I just don't

I'm driving 40 in a 35
Im barefooted, I hate tennis shoes,so I took them off.
Even through my blaring music,
I see your name light up there
on my scratched up cell phone screen.
But I dont want to respond right now, I'm enjoying this minute of my own.
So I just don't.

I've worked all day, sitting in the high, white lifeguard chair, in the hot sun.
My back is sticky, my voice is hoarse
from yelling "walk"
I don't feel like dealing with
"your plans"
so I just don't.

You look me in the eyes
you see past my tied together smile,
you ask me whats wrong,
I say nothing, I say: "I'm all good"
you say just spit it out!
it will help tp talk.
I want to tell you, I really do.
I want to let you in on this
cause I am struggling,
I need someones help.
I want to say it but I can't,
I'm still dealing with it.
So I just don't.

My mom's on my back,
that cute blonde at the pool talked to me today,
I ran into Charles in Wal-Mart today.
All things I would text and tell you directly.
you would be there for me
to show your understanding,
excitment,
laughter.
I would normally text you like normal.
we say we are trying
but it's still not the same,
it's still on my mind.
Any other time I'd be glad to to drop a line,
write on your facebook wall,
call you up,
but I'm afraid of what you will say
or not say,
So I just don't.