Acme's (acme) Reviews

Review Requests: OFF

2,953 Public Reviews Given

3,697 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest. I give my overall impressions, let you know what worked well for me and what didn't, and when that happens, I like to try and offer suggestions--totally up to you if you want to take any notice; it is your writing, after all. I am just glad to have the opportunity to read and review. I rarely think anything is perfect, so please do not request a review if you value ratings over review content.

I'm good at...

...being interested. I take time over reviews. My reviews are intimate, informal and honest. They aim to help, offer insight, and celebrate the graft of craft. I love commas. Punctuation is a personal passion.

Favorite Genres

Comedy, supernatural horror, sci-if, fantasy, thriller, detective, slice-of-life, history.

Least Favorite Genres

Dystopian glumness, romance, personal.

Favorite Item Types

Scripts. Fiction. Essays, especially academic

Least Favorite Item Types

Free form poetry. Other than that, little offends.

I will not review...

Unless previously agreed, novels and chapters are a no go with me. I am sorry to say that I haven't the time.

476

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#2743080

Review of Scribblings of Love

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
I should let you know at this point: I like your hat. Although, a sombrero would bring out your eyes

Yes, another day - another folder. I have to be honest and say I giggled a bit at the rating already on it; someone obviously has a problem with love... Not me! I love love

and this folder is full of the stuff. Some sad love, some happy love, some naughty love and some less tangible love. All love is good love... so perhaps the low rating was tough love?

What are my favourite parts?
Well organised, pretty illustration - what's not to like?

What are my suggestions?
None - Love On!

(useful and meaningful reviews on the way

)

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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477

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#2742478

Review of Don't Build a Shrine

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
You state your feelings and points on public reactions to death very clearly in this well written piece. Your vocabulary is varied, thoughtful and caries a serious tone on a very serious subject. It may be an idea to explore the alternate argument as an essay form, but that, of course, is entirely up to you.

What are my favourite parts?
Your 'voice' comes through very clearly and with weighted consideration. Your rational behind your argument and use of structuring to reflect imagery at the road-side against the reality of the morgue and funeral arrangements really adds a potency to your argument.

What are my suggestions?
If this were a monologue, or article, I might feel more at home with it, but the "essay" tag seems ill-fitting, because I've been brought up to believe an essay is slightly more objective and looks at two sides of the argument (sure, it favours one more than the other, but usually nods there is another POV... albeit the wrong one). Changing your genre item choice might locating it easier for your prospective readership on the site engine.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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478

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#2742337

Review of The Day My Father Died

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
Your father's death was a profound experience and using tools, such as your incredibly poetic voice, to help you come to terms with his illness, demise and loss, is a wonderful way to heal. I was surprised to find this poem outside of the folder where most of your poetry resides on this subject, but then saw the connection with Ghost Ranch. It sounds as if you had a really fulfilling time on "The Flowering Self" poetry workshop, and this whole folder is a pleasure to read. However, this poem stood out the most for me and left a lasting impression - wonderful writing expression

What are my favourite parts?

but it was the mockingbird
who sang a gentle, mournful song
with the women in my father's life -

Beautiful stream of conscious poetry in Free Verse form. There were so many other places where metaphor and imagery melted together in your words with such power. This really was a treat to read and hit me hard on an emotional level.

What are my suggestions?
None - beautifully written. Write On!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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479

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#2742330

Review of Rx: Laughter

Review by Acme

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
I love stumbling across these old newsletter articles around the mods, and senior mods, ports. I know WDC has an archive section, but as they are vast repositories, finding hidden gems like this is always a boon. I really did enjoy your relaxed tone and intimate expression of subject in this article, especially by useing a personal experience (your mothers illness) as a great analogy for your argument. As well done as this is, I do think there is room to turn this good article into a great one

What are my favourite parts?
I like the way you use a serious example to prove a non-serious theory. Connecting with the reader in this way is very intimate, adds a depth to your words and is very engaging

Your mom's choice of humour is a great example of our need to laugh at death (Weekend at Bernie's is a classic

) My mother is battling cancer at the moment too, and her ability to laugh in the face of her experiences is truly a comfort to those who love her.

What are my suggestions?
You use an asterisk to indicate "healing" having a further notation, but as I read directly from the screen, I didn't scroll down because you have used medical information with asterisk bullet points. Perhaps you could re-edit using the site's ability to create footnotes in order to clarify?

When my mother was first diagnosed with cancer in 1993 she did all of the things the doctors told her to do, which included, among other things, surgery and radiation.

- repetition.

things that I told her to do, including guided meditation and visualization. And she did some things that my sister told her

- I'm currently having a clean out of extraneous words in some of my older items, so the word use of "that" flags up when I see it. I now look at it and think "Do I really need you?". Often it is a poor substitute for a more apt word, or is not needed at all.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2742320

Review of Drama Forum

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
This is a warm and welcoming forum which is aimed at one of the growing niche of writers here on WDC. It is clearly set out, with good use of WritingML but there is room for some small improvement.

What are my favourite parts?
Informal and friendly, this place actively encourages participation from site members. Setting the rating at 13+ means you are welcoming a huge portion of WDC to feel comfortable here

What are my suggestions?
You mention occasional contest activities to do with the newsletter and a link to archived newsletters would be great, including contest details.

ADVERTISE! I would never have know this place existed were it not for the Senior Mod Raid. I realise the site is large and writers move in different circles, but you could use the Activities Page to highlight this forum. One newbie member on the site has set up a group dedicated to Drama, and this would make a lovely link in their group literature. Why not visit and work on some mutual promotion?

Invalid Item

This item number is not valid.
#1403470 by Not Available.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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481

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#2741364

Review of Freddy's letter

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

I am reviewing this as an entry in "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
I really did enjoy this letter. Custer may be the more famous General, but this letter from Frederick Benteen is peppered with historical data delivered in a smooth and believable tone in a fictional last letter home.

What are my favourite parts?

It is needless for me to say, Reno failed in his mission. You have met the man Kitty, he is a disgrace.

- I love the way you get the history in so seamlessly

This letter home works really well as a story telling device and allows me to imagine it as an intimate possibility between the two communicants. The post script was very poignant

What are my suggestions?

I am certain [x}that{/x} even now he is watering his horses

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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482

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#2741347

Review of Thunder at the Vesper Hour

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

I am reviewing this as an entry in "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
This internal monologue hits the prompt well and serves up a smashing slice of history. The story is well told but there are some areas where a fine edit would strengthen your delivery.

What are my favourite parts?
I think you capture the "voice" of your narrator really well. I was drawn into his emotions as I read and could almost hear his words in my mind's ear - good writing and character development

What are my suggestions?
You use many exclamation marks. There are places where their use is so concentrated they lose their impact.

There are a number of occasions where a wider vocabulary will tighten your text and add more punch to your words. Look out for words like 'than' and 'had', as often they are poor substitutes for better words, or not needed at all:

That at her funeral I was so distraught that they had to support me. That I wasted away into dissipation and drinking, after she was gone. I know what they say. That I am suspicious of everyone, and that I imprison the nobility on a whim. But that does not change the fact that there are traitors everywhere, that they want me

sky of Almighty God..

- three periods in an ellipsis

when I was 4, my mother poisoned when I was 8.

- avoid numerical symbols and use the written text form.

Oh[,] the arrogance of

Is [that it] wicked, to revenge yourself on those who torment you, and claim your patrimony?

- I don't think you really need the commas in this sentence.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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483

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#2738496

Review of Of WDC and Drama

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
You wonderful, clever, witty writer, you

I love acrostic poetry, but this one is inspirational! Love the message behind the words and your eloquent way in which you express yourself. Bravo!

What are my favourite parts?
All those genres! Have you ever written something for each of them? I think that may well be my next personal challenge

What are my suggestions?
None - just the pick-me-up I needed; thanks

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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484

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#2733296

Review of Activities & Misc

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
I know some people don't think awarding stars and reviewing folders is serious reviewing, but I disagree. A folder means the author wants to tidy up and organise. A folder is usually a good indication of a prolific writer too, and boy, are you prolific!

What are my favourite parts?
Activities and Misc. is a good description! Blog, In & Out, Images and a survey - there really is something here for everyone - thank you

What are my suggestions?
None - Write on!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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485

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#2726511

Review of The Dream Job

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
Hey there! Welcome to WDC, a writing community full of variety, where you'll soon feel at home

I read this and really enjoyed the fantasy comedy I found in your narrators voice. I'm from the north of England and could imagine a similar accent (erm, probably the colourful language

) There are a few areas where a little editing will go a long way.

What are my favourite parts?
Your comic timing and delivery was great, but my favourite part to your writing has to be the development of character through this monologue; really 3D flesh and blood. Well written

What are my suggestions?
Most people who are looking for something to read will use the site search engine to help them find by genre. As few feel like reading "other" you should take time to put genre choices in. I'm a huge comedy fan and may well have over-looked this had I not seen your post in the Noticing Newbies forum.

“over the shoulder[,] three at the time[,] flick wrist[,] throw”

if it’s not made out of strong fabric, it’ll last four hours

- if you are going to be time specific, go for "three", or "five", otherwise it is a little distracting as a possible typo.

There are a couple of instances where you could widen your vocabulary and spice up your text (eg, frustration is mentioned a couple of times in swift succession)

Last[,] but not least, you have to vacuum

Finally, if you are into comedy as much as this item suggests, why not visit the following group and see if you would like to join?

Invalid Item

[]

by A Guest Visitor

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2724893

Review of Currents of Hope

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

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Acme Review

This review is offered in the spirit of support and is only my opinion. Please feel free to take what you will from it and thank you for sharing your work!

Overall Impressions
Right-oh! Let's try that one again shall we? I'm Acme and I know exactly what I am doing

This is a beautifully put together story of a couple resurfacing from a tumultuous time. I like the edge of darkness you weave as a thread of the narrators consciousness. Hope may spring eternal, but trust is a growing, living, breakable commodity. This is very well written

Favourite Parts
I liked the way the narrators thoughts interpreted all of their partners actions and reactions. It seemed very natural and believable and left me wanting to know more about these characters and events surrounding them.

Suggestions
None - Write on!

Write on and take care!

487

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14 days may be credited.

#2724877

Review of Chapter 1

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
Want to join a group which will encourage and support your writing, as well as making new friends? Please visit
The Holding Pond (E)
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#1360711 by Brooke is plotting.

Overall Impressions
Action, plot development, and character revelations. This is a good opening chapter, and I love the cliff-hanger ending as it makes me greedy for the next installment. There are just a couple of editorial areas which you may want to tighten

Favourite Parts

It was a small golden thing. A tiny oval with intricate designs and patterns that came alive with the sun’s dying light. The shadows casting a slight darkness on its beautiful shining surface, making it look a million different shades at once.

- you have such a natural talent for vivid imagery. Care and attention to detail all enhance your thoughtful narrative

Suggestions
Some paragraphs are indented for first line, and others aren't. Uniformity in you presentation will be appreciated by your readers. Modern screen type face doesn't bother with indents, but the choice is yours.

and very thorough when inflicting pain. He had very little patience

- you may want to broaden your vocabulary her and substitute one of the 'very's

once, but even with squinting it was a lost cause.

with a handsome young logger.

- this might be me being British

, but is this a lumberjack?

pretty good, I wreckon

- reckon

or where I had even gotten it,

or where I got it

“This isn’t a joke, Sarah! The kitchen is on fire!!”

overusing exclamation marks diminishes their power, and only one is ever necessary to complete end punctuation to a sentence. Perhaps:

“This isn’t a joke, Sarah. The kitchen is on fire!”

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2724863

Review of Currents of Hope

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

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Acme Review

This review is offered in the spirit of support and is only my opinion. Please feel free to take what you will from it and thank you for sharing your work!

Overall Impressions
Action, plot development, and character revelations. This is a good opening chapter, and I love the cliff-hanger ending as it makes me greedy for the next installment. There are just a couple of editorial areas which you may want to tighten

Favourite Parts

It was a small golden thing. A tiny oval with intricate designs and patterns that came alive with the sun’s dying light. The shadows casting a slight darkness on its beautiful shining surface, making it look a million different shades at once.

- you have such a natural talent for vivid imagery. Care and attention to detail all enhance your thoughtful narrative

Suggestions
Some paragraphs are indented for first line, and others aren't. Uniformity in you presentation will be appreciated by your readers. Modern screen type face doesn't bother with indents, but the choice is yours.

and very thorough when inflicting pain. He had very little patience

- you may want to broaden your vocabulary her and substitute one of the 'very's

once, but even with squinting it was a lost cause.

with a handsome young logger.

- this might be me being British

, but is this a lumberjack?

pretty good, I wreckon

- reckon

or where I had even gotten it,

or where I got it

“This isn’t a joke, Sarah! The kitchen is on fire!!”

overusing exclamation marks diminishes their power, and only one is ever necessary to complete end punctuation to a sentence. Perhaps:

“This isn’t a joke, Sarah. The kitchen is on fire!”

Write on and take care!

489

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#2724820

Review of The Escape

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
Want to join a group which will encourage and support your writing, as well as making new friends? Please visit
The Holding Pond (E)
Currently not accepting new members - group under redesign. Thank you for your patience.
#1360711 by Brooke is plotting.

What are my overall impressions?
What an opener! Action from the very first sentence propelled me into this world of your creation. Your narrative POV gives a good insight to Sarah's actions and reactions. I wanted to give you a thorough review with attention to grammar, spelling, structure etc, but you are a careful and considered writer who needs no guidance there. Welcome to WDC. The quality of this first story leads me to believe another fine writer has joined the community

What are my favourite parts?
There were many, but I have to say your vivid imagery and action led drama hooked and captivated my imagination. Ace

What are my suggestions?
You may want to consider upping your rating to ASR, as the Angel of Death is a pretty scary fella. Take a look at "Content Rating System (CRS)"

(

click the link) and see what you think!

Advertise yourself by including a hook to the plot in your brief description. Also, many readers use the genre search engine to find material which appeals to them, so use as many genre/sub-genre choices as you can. I would include "drama" and "fantasy", but you may think others fit better.

“Hello Sarah[.” H]e said softly, a smile touching his lips.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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490

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#2724743

Review of Waiting For Farewell

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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Acme Review

This review is offered in the spirit of support and is only my opinion. Please feel free to take what you will from it and thank you for sharing your work!

Overall Impressions
Hey Jyo

This is a well constructed poem with a really emotional subject handled with care and thoughtfulness.

Favourite Parts

Sure,
and soft,
sibilant
whispers of aid;

- lovely alliteration and vivid imagery

Suggestions

I search for hint of you

it should be "a hint", but as you are adhering to a strict syllabic scheme you may want to consider pluralising it to "hints"

Write on and take care!

491

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14 days may be credited.

#2724631

Review of Valentine's Day: A Contagious Disease

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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Acme Review

This review is offered in the spirit of support and is only my opinion. Please feel free to take what you will from it and thank you for sharing your work!

Overall Impressions
Lovely internal monologue of your narrator makes this an insightful, wry glance of what Valentine's day means in one school.

Favourite Parts

The smell of the chocolate intoxicated the vast number of love-struck, hormone-driven teenagers revelling in the romantic season.

- you use some great language choices to take us into the narrator's mind

Suggestions

The electrocuted frizzed hair of a punk goth with a glint of silver hanging from her lip was the first thing I noticed when walking into the cafeteria on lunch hour.

at lunch hour? Oh, and I'm aware I abuse them, but commas area great way to allow your readers to take mental breaths when reading your work

undistinguishable

- indistinguishable ?

Running a spell check is never a bad idea, either, as I'm pretty sure I spotted some on my way though (reveling?)

Write on and take care!

492

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#2724600

Review of A Shift in the Universe

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

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Acme Review

This review is offered in the spirit of support and is only my opinion. Please feel free to take what you will from it and thank you for sharing your work!

Overall Impressions
This story is so very well written. I've come to expect little else from you

Emotional, without becoming melodramatic and told with great care and attention to building Nina's character up into a 3-D flesh and blood character.

Favourite Parts

People passed her with smiling faces and carefree gaits, unaware that a great shift in the universe had taken place. She already felt disconnected from them, alone, a foreigner amid humanity.

- wonderful wordsmithing

Suggestions
None - Write On!

Write on and take care!

493

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14 days may be credited.

#2715056

Review of DOMA policy analysis

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
You have a good balance of fact with analytical narrative in this well researched article. There are a couple or areas where you seem to go in argumentative circles, but nothing which couldn't be tightened in a re-edit.

What are my favourite parts?
As a Brit reading an article US judiciary/senate legislature, I felt you did a great job of giving me an understanding of DOMA and all it means in the GLBT community

What are my suggestions?
One area of repetition seems to be the Senator Nickles quote re: "... nothing earth-shattering... breaking new ground..." - you may want to look at firming up you initial point where you use this quote to incorporate your ideas from the duplicated one.

As many people read articles straight from the screen here at WDC, you may want to look into visually enhancing your reader's experience of your work. Double return spacing between paragraphs can help "anchor" the eye when scrolling down

Learning how to use the WritingML system can also be of benefit and I heartily recommend the following forum:

Invalid Item

[]

by A Guest Visitor

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2715054

Review of Non-fiction persuasive work

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
Don't worry, this isn't a "proper" review. I just wanted to welcome you to WDC and let you know I think you're organizing yourself well in order to start your writing here

What are my favourite parts?
I'm looking forward to an informative read of your DOMA policy analysis, but see in your Bio Block you want to dabble in fiction? WDC is a great place to do this.

What are my suggestions?
I found taking part in the site contests (especially the Daily Flash and Writer's Cramp) can really help unleash the muse

Have a look here to see if any of the prompts appeal to you:

Writing Contests @ Writing.Com

[E]
Writing Contests on Writing.Com are posted here.
by Writing.Com Support

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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495

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#2714258

Review of A biography of General Custer

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
It's always difficult to rate works in progress, but I so admire your attempt at this massive undertaking - I do hope you carry on with it

With that in mind, please let me know when it is complete and I will be happy to re-rate and review.

For the purpose of the History Contest you have made very good use of the "biography" prompt, by choosing one its most familiar and intriguing characters.

What are my favourite parts?

George would hang around his father’s forge. He would listen in on his father’s conversations with his friends and customers. It was here that he picked up the strong Democrat allegiance that he would stick to his entire life. He also “test rode” newly shod horses and in the process became an excellent horseman.

- this is just one example of your well delivered history. You give the reader a good insight into the external influences that helped form the Custer of history and you do so in an interesting and informative manner. A good example of great biographical writing

What are my suggestions?

thereby creating a real life 19th century Brady Bunch (except his sister wasn’t constantly bitching about Marcia, Marcia MARCIA”!

- close parentheses. I do like the modern cultural references but don't need to go for full comedy, as it distracts from the detailed information you provide here: it's a fine balance, I know!

Worse than [h]is poor academics was his constant accumulation of demerits

He [had] Libby with him almost constantly and had

enjoyed a cosy family life with Libbie, and

- try to keep spelling uniform throughout to avoid distraction.

Oh, and don't forget to quote your sources in the finished piece

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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496

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#2707728

Review of The Talent Pond Group Items

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
Want to join a group which will encourage and support your writing, as well as making new friends? Please visit
The Holding Pond (E)
Currently not accepting new members - group under redesign. Thank you for your patience.
#1360711 by Brooke is plotting.

What are my overall impressions?
With 19 items and still growing, no wonder this folder has a lovely ribbon on it

Your support of the writing community shines through this well presented and welcoming place in your port.

What are my favourite parts?
Static Items, Books, c-Notes and forums - your commitment to enhancing the writing experience of your peers is obvious

What are my suggestions?
None - Write ON and Shine ON!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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497

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#2706155

Review of Her Tears

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (3.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
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#1360711 by Brooke is plotting.

What are my overall impressions?
The form you use is not Boonstra Brain Function Form. You may find "Invalid Item"

which has some really useful information on this particular form

What are my favourite parts?
You used the prompt well, and I thought the questions made quite an impression

What are my suggestions?
You may want to look into re-editing this poem to meet the necessary word content per line. Also, look at some of your vocabulary and see if there is room to develop more poetic language choices.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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14 days may be credited.

#2706150

Review of The Immigrant

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
Want to join a group which will encourage and support your writing, as well as making new friends? Please visit
The Holding Pond (E)
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#1360711 by Brooke is plotting.

What are my overall impressions?
I did enjoy the poetic language you used in this Boonstra Brain Function Form poem, but other than mentioning 'eyes', I didn't think you made the most of the picture prompt. I have to say, though, if I were reviewing for pleasure and not as a contest judge, I would have really enjoyed your choice of subject matter and how you used the form to its good effect

Unfortunately, you have missed one of the required word counts for this form (please see

What are my favourite parts?

innocent... indignation
contemplate ... communicate ... customs ... carelessly
transplanted ... trapped

- really strong word choices enhanced the effectiveness of your words as well as providing some lovely alliteration

What are my suggestions?
Many people use the site search engine to find items to read, so you may want to consider changing the static item description from 'other' to 'poetry'. Similarly, you should consider editing your genre choices to reflect the content of your poem, rather than state 'contest'.

Line 2 has 9 words instead of 10

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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499

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14 days may be credited.

#2705515

Review of Trains Take Time

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
I can see why you like this introduction. You have managed to create great pace and tone, coupled with some good imagery and thought provoking prose. A little time spent re-editing could make it a great snippet of prose.

What are my favourite parts?

time still flows like a wave crashing over my shoulders in the ocean.

- I do like your use of simile here made more potent by the metaphor of concrete which follows. These are good devices used well to enhance your prose

What are my suggestions?

time still flows like a wave crashing over my shoulders in the ocean. While all I'm able to do is stand here and wait unknowingly for the next one to come.

- I'm aware adding a semi-colon would make this an incredibly long sentence, but the 'while' seems to fragment the sentence. Perhaps you could remove it all together and start with "All...". Doing so would make it smoother; especially as you have another 'while' starting a following sentence. This line also seems a little incomplete and may benefit a re-write.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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500

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14 days may be credited.

#2705204

Review of Sorrow's face

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
Want to join a group which will encourage and support your writing, as well as making new friends? Please visit
The Holding Pond (E)
Currently not accepting new members - group under redesign. Thank you for your patience.
#1360711 by Brooke is plotting.

What are my overall impressions?
Good use of Boonstra Brain Function Form, but I don't think your use of the picture prompt was evident. A little time spent revisiting this with an eye on your word choices might be beneficial as the poem looses the initial power of the first two lines as it nears the end.

What are my favourite parts?

A dominating history of destruction, replaced by present lonely desolation.

- thoughtfully constructed with lovely alliteration, I liked the pace and tone you set here

What are my suggestions?

quick poem written for a contest

- this might be true, but you may not get a lot of readers choosing to view your work with this brief description.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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