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2,953 Public Reviews Given
3,697 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest. I give my overall impressions, let you know what worked well for me and what didn't, and when that happens, I like to try and offer suggestions--totally up to you if you want to take any notice; it is your writing, after all. I am just glad to have the opportunity to read and review. I rarely think anything is perfect, so please do not request a review if you value ratings over review content.
I'm good at...
...being interested. I take time over reviews. My reviews are intimate, informal and honest. They aim to help, offer insight, and celebrate the graft of craft. I love commas. Punctuation is a personal passion.
Favorite Genres
Comedy, supernatural horror, sci-if, fantasy, thriller, detective, slice-of-life, history.
Least Favorite Genres
Dystopian glumness, romance, personal.
Favorite Item Types
Scripts. Fiction. Essays, especially academic
Least Favorite Item Types
Free form poetry. Other than that, little offends.
I will not review...
Unless previously agreed, novels and chapters are a no go with me. I am sorry to say that I haven't the time.
Public Reviews
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576
576
Review of My Refuge  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


What are my overall impressions?

You have managed to create some truly, vivid imagery in such a short piece. This is a wonderful example of 'show' not 'tell', and I felt my internal senses come alive in your descriptions of nature. The narrator's love of this place shines through - well written *Smile*

What are my favourite parts?
The sweet, strong wind blows in my face and whips through my now tangled hair.
- this really caught my attention and served as a great 'hook' for an opening line *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
My heart lies in the woods I love so much.
On the trails I know so well.
- a semi-colon would be more appropriate than a period after 'much'

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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577
577
Review of Flowers  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


What are my overall impressions?

I'm a big fan of flash fiction, and so was draw to this story by your brief description *Smile* There are some cracking contests on WDC for this form of writing, and they give you a good opportunity to be reviewed and receive constructive criticism. Try these, if you haven't done so already:
"Daily Flash Fiction ChallengeOpen in new Window.
"Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.
I thought you managed to pack a whole lot of writing into so few words. Vivid imagery and well crafted character building show your natural talents for narrative description. Good plot development - well written tale *Smile*

What are my favourite parts?
Her hair hung down the middle of her back and when she tossed it over her shoulder, he could smell the honey-melon shampoo she used.
- use of language devices, like the alliteration here, really help create tone and mood behind the delivery of your imagery *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
There were no spelling, structural or grammatical errors that I noticed.

You may want to consider entering genre choices when you create an item. Many readers use the search engine to look for their particular fancy, and incorporating them will help people discover your work *Smile*

Personally? I would take out the "twist in the tale" spoiler in the brief description. After all, your story really builds and delivers on it's own merit.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*
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578
578
Review of Martial Arts Poll  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey there,
Instead of just sending you an emial (because I picked other) I thought I'd take the time to pop some stars on this item, as I noticed them missing *Smile* Oh, and it's 'Wing Chun'... anyhoo, here are my thoughts:
*Bullet* Well set out and easy to use
*Bullet* Good range of poll choices
*Bullet* Interesting results!
My only suggestion would be to brighten it up and enhance it visually with use of WritingML

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care,
Acme

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579
579
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
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This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*
Thank you for entering
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1300753 by Not Available.


What are my overall impressions?

This entry uses the 'Promises, Promises' prompt really well in this seasonal family tale. The use of dialogue throughout was incredibly clever and wonderfully done; great narrative description, vivid imagery and great informal tone and character building - clever writing, as it delivered so much through speech alone *Delight* Just a minor re-edit is needed, with an eye for punctuation. There were no other technical problems which I noticed.

What are my favourite parts?
You have cracking comic timing, and the delivery of your punch-line is right on the money *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
Just a couple of typos:

“So[,] Pop, are we going

I don’t[,] see it anywhere

trees don’t mean no spirit of Christmas[, ;] I want us to have the best

smarty pants,[,] I am givin’ you

“It’s just that[,] last year[,] instead of getting us one of those fancy trees for Christmas, you dragged in the dead Rosemary plant.

dang Gu’mment![ Well boy

“Pop[,] why


*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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580
580
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


What are my overall impressions?

I was intrigued by the brief description for this poem and I'm so glad I took the time pop in and check out your words - wonderful writing *Smile* I love the rhythmic flow and employment of child friendly literary devices, such as alliteration. You obviously have a natural talent for descriptive narrative and traditional poetry.

What are my favourite parts?
Merryweather Morningsong
Played his fiddle all day long
Even when he went to bed
He played fiddle in his head
- wonderful imagery, character development, rhyme and rhythm - Ace!

What are my suggestions?
I know you state this veered from childrens into semi-autobiographicla, but I think it makes a great children's rhyme, as well as the bonus of being enjoyed by older readers on other levels. I really think you ought to consider swapping one of your genre choices to highlight the enjoyment children would get from this poem *Smile*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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581
581
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*
*Star* Congratulations on being chosen as a Prize catch in "The Talent PondOpen in new Window. *Star*


What are my overall impressions?

Sport, men, beer, women... the humour in this piece almost had to happen, and it did! I love the little places it turned up and your comedy timing and delivery was spot on. Another talent of yours which shone out was the sparky informal, chatty and believable dialogue - all in all, a very well written story *Smile*

What are my favourite parts?
“I have never, ever in all my years of playing, officiating, and watching seen anything this vicious.” Both teams were a bit stunned as the official stood on his tiptoes spraying Don’s face, “That, sir was completely uncalled for; kicking and raking an opponents head with your boots is far beyond the spirit of this, a gentlemen’s, game”
- being British, I too, have always been amused at the thought of Rugby being a 'gentlemen's game' - I found this telling off funny, and then my moral compass swung in and I cleared my mental throat and muttered next to the narrator and Don *Laugh*

What are my suggestions?
None! Perfectly wonderful and engaging read.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work and good luck! Write on and take care *Star*

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582
582
Review of 30 Years  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*
*Star* Congratulations on being chosen as a Prize catch in "The Talent PondOpen in new Window. *Star*


What are my overall impressions?

I found this piece really moving. Such passion, warmth and emotion leaked from the page. The narrative POV allowed me to really follow all the memories and emotions of this man looking with love at his wife - beautiful expressed *Smile*

What are my favourite parts?
She had supported and tolerated him for those years and the dark years that followed. Through it all she had managed to gather laugh lines in addition to the barely perceptible crows’ feet that were crawling onto her soft face.
- such a tender, thoughtful portrait of a loved one which captured my interest in both of these people; making me want to know more about them both - very well written *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
she was good, He had
- typo capital

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work and good luck! Write on and take care *Star*

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583
583
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
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This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


What are my overall impressions?

Universal nodding all the way through. You have a wonderful talent for observational humour. From fantastic narrative description you went on to deliver one of the funniest bureaucratic wedges of dialogue I've been privy to since The Office. Funny and well written - a pleasure to read *Thumbsup*

What are my favourite parts?
The Panic Room--a movie about a bunch of stupid thieves trying to get Jodie Foster to come out of the closet. Good luck with that.
*Laugh*

What are my suggestions?
None - well honed humour as always *Delight*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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584
584
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
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This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


What are my overall impressions?

People, people, people; you make them flesh and blood, jumping from the page and into vivid imaginings of me as a reader. Fabulous use of the prompt in this tale. I marvel at how such an apparently sad story can be made positive and exude a certain humour in it's human reactions and responses. I really think you should consider including these stories in a 'book' format as your family stories are such addictive reading *Smile*

What are my favourite parts?
Forget turning over a new leaf, Ravi seemed to have turned over the whole tree.
There are so many moments in this story I could chose as favourites, Nanni's stiffening back whilst listening, the narrators POV of wanting to celebrate Ravi's spirit, but recognising the need to tame his wildness, and Jeev's attempt to enforce the discipline of learning. I chose this one because the narrative, observational humour is typical of your gentle and subtle style, and makes for very addictive reading *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
so his father [so saw] no apparent change in his work habits


*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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585
585
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*
Thanks for entering
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1347774 by Not Available.


What are my overall impressions?

A funny little seasonal poem which in only a few words expresses so much. I always like the informal tone you set to your easy-going humour and this poem is no exception. I'm a sucker for a well displayed piece and you have used colour, font and WritingML to enhance this write *Smile*

What are my favourite parts?
We garnished each branch like a fat Christmas pig
The angel on top, still needed a wig
Her hair had been caught on another display
While packed in the attic since New year's day
- I love your effortless style, and funny little details which most households can nod in recognition *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
None! I took your suggestions instead *Laugh*!

*Star* Thank you for entering and good luck! Write on and take care *Star*

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586
586
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*
Thanks for entering
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1347774 by Not Available.


What are my overall impressions?

A funny little seasonal poem which in only a few words expresses so much. I always like the informal tone you set to your easy-going humour and this poem is no exception. I'm a sucker for a well displayed piece and you have used colour, font and WritingML to enhance this write *Smile*

What are my favourite parts?
We garnished each branch like a fat Christmas pig
The angel on top, still needed a wig
Her hair had been caught on another display
While packed in the attic since New year's day
- I love your effortless style, and funny little details which most households can nod in recognition *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
None! I took your suggestions instead *Laugh*!

*Star* Thank you for entering and good luck! Write on and take care *Star*

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587
587
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*
Thanks for entering
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1347774 by Not Available.


What are my overall impressions?

Another well written tale, and an refreshing change in type by delivering a script *Thumbsup* I love the way you've taken these animals and given them such strong characteristics. Good play on words for the ending and a lovely seasonal write.

What are my favourite parts?
The character descriptions are marvelous *Smile* and the humour is fittingly, gentle and subtle.

What are my suggestions?
where I see [an] iridescent plume of smoke


*Star* Thank you for entering and good luck! Write on and take care *Star*

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588
588
Review of Letter From Somme  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!


What are my overall impressions?

My partner is, among other things, a British World War I history enthusiast. He has planned a trip to take him to the Somme, so I was interested in reading this particular letter/memo of yours *Smile* I know very little about the details of these particular battles, the regiments involved, and the tally of loss of life. Reading this letter was far more than this though; you managed to capture the 'human' element really well, and convey all the repressed and expressed emotions of your narrator writing home to his loved one. Very well written and very moving; thank you for providing a wonderful item to read *Thumbsup*

What are my favourite parts?
The image of the post-mark and handwriting really enhanced the experience of reading a letter - little details like that can really bring a reader into your work, as does the handy link to the Battle details!

What are my suggestions?
None! No errors in structure, spelling or grammar which I could see.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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589
589
Review of ~You're my honey  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


What are my overall impressions?

Stained you are so very versatile *Thumbsup* This poem works well on so many levels:
*Check3* It ticks the erotic box. The free verse structure you have chosen really helps deliver a climactic story.
*Check3* Progressive and vivid imagery
*Check3* I loved the way you set a pace and rhythm which used harsh punctuation (periods and exclamation marks; no commas) to enhance the delivery of your content.

What are my favourite parts?
I love the use of blue coloured text to match the 'blue' subject matter and, of course, the little emoticon made my day *Delight*!

What are my suggestions?
None. This is a fine piece of erotic poetry *Smile*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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590
590
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


What are my overall impressions?

I read this and wanted to read more - find out about your narrator and their life. Now that's a sign of a good writer in the making *Smile* You have a talent for building a tone, and character building (I love the way you created the room-mate as someone almost 'ghost-like')

What are my favourite parts?
More clumsy practice at being a thirty something woman alone.
- you have a powerful way with words and this phrase stuck with me *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
The snow has already begun to stick, and the streets are a mess of white snow and clear ice.
- using different discriptors can enhance your narrative eg, changing the second reference of 'snow' to 'powder'.

I knew it is probably not the best living situation
- being tense aware can really benefit your proof reading. Shifting between tenses can be distracting for a reader.

streets, and tall buildings. i look
- capital 'I'

A long strange trip..
- ellipsis are usually denoted by three periods

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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591
591
Review of Nurturing  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!

This review is in consideration of your entry in
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1341392 by Not Available.

What are my overall impressions?

Good use of the prompt and a good example of Free Verse. This poem is well written but lacks a little feeling. I know its a worn phrase, but I do get the impression of being told rather than shown in the middle verse. l really enjoyed the tone and descriptions at the beginning and end *Smile*

What are my favourite parts?
What power I must possess
to wend my way
up through the barrier
of this unyielding space.
- I love that this is a statement and not a question *Thumbsup* In choosing this way to present the thought, you add an extra feeling of strength and independence, echoed as a theme in the rest of the poem - good solid writing.

What are my suggestions?
Apart from my above statement, I would also you suggest you cast an editorial glance over your punctuation - I'm an absolute hypocrite, I know; but I did think there were some unnecessary commas peppering the text.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work, and good luck in the contest! Write on and take care *Star*

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592
592
Review of The White Board  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
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This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


What are my overall impressions?

I stumbled on this last night, and am adding it to My Blog links, as I can see myself visiting often *Smile* Have a wonderful time with your daughter now she has returned and enjoy the snow, if you can, too!

What are my favourite parts?
You have a wonderful family but, even including Gary Sinise, I still find the discription of the Christmas lighting to be my personal highlight:
Christmas lights. Peculiar critters with both minds and lives of their own! It doesn't matter how carefully they are put away the previous january. It doesn't matter at all!
Because over the course of the year they meet, mingle, mate and wear themselves out so that brightly beamng bulbs of Christmas past flicker weakly now and join the lost socks and mittens in Where-ever land.
- you have a natural talent for observational comedy *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
None! Perfect jounal *Bigsmile*

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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593
593
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
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This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


What are my overall impressions?

I was drawn to this because of it's essay tag and the highlighted genre choices. I now see the Writer's Burden as quite the literal one *Laugh*! That's one heck of a tool kit you use *Wink* I love the way you describe the scientific equipment a writer needs to be able of observe life and then comment on it - inspirational stuff and a great opener for your other topical discussion points.

What are my favourite parts?
I found it hard to find a specific part as a favourite, as you have touched so many areas about what compels you as a writer to write, and done so very well. I did enjoy the way you announced what you were and went on to explain it: "I am a story teller..." etc. Thoughtful and thought-provoking read - thank you!

What are my suggestions?
...as well as rail at the fates[;] condemning them to nothing more...



*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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594
594
Review of Stampede  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
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This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


What are my overall impressions?

I'm lucky enough to have been born and spent the early part of my childhood living next to an amusement park in the North of England. I'm also lucky enough to have gypsy roots and a fairground heritage, so this poem was bound to push all the right buttons for me *Delight*! I love the passion behind your words, the inclusion of photographs really enhances the subject matter, and it is soooooo well written to boot! I'm starting to become a fan of your narrative style, and find your ability to use poetic language to describe common-place things so very vividly, truly talented.

What are my favourite parts?
From New Jersey and Florida
And Arizona, white-haired forever children drove
And flew, riding their seaside pals
In their collective memories,
- powerful imagery to powerful protest - ace *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
None. I noticed no errors in structure, grammar or spelling. Very well written.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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595
595
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
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This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


What are my overall impressions?

This poem has so many marvelous observations that I nearly missed all the wonderful and clever writing working hard in the background! Fabulous character building and plot development is captured throughout your wonderful descriptive narrative. You convey tone, age, history, cultural significance and a whole towns economy and relationships with one little litany of items in a store - truly wonderful writing, a pleasure to read and then to re-read some more! Thank you *Bigsmile*

What are my favourite parts?
Piles of fabric, muslin and wool, calico, brocades—I look ‘til I’m full.
Up on a shelf out of little hands' reach are fancy hats of mauve and peach.
Metal strapped barrels with pickles in brine, cure-all tonics by Doctor Fitzlyme.
A checker board where the old men play, as they sit and spit most of the day.
- I love the internal rhymes throughout; they help create a cracking rhythm as well as enhancing your talent for vivid description *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
Barrels of flour stacked higher than me, ten penny nails- Oh[,] so much to see.


*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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596
596
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*
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This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it! *Smile*


What are my overall impressions?

I like my Bunyan and my Arthur Miller but, until now, have never found the time to join Hawthorne's Celestial Railroad, and enjoy the "...great convenience of the new method of going on pilgrimage...". Seeing this poem in your port gave me a good excuse to catch up on my reading and I'm so glad I did *Smile*

What are my favourite parts?
The rumbling sound becomes a cadence, heart beats matching click for clack
Watching shrouded trees retreating, looking forward, never back.
- perfect rhythm*Delight* I can feel the train moving beneath the narrator - truly wonderful writing!

What are my suggestions?
Arriving at Uncertain Station[,] as pre[-]dawn clouds obscure the moon[.]
Looking over shoulder, watching. Checking schedule—leaving soon.


You do mention some pretty dark subjects in this poem:
Pay the tatters of my soul for a ticket to escape;
From the endless woes of living, from the pain of bruise and rape.
and so may wish to re-consider the E-rating for ASR?

I feel the train begin my journey to some[space]place far [away] from here.
- there are a couple of lines, like this one, where some minor editing could help smooth out the rhythm, as you have done a cracking job of building a meter which reflects the pace of rail travel through the majority of the poem *Smile*

“Miss, We are almost there!”
- no need for capital 'w'

Look out Freedom, I’ve come home now,[. or ;?] Look out World, I have Arrived!


*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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597
597
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!
This review is part of my gift to you from
 Invalid Item Open in new Window.
This item number is not valid.
#1030060 by Not Available.



What are my overall impressions?

This is a really well put together poll. I'm a big fan of WritingML to brighten up text and visually enhance the experience for those reading, and participating. You have managed to make me consider your poll subject, set me at ease with your informal and informative tone has, and I'm off to vote now!

What are my favourite parts?
This has me thinking! You have come up with a thoughtful suggestion - and have totally won me over on argument for a wider variety of colours *Delight*

What are my suggestions?
No. you are off your rocker
- comma, semi-colon or capital 'Y'

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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Review of Surprise Gift  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey Jyo,

I had to take a peek at what you have come up with for tis part of Ellie's challenge - and I'm so glad I did *Smile*

A lovely Swap Quatrain, well delivered and written. I like all the WritingML, as you haven't overdone it and it really enhances the visual impact of the poem for me. You've also captured the mayhem and joy of a party in full swing, and I adored the closing verse - brilliant as I've come to expect from you!

Thank you for sharing. Write on and take care,
Acme
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Review of Just One Moment  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Star* An Acme Review *Star*

This rate and review is offered in the spirit of assistance. Please feel free to ignore any, or all suggestions. This is your work, and I'm just happy to have had the chance to review it!


What are my overall impressions?

A good, old fashioned fantasy adventure, well written with just a few areas where a small amount of editing may be beneficial *Smile*

What are my favourite parts?
This scene unfolds wonderfully as an action scene, and I would highly recommend you adding Action/Adventure to your choice of 'genres', to compliment the current 'fantasy' choice. This opener really whet my appetite and I do hope you will follow up this story as your characters are very 'moreish', as are the little questions which surround the action: Why are they outlaws? What do they want from the palace? Why has someone betrayed them? Where do they go next? Very well written *Thumbsup*

What are my suggestions?
Argaeux stood a few hands away, holding his crossbow
- I know what you were trying to say here, but as a 'hand' is a real unit of measurement, this is similar to 'fork handles - four candles', and 'melancholy flower - melon cauliflower'. You may want to reconsider this description to avoid distracting the reader.

sort of dagger-under-the-cloak work, and they were already moving
- I realise this is another clever play on words based on this fantasy universe you have created, but as you are really saying 'cloak and dagger', in a world where both items are synonymous with each other. You may as well go the whole hog with the saying, as, in this case, it would not be cliched.

way Toulon did?," Yutin asked
- no need for the comma as the period contained in the question mark is all the punctuation you need here.

At almost the same time, that guard yelled, "all clear up here."
- you can capitalise the 'all' and substitute the 'that' for 'the'.

*Star* Thank you for sharing your work! Write on and take care *Star*

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Review of Stuff  Open in new Window.
Review by Acme Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Shock* AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH! *Laugh* That is the scariest illustration I have ever seen *Delight* - I love it!

What a fabulous and tidy place you have here Amy - I've not visited you for ages so it's good to see a little compuslive obsessive disorder in your neat and tidy port (I think I'll wait for spring *Wink*)

Seriously, I know this is a folder, but it is neat, well displayed and well organised; and above all else, it's friendly and welcoming *Thumbsup*

Hurrah for tidy people, they make me look so very scruffy!
Hugs,
Acme *Heart*
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