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A modest journal. |
| My life's ups and downs... |
| Thursday, April 21, 2011, 6:36pm I watched a documentary on the seven deadly sins on the history channel today. I have been guilty recently of the sin of pride. I confess and renounce the sin of pride. Amen. |
| Thursday, April 21, 2011, 10am This morning I am beginning to write down scriptures that I can reflect upon during this time of being unemployed for I know that the Lord has not forgotten or forsaken me and I remember the Israelites as they made their exodus from the land of Egypt, and how the Lord grew weary of their complaints and left them to wander the wilderness for forty years. He hates complaining; therefore, I will not complain. Below is a picture, as well as a poem, shared by Gabriella this morning in an Easter message to the Rising Stars. ** Image ID #1767366 Unavailable ** The Peace of Wild Things When despair for the world grows in me and I wake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief. I come into the presence of still waters. And, I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting for their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free. Wendell Berry Easter rabbit created by iKïyå§ama-Celebrate the Earth (680). |
| Wednesday, April 20, 2011, 8:20am I am sputtering --- the fuel is low with no earthly means for replenishment... or, if there, remains hidden. My phone bill is overdue, my utility bills are overdue, my car payment is overdue ---- and I have no means to pay the rent when due. 4:04pm My worst part of the day is in the morning. It's when I feel the most hopeless. It was especially upsetting today when I received a call from my telephone provider about my overdue bill. I'm thinking maybe I should re-pack my things again and just leave everything boxed up so that I can leave more quickly when the time comes. 8:59pm I was watching a special on the Green Planet channel tonight regarding Sodom and Gomorrah and it was said that the greatest sin of Sodom and Gormorrah was being inhospitable to strangers. I'm reminded that the Lord said, Whatsoever ye do to the least of your brethren, that you do unto Me. If nothing else, I am learning empathy by what I am going through and, with the help of God, I will be hospitable to strangers and the less fortunate, those going through hard times. |
| Tuesday, April 19, 2011, 10:23am Ever feel like giving up on life... throwing in the towel, crying uncle? That's where I am right now. I have been out of work since 3-23-2011 with no resources to pay my bills... I think, What is the right thing to do in this situation? I could shut everything off and move out, live out of my car --- or --- stay put and hope that something happens. Neither option makes complete sense. My "do the right thing" self says, Move out, live out of your car. But my more rational self looks back and sees all the rash things I've done in the past when trying to "do the right thing," and says, No. Stay put. It has to get better. God doesn't want you living on the street. ...or does He? I want to do His will. God help me. Let me see your hand in this. I am still waiting... |
| Monday, April 18, 2011, 4:05pm No calls, no offers, no news --- a sad day indeed. What do you do when you've done everything you know to do? Wait. |
| Monday, April 18, 2011, 8:01am I am dealing with some very stubborn, insubordinate ducks. They refuse to line up; and I like to have all my ducks in a row! I awoke anxious this morning and am still anxious to some degree some thirty minutes later. I won't bother to tell you about my two bizarre dreams. I am just beginning to regain calmness. Thank you, Lord. |
| Sunday, April 17, 2011, 2:21pm Had another phenomenal service this morning at church. We had four male guests -- two young adults, two middle-aged. We enjoyed praise and worship and then heard testimonies, followed by prayer and prophecy. "Increase" is the Word of the hour --- increase prayer and fellowship with God, as well as giving, obedience, faithfulness. If ye are faithful and obedient, ye shall eat the fat of the land. |
| Saturday, April 16, 2011, 12:56pm I awoke this morning determined to find work at Walmart, Home Depot, or the like, when I remembered my back hurts just standing in line at the grocery... There is no way I could take any kind of a sales position standing around in a store. I'd be in the hospital or cracked from the pain. So, that's out of the question. It seems those are the only type of positions available unless you go to their corporate headquarters --- in Timbuktu. Impossible since I haven't got the money to put into my gas tank. I know there are jobs in the Tampa Bay area of Florida in my line of work --- but I don't have the gas money to get there to even interview since I paid my rent this month. Of course, I have no money to pay any of my bills that are due here in Alabama. So, I remain between a rock and a hard place. Unless God opens a door for me, I am doomed. Do I have a plan? No, I don't. Does God have a plan? Yes, He does. I'm just not sure of the nature of His plan. I haven't got a clue. Humiliated? Yes, I am. |
| Friday, April 15, 2011, 11:48am Alas, it's Friday. Wish I had more to show for my week. Plan to go to the mail box in another hour to see if I received anything from the Unemployment Office --- determination of benefits, etc. Today, I registered with four or five more Temporary Employment Agencies... Hope something opens up soon. Received a telephone call from a special friend last night. He had just the wisdom and encouragement I needed. Well, I'm off to read my bible. Enjoy your day! |
| Thursday, April 14, 2011, 10:46am Still no work. My pocketbook has been rumbling for the past two weeks... Bills are coming due. What to do? What to do? What does one do to ward off poverty in an instance such as this? If something doesn't pan out soon, I will be on a whole new level of self-discovery. |
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