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Reflections and ruminations from a modern day Alice - Life is Wonderland |
Reflections and ruminations from a modern day Alice - Life is Wonderland ![]() ![]() Welcome to the place were I chronicle my own falls down dark holes and adventures chasing white rabbits! Come on In, Take a Bite, You Never Know What You May Find... "Curiouser and curiouser." Alice in Wonderland |
30 Day Blogging Challenge PROMPT May 20th What time of day are you most motivated? Least motivated? For me, I’m most motivated and productive in the morning, and least in the mid afternoon around 2pm. What do you do to renew your motivation in those slumps? I wake most mornings with full energy reserves. I can power through most of the day, until about 2:30pm...when the day seems suddenly so much longer than it should be. It feels sometimes like you hit a wall. I have to abandon my desk and computer and walk around the facility. Sometimes I spent a few minutes on the hanger floor talking with the techs. Sometimes I run to get the mail or take some pictures for the social media pages. A hot cup of coffee will give me a little charge at times, giving me at least the spark I need to rally through the remains of the afternoon. My day officially ends at 3:30, when I leave the office to pick up my daughter from school. Emails and texts can continue throughout the day but at least I am not behind my desk any longer. I always get a pick me up when I see her emerge from the back of the school, shouldering her backpack and scanning the crowd for my face. I almost always get a smile then which charges my batteries and motivates me forward like nothing else does. |
30 Day Blogging Challenger PROMPT May 19th Write about your ideal weekend. There have been a lot of busy weekends as school comes to a close. May is a month of mayhem for us that way. For most weekends this Spring, we have been a slave to our calendar and haven't been at liberty to chose either the weather or our pick of activity. I am looking forward to next weekend though. There is nothing on the schedule and for the moment, the forecast looks to be perfect with temps in the 70's and no rain expected. We may be able to finally script our ideal weekend at last. For me, the ideal weekend would be spent close to home. This is our first Spring in our new home and we are slowing trying to tame the yard and do a bit of landscaping. We have had so much rain that it has pushed such plans well off schedule. We are catching up to the mulching and the planting. We have finally managed to get a bit of it done so having breakfast out on the deck, watching the birds and enjoying the fresh blooms sounds idyllic. Taking a mid-morning jaunt to the nursery to pick out some more flowers to plant or veggies to build a patio garden would be the next step in a day largely spent pruning, tending and beautifying our corner of the world. A late afternoon visit to my sister's horse farm would give us a break. She lives six minutes from home and her lovely property hosts three goats, chickens, a gaggle of dogs and cats, her two horses as well two baby fresian fillies and her resident donkey. My daughter loves to help clean the stalls, groom the horses and gather chicken eggs. The hours we spend there gives me a chance to unwind from the week, catch up with my little sister and get some snuggle time with her animals. She is quintessential country mouse, but this city mouse, has grown to love sharing this part of her world. There is something about being with her horses that brings me a particular peace that settles into my tired bones and gives me a release from the demands of my life. Saturday night usually would mean a cookout with friends and family. If the night was mild enough, we could lite the fire table and sit on the deck, watching the bats whizzing back and forth in the twilight. It might also mean the pleasant buzz from one two many glasses of red wine and falling asleep to the sounds of a summer thunder storm. I'd kick off Sunday morning, cooking breakfast with the dogs while my family sleeps in. I love this time when I prepare a big breakfast while listening to NPR on the radio and catching up on the world news and events. It is peaceful. The new kitchen is flooded with light and the smells of turkey bacon and waffles soon waft upstairs and wake my husband and daughter. Sunday breakfast is always leisurely. The afternoon might be a trip to a local park or a visit to Jaden's grandparents marina for a picnic. I typically make a big meal to wrap up the weekend, something like roast chicken or baked ziti. The ideal weekend for me at this point in my life is just passing hours at or close to our new home with family under bright sun and blue skies. It is full of simple joys. |
30 Day Blogging Challenge PROMPT May 18th Write a poem or stream of consciousness entry about something you do every day. My husband can not physically get out of bed without a series of alarms, programmed at the infuriating frequency of every five minutes. The first one rings in at 5:10am. It is the one that wakes me up, rudely pulling me into consciousness. Lola, our spirited rescue, usually wakes up by the third or fourth alarm. Even as I lie there, trying to ignore the repetitive buzzing, I can hear the jingle jangle of her tags as she makes her way down the hallway and to our room. Soon, she is at my bedside, whining and brushing her body back and forth against the bed. Lola's sudden arrival wakes Turk, our senior dog. He soon forages his way out from under the crush of blankets. Now we are somewhere between the 6th and 7th alarms and we are all up, except my husband and our daughter, who has grown oblivious to the morning routine. The dogs and I make our way downstairs where I put them out on the line. Lola races into the yard while Turk meanders along behind her. After a few minutes, they both come back up the deck stairs. I drop food into their bowls and fit a doggie band over our geriatric Turk. He has become as incontinent in his old age and it fits with his marginal blindness and irrational grumpiness so very nicely. Despite his charming attributes, Lola still tries each morning to engage him in play. He stares at her as she makes exaggerated play bows and brings him toys with an every hopeful flourish of energy. After a few moments, Turk wanders off to tackle his own morning routine of trying to fish something out of the kitchen garbage or the bathroom trash. At this point I usually glance at the clock and think romantically of crawling back into bed, but it is already 5:30. Sometimes if it is a rainy day I can coerce the dogs to come back upstairs to snuggle with our still sleeping daughter for 20 minutes of so before I have to wake her. Most days though, my husband comes racing down the stairs, nearly running late despite all his alarms, and I see him off. I make myself coffee and cling to it while I watch the birds from my breakfast table. Lola begins her vigil, diligently scanning the wood line and swinging birders for the first appearance of her arch enemy, the fat little gray lady squirrel that taunts and teases her. After trying in vane to rub his diaper off with the bottom of my chair, Turk settles at my feet. We greet the morning that way, the three of us...torn so early from our slumber. |
30 Day Blogging Challenge PROMPT May 17th A lot of medical research today focuses on developing cures to ageing. Presumably, with the right breakthrough, humans could live forever. How do you feel about this? Write an entry describing the advantages and disadvantages of extremely long life using facts and opinions to support your answer. Admittedly, I am in a bit of a sour mood today. All the same, this morning's prompts feels too "term paper-esque" for me and the demand that I back up my opinion with facts just feels like all together too much for me to tackle. The other issue I have is that honestly, in my opinion, human beings have no right to live forever. What business do we have creating a world where we subvert the natural cycle of life? There are so many things wrong with that for me, on so many levels. Our knowledge and technologies should be focused on preserving the resources of our planet, not finding ways to subject it to our consumption and pollution for our eternal existence. I for one, would not want to be immortal. The process of aging is something I am entitled too. Life is only a true journey when we get to anticipate and reach the milestones along the way. Who doesn't look eagerly toward turning 18, that ripe age of adulthood? We only get to turn 21 once, most of us have a story worth telling...or forgetting, about that particular milestone. I personally relished turning 40, as I saw it as the age I no longer had to care what anyone thought about me or my life choices. I could keep all my fucks to myself as it were. In much the same way I am looking forward to my 50's and 60's, with the hope I can slipped easily into being someone's grandmother one day. I have no interest in living forever, I plan to grown old with equal measures of spunk and grace. |
30-Day Blogging Challenge PROMPT May 16th Congratulations on making it halfway through the challenge! Today, we’ll do something a little different. Instead of writing an entry of your own, take the time to show some love to your fellow 30DBC challengers! Write thoughtful comments on at least five different blogs from this month’s competition. Then, post the links to the entries you commented on in your own blog and share one thing you learned. Have fun! Half way! It felt like I was farther along than that! At any rate, it is always a great part of my writing sessions each day to read the blogs of my fellow bloggers. I always find I gain a new perception of something, a new take on the prompt I hadn't thought about. Today's challenge is a nice way to honor them. First, I read and commented on QPdoll ![]() ![]() ![]() I always read and then re-read this blogger's entries because I almost always miss something my first time through and I love his candor and his insights to the world. He makes me think...every time. Charlie ~ ![]() ![]() ![]() I read IceSkatingSugarCube ![]() ![]() ![]() I really liked how Lostwordsmith ![]() ![]() ![]() And lastly Kåre Enga in Montana ![]() ![]() ![]() |
30 Day Blogging Challenge PROMPT May 15th Share an instance when something blew your mind. Wow, I really had to think about this prompt...there were too many instances that just didn't seem epic enough that came to mind at first. I felt like it should be something other than learning about the impressive migration habits of penguins or that potatoes can become positively toxic for you if they go bad. Those things were oddly mind-blowing but not to the same level I felt the prompt dictated. It felt like it should be something more personal to me. When I thought about it in those terms, one instance clearly came to mind... My daughter has always been painfully shy. She would go non-verbal if any adult tried to address her and held herself back in many interactions with other children until only very recently. I very much worried she would miss out on so much her young life offered by hiding in the shadows. I feared she would be considered anti-social or rude that she would avoid answering questions or responding to friends who waved and smiled. We worked on it a lot. We worked on being open to the advances of friends and returning their verbal greetings with a smile and a wave if she didn't feel like saying "hi" right away. I talked to her teachers to make sure she was still participating in class discussions and speaking up when spoken too, at least in the academic settings. She asked to take piano lessons and it seemed to help bring her out of her shell. She was pretty quiet, answering her instructor in mostly nods, but she applied herself. We learned there would be a recital that first year and my heart sank. How would my shy little girl who loathed being the center of attention, be able to play in front of a room full of strangers? Turns out, she could not. She skipped that inaugural recital. We watched her peers and fellow students each take their turn on the stage that first year. The teacher called her up at the end to give her a special award for being her youngest student at age 5. She insisted I go up with her to get her medal. She clung to my arm the whole way, hiding her face in my elbow when the crowd clapped for her. By the time the second year recital came a year later, I honestly did not think she was ready. She was slated to go third. She had practiced and practiced her piece - a short, sweet little melody that she could almost play by heart. She was very, very nervous. We had taken special care to pick out a lovely dress and fix her hair into a cute bun, fitting for a classical music recital. She looked the part but she had been reluctant to even practice in front of anyone that wasn't her Dad or me and so I was worried for her. I knew how difficult this would be for her. She sat there, her music folder hugged tightly to her chest, her eyes laser focused on the ground. My stomach was suddenly sick with dread for her. The recital hall was full and several more people were standing in the back. The first student finished their piece and everyone clapped. Then, suddenly they were calling Jaden's name. The student who was supposed to go before her had gotten cold feet so her 3rd place standing had moved up. I looked at my delicate little 6 year old with her startled expression and though, "that's it, she's not going to do it." Then, my incredibly shy daughter did something that complete blew my mind. She stood up. She walked to the piano, placed her music down and proceeded to play her recital piece. Jaden played it all the way through to the end, stumbling only once but catching the mistake and moving on from it like her teacher had taught her too. Her face was a mask of concentration and when she finished, she stood and made a running bow back to her seat. The look of triumph on her face was echoed by the relief and pride in my own. I knew better than anyone how much my daughter had pushed herself to get to and get through her moment on stage. I was overjoyed and overrun with motherly pride. Jaden had blown my mind in the most beautiful way. There have been a few more recitals now and while I am sure it doesn't get any easier for her, she puts in 100% every year. The songs have gotten more challenging but the music isn't the part that remains the most difficult for her to master. I am forever nervous for her each time. I must hold my breathe each performance until she finishes the because that first breathe in once she stands and bows, feels like heaven to my aching lungs. When the last notes of her piece are fading in my ears, I am rejoicing and celebrating with her. It is always a wonderful moment but somehow not as mind-blowing as watching her climb those stairs and play that first time. |
30 Day Blogging Challenge PROMPT May 14th Discuss the “Four Burners Theory” as it is outlined in this website: https://jamesclear.com/four-burners-theory Which burner in your life burns the brightest? If you had to completely turn off one of your burners to be successful in the other three, which would you turn off? I had to turn off my work burner so I could manage to get through the article there! But in all seriousness, I had a really hard time finding the work/family balance. I was the first mother in my family to go back to work after having my daughter. My cousins and sister-in-laws had all been stay at home moms for a time. I was already 35 and so, putting any career on hold, especially one in my demanding industry, was out of the question. My daughter started coming to work with me at 6 weeks old and started daycare at 9 weeks. I harbored such terrible guilt for leaving her with strangers, albeit trained and professional caregivers, but still strangers. Luckily I had found a wonderful place with kind, capable teachers who became my partners through her development and who celebrated all those milestones I might have other wise missed, with me in concert. It was hard though, very difficult to find myself again. I still struggle as a working mom to find balance. The demands have only increased with time and I find myself constantly gauging which burners I can turn down to feed the other too most adequately. If there is any burner I turn off most, it would be mine. I consistently find reasons to put the needs of family and friends over taking care of me. It is something I am working on. I believe it is what most people do...rob from their own reserves to give to their loved ones. I am actively working on that this year. It would still be the burner I would turn off however. It's always harder to take away from others than oneself. |
30 Day Blogging Challenge PROMPT May 13th Discuss the “Goldilocks Rule of Motivation” as described on the website below. “Human beings love challenges, but only if they are within the optimal zone of difficulty. Tasks that are significantly below your current abilities are boring. Tasks that are significantly beyond your current abilities are discouraging. But tasks that are right on the border of success and failure are incredibly motivating to our human brains.” https://jamesclear.com/motivation#How%20to%20Stay%20Motivated In theory, I think I agree on the premise. It does take a bit of the romance out of that drive to achieve the impossible though. We all have heard about people overcoming insurmountable, impossible odds to survive so if I were to subscribe to this rule, then it would appear that no matter how "impossible" something seemed, that it was likely still "right on the border of success and failure", or rather there was at best, at least a 50/50 percent of success. That takes the wind out of my sails a little bit I think. I mean, if I was being chased by a grizzly bear or something as equally aggressively terrifying, and I understood that I had a 50/50 percent chance of making it...of course I would still run, still try to escape. That doesn't seem like the "Goldilocks rule", so much as the drive of self preservation. However, if I were to climb Everest, and knew I had less than 50% chance of achieving the summit and still did it anyway...that would akin to achieving the impossible in my book. I think some people will always be charged to pursue a task or a goal that to them, seems impossible. I'd like to believe that there are some humans who will still operate outside the limits of what they believe they can do. I am likely not one of them but I commend those that are out there. I would certainly run...but I'd never even dream of even attempting to tackle Everest. |
Missed the chance to write Sunday's prompt on Sunday so I am playing catch up this morning... 30 Day Blogging Challenge PROMPT May 12th Write your entry inspired by the word “nurture.” What does it mean to nurture something or someone? How were you nurtured growing up, how are you currently nurtured, and how do you nurture others? This entry feels like a loaded one coming on Mother's Day. This year, this particular day has been more difficult for some reason. For the first time I am reluctant to write about a topic that I fear will release too much anger and toxins into my day and I feel as if I have been struggling to keep such things inside to hard. Nurturing is most certainly one of the most important things we mother's do. To nurture a child goes beyond loving them, beyond teaching them the basic tools and life skills they need to survive. We can not nurture without love for it is the ultimate expression of love. To nurture a child, we flame their passions, we invoke their kindness, we give them hope and light and promise. We build them a foundation to have a good life, to love and care for themselves. We teach them to know their worth and have faith in their abilities. Nurturing our children is a lifetime commitment and gets exceedingly harder as they grow and mature, as they come into more and more contact with outside forces. Sometime, now matter how well we have nurtured them or how strong we help them build their foundation, they will meet someone who crushes it. We have to step in and re-teach, replenish their reserves and rebuild their hope and self-respect. The act of nurturing is forever, and it is a labor of love. It also does not come naturally to some mothers and it isn't until we become mothers ourselves that we realize the wonderful importance of this love, this responsibility. I have bad parenting days. I have many parenting fails. I have sometimes let my daughter down, made mistakes or bad calls. However, my daughter knows she is cherished. She knows she is my moon and my sun. She knows that she can do anything and I will love and nurture her until the end of my days and even then I will not leave her. I worried I would not be able to do these things for her once. It made me fear the day she would leave the safety and security of my womb where it was so easy to care for her as she was so entirely dependent on my own biology. The very moment she was placed in my arms though, I knew it was going to be the most effortless thing in the world to love her. I knew that as I had lived to bring her into the world, I would readily die to protect her. I knew living to love and nurture her would be the greatest gift I could have asked for. |
Playing catch-up from the weekend... 30 Day Blogging Challenge PROMPT May 11th Write your entry today from the perspective of an animal. You could choose a pet, a lioness on the hunt, a rhino being pursued by poachers, or any other animal of your choice. The hunger was a thing now, alive and demanding in her tiny stomach. It was nature's greatest joke to pair a creature with a seemingly insatiable appetite with such a tiny stomach. The days she woke ravenous and never seemed to be able to satisfy herself no matter how much she gorged on seeds and berries. Even here, where they seemed to fill the feeders as quickly as they were emptied, she struggled to eat her way to that full bellied euphoria of her youth. Now, as she watched from her vantage point high above, she could see the feeder had been replenished with the rich black seeds she knew and her stomach rumbled and rolled with anticipation. Squirrel was wary though. This lovely shaded yard with its rich bounty was not without its dangers. There was lots of competition for one thing. There was the usual variety of the delicate birds, the finches and chickadees but also several pairs of mating cardinals. She found the bright red males easy to navigate but the females, slightly smaller with more subdued plumage, harder to spot and much more difficult to drive off. She'd taken a particularly aggressive peck to her posterior a few days ago that was still sore and red. There was a bigger threat in this place though, one that could deliver a lot more damage than an angry bird. Squirrel crept a few branches lower to get a better look at the large window. It looked vacant and dark in the early morning light. The feeder swung back and forth with the breeze and her aching tummy urged her closer still. She made her way onto the narrow branch that would deposit her all the way to the deck. She moved quicker now, keeping her eyes on the window, making her way down on her nimble claws. At last she landing softly on the solid wood and clambered over the railing and onto the swinging feeder. Her sudden weight sent it rocking, fleeing black seeds out in all directions. The black seeds smelled wonderful and she shoved them into her mouth greedily in great claw fulls. They made a satisfying crunch under her sharp teeth. Suddenly there was a chaotic burst of noise, a frenzied barking and scraping. Her dark eyes flicked to the window and she froze. The lights inside the house were dark but she could still make out the smooth head, the flicking ears and those flashing teeth. The dog keened and pawed at the glass, glaring ribbons of hate through the pane at her stuffed cheeks and flicking tail. She waited, staring back, terrified but refusing to give up her meal. The lights did not come on. The dog was confined, for now. She went back to eating, taking care to pack the extra folds of her jaws with seeds. She ignored the dog, who's protests were growing more and more angry and insistent. Soon the dog would wake the humans that lived in the house and they would let t her out and she would come for her with rage and of hunger all her own. Then, the dim world around her erupted with light. The humans were up. The window pane illuminated and she could see the dog in all her snarling glory, black and tan with flashing eyes. In a flash she heard the door slide open and she knew she only had seconds to escape. She bounded off the feeder and onto the deck railing as the dog came, her nails snapping against the wood and her teeth flashing. Squirrel pulled her tail up short and the dog dove, she smelled the rotten sweetness of her breath as her jaws snapped shut just inches of her hind end. Still too far from her branch, she made a desperate leap, stretching her body and reaching for the tree. The dog was right behind her. Squirrel realized with great dismay that dog had been getting faster and faster, soon she would need a better exit plan or this feeder would cease to be an option for her. Her claws found purchase and she quickly raced up and away from the protesting dog. Squirrel managed to get a safe distance before she turned and chattered angrily back, frustrated that her meal had once again been interrupted. The dog, seeing Squirrel had moved out of range, quickly lost interest. She turned tail and began to contentedly roam about the yard. Squirrel continued to scold the big animal for a few more seconds before turning away and heading for her nest. Soon the dog would go back inside and she could make the trip down again until she was again driven off...it was a dance that was a familiar to her now as the coming of the snows and the grumbling of her tummy. |