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2,953 Public Reviews Given
3,697 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest. I give my overall impressions, let you know what worked well for me and what didn't, and when that happens, I like to try and offer suggestions--totally up to you if you want to take any notice; it is your writing, after all. I am just glad to have the opportunity to read and review. I rarely think anything is perfect, so please do not request a review if you value ratings over review content.
I'm good at...
...being interested. I take time over reviews. My reviews are intimate, informal and honest. They aim to help, offer insight, and celebrate the graft of craft. I love commas. Punctuation is a personal passion.
Favorite Genres
Comedy, supernatural horror, sci-if, fantasy, thriller, detective, slice-of-life, history.
Least Favorite Genres
Dystopian glumness, romance, personal.
Favorite Item Types
Scripts. Fiction. Essays, especially academic
Least Favorite Item Types
Free form poetry. Other than that, little offends.
I will not review...
Unless previously agreed, novels and chapters are a no go with me. I am sorry to say that I haven't the time.
Public Reviews
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Review of Rebirth  
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*

For information on reviewing, please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?

First, congratulations on your engagement *Smile* I wish you and your partner every happiness for the future.

Congratulations too on securing my Gift package in "Reviews with Honesty: Request a Review [E]. This is the first of 3 poetry reviews, and an appropriate Merit Badge will also be sent to you.

I was drawn to this poem because of the Title and brief description. It seems as if that ongoing process of evolution and revolution has taken on a new dimension due to current events. So, I found this poem to have a poignancy about it, even though it was written before your engagement.

What are my favourite parts?
Oh, I really enjoyed the penultimate stanza. I don't know anything about flowers, so these could be real or fantasy names, but whatever they were they worked. Lovely melodious sounding names and great internal rhythm drove this stanza at a powerful pace *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
This one verse felt a little distracting to read. I couldn't work out why at first, but then realised it might be because I jolted from present to past tense:
New scents waft
bringing innate joy to all
who inhale its perfume,
and the flower sparkled in the morning dew
or was it a tear
for what went into its making?
The imagery is still exquisite, so I think you only need to pick a tense and stick with it for it to work to its best advantage *Thumbsup*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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302
302
Review of Jingle Smells  
Review by Acme
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*

For information on reviewing, please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?

Oh, what a delightful, and seasonal, parody of a caroling favourite! Fun stuff abounds, when Bill is around *Wink*

What are my favourite parts?
It's funny there's two meanings for
a horse that has the trots.
I love a bit of potty humour *Blush* Funny double meaning here *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
Cause I know I'll never last
You need to put an apostrophe before cause to highlight the contraction of because, or else the word has a completely different meaning.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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303
303
Review by Acme
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*

For information on reviewing, please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?

Not since the Muppet Show has cooking seemed so slap stick. Onomatopoeia works so well in this dialogue driven piece.

What are my favourite parts?
I love the Sweedish chef's accent *Delight* It really adds to the humour of the piece. You manage to make punchlines look so seamless, but the hard work at play speaks for itself *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
And here with me today is the world-renown, Swedish Chef.
renowned

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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304
304
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?

Geese are pretty scary! They use them in place of guard dogs at the Bells factory in Scotland. I love the comedic tone to this piece, and could picture the scenario easily.

What are my favourite parts?
I loved the narrative story telling. I thought the sequence of events -- man v nature, nature gets even -- was very well done.

What are my suggestions?
While your rhyme was good, I did feel as if the rhythm wasn't very smooth in some places.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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305
305
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This review is part of
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1490111 by Not Available.


What are my overall impressions?

I was a little wary of sending this out to you, as I am sure you will be flooded with email awaiting your return. You may have noticed I sent it anyway *Wink*

This is a lovely poem. I'm normally one of the first in line to bop poets on the head with the doth-ing brush, but that is usually because the language is ill-fitting and awkward, and that is not the case here. You have managed to use the language to evoke a time and tone that speaks of love and romance, without resorting to over the top sentiment and hyperbole.

What are my favourite parts?
To have departed with naught but grace
My heart longs for love's deep glorious stain
Wow! Those two lines pack a punch that would set the hardest heart to flutter *Blush*

What are my suggestions?
None, you wonderful romantic, you. Write on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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306
306
Review of Keeping  
Review by Acme
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This review is part of
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1490111 by Not Available.


What are my overall impressions?

I know your author's note says that you have to back over this to work on some things, but I honestly didn't notice anything that needs any further work. In fact, if you have not done so already, I would say this is ready for submission to publishers. I'm not too familiar with American sources of information, but in the UK we have The Writer's and Artist's Yearbook which gives information on publishers and magazines. Perhaps you could google for something similar in your neck of the woods.

What are my favourite parts?
I love the surreal nature of this, and the way that it doesn't matter, because what starts out as nonsense makes for poignant story telling - lovely *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
None - Write on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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307
307
Review by Acme
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*

For information on reviewing, please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?

These events are so fresh and have been condemned by all right thinking people. Your article is a good one; it details what happened in your city as seen from your unique point of view. I do have a few suggestions about how you can edit to improve its readability, but on the whole this is a solid piece of writing which gave me a good insight to the atrocities committed by these terrorists. The NSG commandos were instrumental in ending this horrific situation, and my heart goes out to India, and all those touched by this tragic event.

What are my favourite parts?
they wanted to injure India so badly that it would never recover economically, politically, psychologically or any other way. They wanted to do all that, and also demoralize every citizen of India. And, additionally, by hitting out at 5-star hotels, they wanted to hurt Americans, Israelis, and citizens from all over the world who had come to India to enjoy its wonderful hospitality.
You sum up this section so well. Your words are carefully chosen and powerful. Good writing.

What are my suggestions?
While coloured text can add to a story, there is something a little odd about using pink for a serious article.

I think that by the time the moderators "pass" this article and publish it on the site
Don't worry, Dr T, the Moderators follow site guidelines, so that if you are posting this item correctly, in terms of writing guidelines and content ratings, you will be fine. The 13+ rating seems appropriate, but you may want to read site literature regarding the E rating you have given the title and introduction.

asked the government of India to "stop atrocities" and "release all Moslems" from their grasps within jails or incarceration
sp = grasp. No need to pluralise as you are indicating the the government (singular)

with whomever they wanted.
In my next article, along
double return spacing required.

However, I am quite sure almost all readers already know how the events occurred. It all started with an assault at the C.S.T. railway station on the night of 26th November.
Most readers will be glad of the recap to events, and my be reading your article to become familiar with how things happened.


The terrorists then probably proceeded . . . all bombs probably activated by remote mobile-phone triggered detonators.
Who says this is probable? As you go into vaguer details and supposition it can be a good idea to quote your sources. It means that if facts come to light to alter these facts, your whole article doesn't suffer from a lack of authenticity. I know your opening article says you have done all this research yourself, so show us where from, eg, Negotiation Experts, interviewed on ??? TV channel, say that the terrorists then probably proceeded...

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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308
Review by Acme
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

Want to join a group which will encourage and support your writing, as well as making new friends? Please visit
The Holding Pond  (E)
Currently not accepting new members - group under redesign. Thank you for your patience.
#1360711 by Brooklyn



What are my overall impressions?

Ooh, HP Lovecraft would be proud *Smile* Congratulations on adding your first item to your portfolio; I hope it is the first of many. This intriguing start deserves your consideration to continue working on, as it sets the scene well. While I realise it is a first draft, there is scope for it to be turned into a first chapter. Your protagonist comes across clearly as does your pace and tone -- this could be quite the adventure.

What are my favourite parts?
It has to be the tone. There are little breadcrumbs of interest scattered throughout the story. I wanted to know what happened next.

What are my suggestions?
Proof read for punctuation typos, like this extra space before the period:
No other information about me is needed .

and the missing punctuation at the end of this dialogue:
remember it has to be in by the end of August”


Many people read direct from the screen, so on Writing.Com the majority of items have a double spaced return between paragraphs and dialogue. It is less distracting when a reader scrolls down.


*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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309
Review of Shut Our Eyes  
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


What are my overall impressions?

Wow! This poem packs a punch *Delight* I think it is because you have managed to capture such restraint in your narrative voice, even though the subject is an emotive one. I'd liken it to a powerful horse in a harness: all that passion reigned in, makes the expression somehow more powerful.

What are my favourite parts?
At this point in my reviews, I usually highlight a few lines which have left an impression on me. I can't do this here, because each word, line, and expression of thought is so well voiced. I will say that I particularly enjoyed the final stanza with it's 'lock' imagery. Your use of metaphor and simile were very well executed.

What are my suggestions?
None - Write on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*
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310
310
Review of Winter Sledding  
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

Want to join a group which will encourage and support your writing, as well as making new friends? Please visit
The Holding Pond  (E)
Currently not accepting new members - group under redesign. Thank you for your patience.
#1360711 by Brooklyn



What are my overall impressions?

Thank you for entering Pond Poetry *Smile* This poem meets the requirements of the form well and shows a clear connection with the picture prompt.

What are my favourite parts?
Onomatopoeia, coloured text, action ... what's not to like? *Delight* I loved the speed of this, the sentiment of this and the imagery created - well written

What are my suggestions?
None - Write On!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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311
311
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

Want to join a group which will encourage and support your writing, as well as making new friends? Please visit
The Holding Pond  (E)
Currently not accepting new members - group under redesign. Thank you for your patience.
#1360711 by Brooklyn



What are my overall impressions?

Thank you for entering Pond Poetry *Smile* This poem meets the requirements of the form well and shows a clear connection with the picture prompt.

What are my favourite parts?
I loved the way you took us into the mind of the boy on the sledge. The whole thing of being scared, looking to support from parents whose presence is only there by suggestion, makes this an intimate portrait of a thrill seeker *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
None - Write on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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312
312
Review by Acme
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This review is part of
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1490111 by Not Available.


What are my overall impressions?

I love the fact that your brief description tells us to feel some sympathy for the elephants -- but it's hard to! Funny write, which reminds me that we are, at our core, ourselves, and not much can be done to change our nature.

What are my favourite parts?
I loved the way that the elephants rubbed up the voters the wrong way and thought the set up and pay off were well done *Thumbsup* I also loved the characterisation of the Lions - totally believable and gave good 'straight man' comedy *Delight*

What are my suggestions?
None - write on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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313
313
Review of My Friend  
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (5.0)
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*Star*AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging

For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm


Thank you for entering Pond Poetry, Dave *Smile* This is good example of eintou poetry, and I think the link to an explanation of the form is a good addition to those who wish to experiment with it. Your use of the picture prompt was clear and perceptive and your language choices worked well. I loved these lines:
When all others have forsaken
my desolate spirit

Not only did you show the vulnerability of the narrator, but these lines really added weight to the constant nature of the relationship between man and animal - well written.

*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
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314
Review of I Am...  
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (5.0)
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*Star*AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging

For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm


Thank you for entering "Invalid Item I think you did a great job of interpreting the picture prompt, and you fulfilled the requirements of the Eintou form well. Sometimes poetry can grab us and shake down our stereotypes and perceptions. Remembering that we are all human, and an amazing feat of universal engineering, is at the core of your poem. Never patronizing, or condemning, this poem allows the reader to draw their own conclusions.

*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
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315
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!


What are my overall impressions?

Oh, boy! I love the illustration *Laugh* Thank you for your poetry entry in "Invalid Item. You hit the 'teeth' prompt perfectly and the use of rhyming triplet was a good structural choice.

What are my favourite parts?
Yellow luminous bits of bite,
Once they were pearly white -
Now denizens of the night.
lovely language choice and alliteration *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
Everyday they leer down at me,
Ignoring frantic fervent plea,
Still grinning at half-past three.
every night, might be preferable to everyday, as this sets the scene for the narrator watching the night time grin at half-past three.


*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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316
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!


What are my overall impressions?

Thank you for entering a short story in "Invalid Item *Smile* This story uses the prompts well and delivers some first rate, vivid imagery *Thumbsup*

What are my favourite parts?
There are too many instances for me to pick one out fairly. I think you have a great understanding of the way children tick, so even your satellite characters, the children, are 3D, flesh and blood. Your descriptions engage all the senses and your use of simile, metaphor, personification and anthropomorphising of items all added to a vibrant story. I just wanna know what other rites of passage you have to do as a MOD:
“Hi, Shania! Relax, I’m Kim-chi - we’re here to tell you have passed the test with flying colours”
Looks like Kim's a busy gal *Laugh*!

What are my suggestions?
There are quite a number of punctuation errors, typos, and spelling errors. I suggest you run a spell check over the item and proof read for punctuation *Thumbsup*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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317
Review by Acme
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!


What are my overall impressions?

Thanks for your review entry in "Invalid Item *Smile* You caught my attention with your punny title *Thumbsup* Comedy review or not, a good review should talk about the content of the film and reviewers reaction to it. You did a great job of this, and I was thoroughly entertained!

What are my favourite parts?
I love so much about this, but your opening, funny, paragraph had me snorting with laughter. Loved the nod to Hamer, Bucks Fizz and On the Buses *Bigsmile* This had me choke on coffee (don't panic, I'm alright now):
If nothing else, they made me appreciate that all male vampires dressed in evening suits and looked like Christopher Lee, and that female vampires were an assortment of buxom, scantily clad, very un-undead looking blondes.


What are my suggestions?
None at all -- well written entertainment -- Write on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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318
Review of In the Dark  
Review by Acme
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!


What are my overall impressions?

Thanks for entering the Hallowe'en "Invalid Item *Smile* Good use of the In the Dark prompt, and just the right balance between comedy and some pretty spooky stuff! Goo job *Thumbsup*

What are my favourite parts?
That goblin dancing on the stair,
I know that he's not really there.

Rhyming couplets worked really well in this poem and the rhythm was wonderful throughout.

What are my suggestions?
None - Write on!

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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319
Review by Acme
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
AN ACME REVIEW *Star*


*Bullet* General Impressions, thoughts and suggestions


Your brief description and this stand alone line follow a well developed and thoughtful idea:
What science fiction is, is the literature of ideas.

The inclusion of a dictionary definition is also helpful, giving the reader a good foundation of understanding to base the rest of your article upon *Thumbsup*

The conversational tone and narrative voice add an informal and intimate tone which drew me in and enhanced my enjoyment of the piece.

In the bookstores, you generally find science fiction and fantasy lumped together – and increasingly, for some unexplained and no doubt deeply sinister reason, along with horror.
but it can happen, and these cross-genres might be the way sci-fi got confusing when we went beyond Asimov, but I still think it's valid. These are three of my favourite sections in a book shop, and I'm glad they're all together (I don't have to stand, uncomfortably questioning my need to bathe, next some beautiful thing hunting Lipstick Jungle *Laugh*) All joking aside, if you haven't read this WDC sci-fi/horror classic, then I urge you to do so:
STATIC
The Lone Survivor  (13+)
The Olympics, one hundred years from now...
#853172 by W.D.Wilcox


Quotes from such influential authors as Arthur C Clarke, Orson Scott Card and Theodore Sturgeon, lend your opinions more weight, as does the thoughtful inclusion of a reading list, viewing list and bibliography. Heck, I'd give you a degree if I had the power of a mortar board.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!
This has been a Mod review!
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320
320
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (5.0)
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*Star*AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging

For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm


I love the way you visually set out this poem, so that the mathematical theories were all over to the left, and the chaos theory was over to the right. I have to say your narrator left me in little doubt to where their passions lay, and I thought the way you expressed chaos in familiar terms made it so everyone could relate to the human equation in all of this *Thumbsup* Nicely done!

*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
321
321
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Star*AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging

For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm


You've probably guessed by now that my own personal preference is for formalised structure rather than free verse. So, it may come as no surprise to find I thoroughly enjoyed this poem with mirrored refrain *Smile* Love the strong ending, especially this not to two of the most influential and imaginative scientists of any age:
Einstein and Tesla, geniuses compared to most
Insanity, skewed realities, with a scientific twist


*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
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322
Review of Physics and Space  
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

*Star*AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging

For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm


Oh Boy! I love this side of you *Delight* There is something so beautiful about the possibilities of the Universe; that for all our knowledge, we can still dream, hope, theorize. Physics give us the chance to go wild with our imaginations, and this poem encourages the same excited and optimistic tone *Thumbsup*

*Star*Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care! *Star*
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323
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

Want to join a group which will encourage and support your writing, as well as making new friends? Please visit
The Holding Pond  (E)
Currently not accepting new members - group under redesign. Thank you for your patience.
#1360711 by Brooklyn



What are my overall impressions?

This poem will feature in our Holding Pond Newsletter for November *Smile* You really managed to capture the spirit of the season and I loved your imagery, language choices and lovely alliteration throughout *Thumbsup*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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324
Review by Acme
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey there *Smile*

I stopped by to read some of your editorial items. This is a good and thought provoking folder, but you might want to check your spelling:
Many a time I find myself
seathing about a situation
sp - seething.

Write on and take care,
Acme
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325
325
Review by Acme
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
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#1360711 by Brooklyn



What are my overall impressions?

Hi there Tricnomistal working hard... *Smile* I offer this review, bearing in mind your request:
Right now what I am mostly looking for review wise is things on hte overall storyline. Is it interesting? Should I continue? Any sugjestions at all are always welcome, but those are my primary concens as of now.


What are my favourite parts?
You manage to set an action-packed tone and pace to the battle sequence and that did make me want to read on. I became interested in the character development of Galon.

What are my suggestions?
This isn't so much of an outline here. This is more of a small snapshot of action: an excerpt. I have no real understanding of where you would like to develop this story further, as the brief description tells me more about that than the content of the prologue.

The one character you have developed, Galon, is dispatched at the end of the Prologue, so any interest I might have developed based on wanting to know more about him and his cause, is lost.

Even though you stipulate your desire for 'general' reviews, there are a lot of technical errors which you should fix, so not to distract your readers. These include, spelling, structure, grammar, plot flow and character development.

Should you make any major changes, I will be happy to re-rate and review accordingly *Smile*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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