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2,953 Public Reviews Given
3,697 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest. I give my overall impressions, let you know what worked well for me and what didn't, and when that happens, I like to try and offer suggestions--totally up to you if you want to take any notice; it is your writing, after all. I am just glad to have the opportunity to read and review. I rarely think anything is perfect, so please do not request a review if you value ratings over review content.
I'm good at...
...being interested. I take time over reviews. My reviews are intimate, informal and honest. They aim to help, offer insight, and celebrate the graft of craft. I love commas. Punctuation is a personal passion.
Favorite Genres
Comedy, supernatural horror, sci-if, fantasy, thriller, detective, slice-of-life, history.
Least Favorite Genres
Dystopian glumness, romance, personal.
Favorite Item Types
Scripts. Fiction. Essays, especially academic
Least Favorite Item Types
Free form poetry. Other than that, little offends.
I will not review...
Unless previously agreed, novels and chapters are a no go with me. I am sorry to say that I haven't the time.
Public Reviews
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Review of Candy-Coated Eve  
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* Acme's Bazaar Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


Overall impressions and suggestions
Dear Ken, I had to stop by this poem, as I was eager to see what kind of form you would create in this fun task from the Talent Pond. I was so pleased to see that you and I had gone the same way on one particular instances: the senses. We poets rely on them so much to draw our readers/listeners into our creations on an emotional level. Your 'Sensual Brook' form is a smashing one, and one that I will probably play around with myself; I do like forms that use the lines in a repetitive pattern elsewhere in the poem. The simple 8 syllable demand on the lines, and the abba end line rhyme (except for the last verse's monorhyme construction), makes this a form that others will find easy to replicate.

While all senses were addressed, I did think that one sense (touch) was not as widely represented as the others, and only found two brief allusions to it:
It is a shell to which I cleave.
into the cold embrace of Eve.
I think that if you were to widen your vocabulary from the overly familiar use of the phrase 'cold embrace' to something a bit more image-laden like, 'chilled silk grip', or similar, you might better engage your reader's imagination via that sense perception.

Aside from that one small point, this poem is a real pleasure to read. Each stanza adds to the narrator's wary tale through good attention to tone and imagery and paints a vivid landscape for the senses. The final stanza is, without a doubt, my favourite, because here your refrains solidify the whole content and meaning behind the poem, resulting in a powerful and smooth finish.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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177
Review by Acme
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* Acme's Bazaar Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*



Overall impressions and suggestions
Oh, you know I like comedy, and dark humour is a personal favourite, so I had to start my first day's review here *Smile*

I've heard it said that cynicism is the vocal chord of freedom, and this poem caught my attention immediately with that smashing first line! It was strong in tone and your vocabulary gave it such an informal, conversational ring, that I instantly felt connected to the narrator's voice. Ken, as usual, you prove that many a thoughtful point can be sharper when made behind a joke. This poem is painfully observant, but at the same time, your punchline is delivered deftly--like a roundhouse kick to cupid *Laugh*

The form is simple rhyming (a-b-a-b) traditional quatrain, with good attention paid to a strong natural rhythm suited to comic delivery (any reader, poetic or not, will be able to follow it the way you intended).

I'm not as clued up as I should be on American grammatical style preference, so there may be some subtle nuances that you'll need to check for yourself. I'll advise you to the rules I was brought up with, here in good old Blighty, and if they differ from your own, please ignore them!
"Forever" and "always," "pure love from the heart,"
These aren't direct quotes from source, but are phrases that are emphasised in inverted commas. As such, they don't carry the sentence's punctuation, only their own, so the commas go outside the quotation marks in the sentence that they belong to: "Forever" and "always", "pure love from the heart",

Yes, love delivers all the things(,) we've heard,
binding two people much closer, no doubt.
But when it ends – as has often occurred (-)
both feel the pain of stitches ripped out!

It doesn't take long for life to teach(,)
and, like Pavlov's dogs, we start to avoid


*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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178
Review of Sweet as Candy  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This review is part of
 WDC Power Raid And Chat Forum  (E)
Join our group to help. :-)
#1388251 by Maryann


Hey friend *Bigsmile* I thoroughly enjoyed this Rondelet poem because it was so nostalgic and intimate. Childhood never lasts, so it's great to read a poem where an adult (the narrator's voice) encourages a child to embrace it while they can. The form's required refrain was splendid, but my favourite part was the refrain you introduced to the start of lines two and six: Baby girl...

My only tiny, teeny-weeny, suggestion is one of personal taste, and as such, please feel free to ignore it. There is a period to the end of line six that I think you should remove. Doing so will make the sentence wrap around and change the delivery (in my mental ear), making it a lot smoother and complete. It would then read like this:
Baby girl, in my heart you'll stay sweet as candy.

Like I said, that's just me, and I wouldn't dream of giving this less than a perfect rating because of one pesky period!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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179
Review of Translation  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This review is part of
 WDC Power Raid And Chat Forum  (E)
Join our group to help. :-)
#1388251 by Maryann


Dear Ken, I was so surprised to read in the Rhythm & Rhyme forum that you had such a hard time with the Tyburn's form constraints, because this wonderful, thoughtful, poem is so smooth to read! I guess this must be your poetic version of the swan: all beauty, grace and ease on the surface, while paddling like billio under the water *Laugh* Seriously, I'm not offering false praise; I really like the direction you took this poem. The way you use imagery and description is almost technical--just like the lumps of wood and steel that make a carousel. The form is light, your word choice heavy, and that stark contrast fits perfectly with the content of your poem. The combination of divinity/dreams and the practical designs of man to realise them. You sum all that up in the final two lines so well (word choice like design, combine, and resulting). Lovely *Thumbsup*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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Review of Dreams Come True  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

A love poem is a great way to end my time visiting your portfolio. This is lovely, and I'm sure the person it was written for will be most appreciative of the sentiment expressed *Smile*

These are the things I'd like to do.

To have a
You can introduce a list like this with a colon.

the fireplace,forever it seems
a space is needed after the comma.

As we tire of talking,we'd snuggle up close,

These are the times, I'd cherish the most.
There is no need for the commas inside these lines.

The rhyme scheme is off because your poem 'bloats' as it progresses. If you look at the first stanza and then at one of the middle ones, and compare the length of the lines and their syllabic content, you will see that they are considerably different.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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181
Review of Life is a prison  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

Strong emotion oozes out of this poem in the shape of frustration in its many forms. Many readers will be able to relate to the prison you describe here; it's hard to be the person you want to be, when other people/society seem to dictate your path. I liked the simple rhyming quatrain structure you used here, and the rhythm was well done throughout, except for one stanza:
Strong is good, weak is bad.
Be it false, be it true.
Your mind makes the choice,
And enforces it too.

This bucked the trend of the others and was a little distracting. Other than that, I think you've managed to capture the idea of life as a prison well in this poem *Smile*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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182
Review of A letter  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  
Rated: 13+ | N/A (Review only item.)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is one of three reviews on behalf of "Invalid Item" , from

I thought that I would start with this poem because you have included an author's note stating that you are actively seeking reviews.

There is a lot of emotion poured into this poem, and that equals a lot of emotion pouring from the page. I felt the narrator's desperate hope, and the pain that memories of a lost love came out of the sentiments you expressed. By directing the content of the poem to 'you', you allowed the reader intimate access to the narrator's thoughts and feelings.

The flow of words leans toward a natural rhythm to complement your rhyme, but doesn't quite come off. This might be because each line's syllable count differs widely. Perhaps, you could look at following the 8-7-8-7 start that the first lines produce in the rest of the poem.

Praying to god with every word
God has a capital letter, unless referring to many gods or the god of something.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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183
Review of County Fair  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Star*AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Hey! I did the 'corn' rhyme, too *Bigsmile* (erm, different rhyme choices). I had a real blast with this form and took it to a dark place, so it's very refreshing to read the lighter side of all the fun of the fair.

incite imagination's flair,
invite the sound of joyful cries
This is a great way to use alliteration and to engage the senses in your writing *Thumbsup*

warn of a stomach ache ahead
borne on little sticky hands
Personally, I'd pluralise 'ache' to show the many stomach aches ahead!

"Beat me," he says with just a glance -
defeat comes as no surprise.
I am completely jealous of the way you make the rhyme scheme look easy, and manage to create such an easy reading rhythm to your words, but the final line of this stanza wobbled a bit, because it changed the earlier rhythm.

the toddler's nod their head
the toddlers nod their heads


Love that final stanza! You managed to fit a whole fair into one poem, and I can't wait for next year's *Bigsmile*

Top notch stuff, Ken. I thoroughly enjoyed my time at the fair.

*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
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184
Review by Acme
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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*Star*AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Hey Jyo *Smile* As ever, it is an 'irresistible delight' for me to have an excuse to visit your fine portfolio. Thank you for entering the June round of the Comedy All Sorts Contest. Loved the inclusion of pop notes, but more than that, it was good to be treated to your fine style of observational humour; your characters are be bound to be familiar to any international reader because of their universal characteristics. I sure made the acquaintance of a Dipu, or two, in my time. Ace *Thumbsup* As per usual, I have to hit the kitchen after this review; your food descriptions do nothing for my diet *Pthb* My only disappointment comes with regard to the prompt of 'Fresh Starts'. If it weren't for your very last line, I doubt I would see a connection to it at all. That said, it won't affect my rating, just the judging for this contest *Thumbsup*

*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
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185
Review of HUSBANDS AND DOGS  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*Star*AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Hi Khalish *Smile* This is a good poem, with a nice tidy punchline for a final verse. I'm pretty sure there will be many of your readers who nod in agreement with the sentiment shared. I'm not sure where the 'Fresh Starts' prompt fit into your narrative, but I thank you for entering it into the June round of the Comedy All Sorts Contest.

*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
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186
Review of Three Wishes  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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*Star*AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

*Laugh*

Oh, Ken! This tickled my funny bone, and no mistaking *Wink* Funny, witty, clever narrative poetry with a zinger of a punchline. I'd like to be all sensible and offer a proper critique ... what am I saying? No, I wouldn't! This is simply fabulous, and as far as comedy poetry goes, it does exactly what it's supposed to: you made me laugh.

*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
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187
Review of Frozen Chicken  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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*Star*AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

You made coffee come out of my nose. Ace *Delight*

Thanks for making me snort with laughter, and amuse my family. This poem made my day. I find nothing funnier than someone/thing's head falling off, so this tickled me.

I'm not going to quibble... okay, so I am. My only suggestion for improvement to this silly, wonderful, funny poem, is not aimed at the poem at all (hence the 5 *Star* rating); it's aimed at the genre choices. This is beautiful nonsense, of the funniest kind, so kick out the 'satire' tag and celebrate the daft by choosing 'nonsense'.

*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
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188
Review of Fever  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
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*Star*AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Lovely language use make the comedy of this piece even more delightful. Short and sweet, you set the scene well and introduced the protagonist in a few deft strokes of typing. While I may not have chortled, I did find myself smiling through this comedy; you have good observational comedy skins when it comes to the little nuances of relationships.

As far as the presentation of your story goes, there is the odd kink to smooth out, such as:
Uncomplainingly, she fulfilled all the whims and fancies of his ailing husband as she dutifully
her or this

Another thing to check for when you are next editing, is a couple of places where the past tense narrative gave way to present tense.

“How are you doing this morning Mr. Preetam” ?

Keep the punctuation inside the speech, and give speech its own space (fresh line). This is particularly helpful when a conversation is going on, as the reader will clearly identify who is speaking.

He, however, was also not oblivion of his wife’s presence who
oblivious

*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
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189
Review of Breaking News  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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*Star*AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Thanks for entering the Comedy All Sorts contest *Smile* I was impressed right away by the visual presentation of this story. I love the use of WritingML (especially pop notes!) and the inclusion of illustrations.

Satire really only works when the subject matter is familiar, so you may have a limited audience for this piece. That said, there will be many who are familiar with blogging netiquette (erm, and the ego of writers) to recognise this as a subject matter.

You have a great turn of phrase and pace to your writing that really enhanced your comedy delivery. This is a fave:
Literally caught up in his own musings, Mr. MostlyMan suffered hemorrhages of the bowel, two broken promises, fractured writers block, third degree scarring to his private issues, and one busted ballsack just for good measure.


*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
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190
Review of Life with Physics  
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (3.5)
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*Star*AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Thanks for entering this item into the Comedy All Sorts contest *Smile* While I couldn't really see the 'Fresh Starts' prompt, I did find this a funny read *Thumbsup* You manage to create a light-hearted, informal tone and strong narrative voice that had me grinning. The little observations about how college girls would treat the narrator like a cute boy until a friend mention the physics major, and the fact the narrator had to convince friends that classrooms were similar, no matter that physics 'happened' in some of them, were great scenarios. Instead of snatches of a potentially humour-filled sketch, why not expand a little on those funny possibilities? I think this has great potential as a slightly longer item.

You just need to take time to polish your presentation, to make this funny write a good read. Instead of using number form, write number text (3 = three, etc.). Treat dialogue to its own lines and apply the same grammar rules to sentences within it, as you would to those outside of it:
"Whoa! who's like me?."
"Whoa! Who's like me?"


*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
191
191
Review by Acme
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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*Star*AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

Lines I'd wish I'd wrote:

My little lamb, my leaping, lupine lamb.


Lovely alliteration, smashing imagery, and thoughtful commentary make this a powerful poem. I loved the way you showed the 'lupine lamb' for a sheep in wolf's clothing. There's a strong message here, and it is only enhanced by your execution of sonnet form. *Thumbsup*

*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
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Review of Words Can Hurt  
Review by Acme
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This review is part of
 WDC Power Raid And Chat Forum  (E)
Join our group to help. :-)
#1388251 by Maryann


What are my overall impressions?
Thanks for entering the History Contest *Smile* You broach a hard subject in this tragic story of one woman's life-changing decision. History is served well, both as a backdrop to the changing world at war, and in the illegal, and frighteningly inadequate, medical provisions available at the time.

What are my favourite parts?
Johnny had made lots of new buddies in the Army and told her about all the unusual places he had seen. Luckily, combat hadn’t been one of them yet. He was a good writer, and his letters served to lighten her heart with his vivid descriptions and comical escapades. He never mentioned the baby.
I like the way you show how things have moved on for Johnny, but that Emily is still stuck in the nightmare of her situation, alone, and isolated.

What are my suggestions?
I would have loved to have seen more story, and to have become a little more invested in the characters, especially Emily. I got the odd flash of insight, but not much. Maybe you could look for places where you can a little more detail about her thoughts and feelings? While you don't need to show the reader the procedure that Emily undergoes, you could tell us more about the place she went to, the 'doctor', her feelings/actions/reactions.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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193
193
Review by Acme
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This review is part of
 WDC Power Raid And Chat Forum  (E)
Join our group to help. :-)
#1388251 by Maryann


What are my overall impressions?
I do like the way you deliver your essay. It is to the point, shows good understanding of the topic, and is structured in a logical manner. It's content is about a part of history that I am unfamiliar with, but as law is of interest to me, I did a little research at http://www.loc.gov/rr/program/bib/ourdocs/Nullific... in order to follow your argument. Thank you, too, for quoting sources; it lends your thoughts more weight and offers any reader a good reading list should they wish to follow the subject closer.

What are my favourite parts?
I found it refreshing to read an essay on a new (to me!) subject that was so coherent. I became interested in the wider implications of Constitutional law that this item broached. Your tone was professional, but clear. With, for the most part, a 'layman's' vocabulary.

What are my suggestions?
There are just a few word choices that made me stumble, eg:
the representatives vote on rather (whether?) or not to nullify the law in question.
...
The largest argument surrounding the nullification theory was rather (whether?) it was constitutional or not.


Cutting superfluous words will help aid clarity and avoid repetition:
It was an amalgamation of various thoughts that was put into a coherent form by Jefferson.



*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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Review of Consequence  
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This review is part of
 WDC Power Raid And Chat Forum  (E)
Join our group to help. :-)
#1388251 by Maryann


What are my overall impressions?
Wow! This is a powerful poem. The shared intimacy of the narrator was well done. It allowed me to feel drawn into their words and world, like a shared confidence, and that meant that I became emotionally invested in your poem. It spoke to me of true regret, of honesty, of mistakes, and, of course, consequences. This poem is eloquent because of the simplicity of the words chosen to convey a difficult subject matter.

As the content is sound, the only suggestion I have for you is to concentrate on the form. You've used an a-a-b-b end line rhyme pattern for the first stanza, but then changed to an a-b-c-b for the middle, and then ended with d-d-e-e-f-f. While the 14 lines technically make this a sonnet (my favourite of forms), that middle stanza's change away from the 'rhyming couplets' did distract me as I read. If you think that form, meter, rhyme and rhythm are all things that would be great to play around with, then I can't recommend the following resource enough:

*Reading* "A Poet's Tool Box"   by Red Writing Hood <3

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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195
195
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This review is part of
 WDC Power Raid And Chat Forum  (E)
Join our group to help. :-)
#1388251 by Maryann
, and is one of two reviews that you requested in "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
I've read and re-read this poem, and there are several things that strike me that I would like to share with you. First, I like it (always good to know), and the lyrical quality of the lines made me double check to see if I was reading a lyric or a poem. Considering that the vocabulary is not wide, and there is very little by way of rhyme, strict meter, and assonance, it did carry a natural rhythm and melody. Perhaps I'm used to listening to too many love songs, but I do think this shows good potential as a lyric, should you ever feel so inclined.

Imagery is strong in the beginning, but becomes more vague, and therefore weaker, toward the end of the poem. The first stanza is powerful because of the extended metaphor of the narrator as a helpless marionette to love. Wonderful writing.

There is something about the opening line of the second stanza that pokes the edges of my memory; it's as if I've seen it used recently to describe a heart functioning without its owner's permission... I can't think where, but it did smack me as not quite as original as it could have been. If you keep your metaphors strong and your imagery precise your reader will be able to follow your intent with clarity--mixed metaphors can make them stumble--so I appreciated the 'lost', 'compass', 'north to' word choices.

The final stanza was much weaker than the opening. I think this has something to do with weaker imagery use, and a missed opportunity to link the two ideas of 'pieces & strings' together:
I left pieces of me with you
And like the machine that only
Runs when held together
What machine? Each reader will have a different concept of a machine, and that concept will shape the tone and delivery of your words. One suggestion would be to make the machine a sewing machine/loom to add to the string/thread imagery, but ultimately, the choice is yours. I think a little time spent strengthening the ending will may this good poem a great one.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/terzarim...
and
"September 9 Poetry Newsletter"   by Vivian are two good sources to access regarding this form of sonnet. They do differ in the syllabic requirements stated as part of the form, but as you have chosen to go for the eleven syllable count, I'll review as such. The rhyme scheme of a-b-a b-c-b c-d-c d-e-d e-e is well met.

What are my favourite parts?
This is a beautiful prayer/poem. I found the tone to be inspirational and the pace set was fitting. Some of the imagery is delivered with great style and panache; my favourite being:
I want to drench myself in your blessing's rain


What are my suggestions?
When storms wreck life you only can make them calm
When storms wreck life only you can make them calm
Look for backward wording. Often, it isn't needed and distracts a reader, rather than add to clarity and smooth flow.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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197
197
Review by Acme
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

What are my overall impressions?
I like a bit of comedy, so thought this would make an appropriate choice for review *Smile* I've only recently discovered Minute Poetry, so reading this was a pleasant examination of the use of the form.

What are my favourite parts?
I found good visual humor in your imagery. The car race complimented the chase scene of the robber and victim *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
For the most part you got the syllabic scheme in well, but your last line let you down (5 syllables instead of 4). The rhyme scheme works as an a-a-b-b aural rhyme, but could be stronger on paper.

I wasn't too sure about your word choice of 'gimmick' as it doesn't fit the narrative in your poem. According to Cambridge dictionary, a gimmick is something which is not serious or of real value that is used to attract people's attention or interest temporarily, especially to make them buy something, and that's not what it's trying to describe in the poem.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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198
198
Review of River of night  
Review by Acme
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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*Star*AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

I loved this! *Delight* What a gory, creepy, tail of terror. Wow, billwilcox might get a kick out of this, so I suggest that you send a link to it in the Horror/Scary Newsletter *Thumbsup* I felt my pulse quicken on a number of occasions. The wound added just enough doubt to the question of delirium, but so did not 'seeing' the murder of Billy, just the aftermath. Normally, I'd feel pretty cheated out of an action scene, but not here. You do a great job of providing drama and action in Frenchy's subsequent actions. Top notch, mate!

As far as characters, plot and story telling goes, I have no suggestions. The only suggestions that I do have are in regard typos, punctuation and spelling errors that pepper the story. Running a spell check will help you to find the misspelled words:
and he ywlped as he tumbled
and,
Au reviour[,] mon ami.
There are a number of other missing commas before names and inside dialogue. Also, don't forget to pop them before a conjunction that joins two independent sentences:
Bolts of white light flashed across his vision and hot knife blades plunged into his wounded side each time he dug the tip of the pole into the muddy bed of the river and he was soon sweating from the exertion.
Be wary of using them too often. I would punctuate as follows:
Bolts of white light flashed across his vision, and hot knife blades plunged into his wounded side each time he dug the tip of the pole into the muddy bed of the river. He was soon sweating from the exertion.


*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
199
199
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.5)
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*Star*AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging.

There is a hymn that the children at my church sing that moves me to tears every time I hear it, because it takes the story of Christ's Passion and looks at it through Mary's eyes. Because of that I wanted to read your poem and I am glad I did, as I also found it moving. Questioning your reader is a great way to involve them in the narrative aspect of your poem.

You may have found it already, but there is a Christian writing contest here at WDC. Click this link to check the guidelines for entering:
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1538571 by Not Available.


Due to the graphic nature of the Passion, this item should be rated 13+ Please change it before a moderator does.

*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
200
200
Review by Acme
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item" 

Oh, boy! I loved this *Delight* The whole idea of making the correspondence speak for itself worked really well, and I loved the modern interest via the emailed correspondence as a device to lead into it and to add a contemporary feel. From the moment I read Temperance's first letter I was absorbed in the history; lovely, well crafted, example of showing vs telling. The following excerpt is my favourite because it shows how little changes, even between cultures, communities and over time:
With you gone, the old ladies who gather in the market have nothing to gossip about. Those old ladies still think they are the ‘moral proprietors’ of the town. Their group has grown to about half-a-dozen and recently they have resorted to stand outside the pub and harass the men about drinking too much and telling them they should get back to work.
Unfortunately, it also shows a need to up your rating to 13+, as the mention of alcohol is a no-no below that rating. Do it asap, or a Moderator will do it for you *Thumbsup*

There are a few errors that I noted, so you'd do well to proofread and edit:
And pasted down in the family are a collection of letters
passed

I was in my fathers shop and a good-looking
fathers = plural/many fathers. I think you mean father's

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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