Pink Shirts and Butcher Knives

This was written for a class, and I thought it was funny!

Pink Shirts and Butcher Knives

“Clarice darling, I don’t believe you understood me the first time.” The spotless butcher knife gleamed mercilessly in the moonlight. The man attached to its expensive, cherry wood handle took a cautious step forward.

“When I say you belong to me,” the blade flashed as was raised, “You belong to ME!”

The woman huddling on the floor whimpered. She pushed herself harder against the kitchen’s tall cabinets, ignoring the door handles that dug into her back. “I….I…”

He took another step closer, this one bigger than the last.

“I… it… it was nothing Eric, really… I swear!”

“That’s not good enough Clarice,” he
hissed, “Not good enough.”

Clarice raised her shaking hands as if to block him. “Please Eric, please…”

The giant window above the sink shattered, glass raining down on the couple. They threw themselves to the floor, arms covering their heads.

Eric grunted as glass sliced through his skin. “What the hell was that?”

He risked a look up, and saw a woman clamoring to her feet. There was blood oozing from her stomach, and he knew that wasn’t from the window. She set her jaw, and slid her feet into what he thought was a defensive stance. Her vicious eyes were glaring, unblinking, at the now open window.

Clarice screamed, and started weeping softly on the other side of the kitchen. Eric snapped his head to the window. His eyes widened at what he saw.

There was a man crouched on the sill. His right hand clutched a gun, which he aimed steadily at the mysterious woman. His eyes also held her same ferociousness.

“Sorry to barge in like this,” his British accent was crisp and short, “but I’ve a cheating girlfriend to deal with.”

The woman growled softly, jaw clenching with anger. “You know what babe? It’s hard to be faithful, WHEN YOUR BOYFRIEND WEARS THE COLOR PINK!”

The woman pounced at the man, as he came flying towards her. His heavy combat boots crashed into the white tile floor, as her fist collided with his mouth. He reeled backwards, giving her enough time to execute a roundhouse kick. He caught her ankle mid swing, and slammed her into the sink.

“And it’s hard to be forgiving, WHEN YOUR GIRLFRIEND WEARS LEG WARMERS!”

The woman screamed wildly, and tossed him off her. She smashed her elbow into his stomach, and sprinted into the dining room, crashing through the front windows. The man gasped, and then dashed after her. He picked up the gun that had been tossed aside, and glanced back at Eric.

“You take care of you’re her.” He said, pointing to the sobbing Clarice. “And take my advice, don’t go buying any pink shirts.”

He jogged off, diving out of the dining room window, in chase of his estranged lover. Eric looked back at Clarice, his eyes wide with fear, shock, and confusion.

“My god…” Was the only thing he could manage to say.

The butcher knife lay forgotten on the kitchen floor.




^_^ Makes me smile every time I read it!