Acme's (acme) Reviews

Review Requests: OFF

2,953 Public Reviews Given

3,697 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest. I give my overall impressions, let you know what worked well for me and what didn't, and when that happens, I like to try and offer suggestions--totally up to you if you want to take any notice; it is your writing, after all. I am just glad to have the opportunity to read and review. I rarely think anything is perfect, so please do not request a review if you value ratings over review content.

I'm good at...

...being interested. I take time over reviews. My reviews are intimate, informal and honest. They aim to help, offer insight, and celebrate the graft of craft. I love commas. Punctuation is a personal passion.

Favorite Genres

Comedy, supernatural horror, sci-if, fantasy, thriller, detective, slice-of-life, history.

Least Favorite Genres

Dystopian glumness, romance, personal.

Favorite Item Types

Scripts. Fiction. Essays, especially academic

Least Favorite Item Types

Free form poetry. Other than that, little offends.

I will not review...

Unless previously agreed, novels and chapters are a no go with me. I am sorry to say that I haven't the time.

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#2892995

Review of Hey, I'm Just a Few Guys!

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
WW, you crack me up

I loved this silly write with ace description. Frankenstein lives and breathes in a Chicago bar! Oh, I asked for an image laden poem and you sure delivered the goods. Ace

What are my favourite parts?

I can't have kids, so I've been told
I wear my nuts in my neck!
Par--don my frankness if you please
It's my life-- what the heck?

double entendres, unique personality and I loved the use of 'frankness' as another double hits. Brilliant.

What are my suggestions?
That last line...

!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2892847

Review of Fred Benteen's Big Game, Episode One

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

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AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging

For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

Sorry it has taken me a while to look at this item, DrB. I was hooked by the genre fields alone! sports, comedy and western? That's like the KinderSurprise of writing

I think this is smashing! Sure, you need to do an edit for punctuation, but the humour, the characters, the story? They're all here. Lovely job, DrB

Just a little tidying up to punctuation to do, eg:

“What the hell were you waiting for[,] Bishop[?]” he growled[.] “[wW]ere you waiting for your enlistment to run out? My Lord but you’re slow man.”

...we can’t all be racin’ hounds.” the soldier muttered apologetically

When the dialogue ends in the way something as spoken, like this example, you use a comma before the closing quotation marks and lower case tag start (which you have done). If it went into action, eg,... racin' hounds." The soldier marched away. then you would use a period and capitalise the start of the tag line.

While the dialogue is good, there is one thing you might want to consider cutting: the use of names. People in conversation rarely keep repeating each other's names.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

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#2892819

Review of I Travel Alone.

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
Thanks for taking up the challenge in "Invalid Item"

You did a great job of showing the prompt and avoiding the forbidden words in this introspective poem, Jyo. I loved the gentle alliteration and thought your word choices really set the dark mood of the piece.

What are my favourite parts?

Sharply deserved prickling pain sublime
Hopeless knowledge of inability to cope

I thought the rhythm in these lines was lovely, as I mentally ran at the last three words. I also like way you used the word 'hope' in the preceding line and echoed it with its opposite, 'hopeless'

What are my suggestions?
None - Write on!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2892811

Review of Entree of Soul

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
Thanks for taking up the challenge in "Invalid Item"

Ooh, I thought this creepy little write was ace! It captures all the fear a fevered imagination could muster in the dark. I sure felt this way as a kid... okay, and still do

Good use of the prompt and avoidance of the forbidden words.

What are my favourite parts?

It’s not imagination,
eerie noises abound.
Tickling your sanity
with each bump and sound.

I knew it

!

What are my suggestions?

Quaver in fear while

quiver. It's a bit weird, but 'quaver' usually has to do with voice (her voice quavered with fear), while 'quiver' is the kind of shake associated with body.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2892358

Review of The Dark...

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
Thank you for taking the plunge in the "Invalid Item"

You really know how to knock out a punchline, WW. I liked this little fashion horror story; it sure was an interesting way to tackle the prompt

! You did well to avoid the forbidden words and the coloured text and Writing.Ml added to my visual enjoyment of the poem. It's interesting that you chose a traditional quatrain form, because this is what I lean toward for comedy narrative. One thing you might want to challenge yourself to, in future poems, is to maintain a rhyme scheme. I think all the ones you chose worked well for each stanza, but you might want to look at fostering one throughout the poem's entirety. I particularly liked the internal rhyme in the third stanza

Thank you for sharing your work! WriteHaunt on and take care

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#2892323

Review of The Soul's Evolution

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

What are my overall impressions?

A strong poem about where you are on life's journey. There is a strong sense of purpose and clarity which is most evident in the final couplet, but the tone of the first stanza hints at this too. A good poet can express themselves in few words and yours are all well chosen and leave a lasting impact. I have no suggestions for improvement.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2892302

Review of GOD SAVE THE CHILDREN!

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

AN ACME REVIEW

General Impressions, thoughts and suggestions

Wow! When I visit your portfolio (it has been too long

) I know I am going to find powerful poetry, but I never expected this. This is such a moving, vital and relevant piece; a rally cry. Your masterful way with words is evident and I have no suggestions about the piece. My only concern is a technical one about word use in the brief description. You are the Mod, so you will know best, but I did wonder if your brief description was 'E' rated:
Time to stop the slaughter of the innocents
Of course, such a query has little to do with the poem and I will not effect a perfect rating for this perfect powerhouse of a poem.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!
This has been a Mod review!
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#2892208

Review of Expected

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

AN ACME REVIEW

General Impressions, thoughts and suggestions

I was drawn to this short story by the brief description. It hooked my attention and I wanted to know more. The first sentence did the same, and I like how you used that image as a cyclical story telling idea. Your word use and language choices are vivid and powerful.

Mr Blue said, "the world is a recurring dream."

Capitalise the first word in speech.

"I knew that would happen," beamed Mr Blue.

As 'beamed' is an action, and not the way something is said, you should use a period to close the dialogue and capitalise the 'action' tag.

Rather than 'other' you might want to make the most of the genre choices, as many visitors use the search engine to find things to read.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!
This has been a Mod review!
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#2892192

Review of Over the Hills and Far Away

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

AN ACME REVIEW

General Impressions, thoughts and suggestions

I thought I out to take the time to mention that you might want to look at this main portal to your work via the 'public view' because it could do with up-dating. As your account is no longer upgraded, the images which you both display and refer to are not visible. Other than that, thank you for making me feel welcome and at home here

! I particularly like the 'room' themes you have going on.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!
This has been a Mod review!
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#2892185

Review of Pirates Love

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

AN ACME REVIEW

General Impressions, thoughts and suggestions

While this is a good scene setting chapter with a brief introduction to the main character, you might want to edit it to make it a little easier to read. When cutting and pasting, some lines can get cut short and added to the line below. That is what looks like has happened here. It makes reading very distracting. Simply edit your chapter and delete the end spaces from sentence to make the text flow smoothly.

Catalina aboards her family's ship.

'boards', or 'Catalina is aboard her family's ship.'

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!
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#2892128

Review of Grammarama

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

AN ACME REVIEW

General Impressions, thoughts and suggestions

On joining WDC, my crimes against my mother tongue mounted quickly. This item was mentioned by Northernwrites and soon became a 'favorite'. Shame on me for not reviewing it before now

Even though I'm guilty of being told a grammatical rule and then instantly forgetting it, site resources like this one gradually act like dripping water on rock: new way of thinking/writing is eventually channeled.

The only thing that nags at me is the red note mark with date against some of the entries. Why is it there? I can't find a common reference to it. As it doesn't have any baring on the useful content of your entries, it won't influence my rating

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!
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#2892103

Review of Commuter Blues

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

AN ACME REVIEW

General Impressions, thoughts and suggestions

Oh, I hear you! This is such a well observed lyric and I thought you delivered it well. One particularly strong verse hit home because it captured the scene and tone so well with vivid imagery and cracking rhythm to your words; they echoed the train track wonderfully:

Maybe I should sit back and try to relax
But there's a pain on the train in my back on the tracks
Man steps on my shoe

There was only one place where I stumbled a little:

Clackin' down the track packed in a sea of fools

a bit of a mixed metaphor moment. The sea image distracted me after 'clacking' and 'packed'.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!
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#2891228

Review of Cats: Succulent and Luscious

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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AN ACME REVIEW

This review is part of an initiative to spread positivity through reviewing. While it may not be a technical edit, my thoughts here are honest, and I hope you find them helpful and encouraging

For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

A snickered at your title and brief description, and loved the informal and intimate narrative used. There were a couple of places where it got a little too informal, eg,

The nice old lady must have not gotten my message
The nice old lady must not have got my message

but on the whole, this was a funny anecdote that tickled my funny bones with fantastic flashes of dark humour.
“I, on the other hand, believe that a beautiful animal must be succulent as well[,] no matter what the ‘experts’ say.

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care!

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#2890440

Review of wind

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (2.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
Hey there, welcome to WDC. I see by your bio you have three kids and a full time job, "and very little spare time" - I can see why! Thanks for spending some of that spare time here

Congratulations on writing your first piece. It reads more like a beginning/draft, but it seems as if you have some good ideas to develop.

What are my favourite parts?
Subjects like 'energy' will always be of interest to a readership and sci-fi is a great way to discuss the issues around it.

What are my suggestions?

The powers that were at the time decided that the wind was the best option considering the the energy ratios regarding input and output.

Look at how you can engage a reader with the words you use and the images your words evoke. Clarity is key, and worth spending some time on that and punctuation, eg:

Those in power decided that wind farming was the best option, especially when considering energy ratios for input and output.

share in mother earth[']s bounty

use an apostrophe to indicate 'belonging to'.

They had been built in 3 years,

instead of symbol, use full text for numbers: three.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2886393

Review of No apologies for being me.

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
This long narrative poem is well written and is a revealing examination of the poet's soul. Again, I find this style of 'blunt' poetry really suits your 'voice'.

What are my favourite parts?
I think the way you set out 'love me or loathe me, take your pick', and show only what you would do if you were loathed speaks volumes. It is as if the 'love' is not an option, and that adds such venom to your words - very powerful writing

What are my suggestions?

If you push me, I push back
I will never back down,
I will not ask you why?
You are wearing that frown.

The question mark threw me. If you really do want to use it, I think you need to highlight the 'Why?' in quotation marks to distinguish it from the rest of the text.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2886386

Review of Follow me to hell.

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This is a review on behalf of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
Oh, this is dark and the form is well done. I like Mochinelle because of the six syllable count throughout. You stick to this well and the 3rd and 5th line rhymes are solid too.

What are my favourite parts?
The structure of this poem works really well because of the common refrain of the first line. You have picked well worded line for that refrain which compliments the dark content of your poem

What are my suggestions?

** #1397116 Not An Image **

Check your images are up to date.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2881647

Review of Leaving

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This review is part of
WDC Power Raid And Chat Forum (E)
Join our group to help. :-)
#1388251 by Maryann

What are my overall impressions?
Powerful emotions capture the state of mind of your protagonist in only a few words. Writing exercises like this are a great way to train your writing skills and you might want to think of entering a couple of contests that give daily prompts to work with:
"The Writer's Cramp"

"Daily Flash Fiction Challenge"

What are my favourite parts?
This made me want to know more about your narrator's character and story. I wanted to see where she went, what she did next and a whole heap of other questions that drew my interest. I do hope you consider writing more, even though this was just an exercise

What are my suggestions?
As it is a writing exercise I won't make any technical suggestions; I think it stands well as it is and is a great little first piece to post here at WDC

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2880165

Review of Routine

Review by Acme

Rated: ASR

| (3.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This review is part of
WDC Power Raid And Chat Forum (E)
Join our group to help. :-)
#1388251 by Maryann

What are my overall impressions?
You did not hit the form for this round of Pond Poetry (10 lines). You did clearly demonstrate the picture prompt.

What are my favourite parts?

My mornings are routine
I'm an everyday teen
I then put on my face
My pain is now erased

You captured the essence of masks well here

What are my suggestions?
While it is great that you have enjoyed creating this poem and the end result, you might want to tailor your brief description to tell a prospective reader about the poem.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2880134

Review of Ben

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This review is part of
WDC Power Raid And Chat Forum (E)
Join our group to help. :-)
#1388251 by Maryann

What are my overall impressions?
This is well written with a good twist in the tale. I don't know if there are any restrictions on length, but two contests sprang to mind as I read this. Arakun the twisted raccoon

's Twisted Tales, and Mavis Moog

Great Stories Contest. If this story does fit their rules, and you haven't done so already, I suggest you enter this story.

What are my favourite parts?
I really got drawn into your protagonist's world. You did a great job of detailing the events without getting too caught up in the 'telling'.

What are my suggestions?

Shifting my weight enough to take [away?] the sharp rock from under my right hip, I wondered how I came to be in this predicament.

Now they couldn’t trace it to me by my fingerprints, if they found it at all. [new para] I really wanted a smoke, but couldn’t take the chance that the cops might see my lit cigarette and find my hiding place.

No wonder he was hurt so badly! The dumb ass had cut the ground wire first! He was lucky to be alive at all!

Using too many exclamation marks lessens their impact and can seem a little hysterical.

My coffee was cold, so I got up to warm it. I should go and see him, I thought, but I can’t bear to look at him, knowing I could have prevented his injury.

you can distinguish thought by using italicized text.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2879323

Review of Masks

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (3.5)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

Want to join a group which will encourage and support your writing, as well as making new friends? Please visit
The Holding Pond (E)
Currently not accepting new members - group under redesign. Thank you for your patience.
#1360711 by Brooke is plotting.

What are my overall impressions?
Good use of the picture prompt and you fulfilled the requirements of the form.

What are my favourite parts?
You set a dark tone well as you explored the theme of 'masks'

What are my suggestions?
While your brief description tells passing, would-be readers why you have written this poem, it doesn't give any insight into the content of the poem.

Run a spell check over the item:

A life, lived behing a painted smile

Longing to leave the stage for [the] real world

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2879319

Review of Face off…

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

Want to join a group which will encourage and support your writing, as well as making new friends? Please visit
The Holding Pond (E)
Currently not accepting new members - group under redesign. Thank you for your patience.
#1360711 by Brooke is plotting.

What are my overall impressions?
You used both the form and the prompt well in this poem about masks. I really enjoyed reading your poem

What are my favourite parts?
The repetition of 'wonder...' was a good device in setting a thoughtful tone and pace. It also drew me into the narrator's mind set.

What are my suggestions?
None - write on!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2874272

Review of Just-In-TIme-Jitesh

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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Acme Review

This review is offered in the spirit of support and is only my opinion. Please feel free to take what you will from it and thank you for sharing your work!

For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

Overall Impressions
erm, well, this is awkward

Congratulations on BEATING ME TO AN AUTHORY PULP with this fabulous short story in Beyond the Waters edge

No, seriously, Jyo, I can see why this won. This is a great little story which uses the prompts exceptionally well

Favourite Parts
I don't normally like to post huge wads of text in a review, but this particular excerpt is on of the reasons I'm a fan of your writing:
I lazed for one more moment in bed; I could visualize my grand-father at his rituals. He would be bare-chested, the sacred ash fragrant and pearly-white against his brown skin. His fringe of hair would be encrusted in a halo of curls at the back of his nearly-bald head. The hair was so white it could have been used to advertise his soap. His eyes would be closed as he recited the Sanskrit prayers; I could tell the time by the words I could hear.
What an amazing visual, and terrific character development of both the grandfather and the narrator! Smashing imagery, good use of language and lovely observations on time; measuring how long a 'lie-in' can be weighted against having to rise, without using a clock. Superb writing, and an absolute pleasure to read.

Suggestions
None - Write on!

Write on and take care!

373

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#2873341

Review of Hurling Through Life Unmoved

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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Acme Review

This review is offered in the spirit of support and is only my opinion. Please feel free to take what you will from it and thank you for sharing your work!

For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

Overall Impressions
A good Free Verse poem and an inspiring read. There is room to improve language use, but that shouldn't take a talented poet like yourself long to work on.

Favourite Parts

We’re caught between the speeding wind and loneliness,
yearning for connections, too stubborn to commit.

Thought provoking and insightful stuff

Suggestions
While I understand your choice to make the poem's text bold, as a visual enhancement, it becomes a little overwhelming, and redundant, when continued in the author's note, and original poem.

I thought there were a few places where you could have widened your vocabulary and tightened text. One such place was the repetition of 'we yearn' twice, with 'yearning' used too.

Write on and take care!

374

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#2870405

Review of The Skagit River Visit

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Acme Review

This review is offered in the spirit of support and is only my opinion. Please feel free to take what you will from it and thank you for sharing your work!

For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

Overall Impressions
This story carries a thought-provoking message: never underestimate Mother Nature. Even in idyllic surroundings danger can be present, and this is a memory which will stick with you and the grandkids for sometime to come.

Favourite Parts
The 'action' of this story is very well done. Your pace reflected the events which happened well

Suggestions
Your title seemed to 'shout' at me. Use capitals at the star of your words, but not throughout.

They arrived on Wednesday, August 6 th.

space typo after number 6

I had a nice turkey roast in the oven for them.

Look at places where you can widen your vocabulary with more creative/image filled/descriptive narrative. What was nice about it: the colour, the smell, the plumpness, the sizzle?

Write on and take care!

375

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#2870373

Review of Memories

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

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Acme Review

This review is offered in the spirit of support and is only my opinion. Please feel free to take what you will from it and thank you for sharing your work!

For more information on reviewing please check out this informative, simple and easy to read link:

http://utminers.utep.edu/omwilliamson/two.htm

Overall Impressions
A beautiful and poignant trip down memory lane

I thoroughly lost myself in your superb imagery. While you have a cracking grasp of punctuation, there are some areas where I felt a little lost in your construction.

Favourite Parts

we younger kids would gather around the freezer, each of us noisily insisting it was our turn to lick the paddles. We were especially anxious when juicy, tree-ripened peaches were added to the mix.

wow! Ace imagery which engaged my senses

Now I'm hungry ...

Suggestions

Slowly[,] I wandered past centuries-old, sandstone markers, their chiseled names and dates long weathered away.

pop a comma after an interjection, eg, (well, oh, meanwhile, suddenly, of course, etc.)

How many times as a child I’d watched six burly farmers struggle, straining and panting, to carry the casket of a neighbor up those stairs.

I may not have really understood your narrative voice here, as I was unsure if you were questioning or stating. If this is not a question, then I suggest you look for an alternative to 'how', in the sense you seem to have employed it here.

The plain interior of the building - always smelling of Old English Furniture Polish - had white walls with dark wooden altar, wainscoting, pews and floors.

If you have subordinate clause as additional information in the middle of a sentence, then use a comma on each end of it. If the additional information is unrelated to the main sentence, use parentheses. If you can restate the sentence with the middle bit missing, and it still means the same thing, then you know it needs commas. If it doesn't mean the same thing, then it shouldn't have commas.

Remembering my three-year-old self, sitting in the corner of the front pew - my mother playing piano, my father leading the singing - swinging my legs and periodically shouting 'Amen' just like I'd heard the grownups do.

there is no real 'end' to this sentence. A sentence should reflect a complete thought.

Write on and take care!