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 |  Recovery after a brain tumor was removed. |
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When asked how am I doing? I often reply, Seven Degrees Left of Center. After a powerful seizure, an MRI scan found a lime-sized tumor in my brain. This happened in September of 2019. The tumor was located about one inch to the left and seven degrees from the center of my brain touching the hippocampus. An area of the brain responsible for coding and decoding language and memories. I have to start over each day because I've forgotten where yesterday ended. Over time, the brain learns to adapt. |
| Dignity, or, to be more specific, self-dignity, has been missing from me. I didn't even realize it was gone until recently. Now, I want it back. Trauma has seasons and waves similar to grief. One day, I can feel okay. The next day, for a brief time, I remember the world I lost. Not just for me but for the world my family and friends lost. I also realize I lost something else: dignity. The dignity to realize it is okay; I need help with simple tasks. Writing is one of those tasks. These words would not make sense if it weren't for AI assistance. I admire my wife's dignity in visiting doctors with me. However, I can't remember the visits without my wife's acceptance. Even recording them for me to listen to later is little help. She has to explain the essential topics several times. God bless her, and please pray for her if you have a minute. I am growing my dignity in an attempt to write about my life. I am relearning that I can still have dignity in my successes. I will never be the same person I was, but that doesn't mean I can't find a path to dignity in being the person I am growing into. |
| I have to admit to some laziness lately. Audiobooks... The audiobooks are convenient, but they remove some personal imagination from the story. At least for me. What do you think? The same laziness has crept into my writing. I write half the word count now. The same can be said about this blog. I have thought about giving it up. But the journey isn't over. Learning to live with a brain injury is a daily struggle. Yesterday was a day that went horribly wrong. Laziness can also be an issue. I pissed off my wife. I had a day where each decision went wrong. This happens sometimes. She hit a breaking point, and I do not blame her. My apologies only go so far. She vented on how much she misses the old me. Believe me, though I can't remember the old me, I miss him too. Life is hard. I don't acknowledge how hard it is on those who love me. I do see this as progress. Learning or relearning communication is another skill in my reeducation. It is like graduating from the 8th grade. High School is around the corner. The lessons are more complicated and sometimes painful. However, a time similar to my teen years looks like a struggle about to happen. No one told me the emotional side of recovery is as equal to the educational side. I learned a valuable lesson. I believe it will stick. My wife apologized and forgave me. As I told her, I do not think she owed me an apology. We both need to acknowledge that we are together and that it is ok to get frustrated. We shouldn't hold it in so long it has time to boil. I am glad I don't have to go through puberty again; at least, I hope not. |
Waking up in an unfamiliar bed is easier than going to sleep in one. I thought waking up in a new place would trigger some confusion or stress, but torn out, trying to sleep in a strange new place is more difficult. Otherwise, the trip was pleasant. I adapted quickly to the surroundings. I still struggle with conversation, but my family is a blessing for understanding and accommodating my speech. |
| Doctors removed the brain tumor six Christmases ago. The days go by slowly, yet the years pass so fast. There isn't much to update these days. I have adapted to each day starting new-ish. Yet, the routine of each day is becoming familiar. I have a weekend trip planned, so we will see what happens waking up in an unfamiliar place. I would like to know if there is interest in continuing to add entries to this blog? Please like or message me if you want to hear more about this journey. Thank you very much. |
Another week has passed, and time moves on. I did get the first review of a short story. I feel good about a 4, "Page"  I wrote in one afternoon. Reading the story today is surreal. I am trying to remember writing it. The win is I wrote a short story. It needs some cleaning up, but I wrote it. |
| As stated before, each day is a degree of starting over. The tasks and thoughts of yesterday have passed. The slate is blank, ready for another day. This is my life. I try to explain how each day starts, but nothing seems appropriate. I get up and make coffee, which is the part I have done. Then I watch some local news. From there, the day starts anew. What shall I do? What should I do? I checked the notes from yesterday. In reality, I didn't write any. Did I forget, too? Or did I get distracted and just don't do it? I don't know. I'm tired. I better stop, or the depression will shine through. Enjoy each day is all I can say. Because I know tomorrow, it will have faded away. |
| It is a Thursday, the beginning of another day. Each day is a new beginning. Today is Thursday. One might think starting over each day is a blessing. I did at first. Now that time has passed. The new beginnings are getting old. I can remember some details—the repetitive details of daily life. What I forget are the creative thoughts. Even using notes, each story lives only as long as the thoughts themselves. The daily repetitive thoughts will stick. A new idea has little chance. These few lines will only live for a short time. I can feel them fading as I try to type faster. There are blessings in every day. Cherish them. And there the focus, concentration, and... and ... then it fades away... |
This is my experience with short term memory lose. I loose the good thoughts. Like what I planned on writing today. I was excited and ready to hit the keyboard. Then it happened. The good thought vanished. What makes it worse is days like today. I know, I know there was a good thought there. Not anymore. Today is when the frustration is strong and deep. Today is when I ask why do I keep trying to write? It is for the good thoughts. They don't always vanish. Sometimes. They stick around. So here is to those thoughts. The ones that get to stay. |
Well ... I did it again and waited too long to write an entry. I admit the depression really got to me again. Since those closest to me unintentionally treat me like I am broken. I start to believe it is true. Ok, it is true. The 8-inch horseshoe scare around my ear reminds me. Expressly today because it itches. I am trying to remember simple things, like this blog. The blog serves as a reminder that I am moving forward. For example, today, I had to read some entries to remember why I started. I fell into the rabbit hole of depression and self-pity. This is a difficult hole to climb out of, more difficult when "the want too" is missing. So, I admit, "I haven't wanted too." Today is a new day, but not an epiphany day. It is just a day to reflect on my mindset. It is a day to admit I feel comfortable being broken—but in a good way. How do I make this more positive? Well, maybe by admitting it exists in the first place. I cannot change the earthquake that rattled my brain, but I can change my reactions to the current status of healing. First, Be grateful I am not in a room watching cartoons, drooling, and wearing a diaper. Second, Be easier on myself. Learning to read and write is a process. A never-ending process. Third, Stop trying to remember yesterday and live for today. Three goals that seem simple. Right? I have sent them into the universe. Like seeds in a garden, I need to nurture them to get them to grow. Thank you for reading this blog and any prayers and positive energy sent this way. |
| Nothing changes until you change your mind. This morning, I am giving it a try. Before watching the news, I sat down to write. I have always considered myself a writer, but I have to admit I haven't practiced lately. My brain is still healing. Even in these few words, the heat is building—a rather odd feeling... I have an MRI coming up—the five-year check—the last of the annual MRIs if all goes well. Five years have passed so quickly that I can't remember the time going by. The surgery feels like it was a couple of weeks ago. I have a hard time believing five years have passed, mostly because time doesn't exist in my brain as it should. Time is a salad of memories. They do not exist linearly. Instead, they are like a bowl of spaghetti. What seems like yesterday could have been last year and visa versa. My precious wife has gotten used to the chaos I can cause. The blessing is she is still with me. You know that in fitness and health. That is today. Change the start of the day. Change the day. |
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), I also have a brain injury, so I had completely forgotten about your blog. 
I'm SUPER glad you tagged me or I might never have read another post again. 
So, definitely use that thing that asks if you want to announce that you added a blog post. It will prompt me to read it. 
The words might not come as easily, but the talent is still there. 
Anyone can nominate stuff, so if you find things around WdC that you love, feel free to nominate them through "
That's amazing! I'm so happy for you because I'm sure that initial result was devastating! 
