Tired In the happy times

My mind feels heavy at times
Not that kind that hurts so bad I have to take a pill
But the kind where I feel the urge to cut yell or fight it away
Not the kind where I act "off" and say am alright or am fine
But the kind where I wish the day would hurry up, so I can feel tired enough to sleep
Not the kind where it hurts all throughout the day
But the kind where it comes and goes even in the times you mean to happy, like when spending it with a loved one or doing a fun activity
My point is some days it's nothing new, just like any other day
And other days it just
Feels too much to even exist