The End of Trying to End It All

Unstrung the noose around my neck,
Unsteady on the chair a nervous wreck,
Razorblade mirror remained stainless still,
Reflected an image that’s still unreal.

Feet tied tight to the bridge that fall,
Tears to the river with no body at all.
Pumped my stomach of poor decision,
Saw my life with ultraviolent precision.

I felt fear foremost and feel that’s fine,
Scared of an afterlife I cannot see, blind,
I felt fear for a while,
Covered my tracks to the end of that last mile.
I felt fear for maybe the first time,
Saw that life was the only thing that’s ever been mine.

Took the barrel and bottle today,
Buried them both in some landfill far away,
Filled my pockets full of heavy rocks,
Drowned my sorrows in the sand, these aftershocks

Shake me up and tear me to bits,
Pieces left, the best part still fits,
I threw away self-destruction,
Realized it wasn’t worth this self-mutilation.

I felt fear foremost and feel that’s fine,
Scared of an afterlife I cannot see, blind,
I felt fear for a while,
Covered my tracks to the end of that last mile.
I felt fear for maybe the first time,
Saw that life was the only thing that’s ever been mine