Dear Me

Dear me,



Hey kiddo... This is you, from pretty far in the future, so this will all sound pretty strange. I just wanted to tell you some things, clue you in. I know how you always want to be one step ahead. I mean, I am you, so I get it. So, here it goes..

  As of now, you've made it to 17. Yeah, that old. It's crazy right? I know you remember sitting on that worn out blue couch in the family room of the old trailer, thinking to yourself that you would close your eyes to blink and be an adult before your eyes could open again. Well I'm there now, and let me tell you gently.. it isn't anything like you expected. Guess what, you don't want to be a veterinarian anymore. Shocking, I know, because you were so set on working with animals when you grew up. It was your obsession, and even now you still have those boxes and boxes of stuffed animals shoved in the back of your closet. Even your puppy pair, Max and Abby, are still around. They're a little more beat up than you remember, but they're going strong. The stitches you put in Max's tummy to keep in his stuffing never did rip open like you feared, so you can stop worrying about that.

  Now you want to work somewhere in the criminal justice field. You don't really remember when the shift happened, or what caused it. It was kind of like you woke up one morning and you knew being a vet just wasn't where you were supposed to go. The urge to work with puppies and kitties never did return, and you don't know it now, but you're actually very allergic to cats. You'll have a good friend named Kaitlind one day who you can blame for that, because it was her kitten Norman who helped you discover your only allergy. You don't mind though, because you have a dog named Stewart (though Mom spells it S-t-u-a-r-t) that you adopt soon. No, Buddy isn't your dog anymore, he had to be taken to a shelter when you eventually move with your family to a different house in a big suburban neighborhood. He needed space to run, and you understand in the end why he had to go. So hug Buddy a lot, because you still miss him, even now.

  Oh, and this is random, but just wait till you get to junior high. It'll seem like the biggest school you've ever attended in your entire life, because it will be at that time. You'll feel older, but not too old, and you'll meet a ton of new friends.  One is named Caitlyn, one Madison, one Nick. You'll feel very lucky to have them in your classes because they'll make you laugh when you're sad. Just watch out, though, because eighth grade punches you in the gut. The homework will get worse, and you will cry a lot. But it's alright, because you make it through just fine, and yes you get all A's.

  Before you know it you'll be in high school, a proud Blue Devil, and it'll be the happiest time in your life. You join the Criminal Justice Academy, and it's one of the best choices you'll ever make, I promise. I had doubts in the beginning, but I'm telling you now, join the Academy. It's worth it. Freshman and Sophomore year will be a blast, and it'll feel like freedom. Even the empty hallways will make you feel powerful and proud of yourself. Don't ever forget to breathe though, and I'm saying that because rough waters are coming your way, and you almost drown. I want to apologize for this ahead of time, because I know how much hope you have for the future at the time you're living in right now, and I never meant to disappoint you, me.

  Anyway. You'll say yes to a boy when he asks to call you his, and you'll be more happy than you've ever been, riding high on cloud 9.  But at the same time, your best friend, who is the Caitlyn mentioned before, will be pulling you down from that cloud. You didn't know it then, but she resented you a lot for your happiness. I won't say much more about it, because there are important lessons you'll have to learn from this on your own, but be prepared for her betrayal, because it hits you hard and you go to a very dark place where no one else can reach you. You're out of it now; you happened to escape by the skin of your teeth, but you don't call Caitlyn your best friend anymore. Madison happily took her place, and you're much more satisfied that way, so don't worry too much.

  You still have that boy in your life, and he's worth the struggle. Keep reminding yourself of that, because relationships are not like Disney movies in the ways that you expected. Actually, nothing about life is anything like what you expect right now, me, and I am so, so sorry for that. I'll just tell you that it's hard, because it's time for me to begin wrapping up this letter. Life is more difficult that anything else, and I know that right now you feel like sad songs are just fiction, and that it's easy to trust people, and that you'll make it to adulthood without a scratch, but that's not true.

  Eventually, you won't know who you are. Your heart, my heart, will be shattered. More than once. And I am so sorry for that too. I wish I could make this a happy letter, with a sweet ending that gives you something to look forward to, but truth be told... you will struggle. I still do. But you listen to me, listen to yourself, because I am telling you that life is worth living. It really is, because the happy moments outweigh the sad moments most of the time, and even if they don't all of the time, keep going. You're still here. I'm still here.

  You are strong, no matter what anyone else tells you. I know you don't understand any of this now, but you will, and I'm praying that this will help you in some way. Read it from time to time, when you feel lost, and remember the simpler days when it was easy to smile at people and say how much you love being you. I am sorry, and I love ya, kiddo. See you on the flip-side.



Stay a fighter,



Yourself.