Man! The waitress is about to spread some chaos before the night is through. Great story telling. If pastense or presenters, the reader catches on quickly to the horror about to befall the unwitting customers in the diner.
Your story keeps the reader wanting more so that's a plus.
Try and keep your stories Presentense without mixing in Pastense. That way the story will not sound like something that happened days, months or years ago. You want the reader to feel as if the story is unfolding right before their eyes.
Example: Rey pulled out his books from his gym locker and put them on the floor in front of it.
Try this: Rey pulls out his books from his gym locker and places them on the floor in front of it.
You use asked when you would be better off using asks, said when maybe says is needed, answered when maybe answers is needed and so on. Presentense, my brotha. Go over your story again and you will find many corrections are needed in that area.
Let me know if this technique makes a difference to your gift of story telling.
Hello, Wolfgang. You are on the right track. I notice that during the letter sequence, you use a ton of quotations. You wouold be better off turning that sequence of events into (i)italics(/i). If ya try it, you'll see how incredibly it works out. Using (i)italics will allow you to rid yourself of those quotation marks during the letter writing section(/i).
I am very satisfied with your explanation of the stats. I was stumped with the Unique Writing.com Members until you explained it in the following example: Unique Writing.Com Members: This is the number of individual Writing.Com members who viewed the item. For example, The StoryMistress , kudzu in a can and waterbaby are 3 unique Writing.Com members. If The StoryMistress read my item 3 more times, my Member Views stat would increase by 3 while my Unique Members statistic would NOT increase at all. This is because each member's view is only counted 1 time in the Unique Members stat and The StoryMistress was ALREADY counted from her first viewing.
Talk about your mind playing tricks on you. I enjoyed reading this story. It's amazing how much ones senses goes on high alert once the sun goes down. Good job on depiction of night fright. I found myself reading til the end.
Hello, afamwriter here. I dibble and dabble with lyrics now and then. I noticed your port and thought I could help out. At least I'll have fun trying. Maybe these following verses is what you need, or may give you an idea.
Life's punch to the midsection,
Can end the whole fight.
Hope this helps
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Interesting story. the ending baffled me because I was left with wandering why a couple of people disappeared. What of the little family? What of the Super Nova? I had hoped to find out by reading this story til the end. I just hope there is more to it than there is at present. I really did get into it. And we all know that one day this planet will blow up like pop rocks.
Thia story is was well written. The love a little girl showed to an elderly, sickly lady turned out to be love that she in fact ultimately showed to herslf. Sounds a bit confusing, I know, but once you've read this story, you'll understand.
Great Job!!!
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
This webpage was meticulously written by its author. It gives me great pleasure to announce to the world at how wonderful Writing.Com is. Authors telling original stories, poets weaving words to make us think. There is so much that I have learned here because frankly, Writing.Com makes learning to better your style of writing, your English and being reviewed and critiqued, fun.
Well done explanations. You have provided excellent links to great resources by basically holding the hands of the reader as you walk them through the site. Very important stuff for all Newbies because initially, the Writing.Com website is like being on another world. Without roadmappers, such as yourself, Newbies would have to slowly navigate through the myriads of info here on this website. We thank you for your hard work and concern for us.
This story unfolded well as it progressed. I found myself intrigued by it, so I read on to find out why mysterious deaths were popping up, and why two little boys were on the run. The dialogue between the characters seemed realistic, depending on whatever circumstances arose during the thickening plot.
I like how the author was meticulous in how the paragraphs were spaced so that the reader could tell, without a doubt, which character was reacting or speaking. Well done.
This is thought provoking stuff. You may wish to add proof of similarities of each religion that you have mentioned to your reader. They,(we), want proof that you are indeed knowlegeable on this subject. It's a creditability thing.
You have a few misspellings and you have doubled a word (the the true God)
The first letter at the beginning of a sentence is always a Cap.
so in closing < change to > So, in closing
Check everything out.
Within your second to the last paragraph, starting at See he has, you have a run on sentence. Needs many commas.
Hey, man. Just wanted to check out your are. Nice stuff here, a feller could get lost up in here. :)
What a shame they....... < The narrator gave his take about the Cigars. May want to add quotations to show Frank spoke or thought about the Cigars. Comma needed
What a shame her < quoatation and comma
Daddy wouldn't <quotation and comma
identify the body < too many spaces in between the next paragraph
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 7:39am on Nov 05, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
