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 |   I am finding my stride and living life in a world filled with chaos and change. |
  And here's my Simpsonized picture...  and my daughter, Baba. Isn't she cute?  Actually, I need to upload the whole family, just for the heck of it sometime. Then, I'll always have them right here with me.  This journal forced itself into being because I loathe, no, I mean, I love to write. It is a struggle to state what I am thinking inside so a daily blog is just what I need. Not because I want to, I must. My thoughts are begging to be heard before they are lost in the caverns of my mind.  |
| I am so elated over my invite to the Circle of Sisters group, which is a group of intelligent, helpful, loving, fun, warm, generous and kind women who all work together to support each other, along with various activities here on WDC. I am so HAPPY...SO VERY HAPPY that they thought that I would be a good fit for the group. This feels so special, I just hope that I can even live up to all that these women do here. Hopefully, some of their good qualities will rub off on me and help me to be a more well rounded individual. 2008 just keeps on getting better and better... Adore in the Circle of Sisters:
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| blogged everything that I was thinking or experienced in any given day, I would stay here blogging it all for hours. If I signed on here when things happen, on the day that they happened! But I don't. If I would just write what my daughter has just done, or those zany exchanges between me and my son but I let the moment pass, and they become memories that I tuck away in the hope that I will be able recall them for comfort at a later date. Or my surprise at finding out that I am going to do "better" in the grades from my statistics class than the marriage and family, which I felt that I had all sewn up. Who would have thought that the philosophy professor was not as persnickety as the marriage and family professor! Sometimes I think that he is taking himself too serious and is projecting this upon the class.  If I only were willing to disclose my thoughts on feeling overwhelmed, at times, by all that I need to do in conjunction with my role of wife and mother. I tend to think that this only serves to temporarily address my angst but I need to find some balance on all that I am attempting to do, to make up for all of those years of foolish and ignorant living. I told my son that I may still be in college when he starts in a few years, that is, if I chose to go for a Ph.d but it was a sobering thought. My husband is slated to start college in three years, and this is the real sobering idea that he would be finishing his bachelor degree along with our 18 year old son. All I could think is if I could only turn back the hands of time and do things right. |
| Two days ago, my husband and I went out for the evening and our oldest son watched our young daughter under much duress. For our son's troubles, we rented him a copy of a video game to have a bit of fun on while we were gone. Before leaving, I put our daughter to sleep, or so I thought...my daughter has a small alarm inside of her that goes off if I'm not in the house, and after I left, she woke up, but we still were out of the house and didn't get back for several hours later. When we arrived, we found our son on our bed, with our daughter, trying to put her back to sleep and we were in high spirits just wanting to drop into the bed for the night. But oh, no, our son had to give us the entire recap of his night, along with the interruptions he had while trying to play Medal of Honor online with some people he did not know. We ended up laughing hysterically at his reenactments of the voices online calling out to him for assistance. "DUDE!!", he heard one voice call out, "our squad is getting bombed! Where are yoooooooouuu!!!" to the sound of mortar and machine gun fire. I am telling you, the visual that he gave really made us laugh but our son wasn't all that happy. The rest of the players were so pissed at him that they started shooting at his character for the heck of it. All I can say is that it's going to be a bit longer before our son watches the kid again. |
One of my biggest problems is with procrastination, and then, the ensuing stress over not completing things in a timely manner. What makes it so bad is that I do really well when I get started but it's starting that is my issue.  I had two huge assignments that revolved around completing 12 different artistic events and then to write a 2 - 3 page paper about my learning outcomes from attending these events. I was given this to do back in fall '06 but I didn't finish it, along with the learning outcomes about the life of Jesus of Nazareth until Dec. 22 2007. That is sad. The worst part about it is that once I actually started on the work it wasn't all that bad. Writing the papers wasn't that tough. I really did learn new things to talk about at length in my papers. I was SOOOOO stressed and all for nothing. I must get past this, especially since I am planning on going into the Masters program in the fall of '08. So, I cannot play around once I am doing graduate work. Playtime will be over for me, but I so enjoy learning, and in learning about past philosophers, artistic events and many other things, I am learning more about myself. I guess that is a good thing...that I am learning, not what I am learning... |
| I don't want to talk too much about my classes, post, but school is going VERY well for me. I had to take a class that required me to gain an art appreciation and it could be accomplished by viewing at least six movies defined by the art department, so I watched Pride and Prejudice, Much Ado About Nothing, Citizen Kane, To Kill a Mockingbird, Ben Hur and Arsenic and Old Lace. I would have never know Then, you needed to attend the same number of art related events, so I saw Annie, the stage play; I saw The Messiah featuring the South Bend Symphony Choir, The South Bend Chamber Singers at the Church of Loretto, On a Holy Night, Art Beat 2007, and the Saga of Gold Hill Gulch. This is partly why I was absent; I had to complete all of these "events" and turn them in before the break. |
| What a sad state I have left my blog space in. The thing is that I have so many things going on, things that might be of interest to others to write about but I fail to do this which is why I will fail to write until it is required of me to do so. While I'm here, I might mention that I have recovered from my recent root canal procedures and the endodontist that I had was just EXCELLENT!!! My mouth has been in a sad state since 2003 and I can actually say that this is the first time in years that I have not drugged myself to deal with the pain. Lack of dental insurance is a travesty and tooth maintenance is greatly underated. I never want my kids to feel what I've felt for lack of insurance and a thin appreciation for dealing with tooth issues BEFORE it gets infected like mine were. But I digress. I only need one more next January but I am at peace for the holidays. Oh and the other reason why I wasn't writing here, besides my mouth, all the classes at school was the fact that my laptop crashed three months ago and I had to wait to replace the hard drive and other peripherals. Yeah, I know how to work on computers too.  It's funny how a lack of financial aptitude can bring out the other technical talents you were not aware that formerly possessed.  |
| As I sit and write this note, I think of the mounting crescendo of emotions as I saw my hospital stay drawing to a bittersweet close. I'd been hospitalized for two months in order to give her more time to gestate in the womb, and my body was now racked with the pains of birth, but that was nothing new to me. I had been in labor the entire time, and now, she was finally going to be coming to see me! If you could only see her, see how beautiful, bright and loving she is, you would know that she is so very blessed of God. Though she was born premature by seven weeks, she has not suffered any developmental issues; she seems to be more advanced and full of vigor than most, if you ask me! We have a few things planned for her today, probably go get her some breakfast, buy her some balloons (her favorite!) and cake/ice cream of course! I think we are going to plan her birthday party for the weekend, when more people can stop by and wish her a happy birthday. Well, I'd better get back to my little one...take care!  |
| So, I try to be ready for the unexpected, but I wasn't ready when my computer took a dump on me over a week ago. Fortunately for me, and the rest of the family, we have a "back-up" slower computer that me and my son now wrestle over. I'm not gone just working things out and trying to pass this philosophy class. I always thought that if I had a chance to take a philosophy class, that I would really dig the whole experience. I did and what makes this good for me is that it gives just one more thing that my husband and I can get into healthy discourse over. As Socrates said, "The unexamined life is a life not worth living" and you know, I think that more people should take the time to examine themselves. You'd be surprised, and maybe even delighted, in what you would find out about yourself. So, in closing, I miss you guys, and I hope you don't think I am being a jerk, just trying to get a few things together. Love to you and peace...~Adore |
| So, as I sat down to write in my blog after so much time, I wondered just where would I begin, and would anyone even give a darn. I have found that I have this self-demeaning quality about myself; it is supposed to help shield me from any deviations in the behavior of those I "know" or are around me. So, if I don't hear from anyone, then I can say that I wasn't expecting it anyway. And with my blog, if few people care about what I write, I have a low expectation for them to enter into my thinking or what I struggle with. I think Montaigne wrote about this way of thinking but he phrased it better than me.  I've been engrossed in my studies but I find that I really miss visiting WDC on a daily, hourly, minute by minute basis the way I used to. Sometimes, but only when I think of my visits here the way they were when I became a member back in 2004. I was so green and my eyes were wide open, just looking for friendship and understanding. I felt happy just thinking of signing on the site.The people that befriended me mostly are no longer here, and I find that the honesty is running low with many people. Back then, when people committed to a donation, they acted as if you lived in the same house with them. They were concerned with how you viewed them and would never think of bailing out without explanation. That's not the way it is now. Members will donate to an auction or to review an item, and just never show up. Oh, no, they don't leave the site; they stay here. They "see" you around and they never say a thing. It is so sad. And they continue to donate but they pick and choose who they make good on with their donations and those that they could give a second thought about. I find all of this so disconcerting and just find myself limiting my time here for awhile. Not gone, not going to leave, just limiting myself while I mull it all over.  |
  Happy Labor day!!!! Last holiday for awhile till Halloween, which will be a blast this year since our little one is learning more and more with each passing day, and our son will be sure to to try to scare his little sister. *sigh* Just keeps us on our toes all the way around. |
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