A tentative blog to test the temperature. |
A Joke I Won't Tell Sometimes it's frustrating to have a foot on both sides of the pond. For instance, today I came up with an amusing play on words (well, I think it is anyway). It's quite simple - I ask "What do you call an old man you can see through?" And the answer is, "Crystal Geyser." No one gets it. The Brits don't get it because they don't know that Crystal Geyser is the name of a particular spring water available over here. And the Americans don't get it because they pronounce geyser as gizer (g-eye-zer). To the Brits, that word is geezer. So a minor chuckle has to be wasted. It's sad, I know. It is, however, an excellent example of the fact that explaining a joke ruins it. Plus, I get the satisfaction of knowing you sat through all this for very little return. |
Secrets My wife, Andrea, had a revelation of the power of the ancients this morning. No matter how feeble and decrepit we fogies, wrinklies and geezers of the modern world may be, we hold the secret knowledge that will ensure that, when we go, the world will descend into savagery and chaos. I speak, of course, of that mystery to the young, the analogue clock. Since it has been decided in the halls of ignorance and decay that it is no longer necessary to initiate the latest generations into the delights of deciphering the analogue clock, few indeed are the exceptions to the general ignorance of the young. But beyond even this, we are the last survivors who can understand that doubly mysterious and magnificent construction, the analogue clock with Roman numerals. This is beyond the comprehension of even the most talented of the young. It is true indeed, oh ancient and antiquated friends, that apres nous, le deluge! |
A Blog Post I went to the blog post jar this morning but someone had beaten me to it. All that was left was a few crumbs. So, if you see any incredibly clever and witty blog posts out there, we know who they really belong to, don't we? |
A Lone Voice Why don't they have groups for curmudgeons? Or people who dislike groups? Where are the loners' associations? Where the hermit clubs? The recluse reunions? It's just not right... |
Animals I think that the animals that we really ought to like and respect are those that have adapted to the ways in which humanity has changed the environment. Some have even turned us to their advantage - the rat, for instance, or the seagull, the sparrow, the pigeon (how on earth did they survive before we came along?), the fox (yes, the fox adapts very well to an urban environment and their numbers are increasing). These are the real animal heroes, the brave souls that refuse to bow down to our supposed superiority. It's all very well to feel sorry for the endangered lesser spotted foot warbler, now reduced to a few square yards of habitat in some corner of a building site, but what about the survivors? Animals have been going extinct since long before humanity appeared - we're just another change, that's all. Celebrate the adaptable, for pete's sake, and less whining about species that were doomed to fail anyway. Don't get me wrong - no one would be happier than me if the Tasmanian tiger were to be found alive and well in the dense undergrowth in the west of that island. But, let's face it, nothing would be changed as a result. And I shall continue to talk to rabbits and birds in my yard while steering well clear of polar bears, thank you! Word count: 227 |
Just Asking Saw an ad the other day that suggested I "Download a CS Lewis audiobook free with a 14-day trial." What I want to know is what I'll be tried for and why the trial is bound to last 14 days. Is the verdict also a foregone conclusion? |
Belief The hardest thing in the world is to believe in a thought process. It's experience that makes us truly believe. |
Sometimes We Win The British are the most virtuous nation on earth. What is our national sport (the one we always win at)? Queueing. What is the first requirement to be able to queue? Patience. Patience is a virtue. The British are the most virtuous nation on earth. |
The Road to Enlightenment There is little point in being of the same opinion as everyone else. Wherever there is consensus, raise your voice in favour of the unpopular view, always support the underdog, look for the clay feet of the winners. That way, you will never be far from the truth. |
Thought for the Century If I'm incorrigible, where is everyone else? |