Bulletin

Santa has cancelled Christmas. Partially because of a tragic North Pole tinsel shortage. When Santa went to resupply in mid February, he was told that they had already sold out for the year. They told him to get in line right after his deliveries this year.

Another issue is the surprising number of illnesses at the North Pole. Three fourths of the production and design elves have contracted the Noel COVID-19 variant, and two cases are confirmed among the flying reindeer. Rudolph has been tested due to his nose turning into a strobe light.

Mrs. Clause, the head research elf and Comet have contracted an antibiotic resistant strain of glitter herpes. Questions have been asked, and there are reports that Mrs. Clause was observed "dancing" athletically on the North Pole recently.

All of this is taking a toll on the jolly old man, and it seems he has lost nearly one hundred pounds since Thanksgiving. The naughty and nice lists are frozen., and all presents are indefinitely deferred.