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2,953 Public Reviews Given
3,697 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest. I give my overall impressions, let you know what worked well for me and what didn't, and when that happens, I like to try and offer suggestions--totally up to you if you want to take any notice; it is your writing, after all. I am just glad to have the opportunity to read and review. I rarely think anything is perfect, so please do not request a review if you value ratings over review content.
I'm good at...
...being interested. I take time over reviews. My reviews are intimate, informal and honest. They aim to help, offer insight, and celebrate the graft of craft. I love commas. Punctuation is a personal passion.
Favorite Genres
Comedy, supernatural horror, sci-if, fantasy, thriller, detective, slice-of-life, history.
Least Favorite Genres
Dystopian glumness, romance, personal.
Favorite Item Types
Scripts. Fiction. Essays, especially academic
Least Favorite Item Types
Free form poetry. Other than that, little offends.
I will not review...
Unless previously agreed, novels and chapters are a no go with me. I am sorry to say that I haven't the time.
Public Reviews
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726
726
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey Gigie,

First, I have to tell you that you have supplied the first poem in the contest *Delight* This is a review to say thank you for entering. DON'T PANIC! It has no reflection on final judging.

You hit that prompt of 'family' really well. I love your Mum, she shines in everything you include her in!

I like the way that you separated the first verse from the 'story' part of your poem but maybe you could colour it differently to really highlight that stuctural choice?

You kept the aabb rhyme pattern well but sometimes lost the rhythm a little.

I could follow the story and adored the reactions that your characters experienced - beautiful, gentle writing from you again *Thumbsup*

Thank you again for taking the time to enter the contest and good luck!

Write on and take care, Acme
727
727
Review of Sisterly Chat  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey there Arakun,

Thank you so much for taking time out to enter the Comedy Contest *Smile*. Because you have taken the time to enter I feel it only right and proper to take time to review your entry. DON'T PANIC! This review will not reflect on the judging process - it' just my way of saying 'thanks'.

First of all, I was really pleased to see a fantasy/comedy entry *Delight* and this story delivered on so many levels as a cross-genre piece.

You hit the 'family' prompt cleverly by having the sisters discuss their working lives. The humour was there and you displayed some wonderful and realistic dialogue.

Favourite bits:

"Last night I sprained my ankle dancing on the head of a pin. Don't you dare laugh! It hurts like hel--well, you know."

Great character shot in a humourous quote *Bigsmile*

What I wouldn't give to hear an electric guitar or even a banjo


I liked the point about the best musicians residing in hell. It made me start thinking who might just be down there!

I could find no glaring problems with structure or spelling, only one thing bothered me slightly:

When he wrapped his car around a tree, guess who got blamed

I just couldn't work out whether this line worked better as a statement or question? That is probably more an issue of personal taste, so please feel free to ignore me.

Overall, you made me smile and nod in all the right places *Smile* Thank you again for entering. Write on, take care and good luck!

Acme
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Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey Gigie,

Firstly, I have to thank you for entering the Comedy Contest - the place wouldn't be the same without you!

Secondly, this rate and review is my thank you for entering and in no way reflects the judging that takes place at the end of the month *Smile*

This is a great little write that follows the prompt well. I went from smile, to snort, to giggle within it's course *Bigsmile*

Favourite bits:
Following a win on one machine, she moved to another, and so on, until, well, let's face it, she got lost.

A really reader friendly and informal writing style shines though this piece. It drew me into your world so wonderfully.

I barely escaped fallout from the elder-bus patrons and casino hopping retirees shaking their fists in the air and yelling for some youthful casino worker to apprehend me.

Lovely example of comedy imagery - I think I may have actually held my breath for your narrator!

Award for silliest typo ever? Not me for once!:

word count 593
This was the last


The mid-story word count was funny for it's own reasons *Laugh*. Other than that I could find no structural or spelling problems. Lovely smooth write and very reader friendly.

Thank you so much for sharing. Write on, take care and good luck! Acme
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729
729
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey Anne,

I just love the images you paint in my head *Bigsmile* I guffawed at the leak in the tub! Your comic timing is impeccable and I like the way you tie your titles into your stories because it satiates my appetite for a complete story in vignette form. Something that this tale excels in providing *Delight*

Your characters come vividly to life and I would urge you to consider writing something for the following contest:
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1298145 by Not Available.


As far as vinegar goes; we had our hair washed in it to make it shine! It's medicinal properties are varied according to source but I'm with you; the stuff just smells great (especially on that British cullinary favourite: Fish and Chips!)

The only uncomfortable moment in the story that I found was here:
The odor would linger for days, but we couldn’t have any pickles for a few days as they had to set and flavor.

My suggestion would be to rework the sentence to remove the doubled use of 'days'. Which I'm sure wouldn't be a problem for a Wordsmith like you!

No glaring spelling or structural problems that I could see.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care, Acme ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
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730
730
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hey there,

This prologue certainly makes me want to see what happens next *Smile*

Just one typo that I could see:
There was[were] only a few reasons


Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care, Acme
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731
731
Review of Westward Running  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey there,

Congratulations on your well deserved 3rd place for this one! So much conveyed in so few words is a talent *Smile*

One very odd problem that I had was with the blue ink. I know, strange reviewer syndrome*Rolleyes* Seriously, my eyes are pretty much used to black type and wobble about on multi-coloured text!

Thanks for sharing. Write on and take care, Acme
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732
732
Review of Broken Beam  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
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Hey there,

I hope you meant is when you asked for structural feedback on this piece *Worry* because here it is!

Firstly, I like the story here and you have a wide range of vocabulary which you use well*Thumbsup*

You manage to convey the emotional state of the character to the reader.

Most points that I have to make are more about structure than anythying else:
*Bullet* If you double space between paragraphs you will find it reads easier.
*Bullet* Try to stay in one tense (past or present is fine)
*Bullet* Proof read 'outloud' to find where sentences need punctuation, e.g.,
It was overwhelming, how the hollow hungry feeling in her stomach spread frenzied into her extremities, butting against the walls of her body, filling her with an shaky, liquid confusion


*Bullet* The following is made a little long by all those 'and's and commas - Maybe going back to traditional methods of starting sentences would improve the flow?:

And he thought it was cute, and told her not to be embarrassed, but everyone was looking. And she hadn’t slept all night. And the pale buds he handed her looked silly next to her red-rose face, but he took her hand and led her into the hallway, and jets of touch ran from her hand through her arms and legs, finally icing her warm red cheeks into a


Overall, a good start and one that deserves the effort you want to make on it. Let me know when you have finished because I would love to come back and visit*Smile*

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care, Acme
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733
733
Review of Rusty Shackles  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey there,

Welcome to WDC *Smile*

Thought I'd pop over to your port and congatulate you on your new found black case status! I'm looking forward to reading more as this little intoduction is well written *Thumbsup*

My only suggestion is that you consider a couple of commas to make the following flow easier on the readers eye:

who's minds, as well as appendages, are geared


But feel free to ignore as it's only a personal preference and, possibly, a British schooled thing that I've been over exposed to!

Thanks for sharing. Write on and take care, Acme
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734
734
Review of The Magic Shop  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hey there!

This was a lovely story to read *Smile* I did enjoy the detail that you gave to the main characters and Andrea was such a lovely sketch of childlike wonder.

Just one typo that I could see:
"Well, my girlfriend, Jenny, I want to ask her to marry me but I...I don't have enough money for a ring.["]


Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care, Acme
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735
735
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hey there beautiful!

Have had to be off-line due to computer glitches but I couldn't get through today without popping in your port to say 'hi' and rate and review *Smile*

I can taste those wings from England! You sure are a good cook, no matter what state you're living in.

Thanks for sharing the write (but I wish you would share the food!). Write on and take care, Acme
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736
736
Review of My Muse  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey there!

You certainly understand the flow of realistic dialogue and I hope you did well in the 500 contest with this one *Smile*

Just one point to make - when you create an item like this please don't forget to fill the genre and type details in. If someone makes a search they are more likely to do it by genre than by 'other' and you could be losing potential readers.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care, Acme
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737
737
Review of There and Then  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey Kevin!

This is a lovely write and I've added on an extra half star because I disagreed with the previous rating put on it *Thumbsup*

The last line was very apt:
I can taste, see, smell, feel, and hear everything as if it were that moment.


The only thing that I would say was that you may want to consider setting your structure out to make it easier on the eye (e.g.,double spacing between paragraphs), maybe look at a different way of incorporating the Lou Reed song lines because I don't think they worked as smoothly as they could have done. Of course both suggestions are purely personal preference *Smile*

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care, Acme
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738
738
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey there!

Firstly, DON'T PANIC!! This is just a review in return for you taking the time to post an entry. It does not reflect on judging for the contest *Smile*.

I have to say that I really admire your use of narrative description, once you get going you really do 'show' and not 'tell' *Thumbsup*

You use the prompt of 'family' well and have created a comfortable comedy pace.

First smile came here:

Besides, he’s a bear for heaven sakes, he is not going to keep the clothes clean

and there were more to come!

Favourite bit:

Mom and Dad always went down and talked, talked, talked with people while we had to stand around and be good. Nothing for kids to drink, and no doughnuts for us, oh no, it would ruin our lunch


You did have quite a few typos and it really is worth your while to proof read and hunt them down as they can distract the reader. Here are the ones that I noticed:

we were suppose[d] to believe that
made the woods safe [for] everyone
had taken the [peek] off the top of the hill
flying right up the [truck]
We found the [tire] prints


Other than that, I really enjoyed reading this tale *Smile*. Thank you for entering and good luck!

Write on and take care, Acme
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739
739
Review of Chapter 1  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey there!

So glad you requested reviews for this piece. It was a pleasure to fall into Syd's world *Smile*
You present a well written opening chapter that introduces the main characters well.

The writing is smooth and technically good. You have a wonderful flair for both narrative description and realistic dialogue *Thumbsup*

Just a few typos that I could see:
knock herself out, she'[s] still be exactly

Berluti loafers.{, t} The male answer to Minolo Blahnik

what do you mean ‘left an inch and a half from the altar[?’]”


Other than that your structure was good although, as a purely personal preference, double spacing between parargaphs and dialogue can make the text easier on the readers eye.

My favourite bit has to be the following line:
Apparently, abject betrayal tasted a lot like bile.


Funny and a great way to get inside your character's head!

I am looking forward to the next episode and can't wait to see what George has planned as a revenge *Bigsmile*

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care, Acme
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740
740
Review of The Birthday  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey there!

This is just a review of your contest entry and in no way reflects on future judging of the Acme Comedy Contest. You took the time to enter it and so I'm taking the time to review - it's only fair *Smile*

You hit the prompt running! The family we chose is just as rich a source of comedy material than the one we are carelessly given.

I find your style smooth and informal and that's a great way to draw people into your world.

Favourite Bits:

Her eyes were bloodshot and she looked like she was getting ready to kill me. It was then that I sensed something was wrong


Perfect way to raise a smile and a good piece of comedy timing *Thumbsup*

This is the first review where I have to point out a continuity error because the bottle of wine turns into a glass. Other than that there were no spelling or structural problems that I noticed.

Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest! Write on and take care, Acme
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741
741
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hey there!

As soon as Jack opened his mouth and gave me the scenario running around in his head - well, lets just say I sat back, pulled up a coffee and settled down to watch the fun fly *Smile* You didn't let me down...

I can see why that suit case is yellow; you are a smooth and comfortable wordsmith. I wanted to know all about these characters!

Favourtie bit:
danger was beginning to rear it’s ugly head. Like a shadow in an alley, it was lurking, intimidating


From smile to giggle in seconds! Right about here:
I felt the hair on my forehead, curled, brittle, destroyed. My cheeks smarted; my eyebrows crumbled at the touch of my fingers


Any other business?
Just a few typos that I noticed:

Josh, the oldest[,] at twelve, ran in

No need for the extra comma

Oh my God, Kenny! Are you all right? You're bleeding. What the hell happened?

Oh, we're just having fun. Making s'mores."

Missing quotation marks. Also Vickie goes from Kenneth to Kenny (that could be intentional and I'm not bright enough to work out why *Worry*)

Overall

Flippin' ace! I didn't know whether to cringe or laugh - and that's a good thing in comedy. It's a fine line but you handle the tightrope like Travelling Moretti. Hurrah!

Thank you so much for entering the contest. Please remember that this review is just a thank you for your efforts and in no way reflects the judging of the contest.

Write on and take care, Acme
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742
742
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey there!

This story is set at a lovely pace that matches the content beautifully. You have a good way of making the dialogue between the characters smooth and believable.*Smile*

There were a few structural problems that could be easily solved by re-editing. It would only mean tweaking what you have already done and correcting spelling and typos. Here are a few that I noticed:

"I thought I knew Myley so well.

She had always been so happy and energetic

If your character is still speaking when you renew a paragraph it helps the reader if you repeat the quotation marks at the start of that paragraph.

strangest of Jokes

There is no need for the capital 'j' in 'jokes'

'...their is someone

wrong kind of 'there'

A weak before she faced that accident

wrong kind of 'week'

Over all it is a good story that won't take long to fix *Thumbsup*. Hope my comments are helpful to you.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care, Acme
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743
743
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey there!

What a good little write *Smile* Short, sweet and hit the prompt all the way through.

You are a natural at dialogue (watch out for the 500 contest!) smooth and believable - just like your characters *Thumbsup*

The structure a is a little uncomfortable on the eye but that's a personal preference in font, font size and spacing.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care, Acme
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744
744
Review of Santa is a Thief  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey there RufusT!

Don't panic! This is just a review of your Acme Contest Entry the judging will take place at the end of the month. *Smile*

As usual you are a joy to read. Smooth and comfortable writing designed to draw the reader in. No spelling, construction or punctuation errors that glared at me *Thumbsup*

You got my comedy smile reaction in a number of places, my favourite being:

*quote*The recruiting of my sister was quite simple. I informed her that if Santa didn't steal her toys... I would.{/quote}

You used the prompt well and created an funny story *Bigsmile*. Thank you for entering the contest and good luck!

Write on and take care, Acme
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745
745
Review of Dollar Bill  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Whoa David!

You can't just leave me hanging like that *Shock* What a creepy little opener. I keep looking behind me.

Again, you shine when it comes to smoothly constructed conversations. All dialogue is realistic and believable.

You also deliver good characters, especially in the shape of your narrator - I particularly liked this little insight: 'Unfortunately we also know that Fridays are three times longer than any other day of the week' *Thumbsup*

Just a couple of things to do with structure:
Anyway, today I ordered a Vente Frappachino, Mocha Lite, truly delicious.
“That’ll be four dollars and seventy-five cents Ray,” the girl behind the counter smiled presenting me with my receipt.

and,
“Here you go, exact change,” I said, knowing that I had just embarrassed myself.
“Thank you Ray, have a nice day.” She had a very confused look on her face.


It would be easier on the reader's eye to double the spacing in these two parts as these are the only times you use singular spacing.

Other than that I WANT MORE! Write on (please) and take care, Acme
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746
746
Review of Charley's Story  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey there!

What a good idea for a story *Thumbsup* Here's what I thought of it:

Mack and Officer Collins dialogue is smooth and believable. You have a natural talent there *Smile*
And you prove it again when you mirror the message of your story through the death of Mack's dog. This is really good writing:
“Some teenagers roughed Dog up real good, they hit him with sticks, kicked him, poured beer on him and kicked him some more, I don’t think he’s gonna make it Charley,” Mack sobbed, “Dog is family . . . what am I gonna do?"

Charley sat down next to Mack, he reached out for Dog’s throat. “No pulse, I’m so sorry Mack,” the words caught in Charley’s throat, “looks like dog has got him a new home, I’m sorry Mack, real sorry.”


There are a few editorial points that could use a tidy up so as not to distract the reader from your story:

Charley was stunned, “Hi Mom, Hi Dad, I thought you had . . . uh . . .”
“What?” His dad asked, “passed on, gone home . . . died?”


This is one of the places where you went from double spacing between dialogue to single. It's little things like this can give your story a sense of lost structure and don't take much time to fix.

There were also several places where you changed the primary character's name from 'Charley' to 'Charlie'

You may need to look at the structure of your sentences and see if you can make them a little smoother to read, eg.,

Charlie, and two other homeless adults, Emma, Mack and Mack’s dog, simply named Dog shared some space at the back end of the park behind a tall hedge in a ten foot by one hundred-twenty foot space up against a red-brick building.


The Waffle house conversation between Miguel and Charley contains a lot of exclaimation marks which results in quite a shouted conversation to the reader.

This may seem like I'm picking up on everything but it is only meant to help because I really did enjoy the tale of Charley and his homeless friends. You were very successful in creating interesting and realistic characters. *Smile*

Thank you so much for sharing. I look forward to reading more of your work. Write on and take care, Acme
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747
747
Review of Brenda Sue  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hey there!

This write was such a good read. You have a natural talent in story telling and the power of your words drew me into the tragic events surrounding your family at this time.

My favourite part in the narrative was the following:
We then drove from Nashville to Michigan in my small Ford Fairmont. The stony silence made the trip seem like an eternity. My mother stared blankly at the highway; I noticed she looked much older than I remembered. Karen sat in the back seat weeping occasionally, but otherwise she was quiet. John, who was only six years old, colored in his new coloring book, unaware of the grave condition his sister was in. We all hoped she would still be alive when we got there


Such a snapshot of everyones reaction to the events during the migration to be by your sisters side. A lovely example of 'showing' not 'telling'

I only noticed a couple of typos:
As children we were [']partners in crime,

occasionally talking each other into doing things we both knew was [were] wrong


It can be tricky to write such personal pieces and lead the reader into your world whilst remaining objective enough to set tone, pace and structure. You've done a good job of servicing the story *Thumbsup*

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care, Acme
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748
748
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
It's a brave soul who takes the step to let others read and comment on his work - well done *Smile*
I hope this review is helpful to you - it's meant to be. Dig in:

he thought down heartily. [heartedly?]

He yanked open his locker, pulled out his math book and tossed his science book into his locker
[you may not need to mention the locker twice]

as he slunk off to class.[slunked]

quote}He vacated the room quickly and silently, with a slight glimmer of hope that he had gone unnoticed leaving the room too slowly
[agin - like the over mentioned locker. Can someone leave quickly and slowly?]

taking to much [wrong 'to' - 'too']

The skirt showed her more of her body than the other cheerleader's skirts had.


Ok, so this is the point that I've stopped doing your editing for you! I've decided just to read from here on in but you should know that failing to proof read and leaving these kind of mistakes does spoil the readers enjoyment. A reader likes to have all the hard work done for them and reviewing a piece where the author hasn't... well, don't shoot the messenger, ok? *Shock*

*Thumbsup*
"Shut up and calm down for a minute. I want the school to finish evacuating so we are not caught in here. I will explain every thing in a moment," he said calmly. He put his ear back up against the door, but could not hear anything except the wailing of the fire alarms. "Okay now we can talk."
[great dialogue - really sets the pace]

You seem to have a real grasp of dialogue - it's a good strenght to expand on but there are far too many 'Like...'s to make it realistic.

All in all this is a great start to a story and that's why I took time out to rate and review.

Write on and take care, Acme
749
749
Review of The House  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
So much emotion tied up in something we can all relate to. Absolutely charming. I can tell that I'm going to walk away and gently think of all the homes I've been connected to. Any story that can make a reader smile an hour later, for no reason, is just great!

Thanks for sharing, Acme
750
750
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
You little liar, you! This is great stuff. Knew it would be. I'm not that familiar with the whole 'chick lit' thing but I really enjoyed the easy pace and wanted to get to know the characters more. Your dialogue is really smooth and believable and (keeping in mind that I've never won a spelling bee) the only errors in your work in progress seem to be upper & lower case on nouns (Corvette) and a doorman who exclaims alot! Hope it's helpful, 'cos it's meant to be. Meanwhile, get writing - I need to know if Mark ditches the witch! Take care, Acme
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