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2,953 Public Reviews Given
3,697 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest. I give my overall impressions, let you know what worked well for me and what didn't, and when that happens, I like to try and offer suggestions--totally up to you if you want to take any notice; it is your writing, after all. I am just glad to have the opportunity to read and review. I rarely think anything is perfect, so please do not request a review if you value ratings over review content.
I'm good at...
...being interested. I take time over reviews. My reviews are intimate, informal and honest. They aim to help, offer insight, and celebrate the graft of craft. I love commas. Punctuation is a personal passion.
Favorite Genres
Comedy, supernatural horror, sci-if, fantasy, thriller, detective, slice-of-life, history.
Least Favorite Genres
Dystopian glumness, romance, personal.
Favorite Item Types
Scripts. Fiction. Essays, especially academic
Least Favorite Item Types
Free form poetry. Other than that, little offends.
I will not review...
Unless previously agreed, novels and chapters are a no go with me. I am sorry to say that I haven't the time.
Public Reviews
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101
101
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
I thought this vignette a smashing take on the 'sometimes they come back' prompt, Nicki *Smile* You managed to cram a lot into a such a short piece, not least of all some stunning description, action, tension, and wonderful scene-setting foreshadowing (the scent of that sofa lingered in my imagination's nostrils).

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
I didn't giggle at all; I was, quite rightly, a bit scared. Who wouldn't be? Look at the narrator's impotent terror in action:
Tiny, claw-like hands gripped my fingertips and climbed up my hands. I screamed out, but no sound issued from my mouth. I couldn’t see the creatures, but I pictured them. I imagined stout, miniature, gray-skinned people, with squat faces like carved apples left out to dry. They pulled their little knees up from my arms and onto my torso. I felt their coarse skin and the weight of their small bodies. They snickered and wheezed as they pressed down on me, trapping me in place. I struggled harder. I wanted to get up and run away, but I was powerless against them. I concentrated on my right arm. "Lift, damn it!" I shouted in silence. If I could get my arm up, I could throw the creatures off me.

One of the things which made me relax into your read, was the narrator's conversational tone with me as the reader. You managed to make the first part of the item like a confessional between friends. It made me care about what the 'I' in this story was going through.

Chillers?
None. Spook on! *Jackolantern*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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102
102
Review of The Inside Story  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Jyo, I've looked forward to all of your entries during the past week, and have been rewarded by some wonderful journeys through your poetic imagination. This poem did not disappoint me: wonderful writing!

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
This is a fantastic concept... in fact, it reminded me of Fantastic Voyage, that classic film where scientists are shrunk and injected into a patient's body. Why? Because your chase scene took me right into a bacterial war! *Delight*

Chillers?
Well! Fate conspired against you in trying to get this in, and you did a smashing job of doing so, given the circumstances. Once you do get a chance to edit, all I have to suggest is that you don't use italicised text throughout: italics, bold, underline, etc., should be the exception and not the rule when it comes to the visual delivery of writing. Similarly, you may just want to cast your eye over some of the punctuation when you get a moment to catch your breath!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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103
103
Review of Trick or Treat  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Question: How ace is this?
Answer: VERY ACE!

This IS Hallowe'en. I love the new WritingML, and think this poem is visually appealing, as well as capturing the spirit of the season so well.

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
Oh, I just plain grinned all the way through. *Bigsmile*

Chillers?
None. Spook-tacular poem! *Witch-hat*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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104
104
Review of Just Like You  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


As a side note before I begin the review, you mentioned the fear that I might not be throwing a party for the great event... all I can say is 'yes' I will be throwing the motha of all Hallowe'en bashes, and you, my dearest Spook-tator, will be in your element *Wink*

What the spook are you writtering on about?
I thought this poem was a fabulous break from quatrain structure (not that I get bored of it, but this was fresh and exciting). I think the five line stanzas really added to the sense of confusion, especially as your tight syllabic scheme didn't follow any fixed metre.

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
I do like it when you experiment with form, and as for the content? Oh, Jyo! What a deep, dark, secret this is... If this is the worst you have to worry about, life is not all bad, is it? *Bigsmile*

Chillers?
None. I adored this. Spook on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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105
105
Review of Beastly Banquet  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
I've got to admit a bit of a guilty pleasure, Jyo: you're the one who prompted this prompt *Blush* Your wonderful Ravi adventures invariably have some sort of tantalising food description in them. I just knew this kind of prompt would 'serve' you well. How delightful to find that you can deliver the not-so-nice flavours along with sweet... kinda reminds me of your review caveat!

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
What can I say to this?
Cocktails at two says the clawed-out invite -
Fresh slime soda or Mocktail Mermaid Lips,
Crisp butt-hollow wings and squeezy nose-drips,
Crunching and slurping, there’s no end in sight.

*Sick* *Delight*

Chillers?
None. Spook on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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106
106
Review of I Can Do Better!  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Considering that you had to do a lot of coaxing and cajoling, I think you've done a smashing job of the monster prompt today *Smile*

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
Cracking comedy, Jyo *Thumbsup* Anyone who's ever been to a spa will recognise this kind of monster, and I particularly enjoyed the narrator's blase attitude toward the loss of a gooey hubby!

Chillers?
You could be missing out on potential readers by not making the most of the three available genre fields. I don't think you need to explain the word noxious in syllabic terms; it speaks for itself and is a fairly common descriptive word that your readers will understand *Smile*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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107
107
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Oh, you warned me you had a crooked mind... ace! Oh, you sure know how to build up to a punchline *Laugh*

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
I loved this, Jyo. You used great language to paint a salty picture of days of yore, and then BAM! in came the comedy imagery in the final reveal. Wonderful *Bigsmile*

Chillers?
None. Spook on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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108
108
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
I love that you accessorise so well--your poem matches your handle *Bigsmile*

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
Yes. You coaxed out a real life chortle with your poem's punchline... aah, the problems of romance for the undead... *Laugh*

Chillers?
Your humour's great, your imagery's top notch, and your narrative inspired, however, I did get thrown off your rhythm in a few places. I still think you did a smashing job in such a short amount of time *Delight*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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109
109
Review of Grounded  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Ooh, fab limerick, Nicki! I often wondered if there was a Sky-way Code for broom travel... now I know *Delight*

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
Kudos for a smashing opening line end rhyme:
There once was a witch from Poughkeepsie


Chillers?
Not for the poem, but I do advise you to reconsider your content rating; hints toward the witch's 'tired and emotional' state mean that this should be 13+ *hic*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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110
110
Review of In the Night  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Congratulations on taking part in the first day of the Poetry Challenge! Your prompt for today was to write a Vampire poem without mentioning the 'b' word *Delight*

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
No giggles here--and a good job, too, because this poem is potent mood setting stuff! I liked the way you echoed the tone of fear in nature with some smashing anthropomorphic personification:
Nervous clouds scud across the sky
The language used throughout is adds to the spooky tone.

Chillers?
Just one. Try as I might, I couldn't make this 7 syllable line stretch to eight:
Two curved fangs, white neck espy,


*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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111
111
Review of Dark Music  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Congratulations on taking part in the first day of the Poetry Challenge! Your prompt for today was to write a Vampire poem without mentioning the 'b' word *Delight*

One of the things I love about opening one of your poems, is that I never know what I'll find. Today, I find a 'Trijan Refrain', and it's a form I've not come across before. Because of that, I thank you heartily for the poet's note explaining the form's requirements. And, according to them, you've done an excellent job of showing off the form here! I think you chose particularly strong refrains.

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
Ooh, there's not much to giggle at here in this tale of star-crossed lovers, but that's good: I didn't want to giggle; you set a thoughtful tone of regret from the start and I followed it gladly *Thumbsup*

Chillers?
No suggestions. Spook on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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112
112
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Congratulations on taking part in the first day of the Poetry Challenge! Your prompt for today was to write a Vampire poem without mentioning the 'b' word *Delight*

You tickled my funny tooth with your title! This is wonderfully silly, and very visual; you are the queen of imagery *Thumbsup* I loved the narrative behind this poem, and chortled at the close of the first stanza.

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
You captured comedy/horror well, Nicki. The comedy is most evident, but I mentally wrinkled my nose at the horror your protagonist found in thinking of carnivorous treats. Great work, sure, but by far my favourite aspect of this poem is the vocabulary you've used. I loved the assonance in this stanza:
From sundown to dawn, I dig around
in gardens and grocery trash
Collecting delectable, edible bits
to add to my sarcophagus cache


Chillers?
Not a one. Spook on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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113
113
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Boo! to you, my fellow Spook-tator *Delight* Ooh, this poem is designed to spook up: loved the addition of a creepy graveyard illustration; it got me into the spirit of the season.

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
aarrgghh! Phantom horsemen clop through this poem and into my imagination. I couldn't help but think of the Legend of Sleepy Hollow, and you captured the tone, mood and voice of that classic well with good vocabulary choices and just the right hint of dread foreboding. Ace *Thumbsup*

Chillers?
None that I could see *Smile* Spook on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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114
114
Review of Who's There?  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Thanks heaps for entering a poem in the 'One Shots' contest *Delight* Please remember that you are still eligible to enter both the Short Story and Movie Review categories.

aaaaarrrrrgggghhhh Monster-in-law! *Shock* Excellent use of the horror/comedy prompt *Thumbsup* Many will be able to relate to your protagonist in this narrative poem.

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
I did an out and out chortle. Wanna know where? It was a mid-way punchline. Your opening stanza and following couplets built pace, tension, and horror, with appropriate vocabulary choices, and then...BAM!... you brought out the toilet humour; proof, if any were ever needed, of your Britishness. Loved it.

Chillers?
Oh, the couplets worked so well. Maybe it's just me, but I thought you could have used them throughout? Poet's preference, of course, but the buck in the natural rhythm caught me there, and in the natural rhythm of one couplet which didn't fit the pattern of the ones around it:
that my life hasn’t gone terribly.
Not only that, she reeks of pee.


What can I say? I'm splitting hairs. On the whole, this was wonderfully entertaining. Thanks for entering *Bigsmile*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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115
115
Review of From Beyond  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Hurrah! A poetry entry earns you a limited offer of 250gps *Delight* Don't forget you can still enter a One Shot in the Movie Review and Short Story categories *Thumbsup*

AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH! Cleaning woes *shudder* I knew it! I knew there was something other-worldly about dust bunnies, and now this poem has given me the proof...

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
Oh, the fabulous freedom of free verse; it works so well for this poem. I applaud any poet who can make a vocabulary choice like 'Interdimensional' look so darn natural. I thought you got the mix of horror/comedy perfect in this poem *Bigsmile*

Chillers?
Not a one. Loved it; although, I may have nightmares *Worry*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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116
116
Review of The Ouija  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Thank you for entering the poetry category in the Scream Hallowe'en One Shots *Smile* Ooh, I love a bit of poetry with a satirical edge, and this hallowe'en romp is, sadly, a story of our time. You manage to make some good points and convey your opinions all dressed up in horror allusion galore. Ace.

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
The nightmare isn't Freddie Krueger;
its been renamed 'Freddie Mac.'
When Jason wields his knife
it now ends up in our back.

This was my favourite stanza and did a great job of summing up your whole theme using popular horror movie imagery. My only concern is your current content rating of E (knives in backs deserve a higher rating, no matter how metaphorical they are *Wink*).

Chillers?
The natural rhythm seemed to be stronger in the final stanzas than it did in the earlier ones. I think this is because of the varying syllabic content to the lines.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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117
117
Review of From Beyond  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Hey there, Jam *Delight* Thanks for taking the time to enter the Poetry Category over at the Scream Hallowe'en. You still have plenty of time to create entries for both the Short Story and Review categories, if you like *Thumbsup*

Ooh! This is ace *Bigsmile* I love to read poetry out loud, and this one was a pleasure. Simple traditional quatrain structure works wonderfully with the strong rhythm and rhyme throughout. Smashing stuff.

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
One of the best things about this poem is the fact that it is suitable for a child to enjoy. It's no bad thing to learn, and while the rest of the language is easy to understand, when I tested your poem out on my own 6 year-old child, 'morphed' was the only word I had to explain. She's now getting a little too giddy about Hallowe'en... I guess she takes after her parent *Blush*

Chillers?
I don't have any suggestions to improve the poem, but you may want to consider changing one of your genre fields to incorporate 'childrens'-- you're bound to get a readership as we get closer to the spooky season.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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118
118
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Spook-tator Sports Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

BOO!


What the spook are you writtering on about?
Yay! This is the first entry of this year's Comedy Scream Hallowe'en, and as such, you receive a bonus 1313 gps for your WDC piggy bank. It doesn't stop there, though! This review category entry will also receive 1,000gps as a limited offer, so you're a winner already *Delight*

So, what did you review? An all time classic? Yes, you sure did. This is, without a shadow of a doubt, a classic camp comedy spoof. It's been years since I've seen it, and you reminded me of how wonderfully dated it must be now, when you mention the Communists being the driving force in displacing Vlad from the old country. Loved the inclusion of a movie poster image *Thumbsup*

Did I giggle with hint of mmmmmwwwwwaaaahaaaahaaa?
I love your voice! Most of my favourite reviews are the ones that manage to carry the author's tone in an informal, friendly manner. You have a talent for making me feel as if your opinion is shared direct with me. This entry in the One Shots Review category has certainly set the bar for others to follow.

Chillers?
New York hangovers and a bit of bite innuendo mean this item needs a 13+ content rating, but that and one easy fix typo (...because of it's campy nature... no apostrophe needed in possessive use of its) are the only suggestion I have to an otherwise funny, informative, and thoroughly entertaining review... makes me want to get it out on rental *Bigsmile*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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119
119
Review of The Crossing  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Hi Jaye *Smile* I am reviewing this short story as a judge for the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest.

Wow! You took me right into the heart of Regina's story, Jaye. I thought you did a good job of marrying quite a lot of backstory to the actual physical description of Regina's dangerous journey. You may not have painted an image of the girl well, but that's hard to do in a flash piece like this. Instead you added meat to her circumstances, plight, and dangerous flight to another life. I also enjoyed the way that you did not say where she was fleeing from and going to: that makes this a story about people not time/politics/geography. Nicely done *Thumbsup*

I'm always a little hesitant in offering a hyphen master a suggestion, so please forgive me if what follows is due to differences in American and UK English:
She relived the family conference of two nights earlier
re-lived (Oxford) two night's (possessive apostrophe for a singular night that belongs to the conference)

In spite of the misting spray and the wind slapping her face and whipping her hair, the jouncing of the boat and the rocking of the waves made her eyelids begin to droop.
Noticing a lot of 'ands' in a sentence can be an indication of where you edit sentences structure. For example:
The jouncing of the boat sent up billows of misting spray. In spite of the wind slapping her face and whipping her hair, the rocking of the waves made her eyelids begin to droop.
120
120
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Jyo *Smile* I am reviewing this story as one of the judges for Rising Stars Shining Brighter.

Oh, my dear friend, your storytelling skills always paint such vibrant pictures in my mind's eye. I love an excuse to make time to visit your fine portfolio, and I'm so glad that you entered this entertaining, and thought-provoking, entry into the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest.

This is a beautiful story/prayer, and offers a keen insight into the age old questions that can arise when individual spirituality and core beliefs are pitted against the sometime constraints of organised religious rites and observances.

A most enjoyable read, but you may want to proofread punctuation in any future editing that you plan to do.

The shocked accents were those of one my next door neighbours, a trendy student most days, she suddenly transformed
possessive apostrophe needed in neighbour's. New sentence at 'A trendy student...' as this is a subordinate clause attached to the following independent clause ', she suddenly...' There are a couple of other places which you might want to proofread for period use in place of commas. For example, a period is needed after 'Sunday' here:
Sheila, it is also Sunday, you do realise that hospitals work round the clock, you've seen me do holiday duty before.


"Oh, it is you Doctorni", she
The comma goes before the quotation mark, inside the speech.
121
121
Review of Sunset Dreams  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Ken *Smile* I am reviewing this poem as a judge in the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest.

Oh, this took me into the moment so well. You have captured that moment in imagery that engaged my senses on many levels, not least scent. I particularly enjoyed this stanza:
Softly, a breeze intones a sweet berceuse.
Its whispering voice, designed to seduce,
hums of promised tomorrows and carries away
the perfume that has been gathered today.


You do a great job of using traditional quatrain poetry with a-a-b-b rhyme scheme. The beautiful natural rhythm compliments your melodic word choices. Faboo.

One easy fix typo won't impact on my rating:
replaced by a star filled blanket of night
hyphen needed to join star-filled
122
122
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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Hi Connieann *Smile* I am reviewing this short story for the Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest.

Unfortunately, as it was created in April it does not qualify under the contest rules and will be disqualified. I would still like to offer you a review, though.

This short was full of action and drama. I enjoyed the way you built up the tension by isolating your protagonist, and in the dark, too! All of that added to the rising tension that you wove into this story.

You may want to focus on cutting superfluous words in future editing--doing so will make your sentences crisp and to the point. For example:
I had worked at Carter Chemicals almost three years now as their receptionist.

It just didn’t pay to take a vacation with the way the work piled up while I was gone, but I was glad I had decided to come in today even if it was Friday.
It didn’t pay to take a vacation; the work piled up while I was gone. I was glad I had decided to come in today, even if it was Friday.
123
123
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hi Oldwarrior *Smile* I am reviewing this item as an entry in Rising Stars Shining Brighter contest.

The recent death of Ted Kennedy has had an impact on a great many people. I had the pleasure of seeing an interview with family members on CNN last week, and his love of the sea was most apparent in their moving tributes.

This poem does capture that well, and is a fitting testament to his life, but you should consider working on your punctuation as much of it is incorrect. When you do have something like this which is worth sharing, it pays to take time out to make it legible and literate, so that you can convey your feelings easily to others. If you are incorporating punctuation in a poem, you should apply the expected use of commas. For instance, a comma should not be used to replace an apostrophe (both serve different purposes), and a comma cannot join two independent clauses without a conjunction. A quick edit specifically for punctuation should clear up these clarity issues and enhance the meaning of your poem. Any work is worth the effort, because this is a lovely tribute to a great, and much missed, man *Smile*
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124
Review of To Dwell  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


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What are my overall impressions?
I chose to make this my final poem because I noted it had no ratings. That could be because you have selected 'other' as the genre field. You may find that using all three of the genre fields will draw in potential readers who use the site's search engine to find material.

The first person address to 'you' on such a personal issue (the reader is addressed as the absent lover) made me take a step back emotionally from this poem. It was as if I were reading someone else's mail. Silly, I know, but once I re-read it some of that guilty impact was lessened and I enjoyed it as the narrator's lament to a long-gone love.

There's something wonderfully romantic about tragic love. It's as if the communicator can finally express themselves to someone who will listen; it adds to the sad tone that the reader is often not the person who should be listening.

What are my favourite parts?
Simple, traditional, rhyming quatrain allowed me to be carried along with the natural rhythm of your lines, meaning that there was no real need for a rigid meter or syllabic scheme. It meant that you controlled my reading pace, and you did a good job of it. Each stanza carried it own exploration to the subject matter, allowing a little pause before moving onto the next stanza/next train of thought.

What are my suggestions?
Do try to advertise your work to potential readers, and make the most of the genre fields and keyword fields that the static items provide *Smile*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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Review of Mazed  Open in new Window.
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.

What are my overall impressions?
I normally steer clear of untitled poetry. I don't really know why, as there are lots of examples of it throughout the craft and throughout time, too. I think it may be because a title is a great way to capture a reader's eye, and I worry that if the writer can't be imaginative with a title, what will the content be like? Just me, I'm sure, but it was the brief description that hooked my attention and gave me a bit of a clue as to what to expect from the poem. I'm glad it did, because I think the poem is wonderful.

It's simplicity only goes to underline the complexity of meaning. Wow. There's such power behind your words; I felt a strong emotional connection to the narrator and the intimacy that went toward an informal relationship between them and me as a reader--like a confidence shared, or being given access to a secret diary of sorts.

What are my favourite parts?
Alliteration works best when used subtly. There's nothing subtle about its use in this 'M' peppered poem, but it never felt overpowering. In fact, I enjoyed it all the more because you managed to choose such musical language. There really is a strong melody to your words that comes alive when this poem is read aloud. And what language! Sure, it's simple, but as I said in my overall thoughts, it's doubly effective in this case. Your opening line, in particular, is very strong.

I liked the structure too. Again, this is simple: two quatrains separated by a rhyming couplet. There is a good strong natural rhythm here, but I think you could play to its advantage a little stronger in the first stanza (see below)

What are my suggestions?
One thing that I have noted in all your poems so far, is the fact that you only use one of the three genre fields available to you. You may want to consider using all three, because you could be missing out on prospective readers who use the site's search engine to find items of interest to them.

As you're not writing to any specific syllabic scheme, you might want to let the natural rhythm be reflected in the rhymes at the end of your lines. They all rhyme except for the third and fourth line of the first stanza, and, because there is a natural aural rhyme that you could use, I suggest that you consider the following change:
Too many ways in a
Misshapen Maze.
Too many ways
in a misshapen maze.


*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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