Acme's (acme) Reviews

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2,953 Public Reviews Given

3,697 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Honest. I give my overall impressions, let you know what worked well for me and what didn't, and when that happens, I like to try and offer suggestions--totally up to you if you want to take any notice; it is your writing, after all. I am just glad to have the opportunity to read and review. I rarely think anything is perfect, so please do not request a review if you value ratings over review content.

I'm good at...

...being interested. I take time over reviews. My reviews are intimate, informal and honest. They aim to help, offer insight, and celebrate the graft of craft. I love commas. Punctuation is a personal passion.

Favorite Genres

Comedy, supernatural horror, sci-if, fantasy, thriller, detective, slice-of-life, history.

Least Favorite Genres

Dystopian glumness, romance, personal.

Favorite Item Types

Scripts. Fiction. Essays, especially academic

Least Favorite Item Types

Free form poetry. Other than that, little offends.

I will not review...

Unless previously agreed, novels and chapters are a no go with me. I am sorry to say that I haven't the time.

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#2689022

Review of The Wizard of Flaming Flapdoodle

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

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#1388251 by Maryann- summer travel

What are my overall impressions?
Let me take you on a journey to 2005! Fyn, I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the Russian Dolls of your Poetry folder

The last time I was here I didn't realise I was looking at "page one of three"... or folders, leading to more hidden gems lived down there too. Happily, I've found them now. I have to say, children's poetry is a favourite of mine to read, but a hard one to master to write. The fantasy element to this one appealed as I was hoping for a bit of nonsense. This may be more coherent than Lear, or Caroll's Jaberwocky, but I think you get the balance right and deliver an adventure, as well as some lovely rhymes and rhythmic stanzas.

What are my favourite parts?

She sang to emotions,
She sang of great joy.
She sang to the witchchild and the wizardboy.
She sang of great magics.
She sang of old glories.
She sang of pure love
and of all the old stories.

- I had a big grin of enjoyment as I read this part of the poem; so much so, I had to re-read it several times - it's even better said aloud

What are my suggestions?
My only suggestion would be to bring your 3 years of recent writing experience back to this Children's poetry folder and tickle them all with the editing brush. This particular one just needs some of the stanzas tightening as the different rhythms and rhyme schemes between them detract a little from the story telling. You seem much more comfortable structuring recent poetry and that skill would only enhance and breathe fresh life into this poem

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2688995

Review of Dear Me

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

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#1388251 by Maryann- summer travel

What are my overall impressions?
Oh, Fyn - I really should remind myself to visit more often. Thankfully your kind bidding at Kelli and Sherri's finds me here again and the playful side of my imagination had to come and visit this write - mostly out of curiosity to know if last years New Years resolutions were met

There is something incredibly brave in writing down that which we intend to do, and that fact is one of the reasons I am impressed with this piece. The others are pretty easy to state too! This is well presented, well written and makes for interesting reading. Encouraging, acknowledging and providing all the necessary answers from within yourself to pursue your goals in a clear and concise manner - ace!

What are my favourite parts?
Recognising the different sides to what makes you a writer, and where you need to focus your energies and attention. Even though the tone is light the intent is driven and thoughtful - loved the different 'voices' used

What are my suggestions?
Look at this again and see if you are still on track - it's a fascinating exercise and one which I may very well emulate myself!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2687554

Review of OF JACKAL BERRIES AND TERMITE

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

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#1388251 by Maryann- summer travel

What are my overall impressions?
A beautiful poem in a contest we both represent our respective parts of the globe in. I've never had the happy chance to visit Africa, but your beautiful vivid imagery has transported my heart there today - thank you

What are my favourite parts?

The gentle breeze left me composed;
unseen tendrils lightly licking caressing,
in state of euphoria my eyes closed,
all stress and depression recessing;

- lovely use of alliteration and personification add to the beauty of the moment you capture here

What are my suggestions?
None - Write On!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2687518

Review of We're off to See the Lizard!

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

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#1388251 by Maryann- summer travel

What are my overall impressions?
I'm having so much fun as part of this campfire

I thought it only right and proper to acknowledge that with a review. I think this is a cracking fantasy/comedy romp and a great adventure which changes at the drop of a hat - it means anything is possible and that makes it sooooooo exciting to contribute to and fun to read.

What are my favourite parts?
I can see all these fabulous characters really clearly in my minds eye - what a hoot

!

What are my suggestions?
None - Write On!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2687401

Review of Three Embarassing Moments

Review by Acme

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

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#1388251 by Maryann- summer travel

What are my overall impressions?
This is so very well written on so many levels - thank you for entering it into "Three Embarassing Moments"

. The three embarrassing moments work really well as a whole, and you have a natural talent for strong narrative description. Love the little cultural references eg, Tim Burton - it adds to the intimacy between narrator and reader

What are my favourite parts?

At this point my brother's passing was still a shock to us, so we were alternating between an almost inappropriate casual giddiness and stark depression.

- this is so well put, as anyone who's lost someone will probable recognise; I know I did. This explanation also puts the reader at ease, allowing them the mental room to laugh along with the irony of the ensuing circumstances. Very well written

What are my suggestions?
None - Write on!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2687395

Review of Kendall

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

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#1388251 by Maryann- summer travel

What are my overall impressions?
Holy Moly - the truth really is stranger than fiction

! Thank you so much for this eye-opening entry in "Invalid Item"

It's one of those stories which my initial reaction was to laugh, followed swiftly with a stomach flip of pity for the up-bringing of this little girl.

What are my favourite parts?
Although all the descriptions of this little girl, and her actions, are marvelous, the real comedy comes from what you cleverly don't say - these are parents whose good intentions are paving a road to hell for their daughter. I would love to see "Kendall - the Teenage Years": I already have a mental image of Fairuza Balk in The Craft...

What are my suggestions?
None - Write on!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2686721

Review of Food for Thought?

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

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#1388251 by Maryann- summer travel

What are my overall impressions?
This is comedy! Get it in listed in the Genre choices, so you don't miss out on potential audiences

Oh, you can't beat a AABB rhyme structure in a traditional quatrain comedy poem... ahh: ACE!

What are my favourite parts?

As a small child it fooled my teacher,
Ha ha I thought, that’ll teach her
When my creative story she had heard
And said “comestible, that is not a word!”

- I know this child

Lovely comedy imagery, delightfully delivered

What are my suggestions?
Other than popping 'Comedy' in the place of 'Art' for a genre choice? None - Write ON!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2686713

Review of Lancaster - An Historic City

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

An Acme Review

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#1388251 by Maryann- summer travel

What are my overall impressions?
You must have so many tales to tell of Old Lancaster - this is a tantalising glimpse of a general overview of the rich history here. I find it fascinating and would actively encourage you to "Write On!" more tales and histories of this most fascinating home town. Just a little editing could make this informative article a really enjoyable experience for your readership.

What are my favourite parts?

A short way along the main road that loops round the city is “Penny’s Hospital”. It was a hospital and almshouse built by the philanthropist William Penny. Set back slightly from the main road is a stone archway with a black wrought iron gate ... It’s not that this place is special that is so surprising, it is the fact that it isn’t. There’s no brash sign announcing it as a place to visit, there’s no museum, no gift shop or tea rooms. In Lancaster, it is just another building.

- so very typical of those of us who have history at our finger-tips: we take it for granted. My mind's eye thinks it recognises this, but probably only in passing. This fabulous description of the heritage on our doorstep is echoed in your opening paragraph - well observed and written

What are my suggestions?

To the north lies the rugged fells and picturesque scenery of the Lake Disctrict; to the east there are the Bowland Fells and beyond them the Yorkshire Dales; to the south lies miles of country roads, then the industrial heartland of Lancashire; to the East is the cold, windy Irish sea.

- you have two easts and no west. Typo on District. It may read a little smoother if you were to substitute the semi-colons for full stops.

There’s not many people about

- if you are going to use a contraction (which you should be wary of outside of dialogue) check to see if it should be pluralised, as here.

The gate is open, and a couple of steps up leads to an enclosed courtyard.

- perhaps:

The gate is open, and a couple of steps lead to an enclosed courtyard.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2686689

Review of Crime Pays

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

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#1388251 by Maryann- summer travel

What are my overall impressions?
This may be one of the older pieces you have in your portfolio but the twist is fabulous and, if you haven't already done so, I really recommend a little re-read for minor editing issues, and then submitting it into Arakun the Twisted Raccoon

's "Twisted Tales Contest"

What are my favourite parts?

Half a hundred people, suddenly realising no more was going to be read out, scrabbled for their copies, desperate to know the end of the story, never mind that it was at the end of the book.

- Your timing was excellent on this. I could clearly picture the scene unfolding before my eyes - wonderful writing

What are my suggestions?

The long line of people snaked across the reading room, out of the door into the main bookshop; Julie Jackson was impressed.

- the word "and" would work a little better than the comma. Good way to introduce your character, though

She’d always wanted [ for] people to like what she wrote

In a recent interview for The Times, the journalist [ had] asked her

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2686672

Review of My Twin

Review by Acme

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

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#1388251 by Maryann- summer travel

What are my overall impressions?
Buckle up for an Acme Mini-Port Raid

This wonderfully descriptive piece of prose is short and sweet. You use of literary devices, such as language choice, alliteration and personification well. 100 words is quite an achievement to get so much across in and you provide a complete moment caught in the examination of this shadow relationship.

What are my favourite parts?
That twin of mine slinked behind, never quite catching yours truly, nor getting too distant on the dusty road. - descriptive narrative which moved the story on and added a 'voice' to your narrator - lovely writing

What are my suggestions?
None - Write on!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2686602

Review of Alone/Never Alone

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

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#1388251 by Maryann- summer travel

What are my overall impressions?
I'm re-rating this, because you have served up a real treat my shortening the prime sequences and delivering the poem in a veritable Crayola of colour.

What are my favourite parts?
Maybe it was there before and I missed it, but I really enjoyed the alien POV toward the children too. Especially here:

Rain
Is now
The only creature
To slide down my limbs

- personifying the swing-set and making the children are as much a creature as the squirrel is later on is highly original

- I'm really glad I re-visited

What are my suggestions?
None - Write On!

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2686433

Review of Song of the Mockingbird, Chapter 1

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

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#1388251 by Maryann- summer travel

What are my overall impressions?
Thank you for participating in Round 3 of "Invalid Item"

. Having your story aimed at a teen audience is an original concept. This fictional account of a young boy's experience during civil war makes for enjoyable reading.

What are my favourite parts?

Frank hadn’t said the obvious, that the family needed Father most, that one elderly preacher wasn’t going to make a difference to the war, but would break the family apart. Frank and Father climbed the fence, the intoxicating honeysuckle filling the entire yard with its heady scent. The first of the years fat honeybees were looping their way drunkenly from one blossom to the next.

- you have some wonderfully vivid imagery throughout this story. Capturing the humanity in the history you portray - well written

What are my suggestions?

The blue that marked him as traitor to half of the people who knew and loved them

I mentally stumbled over this sentence, you may wish to re-edti using the word "him" instead of "them", or ensure your readers realise you are discussing the uniform

"ok Father - Capital letter. Also, please check the historical accuracy of this familiar phrase. My facts are based on what I was told in my British schooling (so they may very wrong!): Ok stands for 0K (zero kill), an abbreviated form of last century's American military speak. Typically to indicate a good maneuver with no loss of life. If so, it wouldnt have been used during the civil war. If you do find out differently please let me know, as I find the modern use of historical Slang fascinating

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2686426

Review of Interview with Ben Franklin - Part 1

Review by Acme

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

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#1388251 by Maryann- summer travel

What are my overall impressions?
After reading this 'interview' I have to ask if you have considered being a contestant and helping represent your part of the globe in kiyasama's "Project Write World"

, as Ben Franklin's quotes were the subject of one round and interviews are the subject of the current round? It really is a great community writing activity to be involved in and I highly recommend it

As for your story? I thought this was a highly original approach to examining the life and career of a historical figure. With a little light editing this will be a very well told tale

What are my favourite parts?
I liked the way you examined the known history of the man before incorporating your fictional interview based on these historical facts. It meant the story was informative, as well as entertaining - well done

What are my suggestions?

so he was apprenticed to his brother aged 12.

- be sure to clarify statements so your readers don't stumble over your meaning

It doesn't really feel finished. Your conclusion is much weaker than your opening. You may want to re-read you opening and incorporate Jacks need to move on to some time else rather than make that second meeting: leave the narrator, and the audience, wanting more.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2685477

Review of We Haul, U-Haul--Don't Fall!

Review by Acme

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
Congratulations on being chosen for
Invalid Item
This item number is not valid.
#1363057 by Not Available.

What are my overall impressions?
I really don't know how you manage to do it. You have me smiling, nodding and laughing with you on these family tales or yours. This one proved no different and I thoghoughly enjoyed myself

What are my favourite parts?

I poured myself a small four or five ounce portion, sat there, and sipped away.
Within minutes, my thoughts ran wildly ahead to tomorrow’s news.

- This whole section had me rollin'

I love your clever observational humour in the descriptions of your narrator going from one scenario to the other, with corresponding emotions - very well written

What are my suggestions?
I only noticed one tiny typo:

and then the pulling. followed

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2684679

Review of Channel 52: My Life

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
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#1360711 by Brooklyn

What are my overall impressions?
You do well to quickly introduce your main character and set up the 'speed-dating' scenario, which is full of comedy observations from the off. Just spending a little time in a re-edit will benefit your story and enhance the experience of your readers

What are my favourite parts?

For instance, this one woman sat down and started going on about how her friend that she brought with her was better looking and was stealing all the men. It was at that moment I knew that her friend getting all the guys had nothing to do with looks.

- this example was poignant, and expressed really well. It had even more impact as you surrounded it with comedy imagery - good writing

What are my suggestions?
As most people visiting the site read directly from the screen, you may want to consider double return spacing between paragraphs and dialogue.

I really do think you have three different stories here, so why not separate them into three different stories:

dating

writing

family

Fred is a boring name[.] I say boring[;] others say square.

The next woman who came by was smokin’ hot, but sophisticated looking.

'and' would be better than 'but' as it made me stumble as I read.

name tag “Fred”[, and] my face and she suddenly

I got so caught up by your narrative I didn't notice any other edit points. I really think you have an obvious talent for writing and I look forward to reading more of your work.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2681894

Review of Letter from a Ghost

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
I love the open letter form you have employed to tell the history of this amazing vessel. Fictional supposition is a great way to delivery history with meaning for your readership and the tone of your narrator is believable and compelling.

What are my favourite parts?
Your descriptions of the dead are sobering, and remind us that history is real people, in real situations, and sometimes that incorporates real horror. You did service to these deaths by ensuring your narrative handled the mention of them in a thoughtful and considered manner. It also meant that your concluding paragraphs regarding honours and burial over a century later were made all the more weighty.

What are my suggestions?
None - wonderful writing

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2679293

Review of Alone/Never Alone

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.0)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
As visually stunning as your poem is, it didn't follow the Prime form. Good use of the prompt though, and I enjoyed the detailed descriptions used through out.

What are my favourite parts?

Reflecting on the rainbow of life

- great imagery and good alliteration

What are my suggestions?
Other than not meeting the required form, none

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2679208

Review of Ravishing illusion

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
I really enjoyed the imagery you evoked in this poem, but would have loved to have grasped more by way of reference to the prompt.

What are my favourite parts?
Almost as if I was inside childhood for a blissful moment - this is such a thought-provoking line, I loved it!

What are my suggestions?
Line 4 misses the Prime Poem form, as 5 words should be present

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2679206

Review of Swing Prime Poem

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (4.5)

An Acme Review
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
A little time re-editing will enhance your readers view of this prime poem

You clearly used the prompt and used the form well.

What are my favourite parts?
I really did enjoy the unusual POV, personifying the swing was odd, but really worked as I had drawn the conclusion that it was a mother speaking about her kids - I really liked the twist!

What are my suggestions?
There is a strange 'bitem' link that really shouldn't be there - if you are trying to use the image type, {image:####}, leaving no gaps and substituting '#' for the ID number of the image

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2679004

Review of Hermany Loves, an Ongoing Story

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

You are receiving this review as part of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
I can't believe it's taken me so long to find this parody series

Well, now I'm here for the long haul!

What are my favourite parts?
The stories speak for themselves, but is is good that you have them so well organised and popped together here! Now I can list the folder as a favourite and pop back anytime to visit

What are my suggestions?
You should shout about what you are doing here - so here are some GPs for a lovely illustration from kiyasama or another on-site pictoral genius

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2676575

Review of Curse of the Bambino

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

You are receiving this review as part of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
Keep in mind I am horribly British about some things... baseball is one of them

! It didn't stop me enjoying this story, though. Wonderfully written with a lovely nod to history through depictions of the game and the haunting references to 1918. There are very few institutions as superstitious as sporting ones, so I loved this story of curses from beyond the grave

What are my favourite parts?

Scott sat in the sports writer booth over looking the baseball diamond at Fenway Park. Built in 1912, Fenway Park was the oldest baseball park in commission. Wrigley Field was built in 1916 for the Federal Baseball league, which folded after a couple years. When it did, it became home to the Chicago Cubs. He had found out a lot about baseball history today and what he found out simply rattled him to the core.

- I really liked the way you managed to convey history through the narrative of your characters POV. This made its delivery part of the fabric of the story, really interesting, and added a depth to the backdrop for this fantastic tale.

What are my suggestions?

Why did that name come to him? Who were the 1918 Boston Red Sox?

- as you went on to point out Scott's love of baseball, fandom for the Sox, and career as a sports journalist, this really threw me at the time. You could probably convey the same sleepy response in a more reader friendly manner eg,

Why did that name come to him? Why the 1918 Boston Red Sox?

“Who are you?!” cried Scott.

- as Scott cries out, there is no need for the exclamation mark; the question mark serves as appropriate punctuation

“Umph,” said Steve as he

- Steve grunted?

The Curse was broken! But how?! Calls

- overuse of exclamation marks can lessen their impact; my suggestion would be to remove the extraneous one after the question mark. Here too:

The 1918 Red Sox never received their rings?! “

I don’t care who he sells the team too!

- to

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#2676535

Review of Anne Boleyn

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

You are receiving this review as part of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
I do like the Holbein drawings and it is refreshing to read a piece which examines the art of the period to give clues to the personalities portrayed from the past. You have chosen a familiar historical figure, and presented a thoughtful examination of Anne's character as compared to the portrait. It would have been great to see you quote some more sources, and maybe even compare Holbein's handling of Anne's portrait with those of Cleaves and Seymour?

What are my favourite parts?
Your obvious admiration for the woman and the painter is evident through out

What are my suggestions?

incredible in her long to be admired

- longing?

created the perfection of having all in one and proved the innermost longing for beauty.

- perception? I'm not sure your meaning is clear in this sentence, and the following:

So lovely inflamed by the jealousy, yet hideous obeying to the royal authority.

The skin of an eighteen years old girl that never faced the experience of growing older.

; the skin of an eighteen-year-old girl who never faced the experience of growing older.

easy - going character. She was outspoken and open - minded

easy-going character. She was outspoken and open-minded

She was the beloved of a king, then becoming a queen, rich and pretty.

- perhaps:

She was the beloved of a king, then became a rich and pretty queen.

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#2676526

Review of Poetic Torch Scorches NEO-Tyranny Agenda

Review by Acme

Rated: 13+

| (2.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

You are receiving this review as part of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
The trouble with political dogma is this: it can mean a whole lot to you and very little to the people exposed to it if you a spurred on more by 'political fervor' and evangelism, than a wish to educate. I'm British - what's a Yippee? Your argument is weak if your vocabulary is mute to your readership. This is a historical writing contest, not a rally; your work should be targeted more to the audience which you want to address.

What are my favourite parts?
You certainly seem to have a passion for your subject.

What are my suggestions?
If you do wish to enter a history based piece, you may want to quote more than "9/11" as a reference point for your readers. However, as a political statement, I'm sure you know much more about the meaning behind your words than I do.

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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#2676348

Review of Headlines and Baseballs

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (3.5)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

You are receiving this review as part of "Invalid Item"

What are my overall impressions?
Modern History is sometimes overlooked, so it makes a refreshing change to read this story set in the middle of last century, about a life lead at the close of the 19th. The Newsboys contest is a great idea, and I'm sure this tale will do very well. I like the general look at the history through plot lines dealing with child labour, medical care, family interaction, and finance. However, it would have been great to see more 'history' as a backdrop to the era in the narrative description.

What are my favourite parts?
The dialogue was excellent, and really helped you characters come to life

What are my suggestions?

"caryin' the banner".

- carryin' (carry)

messages, I figure. and I kinda like it
- no need for period

pay for the doctor."My heart started
- double space return, new paragraph after speech

"Mamma." I whispered
- comma or question mark instead of period

to say 'hullo to me
- 'hullo'

frusterated to find that the rest of the
- frustrated

He smiled. and put his
- no need for period

grandmother.." I was
- three periods to an ellipsis

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#2676280

Review of Furry Philosophy

Review by Acme

Rated: E

| (5.0)

An Acme Review

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

What are my overall impressions?
I found the If... composition of this simple quatrain poem to be most effective in delivering your wonderful imagery and kitty philosophy. This poem is very well written and you set a thoughtful and pleasant tone throughout.

What are my favourite parts?
The relationship between the narrator and the animal is drawn so well with though good language choices, allusion, and beautiful descriptive narrative

What are my suggestions?
You may want to remove the link at the bottom of the poem, as this item is now invalid.

You may want to consider adding 'comedy' as a genre choice, as the antics of the kitten in your poem really had me smiling in places

Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care

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