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2024. Going anywhere inside my little world. |
| Come on the adventures of a little mouse as she writes about her opinions and her life. |
I wrote a story back in High School about rumors and gossip and one girl's revenge on those who spread them about her.. She found out she could ask for things to happen, asking in a certain way, and they would. She made this one boy who always said mean things to her very clumsy. So clumsy he got kicked off the football team. One girl that was mean ended up with neon green hair that she couldn't get rid of. She asked to meet her favorite pop singer and her favorite TV star; while they were all out to lunch together she made them fight over her. In the end though her best friend convinced her that what she could do would be dangerous in the wrong hands. She ask to be able to show the government what she can do. They lock her in a facility to study her/. I shouldn't have ended iit the way I did but I had her get so depressed in the facility that she finally asks to die. I had been a depressed and troubled teen then and a lot of kids were mean to me. Something about me: When I was in High School they still played "step on a crack you love (insert my name here)" in my elementary school. Some of the kids didn't even know who I was. I used to walk past my elementary school on the way home from High School. When I asked them who that was, they described a girl with ratty hair whose face was covered in warts and boils. I used to say that it didn't bother me. Who else did you know in HS that was still talked about in their elementary? Truth was that it was very hurtful. Terry has been in better spirits today. She has been trying not to bother me too much. Truth be told, she doesn't bother me any more now than she did before she broke her arm. I'm hoping she keeps up this consideration for me when she is better. Pulled out "Rage of Envy Rewrite Project"  today and was paging through it. I scratched a few notes and was going to start the rewrite but I felt a little overwhelmed at the enormity of it all. I don't know why I even try writing novels. I can't even write a short story that is the right length. They always end up too short. I have short stories that are finished that I plan to rewrite and tweak into an anthology I have planned. Maybe I should find them and do that. I just don't know......I scratched notes and a prompt idea today too. I want to do some serious writing but I don't know what to write or work on. It feels like everything is so unorganized I bought some command hooks to hang up my pictures and things in my room but some of it I'm not going to be able to reach. Plus I read the instructions on the hooks and there is no way I am doing all of that. I keep saying to myself I need help but then I ask what I would do if i lived in my own place. I would have to do it myself. Of course, if it was my own place I'd be putting nails in the walls...... This is home and is going to remain home even if it doesn't feel like my home. I don't have my own place, but I do have (mostly) my own space. Life is still just okay....... |
| Was looking up information on Chemistry for research for "Nezoom Musings" I am going to need someone with an extensive knowledge of basic chemistry to answer a lot of questions before I can flesh out the prologue of the story. Looking them up was twisting me in circles and making my head spin. Terry is home. BFHD. She is as miserable as she was before she left. Scratch that. She is more miserable. I've got to stop being so hard on her though before karma throws me for a real loop and makes me break something. Believe me, even before Terry fell, falling was on my mind. Scratched some notes while watching Forensic Files that I may or may not use for "Rage of Envy Rewrite Project" ... I'd really like to get back to work on that one. It would have to go into another rewrite though. I have to see where I can work in the changes I want to make.Idk. I want to write so much but usually when I get the time to I end up just going to sleep..... Damn apathy. I just don't care about anything. Nothing is that important. I'm supposed to go help my "niece" on Monday and Tuesday and I wish I could get out of it. I don't really have to do much; just make sure she and her son get lunch basically. It is because of this apathetic view I have of life anymore. I used to blame my "terminal laziness" now it is my "extreme apathy".... Yeah, sounds like just excuses to me too. Okay I'm starting to get down on myself here and I don't need any more of that than what I have already. It's hard to try and think of reasons not to do something ..... I don't want to call it stupid but that about covers it....... My main reason so far has been that I would have to hear lectures from too many people when they find out..... Okay I need to get out of here...... |
| Had a great idea for a dystopia story but forgot it that quick...... But I got another one...... It is set after aliens (who are like locusts; using a planets resources up then moving to the next one) What they left behind is mostly contaminated. There are less then 5000 people left on the planet scattered over the planet. Natural Resources definition - materials or substances such as minerals, forests, water, and ferttile land that occur in nature and can be used for economic gain. Materials from the earth that are used to support life and meet people's needs.... Essential Physical Human Needs - food, water, air, sleep, exercise and shelter. How are these basic needs met? How many people are in our group? How do they tell if something is contaminated? I have other notes for this story written down but I don't want to type it all now. Terry had her surgery today. They put in a titanium ball (don't know about the socket) and she will be in a sling for several weeks. She is staying in t he hospital over night and will be home tomorrow. David stayed at the hospital through her surgery but came home before she got a room. I talked to her a couple of times and s he seems in good spirits. I just hope that having the surgery relieved some of the pain she was in..... Cleaned my room and put my clean clothes away. Selling my birds. Not asking much for them. I just want to get rid of them. If I get money that would be great. Things are okay. Not good, not bad, justt okay. |
| Terry went to the orthopedic. She broke the ball in her shoulder in several places and completely dislodged it from the socket. She is going in the hospital on Friday to have a replacement. I didn't know she had done all that. I feel bad for calling her a whiner. I seen my worker. We went to the Habitat Store and looked at furniture. I dreamed a lot. She took me to CMH afterward and I saw my therapist. He made our next appointment for a month from now. I guess he figures he doesn't need to see me. I miss Cathy. I feel like CMH is trying to rotate me out. If they are then so be it. They'll feel bad when I end up in the hospital for an attempt on my life. I haven't been sleeping. I've gotten like maybe eight hours in the past four days. I am just not tired. I know why tonight though. Too much coffee. I had a couple of ideas for writing for contests but I didn't follow through. I really need to start writing again. I need to go through my notes and stuff and hopefully something will spark my muse to start collaborating with me again. Sometimes I feel like I have written myself out of ideas and my muse has moved on to someone else. My hair is the longest it has ever been in my life. I love it so much. I used to have kinky curly hair. When I would let it grow out it would grow OUT. I looked like one of those cartoon cats that floats out of the dryer. Then I had a friend help me relax it and she left the solution in too long. It fried my hair. For the longest time I kept getting it cut short because that is what I was used to. Then I moved up north for a few years and I couldn't find a decent hair dresser. When I came back here it was down to my collar and I decided to see what would happen if I let it go. Now it is a bit past my collar and I can put my hair in a pony tail for the first time ever. The other day I even put it in pigtails (or as me and my sister called them, puppy ears). I bought a bunch of stuff to fix up my room. I got new towels because I only had one bath towel so if it was in the laundry I was SOL. Now I have three more. I bought a five tier cloth shelf that hangs in my closet. I'm hoping to put my clothes on it. I got hooks to put on the walls to hang my pictures. I bought Terry and I ten 8x10 canvases for painting. It felt good to have items to show for my money. Tomorrow they will be delivering potting soil so we can get our houseplants in better order. When I went to clubhouse on V Day I grabbed a small spider plant in a plastic cup. I found a pot and I confiscated it. I just don't like the bottom of it so I might have to fix that or get a different one. My room is shaping up and I am starting to really like it. Okay I need to try and sleep. |
| You can tell my life has become hectic. Terry has practically become an invalid with this broken arm. So David and I have to be at her beck n call. I won't mention some of the things she has me doing because David can't/won't. I'm about ready to make a pass at her just so that she will put me back at arm's length. (She knows I am Bi and has given me fair warning already..... but like I said, it might get me out of some of the things I'm doing.) Needless to say about all I've been able to do is play games on my tablet, her tablet, and my laptop as I sit in my living room chair. Happy happy, joy joy. I can't do anything that needs my full attention because I've either got to do for Terry or take the dog out about every 15 minutes. I am going to enjoy tomorrow. I have to go out with my worker, then see my therapist. Which means at least two hours out of the house. There's just nothing to say. I have done nothing with my writing and I have not even been sleeping. I think I got four hours all weekend. I see my future and what is ahead of me. I am done moving around. My life in this room in this house is what is in store for me. I may change it slightly with my writing and such but for the most part this is it. It isn't all that bad. I have my best friend, sis, cousin, whatever you want to call her Terry. I have her son David that is already doing things to take care of me because of my illnesses. I'm sure I'm going to inherit some of the old age equipment that Terry currently has (or they will help me get my own when the time comes I am in need). It is really not such a bad life. I've been sick a bit this weekend too. My Parkinson's decided to be on steroids this weekend. I've been popping pain pills and my RLS medication like candy. I've had a constant headache because of my empathy being so strong with Terry. I am worried for her because I remember my brother's mother-in-law breaking a bone in her shoulder and she lost complete use of that arm Today my body decided to have severe gas and bloating. I don't want to whine all the time about being sick but what else can I do? It is mostly what is keeping me from writing. I have changed my saying from I am Terminally Lazy to I am Abnormally Apathetic. That sounds about right now. I'm going to have fun talking to Jacob (therapist) about it tomorrow. I'm going to try to stretch out and relax and watch a movie. (Probably Thirteen Ghosts again)..... |
| I don't really know how to write about this. I'm shaking as I type it. Terry fell over the dog chain this morning. David called an ambulance, and they took her in. David is on his way there now. David's solution: No more leashes or chains. We will have to discipline Prince if he goes in the house. We will have to go outside with him and watch him, so he doesn't run off. Oh joy. It sounds to me like when Bill Cosby says in his stand-up routine about how he announces that no one in his house should ever touch another person again. I need to take my anxiety meds....... I would like to enter into "The Starry Night" by Van Gogh. I can see myself camping there under the stars, laying back on my bedroll and just meditating on the beauty of it all. I would stay away from the castle out of respect. I will wait to be invited or to get some sign that the castle is empty. I so look forward to exploring it. There is probably as much beauty inside as there is out. I am staying in the living room watching movies today, probably for the same reason David is. Terry broke her right humourus bone and can't use her right arm. We are sticking close in case she needs anything. Right now I am watching a movie. AVATAR is almost as inspiring as The Lord of the Rings.. I just get lost in another world watching those movies. Maybe I'll watch TLotR after I get done with the two Avatar movies.... |
| I was celebrating all night. I am YELLOW!!!!!!!!!! Okay enough of that.... My Snoopy painting is finished and the other one is almost done. I've been working on the DP and it is going well. (I had one DP recently that didn't go well at all, anything that could go wrong did, and it came out looking like poop) So my extracuricular activities are going good. Today I am going to try to get some writing done. On what I don't know yet. I just hope it comes out to be more than scribbles and drivel. Maybe I'll look at a couple of the daily contests that are on here. Maybe I'll get inspired.. Write more later. it's later. Watched my favorite movie, "Thirteen Ghosts (2001)", and it gave me an idea to do another horror story about the twelve members of the black zodiac .... I thought about them being living creatures brought back from the dead and only the sacrifice of the thirteenth will send them all back to hell. I was even going to have a psychic named Dennis who explains everything (ala Sherlock) to the one who will be the thirteenth; probably some kid who wants nothing to do with any of it. That is until he meets one of the twelve (maybe the bound woman) and wants to help. Okay, it is 2:30 am and I have an appointment in the morning. |
| Got up at 7:30 am and figured I might as well get ready to go to my appointment. Got dressed and took care of a couple of necessities only to have them call me at 8:00 am to say my appointment was cancelled. I even dyed my hair last night getting ready for this. I guess I could have gone to Clubhouse or something but I didn't feel like it. Spent the first half of the day working on my two paintings and a new diamond painting (DP) but that is just really busy work. Am on here long enough now to answer a couple emails and leave a couple of snarky remarks here and there. Now I'm going to take a nap..... or finish cleaning my room if I can't sleep...... |
| Got up at 7:30 am and figured I might as well get ready to go to my appointment. Got dressed and took care of a couple of necessities only to have them call me at 8:00 am to say my appointment was cancelled. I even dyed my hair last night getting ready for this. I guess I could have gone to Clubhouse or something but I didn't feel like it. Spent the first half of the day working on my two paintings and a new diamond painting (DP) but that is just really busy work. Am on here long enough now to answer a couple emails and leave a couple of snarky remarks here and there. Now I'm going to take a nap..... or finish cleaning my room if I can't sleep...... |
| What do you write about when you can't/won't write about what is going on in your life? Right now what is going on is too stressful and complicated to talk about. Life is peachy. I have been painting for two days. The first one is Snoopy on top ofo his doghouse I am doing for my brother. it was looking poorly until Terry pointed out I was trying to use too much paint at once. (I would make a lowsy doctor, I have no patience) So I have to slow down. The second painting I started out just slopping paint on the canvas. I had a few paint tubes I needed to see if there was viable paint in them. It came out looking like someone slung mud on the canvas. I went to my room and flipped through the net until I looked up "painting for beginners" and found one showing how to paint a full moon. Okay so its not coming out as good or anything but I am using some of the techniques. ... anyway I've been painting...... ......and not doing much else. I sit around and look at my room (which is crime scene worthy chaos again) and complain to myself about the memory foam that is too big for the mattress so it is hanging three-quarters of the way off the bed. I can't do anything else about it until I clean the room. I need to put away my clean clothes that have been in my room for four days. my birds need cleaning again...... and I'm depressing myself even more because I can't get myself to do these things because I'm depressed... or actually because I'm apathetic.... I could care less..... |
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