Floor 22.

Floor 23.

The little man, beat-red in the face, his eyes still glued to the lights above the door, was ginning and bobbing his head in rythem, seeming to will the floors to pass more quickly.

“I'm going to ask you one more time,” I said. “What did you hear?”

“I heard you were caught in the Lady's room right after Lacy Lewis came out, and you were... you were...”

“I was what?”

He began to laugh a high-pitched manic laugh. “And you were...”

“I was what!”

“You were licking the toilet seat!” he said and with that a great burst of pent up laughter exploded from his mouth. He took off his glasses and cleaned them with his light blue wool tie.

“You make that sound like a bad thing,” I said.

“No!” said the small man. “Not atall! Anyone would do it!”

“Anyone would do it!” I said. "Anyone!"

“Anyone!” the man reconfirmed.

At 24 the doors dinged and opened and the man was quick to leave.

“Anyone!” I said while the doors were still open and he turned and looked back at me before they closed. He was nodding his head and showed me the “Two-Thumbs-Up sign”.

Anyone, I said to myself alone now as the elevator began to rise again to the top floor. My floor. The very top...


--921 words--