SHE

    Have you ever met a woman that is so much a woman that simply thinking about her makes a man feel like a man?  Have you ever found a woman that could resurrect your very soul with a look from across a crowded room?  Have you ever held hands with a woman who would talk with you for hours upon hours - or just enjoy the quiet - without judging you, loving you just for who you are?  Have you ever been with a woman who will do anything to light a fire in your eyes, and then drink in the passion and share in it as it consumes both of you?  Have you ever been in love with a woman who believes in you, who wants nothing more than to make your every dream come true?  Have you ever looked into a woman's eyes, as she looked back into yours; and felt that final missing piece pop perfectly into place?

    Has there ever been a woman in your life that climbed into your heart and took ownership of it, mostly an honored guest but a little bit ruthless conqueror?  She carves her name in big bold letters that get deeper and more permanent with every smile, every kiss.  She rewires it in a way that makes you feel with a power far far beyond what you've ever known before.  You see and know different things, hear different music, dream different dreams.  You start to walk with a more confident step, to see yourself as she sees you, to become the man that she knows you are and welcomes you to be.  She gives herself to you, submits to you as only a woman can submit to her man; and you are able to do things that were, before, not even conceivable - simply because she is now a part of you.



    You are forever and profoundly changed.



    And then...



          You lose her.



    You realize that what you had for those few short moments is so exceedingly rare that most men don't even know it exists outside of wild fantasies experienced in late night dreams.  You find that your heart is horribly empty, and always now will be.  You become very aware that you would consider trading your soul and everything with it for another chance to relive those precious few hours with a new understanding that each second is beyond valuable.  You deride yourself harshly over and over and over again that you did not find more and better ways to let her know how priceless, how special, how extraordinarily beautiful she really is; and how much she meant to you.  You hate yourself for not being man enough to figure out how to keep her with you forever.

    Slowly, softly, as the time passes, the sharp edges of those memories begin to wear off a little, and you understand that with more time these will become warm treasures that you can savor over and again on long, lonely winter nights.  You learn that fate is a giver of fairy tales as often as it is a hatefull bastard.  Besides, nothing that good could last for more than a short while, it would disturb planetary orbits in distant galaxies.  You accept that even though you will always be lost and hollow, always ache for her; a broken heart, like a missing limb, can be lived with.  That life is still full of many good things: adventure, horses, kids, mountains, beautiful women, fine cigars, old friends, and older whiskey.  You remember what it felt like when she believed in you, and you begin to believe in yourself.  You use all of the pain to override your fears and you turn into the driving force you need to go and get what you need out of life.

    Most of all, sometimes, you can smile.  Because you know that she really does exist!  There really is your perfect woman out there!  And - for a little while - she actually really was in love with you!



    Losing her changes you even more than finding her did.