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1,417 Public Reviews Given
1,418 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a review template that is only used for in depth reviews, usually those that are specifically requested. These will be as comprehensive as I can manage, including everything I have noticed in reading the piece. Most of my reviews, however, are more in the nature of reactions to the piece with brief notes on things I find particularly good and suggestions on dealing with any obvious flaws in the writing.
I'm good at...
Reviews of stuff I particularly like. If I think the writing is good and the ideas original and inventive, I will say so and become enthusiastic about it. I will point out flaws, particularly where I feel that they interfere with a positive reaction to the piece, but I will also offer suggestions for fixing such problems.
Favorite Genres
I have a broad spectrum of genres I'll review. It's easier for me to list the genres I won't touch.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, erotica, overly dark subjects without a good reason for existence.
Favorite Item Types
I'm unsure what is meant by this - I would have thought the genres sections covered this.
Least Favorite Item Types
See previous section.
I will not review...
Again, see the genres section that lists the genres I won't review.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Moon Rover  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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An amusing little tale. Certainly, it has a beginning, a middle, and an ending and so qualifies as a short story but it could be a little better. That final surprise needs to be delivered with a bit more punch if it's to be truly effective. As it is, the surprise is delivered and the story winds down into an anti-climax.

The mistaken arrival at expected destination is the whole point to the story. As such it should be revealed as close to the end as possible. Perhaps the clue needs to be more obvious so any explanation becomes superfluous. The robot coming across a sign announcing Death Valley, for instance, or a service station claimed as the last chance for gas through the Valley.

Otherwise, the tale is well told, with the adventurous and inventive pair progressing through the various stages to ultimate denouement smoothly and without error. And you included the required words quite naturally. Nicely done.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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2
2
Review of The Road Home  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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Very well described, a tense, gripping tale that belies its simplicity. Your handling of tension is impressive - you were able to make the reader feel present and still you had time for interesting little details like "Several signs salting the surrounding area." And then you immediately spring the surprise of Pepper Drive! Salt and pepper, hey? Very clever.

Your writing is excellent, turning what is really quite a simple tale into a strong and cliff-hanging journey. Of course, we know that Henry will either get home in time or he won't, but you succeed in making it matter to us. And all the time the phone is nagging at us, just it does to Henry. It just makes everything so immediate.

I do think you should increase the font size a little - it's sorta borderline between strain and easy at the moment. Nice handling of italics and different fonts to indicate the phone's contributions and Henry's thoughts however.

Altogether it's a truly delightful tale, totally absorbing and yet quite economical with words. You are very talented.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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3
3
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
I never realised cows had such a rich culture and civilsation! And now it seems they have mooses too (think about it - better still, say it!). A telling story of two cows deserted by their mooses and conspiring together for inspiration. It's a fairly quiet plot given greater depth and amusement by the details of bovine life inserted artfully into the text.

To some extent, it's every writer's fantasy transferred to the page but disguised in another world's clothes. It would certainly do as a child's story but I wonder whether there are deeper psychological clues embedded within. I am reminded of someone's advice on how to find your true love - stop looking.

There was just one thing that gave me slight pause in the reading. That business of the drink on the menu of the convention - "milkshake" skates a little too closely to cannibalism for me. Other than that, everything fits together rather well and I found no errors at all, grammatical or typo-ish. It's a jolly romp with a happy ending. Enough to satisfy any child, I'd think.

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Beholden
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4
4
Review of Cliché  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I do like a bit of wordplay. The language is so full of jokes and emtertainments waiting to be released. And you set these little flies free indeed. Really amusing story.

The idea of flies having an houglass shape on their backs is original enough. Not impossible though - there's a spider that carries an entirely appropriate death's head in the same spot. But you carried it further with "time flying like an arrow." Very neat and the perfect way to crown the tale.

The only question that arises is why the Professor should be working so hard to create such creatures. I know it's only a vehicle to introduce the wordplay but it might have been better had you invented some weird reason for the research he's been conducting. As it stands, it's clear that the guy knows his stuff (his success with the fish proved that as well as introducing the idea of genetic manipulation), but it does seem like a lot of work for a mere twist in word meanings.

Apart from that, it's a tight and economic tale written with some aplomb and fluency. The conversation flows quite naturally and I detected no errors, grammatical or typo. A most enjoyable read.

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Beholden
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5
5
Review of Magic Eight  Open in new Window.
for entry "Thin Ice" Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a clever little poem. The likening of relational fickleness to skating on thin ice is very revealing and emotive. Couple this with a careful choice of words and phrases to achieve full effect from the simile and the poem says a lot more than the sum of its few words.

I was going to pick out certain lines as my favourites but, having considered them all again, I realise that they're all equally good and there would be little point in indicating one in preference to another. Each word has its own import and then combines with its companions to create a deeper and more meaningful whole. It's a very effective technique, this abbreviated, spare approach, leading to a little explosion of meaning in the mind of the reader.

Another important aspect of the poem is its brave confession of culpability. It is essentially a clear-eyed recognition of one's own weakness in being unaware of the damage one leaves behind in matters of the heart. Truth is always more attractive when expressed from personal experience than as a theoretical proposition.

Nicely done.


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6
6
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Variations on the hare and the tortoise, no less. Not that there's anything wrong in that - art is all about using what's useful.

I became quite fascinated by the manoeuvering of the limo in the street. It served as a welcome counterbalance to the conversation leading from deadlock to agreement. A neat addition to the scene. After that, it was all about sides. You concealed your preference quite well, it not being apparent until fairly late in the race (the Healthy Eden distraction was the dead giveaway however). By then we were solidly (I think) behind Terence and his laid back approach to life, so it was good to know we were not being asked to argue with the writer.

Really, the only slightly jarring note was Harold's easy acceptance of his failure in the race. Very little resentment or annoyance apparent in his reaction. I suppose it's possible that some competitive types can supress their emotions so well, but it would be more believable were he to be at least slightly grumpy at first. It's a very minor quibble, however, and hardly one I'd take too seriously. Perhaps it says more about my own competitive instincts instead.

All in all it's a very effective retelling of an old tale and delivers a lot of entertainment too. And not a typo or an error in sight!

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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7
7
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I'm no expert on stories for young children but this one strikes me as being aimed very accurately at them. There's just enough of a conflict in the tale to interest children without scaring them with too much darkness. And it's all solved in the end very neatly.

The one thing that might be a problem is that we are never told what sort of creatures Noah and Oliver are. Noah's whiskers are mentioned at one point but it's not much of clue since many animals have whiskers (come to think of it, so do I). So the two main characters would be more easily imagined by the child if it was known what they are.

No mention is made of the culprit who stole the lantern but this is less important, I think. It's enough that the lantern and fireflies are found and returned to their proper place. There are no typos or errors in the text and it all flows logically and smoothly, so that the result is a fine tale with interest and adventure suitable for its client group. Ideal for a bedtime story, perhaps.

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Beholden
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8
8
Review of The Hourglass  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a charming little story with a deep meaning hidden in the words. It is a consideration of the end of life, when the days and years are slipping from one's grasp and departute drawing close. I like the fact that there is no morbid or sad feeling to the piece - that it is quite peaceful and resigned in contrast. That is very much as many of us older people accept each year granted at the end of life.

The picture of Sarah holding her grandmother's hand as she studies the hourglass is the perfect ending to the piece. There is no need to go into all her thoughts. Just an ironic reflection is sufficient.

You did catch me out slightly in the ending. The swap between the POV of the grandmother to Sarah was unexpected and unannounced so that I had to reread to understand whose thought we were now considering. It's a minor consideration but might need a bit more of an obvious change from one to the other.

Apart from that, it's a delightful tale handled with great care and understanding. Prettily done indeed.

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9
9
Review of The Last Snow Day  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Being interested in the whole process of getting old and approaching death, I had to read this when Damon recommended it. And, while it describes a life rather different from mine (especially since there was no snow in my childhood), I found much to nod my head at in recognition. It is, after all beautifully written and carefully thought out.

I like the way your thoughts progress from the present to the past and back again, comparing your attitudes then and now. It's something we all experience as we amass a past to look back on. Add to that our common humanity and it's no wonder that old people will find much to be in agreement with in your essay. But, above all, it's the atmosphere you create in the piece. Your unhurried and well described journey through your thoughts creates this feeling, the idea of a soul taking stock at the end of life. It's quite masterfully done.

Having said which, I must admit that I have a lone quibble. It's the sentence, "The scene felt an ethereal, timeless stilting that echoed the quiet storm within me." In the immortal quote from the film The Princess Bride, I do not think this means what you think it means. The word "stilting" means raising something on poles. There is the other meaning in the variation "stilted," meaning self conscious or unnatural. Neither of these would seem to fit your intent in the sentence. Perhaps it would be best to use another word that better describes the scene.

Other than that minor point, the piece is wonderful, really emotive and atmospheric. Well done indeed.

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Beholden
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10
10
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
And the "great" to mean enjoyable, in this instance. Yes, it's a clever exploration of the various grates we could be confronted with rather than that which is great. But I find arguing with the language is a thankless task - I've yet to win such an argument.

Still, it's a suitably comic view of the prompt and an unexpected one, I'm sure. You're quite right - it would be more appropriate if it were spelled "great." And the very fact that it's a different point of view makes these musings worthwhile. Some might not consider it "poetic" but poetry encompasses more than the finer things of life. It must surely be about truth more than anything else and poking fun at our own oddities is surely that.

That's one of the things I enjoy about your poetry - that you're not afraid to speak about anything. Just because poetry used to be about bucolic themes or heroic, doesn't mean we have to be bound by such limits forever. And this poem is an excellent example of that.

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Beholden
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11
11
Review of The distance  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I take it this is the first thing you've written in quite a while (I read the brief bio in your portfolio). Writing is a great way to express your feelings, even if only to yourself. It helps to get some perspective on the things that trouble you.

I am old now but still remember the first poems I wrote - all that agony of growing up and trying to make sense of the world. But writing must always come down to communication in the end. If we stick with it, we find that writing for ourselves has its limits - the real joy of it is in reaching others and finding that they understand. Your piece is the beginning of this - I know what you're saying.

What you have written has its own power. It's expressive of your feelings and anyone who has lived through being young will recognise those emotions. You should continue from this and begin to write of other things as well - your experiences and thoughts on the world and so to fiction and the telling of stories. They will come to you if you keep writing.

I'm supposed to help you make the piece better so I offer this minor matter I noticed - the way you have used the word "breakdown" is as a noun (meaning a collapse of ability to deal with events), but in the context you're using it as a verb and it should be "break down."

That's all I have to say really, as your piece is an account of your feelings and not an attempt to write perfect English. As such it succeeds admirably.

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Beholden
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12
12
Review of Mira's Fire  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
The story is very abbreviated. I don't know whether it was written to a very tight word limit (always a good idea to include a word count as it gives a clue on this and other scores), but it really needs a bit more information to be as effective as possible.

The protagonists, for example, are introduced without description or introduction. We don't know why they're in the cemetery, whether they're friends or related, or anything of their character. We are told that Emily has a shock of frizzy hair but this is less important than why she should be interested in the existence or otherwise of Mira Moses. Why is she not afraid of the strange light as her friends are?

To draw the reader in, you need to make your characters both believable and likable, or no one will care what happens to them. That's not easy to do in a piece as short as this but it has to be attempted. You should consider carefully what info is important and what is not. Emily's appearance has no bearing on her reactions, after all - it's her nature that holds her fascinated by the light.

The witch needs a little work too. We cannot understand how ominous and threatening the apparition is unless we know a bit more of the history of Mira. Just a few sentences to explain how her legend came into being, that should do it.

So the story is a fair base upon which to build something more gripping for the reader. If word count is the problem, add the information you need to give the tale more colour, then read it and cut out the bits that aren't absolutely necessary until you get the count within the limit.

Nice work, even so.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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13
13
Review of The Key to Fame  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Oh, evil, evil, evil. There are bad ways to die but the worst must be when you see it coming and there's nothing you can do about it. And this little tale manages to being home to us the true horror of such a situation. It takes some ability to get that across in so few words.

Then there is the matter of learning how the trick is done - almost as a casual mention. It's amazingly simple yet clever enough to fool an audience. Such a pity that it turns out to be Dante's downfall too.

This is a snappy little tale of great verve and energy, a swift carnival ride from beginning to end and a terrible realisation at the end. The language is simple, and so provides the necessary pace, and the explanations clear and precise. There are no grammatical slips to distract and the net result is a powerful piece ideal for a few moments read. The sting in the tail is all the more enjoyable as a result. Well done indeed.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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14
14
Review of Promptly Poetry  Open in new Window.
for entry "Willowinde" Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I confess to not being convinced by these well-meaning, inoffensive dragons so beloved of fantasy writers. I thought they were supposed to kidnap damsels, rather than defend them. But, over time and thanks to various contests, I have developed my own ideas of dragons so that I can allow them to be less harmful than the medieval concept of them.

Your dragon, Willowinde, is so beneficial and innocent that I am tempted to see it as an avatar of your inner self, sharing much of its name with yours as registered with WdC. And you paint a very pleasant picture of the creature, far more attractive than I have ever imagined a dragon. Still, it must always be a creature of fantasy and so your personification of it is at least as valid as mine. In fact, probably more accurate, since I so rarely deal with the imaginary creature. And certainly your poem tells a pretty tale and describes your friend quite admirably.

In which case, the poem has succeeded in its aim. Nicely done!

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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15
15
for entry "First Snow Week 19" Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I chose to review this one because you mentioned snowplows. In America, it's the sound of winter, that metallic screech and grind in the early hours, announcing the snowfall in the deep black of night. And that makes it poetic as anything can be, if it becomes the voice of something greater than itself. So pointing it out is a winner straight away.

And then you talk of DPW trucks and neighbours' growling snowblowers, clanging shovels on sidewalks. It's the sounds of winter, just as much as mowers are the sounds of summer. To anyone who has lain in bed, awake in the dark and listening to the noise of snow being cleared in the street outside, this is the poem that says it all. It's poetic without even trying, honest and sensitive, bringing the experience immediately alive for the reader.

So neatly and cleverly counterpointed with the reference to Christmas at the end as well. I think that covers it, doesn't it?

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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16
16
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Nice. I particularly like the freedom of letting the end rhymes fall where they will in the sentence. This particular rhyme scheme tends to float under the awareness anyway, existing as a thing only noticed if focused upon intentionally but influencing our subconscious minds even so. So the fact that the lines end according to rhythm rather than rhyme enforce the reading of the sentence with understanding more than relaxation into musical beat. If that makes any sense. It's why I like it, anyway.

As for subject, it's well chosen and very affecting. You describe well the unsettling effect of moods shifting suddenly from the heights to the depths and back again. Such careful, careful word choice. But hah! I have a suggestion to make on just that score. It's that very last word - the one I really expected to be something else (and perhaps too obvious, therefore). Wouldn't it be better as "threads" rather than "heads"? You may mean "heads" in the sense that each mood requires a different head, but I kinda like the idea of thoughts as threads weaving together to make cloth, either logical or deranged.

Wonderful poem either way. Just couldn't resist a cheeky suggestion - doesn't happen often.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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17
17
Review of Christmas Mystery  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Interesting. Shows a great deal of promise in the writing - meaning no grammatical errors, typos, or the like, keeps the reader engaged, and adds hooks as it progresses. Presentation is poor but is easily mended by introducing a few more paragraphs to break up that initial impression of a solid block of tight, small font crammed into too small a space. The internet is a place of short attention spans where readers have to be lured in by offering things in neat, short, and digestible bits, rather than massive blocks of ponderous text. As a general rule, I would suggest not allowing paragraphs to exceed three or four sentences. You'll be surprised what a difference all that white space makes to the look of a piece.

To return to the story itself - you kept my interest all the way through, mainly by speaking of a different view of things. What matters in the piece is your reactions to the Christmas shopping, rather than the shopping itself. You allowed me to see things through other eyes and it was this that kept me reading. This culminated in the appearance of the homeless man - a sort of crescendo of interest, something new and entirely unexpected.

At this point, the story fizzles. Having aroused interest and expectation, you let it dissipate by admitting you walked away. The story cries out for continuation. It could be the beginning to a truly gripping tale of mystery and adventure but, as it is, it misses the mark. Which is a shame because it is so well written up to that point.

You can say to me that you don't have a continuation because that's what really happened, but that's not good enough. Imagine a continuation. Create a history for the young man and let yourself become involved with him. Then a really powerful story can erupt and you'd be on your way to fame and fortune. Well, maybe not that quite yet but you'd be taking steps along the path. On this evidence, you have it in you.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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18
18
Review of The Score  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Very nicely paced tale of thwarted adventure. Tension is built carefully with the pounding at the door and the narrator's growing dread of the cause of all the noise. So the final result is just as intended, a surprise and also a chance to escape from someone else's nightmare.

You have constructed the story with great care and skill, every word subtly leading the reader on into what proves somewhat of a delusion. The story itself is low key, fairly ordinary in type, but it is the writing that elevates it into something much more entertaining than it might otherwise have been. There is something very enjoyable in being led so easily into a story and then dumped unceremoniously in the closing stages. It would be easy to feel cheated by such a story except that the reader has already formed a liking for the narrator and is relieved at the sudden dissipation of threat to him.

There is considerable skill involved in creating such a story from very little. It's a fine work that I can find no weakness in.

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19
19
Review of Find Me  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
I've often thought about having a go at a mystery thriller type of story but never been able to think of a suitably clever and serpentine plot. Which is why I read such stories wherever and whenever I find them. And today I came across this one.

It's plot is interesting and proceeds logically in its solving by Jamie, the protagonist. So you have the basics down and, as far as I'm concerned, that is the difficult part. But the story fails thereafter. Essentially, it reads like a police report, with little emotion or characterisation. It's purely an account of the events without background or attempts to involve the reader.

That is for one reason only. There is no reported speech. It is dialogue that gives a story life, allowing the characters to display their feelings and thoughts as a mere narrative cannot. You need to give Jamie a sidekick with whom she can discuss the case and work out what happened. With other characters also making vocal contributions, the story will come to life and be much more effective. Then you can add in a few descriptions of the various places visited and the reader will be gripped and eager to find out the answers to the questions put.

As it stands, I think you have a sound framework as a basis for the story and now need to flesh it out as suggested. It will make the story considerably longer but you should never fear writing longer works. Most people dream of writing books ultimately, and the way there is paved with short stories and longer pieces. You've done the real work in imagining a believable plot and now it deserves to be breathed into life!

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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20
20
for entry "Thankfulness Week 17" Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
You're good at rhyme, aren't you? Too often we mortal beings choose the easy way out, the single syllable words with plenty of rhymes attached, but the real secret is the word that has no obvious rhyme yet reveals an unlikely one when tackled carefully. Best answer is the mix of both approaches and this poem demonstrates that ability excellently.

Then there's the subject to consider. Is there anything new to say about thankfulness or what to be thankful for? That's a hard one, as I should know, having wrestled with the problem for days. And you have expressed one common to all of us yet not considered often. Some deep and sensitive thoughts in this one.

Finally, there's form, and you chose sonnet. Good enough for the bard and so for any of us. And so well chosen for pace and flow, rhythm and beat. Really, your poem is quite an example of how it's done, a poem to stand the test of time. Most thoughtworthy and enjoyable. Plus, I get to invent a new word!

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
21
21
Review of Bricks  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Feels unfinished. The narrator's first two attempts have been deconstructed by the bricklayer but this third way is allowed to stand unchallenged. I think we at least need to know how the narrator gets on with his latest attempt.

Isn't this the problem with moral tales and instructional metaphors? Too often we need to test things before deciding their value. And so endings become problematic and we have to depart the story and return to theorising.

Not that I disliked the story. I actually enjoy this form of writing and found your piece very interesting. By making everything relevant only to the narrator, you have avoided the wagging finger of the usual holier-than-thou instructor, allowing the reader to take from the story what he wishes. It's a difficult genre in that the tone should never be didactic and yet the point or hope is always that the reader should learn from what is written. And that, of course, requires that the writer adopt a position of knowing, thereby immediately risking the reader questioning his credentials. And I feel you have avoided these pitfalls very well.

It's just that nagging doubt that bothers me, the feeling that the work needs a bit more to be truly complete in itself. But an enjoyable read even so.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
22
22
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
A very romantic tale detailing two lives in glorious harmony. For that reason, it's slightly separated from reality but that is what gives the story its dreamlike quality. Clearly based in the actual history of a dedicated Ford employee, the style of writing is ideally suited to the presentation as deliberately overstated romance. It's pure escapism and entirely appropriate to the period and character of the times.

I do find the constant mix of tenses a bit disconcerting - one minute we're considering past events, then we change to the present without apparent reason, only to swap back to the past a few sentences later. It's a technique that distracts the reader from the story and I think you should change the instances in the present case and revert to the past for the entire piece. You've made no secret that it's based upon an actual love story so the past tense is most accurate.

Otherwise it's an enjoyable tale told with attention to detail and resulting in a leap of the imagination in the ending that is quite uplifting. The illustrations are very attractive and add considerably to the story as well. Great work.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
23
23
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hmm, rather more gruesome than I expected. But it's always good to be surprised. So the young lad gets his grandmother's clock back, rather more alive than he'd anticipated, but poor Marta...

It's a well told tale but slightly unbalanced toward the end, the pace suddenly increasing as though a word limit was looming too obviously over you. Been there myself so many times. The result is there is not enough emphasis put upon the meticulous work required before the clock is ultimately brought to life. A solution would be to cut back a little on the preceding conversation (which is more extensive than it really needs to be - we get the fact that the watchmaker's English is heavily accented) and so more space allowed to stretch the fixing process to involve the reader. Then the last paragraph will retain its punch without the unseemly hurry through the brief account of the clock's mending.

It's a minor point and I only mention it because it's so easily fixed. The story remains as excellently presented and described, with no errors or typos (confirming your editing skills therefore), and just the right stress on the twist in the tail. Very well done indeed.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
24
24
Review of Promptly Poetry  Open in new Window.
for entry "Serendipity" Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Chance is such a difficult thing to define. Does it imply that all that is not by chance must be intentional? And, in that case, by whose intent? Presuming that we mean our own intent, then everything else must be either serendipity or its opposite - bad luck, lets say. And, since our evaluation of good and bad fortune depend very much on perceived benefit to ourselves, we approach very closely to a view on serendipity as encompassing all that happens.

Which was my problem when attempting to write about the phenomenon. And yours, I suspect, although you have dealt with it by relying on individual experiences of such happy accidents. And it's just as valid an approach as mine of turning the question over and over in my hands in a quest for some sort of meaning. All of which results in your approach being the more poetic and personal, avoiding my cold inspection of the task without real commitment.

Your poem successfully combines both the consideration of the meaning of the word together with an answer in the form of your own experience. And so you communicate the wonder of it, the essential human understanding of chance and its apparently accidental provision of mannah. And that, after all, is the essence of poetry.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
25
25
Review of A Flight of Fancy  Open in new Window.
Review by Beholden Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
It's true, life'll get you down if you let it. Interesting little vignette that I thought was about me until about halfway through. But I guess old Hector has things a bit harder than I.

I suppose a lot of people would find the piece a bit depressing but, to me, it's just a picture of how old age appears to so many of us. There is little to say about the situation - it's not exactly someone's fault and there are no solutions to it. In the end, Hector has found what remedies his situation offers, and spends his days in imagining himself in more satisfying employ. Mix in a few memories and it's a life of sorts and who is to say it's not enough? It's what I call the days spent in the waiting room, patiently attentive to the sounds of a train arriving. If only there was a timetable...

The power of the piece is in the details picked out and lovingly described, so many familiar things reduced now to the silent companions of a life drawing to a close. It's a fine portrait of how old age can leave us somewhat deflated, empty of hope and illusion. Yet still placing one foot ahead of another as the days pass relentlessly. And only the chimney stacks remain to record those moments, a never changing view on the world outside.

Nicely done.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
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