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 Blogging thoughts |
| I recently started the New Year in the hospital having fallen and blacking out. My hospital nurses and doctors were very good and friendly. I used to be afraid of the hospital thinking that I will end up dead. Now I['ve been given a new refreshed life as a human. I don't have any after effects from the fall. I have a walker (called Rollator) and had to go through a whole slew of therapy. You'd think I can't speak or cook after falling. I thank God that I['m alive and that my outlook is bright. |
| I am currently 89 lbs, I lost 60 lbs since three years ago. I have no one to blame but myself. I went off carbs and pasta, and rice which I really miss. I also have acquired two dogs and so I share my food from the table with them. I was strict in eating only meat and the occasional potato. Now that I'm well enough, I need to gain weight, I can't buy clothes lest these only last a short time because of my gaining (hopefully), And if I bought clothes they might be too tight after I've gained back my weight. So I wear the same clothes in rotation. I visit my doctors and they might be curious that I wear the same clothes to see them. I make sure I know what clothes I wear when I see a doctor and make sure that they haven't see me wear these clothes from the last time, Oh, if only I were a normal weight, life will be happier, |
| I have two dogs, both Jack Russell Terriers. One is adopted from a shelter and they said he was a mix with a Chihuahua parent. I don't see anything about him having a Chi parent. He's a regular sized dog, his name is Max. My younger dog is Joey and he's a Parson Jack Russell Terrier adopted from a breeder. Joey is the baby of the family. He's a bit spoiled and naughty. While Max is well behaved and only barks at my Dad who is innocent of any misdoings but not so with Max. These two dogs are protective of me, follow me everywhere I go. They even follow me to the bathroom. But they sleep on the carpet or floor next to my feet in the house. I love these dogs very much. Trouble is, I have two cats as well. Katya is a shelter cat and I've had her for 12 years and Paco is a purebred cat who snubs the two dogs as much as he can. In time, these pets of mine mix together peacefully, except when Katya meows early in the morning for her food. That's the time Max chases her. Paco hardly meows but if he does, it means he's really in need of food or water. I wake up at 5 am and feed them. These are my best friends. I have a human best friend but she's all the way over in Gaithersburg. We hardly email anymore and she and I don't visit anymore. That's ok. She's not a best friend to me but she considers she is my best friend. If I were to be asked which friend would I want, I'd answer a pet would be my best friend. |
| I was frustrated yesterday. My PCP threw me an idea to go off on stool softeners and laxatives or a day. Well, I did that and I was awarded a painful BM yesterday. I threw aside the idea of being off these meds and I took what I always took. Today was something better. |
| I weighed 160 lbs three years ago. I adopted two dogs and I shared my meals with them, I also followed a lo carb diet then. No bread, no pasta or rice, nor potatoes. I got used to this and didn't realize that I was losing weight until I returned to see my PCP. They immediately told me to gain weight and eat all the food I can. Trouble is, I don't go out to the restaurants and take aways. This was during the height of COVID-19. Now I'm seemingly dying of weight loss. My appetite has increased somewhat. but we're on a fixed incmoe and we have to choose wisely what to bring home for the dinner table. Right now, we're on the way to gain weight. However, my constipation and medicine to counter it is keeping my weight at a low. I go to the loo four times a day. I don't know what to do. I like to eat pizza but I don't eat it too frequently. Last two weeks I ate pasta - lasagna. The ricotta cheese played havoc with my stomach as I'm lactose intolerant. I'd much prefer spaghetti and meatballs. My PCP said to eat meat and rice. So my Dad made chicken wing with broccoli and mushroom. He likes to whip up these recipes. He makes omelettes and sometmes we eat rice with sardines. I like sardines a lot. But it's not helping me with my weight. I firmly believe that pooping frequently decreases my weight. So I have to counter this with more helpings of food. Pray for me, Heaven and earth, so I will survive this weight loss. |
| Here I am, at the computer with thoughts about what I want to do today. i want to go on with my story but I'm running into heawinds. It's still dark out. I had my cup of coffee and my oatmeal. I fixed my face - it tends to be dry - with lotion and a Mary Kay foundation. I put these layers to stave off a roughness to my skin. Plus, it lends to the fairness of my skin. I used to be crazy buying cosmetics. I even joined Mary Kay as a consultant, but lo andbehold, that franchise is expensive. They want you to buy 650 dollars worth of cosmetics and supplements and leave it to you to drum up business. SInce I'm naturally shy, I failed at drumming business. If ever, the customers would buy something trivial just to please me (these woman are too kind). I finally quit after trying another supervisor, which, when I realized it, was a no-no. Since I left Mary Kay two years ago, I still find their cosmetics ideal. Their soap is good but it requires a lotion to wash over the skin to soften it more and to stave flakiness. Such is the life of a self-employed businss woman. |
| It's another beautiful day in October this morning. I conquered my weakness this morning and am better off now. Coupled with the dog who, like mischievous thief, took off with my baking gloves. He loves dish towels most of all. The more colorful, the more love he has for it. I don't mind it. As long as he has a preoccupation and leaves the more important items on the kitchen table top the better for me. I might touch base with my Muse and see what we can do with my story, I won't worry about it. It's no pressure. I'm a hobbyist with my writing these days. I think my falling early this year has slowed my creativity down. My medicines might have given some sort of veil so I can't think too much nor can I describe too much. Who of all the creatives in literature suffered from falls, medicines and too little food to eat? Yes, I have food, but I'm used to eating snacks only. The other day, we had lasagna for lunch. That ricotta cheese can blow up your bowels. We have some ideas of what to eat today. If that's all we're worried about these days, it's a blessing. |
| Like St Paul said, I have a thorn on my side, That thorn for me is my constipation. I take pills to make me take a poop, but those pills work too well and I end up with diarrhea. Yesterday is a good example of my thorn digging into my backside. I took Imodium to stem the tide of diarrhea and it worked. It's still working because I can't take a poop. I've been up since eleven and it's now almost six a.m. Thus, I can't write on my story much as I'd like to. Perhaps I could try. Focusing on something else instead of taking a No. 2 would be good for me. I get depressed and that too, comes from my condition: hypothyroidism. Hypothyroidism creats havoc with one's feeling of happiness and turns it into sadness. I have no time to feel happy, it seems. I take depression-related pills daily. I get support from my Provider to keep me on an even keel. Reading this over makes me feel sorry for myself. I hate to feel sorry for myself. Perhaps it's just not me who's sorry for me. Perhaps it's my angel that's sad. I don't want Heaven to feel sad for me. I want vengeance. I want to be victorious day by day, There are evenings I turn in to sleep when I feel as though I was on an even keel. It's the morning routine of doing a Number Two that makes me start out behind the startup line when the pistol cracks a bullet. I lag behind while others my age are off and running despite their Geritol habit. When will this ever end? Is it my thyroid that needs to be fixed? It's being substituted by my Synthroid pills. I think I could still have my treatment regulated. God knows I feel sad but I decided to wash dishes, and make oatmeal and eat it, to focus away from my thorn. Jesus Christ knows that feeling of having a thorn (many of them) around His Most Sacred Head. Now He's safely in Heaven. I plead with Jesus Christ to help me. |
| Dear Muse, I looked at my story which we are both writing together today. I read the most recent entry and found it interesting to continue. I have a few ideas on where to direct my focus on my story. If you'll help me, that would be lovely. |
| I've decided to suspend work on my story. I've been discussing it with my Muse. I have a thin plot and it won't hold water in the long run. I don't know if I can continue with the characters. I wish I could say I love my characters enough to give them a personality. I'm still recovering from the hospital. I have been seen by several medicos. I will continue seeing them. My psychiatrist is giving me free rein to do as I please. He's probably happy that I'm writing again, be it my blog. |
| I've decided to suspend writing my story. The story reads like a common story that won't turn anyone's heads. I'm disappointed, but I'll try again, or maybe I'll return to writing it when there's less pressure from within. If it weren't for being ghosted by a devil, I would have continued on with writing. But as of now, the devil is in my thoughts but not in my stuff. St Michael the Archangel has the devil on a short leash and leading him down to Hell. But the ghosts that came from the fission of Glenda's identity into other identities are haunting me. Don't tell me that I'm complaining because of lack of talent. I had a Distinction added to my diploma for my MFA. Perhaps I should be happy enough with my blessings. Writing isn't a business anymore, it's just a hobby. And I'm in WDC enjoying the website and reviewing the work that so many of the members have written. I don't want to hold my pets and Dad hostage to the devil. They're vulnerable. So I have to give it up and curl up in bed. |
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