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| You may think you are where you need to be, but not me, I am ready to be set free. Ready to. Flee. Ready for us to no longer be. Ready to be me Love with lies is just a word composed of letters, I am ready to make my life .better. Even though. I will feel alone I will still stay in my zone. Please do not blow up my phone. Ready to face my fears on my own. That sorry s*** only works for so long you need to find a new lyric to your song. I should of known all along you were full of s*** the whole bit! How you love me and can't live without me, probably the same s*** you sent her just hit copy and paste you were such a waste A big mistake that I can't seem to erase, but this time my love vanished without a trace it's a closed case. Love isnt supposed to feel like you were mased. Love isnt hate, hate isn't love! That's not how love goes! Love makes you feel like a kid not make you lay here wondering what you did! Don't confuse being in love with being comfortable, life is too short, the ball is in my court, and I am doing this because I am ready to be me wait and see |
| Chasing memories from the past, the dreams don't last long enough I am Searching for a glimpse of your smile it's been awhile! My head runs in circles sometimes trying to.figure out why my parents had to die! I can't lie I am.still mad at God! For taking them to.soon, I cry some nights life a bafoon. I sometimes wonder if they still can see us? Or get to hear our voices? Do they see our accomplishments? Our failures too? Do they hear our cries and feel our pain? Hear our laughter too?Are they going just as insane? Death left this unbearable pain through out my whole body. Shocked and stuck in denial, this accepting death takes awhile! What I wouldnt do to get one more hug or one more call, or to see a new recent family picture hanging on our wall, but no matter my dreams it just can't be, God needed my parents more than me! But this was fate and its too late to get a new ending to our story but wouldn't it be great to get to go back from the beginning, from the start and replay everyday would you spend your life the same way? Don't let greed and stubbornness get in your way, live life like it's your last day!Answer the annoying phone call from your mom , go to that family reunion and enjoy their smile, and company for awhile! Do what I can't do quit taking your parents for granted, because death is forever but .so .are memories! Cherish one before your crushed by the other! |
| A year has went by since my mother has died. I still cry! I still ask why! I still have anger consuming my heart! I don't know where to start. I feel like I have been living in the dark like my life is in park. A year of reality but yet still in denial, I think this is going to take awhile. I will never accept my mothers gone, even though it's been this long I keep pinching myself to see if maybe I will wake up and this will all be a terrible dream. And life isn't as it seems. Like my life isn't as it looks, like I am just reading a sad book. But her life really got took. I really lost my mom, there's no more time to spend, reality is, this was the end. My time with my mom can never happen again. I must just rejoice in memories made all the love gave. Now I sit here at a grave, just to talk to you, what I wouldn't give to walk next to you! The day I see you again my heart won't have a beat but it will finally once again be complete! |
| I sleep and dream every night Like your still here I wake up every mourning Wishing you were near Like my dream was true We still had you Truth is we don't And won't Ever again Have the chance to Touch your hand Your in a new land now Called Heaven Everyone tells me It's a great place to be Free of cancer free of pain I hope your soul Is free of all of these What joy that would bring Just getting to know for sure You walked through those heavenly gates And saw Jesus beautiful face Brings me to peace Although as I said before I wish you were just right outside my door I have to accept the time God gave us Just a short 49 years And pray you'll be accepting me into Heaven One day and I'll touch your hand And we will once be together again In the end. |
| Cancer...the word alone creates fear! Cancer has touched everyone in some way. I hope I live to see the day they find a cure to Cancer. Unfortunately I think cancer grows in the soil with the roots of my family tree. Cancer has taken some important people away from me. Cancer tore through my life like a tornado with no warning sign. We were blind sided just when life was getting good we heard the doctor tell my dad he has cancer and it's not good! Cancer is aggressive and doesn't discriminate. It will take anyone if discovered to late. Cancer robs patients of their dignity, confidence, hair, memory, love for life and overall happiness and replaces it with fear! I watched my father slowly suffer through his cancer just to die 3 months later. Cancer takes people that quick. It makes me sick. As family we have to sit by and helplessly watch cancer run its course. What is the purpose of all this? What did we do to deserve this? Less than a month after burying my father my mother is diagnoised with stage 4 melanoma. Cancer was found on her brain what's even more insane not even three days after discovering the tumors they started to hemorrhage in her brain. Just like that Cancer had taken control had my mom in a helicopter fighting for her life. In order to save my moms life they had to get her under the knife. I didn't have time to ask any questions I was just praying the doctor knew what he was doing and I helplessly watched them wheel my mother away! The doctors removed 2 walnut sized tumors off the right side of her brain! Cancer left a hole in my moms brain and now she can't use her left leg or her left leg! Cancer put my mom in a wheelchair! Again I watch Cancer tear into another loved ones soul. Taking their confidence, self pride and control. It's ironic actually you see I am writing this as I sit at the cancer center in the waiting room while my mom gets radiation because the Cancer moved again you see it's now on her liver and breast! My poor mother just needs some rest. As I sit here writing I get nauseated because I can hear the radiation zapping my mothers poor brittle body. It's a sound you never want to hear. Especially happening to someone so dear. And you wonder why the word Cancer gives me fear? Cancer has literally knocked the wind out of me! Its consumed so much of my life it's all I see! My soul has been broken by Cancer and my heart consumed with fear. f*** you Cancer for what I've seen! |
| Even though we're driving and it should be a relaxing time I still can't help but think what it i could of saved you! I didn't even try! And even 6 months later this question still haunts me and makes me cry! I just wish I could ask God y! I would compare grief to tourtière? It hits you at the most random times. Your heart fills with emptiness and sadness and before you know it your drowning in a pool of tears! It could be a song, commercial, or just the way the wind blows your hair your suddenly filled the same grief you felt that very day you lost your loved one. I get no warning of when I'll feel my sadness is comes at the worst times and you just have to bite your lip so no one sees the tears, because then they ask what's wrong and the feelings will just flow out uncontrollably. So a lot of times I hide my tears and the pain just so I don't look insane! No one knows my level of pain and anger they just see my strength. They see how I react not how I feel no one really knows how I deal. I write how I feel because the fear of it hurting so bad when I say it out loud. For some reason when I write it seems unreal like I am writing a fiction novel, like its make believe! But I couldn't make up these feelings if I tried, having my father die killed me a little inside. My dad was the only person who understood me and my feelings the only one that could calm me down. He helped me stay open minded and helped me when I was lost! I have lost my person the one you Lean on then what do you do? You fall! But i wasn't able to fall that hard because my mom still needed me to be her rock! She needs me to lean on so I stand strong wanting to crumble all along. Thinking I could turn my life into a sad country song! |
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I am glad you chose to share your pain with us.
Still so sorry for your grief, loss and struggles.
...and for your mom's.