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1,222 Public Reviews Given
1,223 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a review template that is only used for in depth reviews, usually those that are specifically requested. These will be as comprehensive as I can manage, including everything I have noticed in reading the piece. Most of my reviews, however, are more in the nature of reactions to the piece with brief notes on things I find particularly good and suggestions on dealing with any obvious flaws in the writing.
I'm good at...
Reviews of stuff I particularly like. If I think the writing is good and the ideas original and inventive, I will say so and become enthusiastic about it. I will point out flaws, particularly where I feel that they interfere with a positive reaction to the piece, but I will also offer suggestions for fixing such problems.
Favorite Genres
I have a broad spectrum of genres I'll review. It's easier for me to list the genres I won't touch.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, erotica, overly dark subjects without a good reason for existence.
Favorite Item Types
I'm unsure what is meant by this - I would have thought the genres sections covered this.
Least Favorite Item Types
See previous section.
I will not review...
Again, see the genres section that lists the genres I won't review.
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
From the sublime to the ridiculous! I began reading this with absolute envy, my own experience of lawn mowing being limited to the push along variety . You can imagine the dreams of ride-ons I harboured. Yet I still felt your disappointment as the tractor ran out of fuel and then broke down. Fleeting thoughts of my old push mowers returned and then you emerged from the garage with a weed whacker. Suddenly all jealousy disappeared from my mind as you demonstrated your willingness to descend so far and remain cheerful! It was not a case of how the lawn was mowed but rather that it was mowed at all.

So your story has a moral and value beyond just the amusement and entertainment immediately apparent. I am the better for having read it and learning my lesson for the day. So prettily done indeed.

The tale is well written too and so constructed that the reader does not see the ending coming. All the better to be pleasantly surprised, of course. A delightful tale and an enjoyable read.

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Beholden
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2
2
Review of Traitor's honour  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
A very dramatic tale, told with great verve and understanding. Though I was well aware of where the story was going, I was held by the quality of the writing and the vivid painting of each scene. The main character, Cassius, is well drawn and the reader is fully persuaded in his cause as the horror that was Caligula is demonstrated. One can understand the conflict in Cassius' heart as he wrestles with the demands of his oath to serve and his disgust at the inhumanity of the emperor.

I think you've done an excellent job of telling the tale of the assassination. The fact that you did this without typos or errors makes the piece even more enjoyable. It is not an easy thing to bring history alive so effectively. I am reminded of Robert Graves' history titled I, Claudius. Well done, indeed.

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Beholden
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3
3
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Very celeverly constructed, nice use of repetition and a heartwarming end to the tale. I confess I was being lulled into complacency as the story neared its end - I thought this was a very ordinary event with little chance of twist or surprise in the ending. And then you switched it from a fairly standard military story to a study in societal strata! The reversal of fortune was quite delicious.

I had noticed the concentration on the likability of Dave all the way through but thought this a possible weakness. Meaning that I hadn't seen the final repetition coming and, with it, the point of the story. Dave is clearly an excellent character and a fine hook upon which to hang this story.

I noticed no errors and the style is easy to read and clear. Altogether, it's a fine piece and a most enjoyable read - especially that ending.

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Beholden
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4
4
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Interesting snapshot of life amongst the teens. You know your subject, clearly, and communicate it well, but have one weakness that tends to deflect the reader's attention from the text. You often insert dialogue without assigning it clearly. So the reader ends up having to work out just who is talking. I'm not saying that you should tag every contribution to a conversation but, if you don't identify who is speaking after a sentence about someone else, the natural assumption is to assign the statement to the most recent actor. Your first two sentences are an example of this. You've been talking about Milo and then say, “Why should I?” He laughed, a dumb, smug smirk laying across his features. It looks as though Milo said it, but it doesn't make sense in that case (and it should be "lying" not "laying").

Apart from that, you need to edit a bit more carefully (Couch Brady?) and watch your tenses ("Thank you my dear.” Brady sighs, eyes floated back to Milo - sudden switch to the present tense for no apparent reason). But your writing is very capable, bringing the scene to life and involving the reader very quickly. As for the story, it's less than gripping, perhaps because you did not go into detail of how much difficulty Milo was having in breathing. But I suspect you were more interested in the characters and their reactions than the story. It reads more as an exercise than as a blockbusting tale.

So you've demonstrated considerable writing abilty - now you need to use that in a story that shows us your imagination.

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Beholden
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5
5
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
An interesting piece but disappointing in that it doesn't really go anywhere. It's like the beginning of a much longer tale, establishing a strange and fascinating environment peopled with odd characters that promise much, then ends just as it starts to move into action. The relationships between the characters are very unusual and pose far more questions than are answered and it's this, more than anything else, that keeps us reading. And then you end it.

Seems a lot of work for so little result. It cries out to be built into something much longer, perhaps even a book. And maybe that's just what it is - a preliminary work establishing details of the imagined world. But you should announce it as such, in that case. Otherwise you're just raising expectations in the reader that aren't going to be satisfied.

You show a lot of talent in instilling the sense of mystery and other-worldliness in your writing. Much of this is achieved through not being distracted by the need to explain as you go along, letting the facts parade before the viewer to eventually, one hopes, construct a greater understanding of the world you envisage. It's very effective and begs to be the foundation of stories to come. As a sample of your writing style, this is impressive indeed and you should develop it further.

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Beholden
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6
6
Review of Prompt Writing  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Interesting. I like the way you have scattered little details of the environment through the dialogue. These give atmosphere and place to the scene, a vivid background that draws us in as much as the intensity of the conversation.

But it's the conversation that matters, of course. These deep matters of the soul that are shared in halting words drawn with care and reluctance from the two characters. You do an excellent job of painting the emotion inherent in the situation, resulting in a portrait of the two people involved. It's not a story, as such, but it might be if we knew the facts that have brought about their feelings. It is, as you have labelled it, a sample piece, a demonstration of one aspect of your skill as a writer.

And I would say that you've shown considerable ability in this short piece. Next, you should have a go at story, I think. Put your skills to work! I'm sure you will prove a most effective tale creator.

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Beholden
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7
7
Review of Ghost  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A sad tale indeed. And you tell it well, so that the reader walks with you across the room and experiences the disappointment of the wraith being ignored in the end.

There is one little thing that jars slightly in the reading. Consider this sentence: "No longer able to touch, smell, taste, or love..." The problem is that, if a ghost is no longer able to feel love, there is no explanation for the yearning for the loved one she describes. I'd leave that out of the list, so that love can remain as the one explanation of her grief and despair.

Otherwise it's a fine little tale, especially as it is grammatically sound and devoid of typos and errors. Well done.

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Beholden
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8
8
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A very pleasant and dreamlike evocation of two perfect lands, a work of imagination that you have created with great care and sensitivity. As a story for children, I think it offers a healing alternative to some of the harsher aspects of life, and may well be remembered by them as something to reach for as they grow up.

The one caveat I have on this is that very matter of balance that you mention. The truth is that life is composed of good and bad, ups and downs, a range of hues and gradations of colour from light to dark and bright to dim. It is, in fact, the depths that enable us to see how great are the heights. I know that Nevermore caters for this, but the full healing that it represents seems a bit far fetched to me. Perhaps I am too cynical for children's literature.

It remains a remarkably beautiful tale of sweetness and light. I had one hiccup in reading it but it's a very minor matter and hardly worth bothering with. It's those trees she climbed in the course of her journey. What was the purpose of that and didn't it waste some journeying time?

See how strangely my mind works. But I can still see that this is quite a delightful story and must congratulate you on both the concept and execution. Applause.

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9
9
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Sun*  *Icecreamb*  *Sun* A SuperPower Reviewers Summer review! *Icecreamb*  *Sun*  *Icecreamb*


I had to respond to this as I've wanted a cat door in my bedroom for many years. I used to get out of bed every time the cat wanted in or out, but in the end found it easist to leave the door just slightly ajar, enough for her to slip through. But that's a disadvantage in winter when the cold from the passage overcomes so easily what heat we've managed to assemble in the bedroom. Ah, if I only had the tools, I'd follow your design to the letter.

But the tale, I should be talking about the tale. And it's well written, not quite poetry, I think, yet full of that nostalgia for the cats you have known. This is the age old problem of animals as pets. My mother used to swear "never again" when a dog died, but she was putty in my father's hands when he decided it was time for a new dog. And she grew to love them all. But that's the problem, I suppose.

As for any new owners, I would definitely suggest a cat as the most obvious solution to three cat doors.

It's a wonderful story, entertaining, sad, yet also bright with a sense of your own humour peeping through. A most enjoyable piece.

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Beholden
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10
10
Review of Lovebirds  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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You know, this works in despite of being telegraphed from several miles out. The situation is a cliché but you have managed to succeed in rewarding the reader in spite of this. I'm sitting here, wondering how you did it, and the only answer I've been able to come up with is those doves. Somehow they take all the sameness out of the story and elevate it to a different thing entirely. I mean, I've heard of romantic but this is really way beyond that, a sort of super-romantic tale that earns forgiveness for all the well worn stuff that went before.

Not that it isn't well told even so. There are no errors or typos and the action flows quite naturally. Description is good too. And in the end those doves turbocharge the thing so that it takes off and carries us to the land of all happy endings. It's quite marvellous, a conjurer's trick with a flea bitten rabbit out of a shabby old hat that results in sparkling magic. Bravo, indeed!

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Beholden
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11
11
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Sun*  *Icecreamb*  *Sun* A SuperPower Reviewers Summer review! *Icecreamb*  *Sun*  *Icecreamb*


Nice one - fooled me right up to the last sentence. And that's the point of this flash fiction thing, that the twist in the tale (tail) is kept for the last moment. It's also a believable story because the dialogue is kept real and on point, without deviating to incidentals (as real conversation does so often). It's a rare skill to write dialogue that seems natural but avoids the pitfalls of our usual speech.

It does seem a little unlikely that one character would visit the other's place to throw out things he considered junk, but it's necessary for the storyline so acceptable in the end. Certainly the other's reaction and retaliation is understandable! And it's a well argued defence of all things being different that Alan provides. I suspect this is the real intent of the story - to make this point in an entertaining way.

All in all, it's a clever and amusing little tale without grammatical error or typo. Well done!

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12
12
Review of "En Passant"  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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The blonde's intervention seems a bit over the top but I'll forgive it in view of the truck driver's overuse of his horn. I know how irritating that can be. Otherwise it's an amusing little tale, acted out all too often on our roads these days.

Interesting that your protagonist is female. I read your portfolio bio and it seems that you're male and even older than me. Now that's an achievement! As regards the erotica, there are some here who write that but it's not my bag. Whatever floats your boat, I suppose.

But, to get back to the story, it's amusing enough, well written, and has a pleasant worldly-wise atmosphere. A most enjoyable read.

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Beholden
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13
13
Review of Going Home  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Beautiful story - I can see why it won. I like especially that you kept the matter of the species of tree until the very end. Nicely woven in. It's this apparently unconnected detail (until you make the connection) to the prompt that gives the story its special oomph. I'll bet no one else thought about the species of the tree.

It's very well written with special attention given to the dialogue, but I did meet a couple of minor hiccups on the way through:

"Ralf stared at his reflection on the metal paper towel dispenser with a photographer's eye." Sounds as if the dispenser had a photographer's eye. Easily fixed by moving the eye to the beginning of the sentence, viz. "With a photographer's eye, Ralf stared as his reflection..."

"The doctor pulled up a chair, and began to shuffle through Ralf's records.
'Doc!,' he said sharply. 'Paper is for the insurance company..." I though at first the doctor was saying this. Needs a tag.

Otherwise, it's a very enjoyable story, well written and entertaining. Applause.

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Beholden
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14
14
Review of Imperfections  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Apparently, you've had five reviews of this piece already. That's an amazing number - very few people get that sort of response when just starting out in WdC. So you're doing something right with this piece at least. And I would venture to guess that it's because you've written on a subject that is close to many people's hearts.

Your feeling as detailed in this story are not uncommon. In fact, we've all experienced feelings of inadequacy in some way or another and your eventual solution to the problem is what most of us decide in the end too. So you do not need to feel alone.

As for the writing, I was quite surprised to read that you're dyslexic. There's no sign of it in your writing. I would say that you've not only overcome what you thought were your physical disadvantages, but also you've beaten any obstacles in your path to writing. Now all you need do is to write a few more things for us to read!

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Beholden
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15
15
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Sun*  *Icecreamb*  *Sun* A SuperPower Reviewers Summer review! *Icecreamb*  *Sun*  *Icecreamb*


Wry. That's the word that occurred to me on reading this. It's an amusing tale with an ironic twist at the end. As such, it's not going to shove Shakespeare off his perch but it will certainly entertain it's readers and give them a wry smile at the end. And there's that word again!

The writing is faultless, which always helps but leaves me with little to carp about. And I approve of the narrator's thoughts being delivered in italics. All in all, it's an enjoyable story told very competently and without unnecessary adronment. Applause.

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Beholden
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16
16
Review of Lost in Wales  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Ah, finding one's way in Wales - I remember it well. In my day it was achieved by the use of a map. Suggestions from locals were only useful if you followed the opposite of the indicated route.

It's an amusing tale that brings back memories. But you never said whether your journey met with ultimate success. For all I know, you might still be lost in an unknown location deep in the heart of Wales. After all, it's only three moths old.

The pronunciation of Welsh is a good point, however. I had an uncle who married a Welsh woman and, as a result, he claimed to know how to pronounce the language. He tried to educate me in it but I never got much further than the double ells and dees, plus the annoying doubleyoos and whys. So I understand why you had to see words written down rather than trying to decipher the sound of them.

A fine little tale but just a bit lacking in its ending. I so wanted to know whether you mnade it in the end!

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Beholden
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17
17
Review of Sara Beth  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Wonderful story, full of surprises and interesting ideas. You have a very creative imagination. There are several minor problems that I had to stop and think about as I read through, however. All are insignificant but may be distracting to a reader - and they're so easily fixed. I made notes as I read so I'll paste them in here for your consideration:

Just a suggestion - change her name to Ms Winter rather than Winters. Makes the possessive form less awkward.

Another point - in "He’d read, take copious notes, sit back reflect, edit..." you need a comma between "sit back" and "reflect." Also, are you aware that "He'd read" can be read as "He had read" as well as "He would read"? Both make sense in context but the choice gave me a pause in my reading - and that might be true for other readers too. Might be best to pick one to make it clear which is meant.

"His pen twirled in his hand, old fashioned as it was..." Reads as though his hand was old fashioned. Sure, what follows clarifies it but the damage has already been done by then.

“'Because, I love interrupting you.' She held a large manila envelope." The reader has no idea who this "she" is. She needs to be introduced at least with a name.

“'Samson, stay. I’ll need you here to cause a little diversion, my friend,' as she patted his head.” Again, we have no idea who Samson is and have to stop to work it out. Much better to say, "as she patted the dog's head."

Action becomes very confused after Mack agrees that his wife should deal with Sandra. They're in the office, then suddenly Mack's driving the car up to the house and opening the door for the ladies. It's a case of too much dialogue and not enough action. The reader needs to be told how they get from one location to the next.

"...the archeologist have four more days..." Archeologists.

And that's it. Otherwise it's a fascinating tale and a most enjoyable read. I know it was written quite a long time ago but it might be worth attending to the few errors I mentioned, if only for the sake of others who come across the story. A fine piece of work, even so.

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Beholden
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18
18
Review of Brad's Epiphany  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Melodrama? I'd have said Romance but then, it's your story not mine. Must admit that your choice of genre kept me open-minded about the story as I read, so that the ending came as a pleasant surprise. I'd have been more prepared had it been announced as Romance and that might have lessened the impact.

The story has plenty of interest for the reader regardless of its genre and I enjoyed reading it. To some extent, it's marred by a few typos and errors, however, and would benefit from a careful edit. There's also the redundancy of telling us twice in the first paragraph that Billings was the narrator's hometown. One of those needs to go.

Not sure about the significance of the Bible verse. I think you need to tie it more closely into what follows, perhaps in the final paragraph. Make sure the reader understands its importance in the culmination of the story.

There is a problem, too, in the final paragraph. You say that Brad never made it to Billings and then go on to tell us some of what happened. The problem arises because Brad also wonders what happens in his future. It's confusing because, if he's wondering about the future, how can he know that he never makes it to Billings? It presents the reader with a bit of a POV dilemma between the omniscient third party narrator and Brad's view of things. Probably best to replace the last three sentences with something like this: "And yes, Brad and Louise spent the rest of their lives together."

These are minor matters, however, and easily fixed. All in all, it's an enjoyable read.

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Beholden
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19
19
Review of Dandelion  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A weed is just a p[lant that you don't want. And, if you love dandelions, they cannot be weeds therefore. I agree wholeheartedly with young Lisa that the dandelion is as pretty a flower as any.

This piece is a snapshot of life, a fine example of how we learn from our children, and find in their delight at the world a way back to the time when it was fresh and new to us also. I like it very much, since it has no pretensions to anything more than just a celebration of simple pleasure in things that may have become mundane to us.

The writing is very self-effacing, so that the reader stands with the narrator, watching the scene evolve and hearing her thoughts in the sight of a happy daughter exploring the world. The communication od those perfect moments is achieved without effort, a matter of simple language and straightforward intent. The result is a piece that stands out amongst other more flowery and complex works, illustrating the effectiveness of such a technique. Add to that the lack of errors and it's a very enjoyable piece indeed.

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20
20
Review of "Hello"  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fascinating story. The fact that it's true adds to the interest and charm of the tale. Although told with great simplicity and avoidance of drama, the piece unfolds with a gripping intensity, perhaps enhanced by the fact that each step in the process is told without fuss or apparent emotion. This presents the story in a factual manner that allows the reader to develop his own feelings regarding the situation and developing story.

The tale culminates in a meeting of brother and sister that is so understated that it's almost surreal in its impact. The net outcome is a story that is best described by that word we're so used to - "heartwarming." Yet not a hint of melodrama or sentimentality, just the bare facts. I like it. Maybe it's the age when readers don't like flowery descriptions and time-wasting circumlocutions, or the fact that we have less time to waste these days, but it is definitely a very effective style.

It truly is amazing how much we can find out through a little genealogy. And this piece is a fine example.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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Review of Life Goes On  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
I'll be honest - I'm not quite sure what this story is about. It's a string of apparently unrelated thoughts and actions that fail to create a meaningful narrative. The saving grace is in your description of the piece. This does give some background to the tale that helps in understanding it. But the description is not a part of the story and, without it, the piece fails as I have indicated.

Which is a shame, since it is interesting in construction and succeeds in engaging the reader's attention right until the end. All it needs is the reason for David's emotions to be presented at or near the start, so that everything is brought together into a coherent whole.

Don't tell me that the death of a loved one (presumably his father) is announced in the line, "He’d not long witnessed life’s slow march to the bitter end unfold before him..." Without the clear info provided in the description, the line doesn't help the reader to understand what's going on. But it does tell me you're trying too hard, along with several other lines in the first half of the piece. You're piling on impressions and emotions and trying to make them effective with long words and convoluted constructions. Emotive words are good but, when used too liberally, they become confusing. Keep things simple with just the occasional flash of vivid light coming from a powerful word.

I've been quite harsh in pointing these matters out to you but it's a case of, "If I don't, who will?" The piece needs improvement to achieve its true potential and I've tried to help you in getting there. Always make sure you're getting the message across by stating it simply to begin with. The poetic adornments can then be added sparingly in such a way as to add to the impression, rather than obscure it.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
22
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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A story with a moral! Makes a nice change. It's well constructed, too, with the writing dwelling on the inner conflict of the lad wanting acceptance by the older boys but held back by fear and a deep-seated morality. The true struggle is after the deed is done, however, and the decision to return the contraband to the shopkeeper is the real reward for the overcoming of evil.

It was Trent's good fortune that the shopkeeper was so willing to forgive the offence in recognition of the boy's change of heart. Yet even the most hard-hearted of proprietors would press charges in such a case, I'm sure. So the outcome is not so unlikely as to induce disbelief in the reader - and that is the danger in morality tales, after all. We all know how hard a taskmaster is reality.

The text is almost error free (I found one typo but I'll let you search for it - if it matters) and the story is told with attention to detail without getting bogged down in unimportant issues. In all, it's a very competent piece of writing and an enjoyable read.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
23
23
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
You may count me in. Although, to be completely honest, I have never had the opportunity to try out a hammock. For some reason, that is one experience that has escaped me all my life.

But your essay has confirmed my imagination of the difficulty of using one. It does not take a genius to work out that anything that has a tendency to swing away from one when an attempt to use it is made, is not the kind of thing to become involved with. It is so similar to boarding a boat being rocked by the waves and eager to react to the addition of your weight, that my picture of the attempt is quite real, I'm sure. And that's without even considering the problem of getting out of the thing once in. I have no doubt that I would be dumped from the debatable comfort of the contraption even by the action of awaking, never mind the attempt to dismount.

I do think you could have added a little more about the dangers of injury inherent in the device, especially for older people. It seems a bit silly to spend most of one's time being wary of ways to break a hip, only to abandon one's care for the sole purpose of snatching a rest in a hammock; this must border on the irresponsible.

So I am persuaded almost without debate. I shall continue to avoid the dreaded hammock. And it is your excellent article that has achieved this. Good advice and an enjoyable read.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
24
24
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Good opening chapter. The introduction to the main character was well paced and not so detailed as to lose interest, the setting described well and succinctly, and the action begun without delay. Certainly enough interest to hold the reader's initial attention. Then the unfolding story as Parker rides towards his father's place becomes gripping as he encounters the unexpected sight of a hat on post, multiplied by Parker's fright at inspecting the hat. It throws the reader into a mystery that must be solved and the final sentence of the chapter delivers the explanation.

It's a carefully thought out tale that is bound to entice the reader to continue further into the book. There are, however, several errors in detail that detract from the the enjoyment of the reader. These are minor matters that should be dealt with in a thorough edit. I list them below:

"howel..." I presume you meant, "Howl..."

"Rex jerked the reins from his hand, turned, and bolted back towards the cabin's barn. "Damn!" he said and pulled the brim of his hat down..." Reads as though the horse said, "Damn!"

"lighting and the thunder." Should be "lightning."

"he's back." Needs a capital at the start of the sentence.

Very minor things but they can spoil a good read. Otherwise, I think the chapter's very well done and most enjoyable.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Homecoming  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Poignant. It became clear halfway through the piece what was going on and, from that point on, it became very effective. Homecoming is indeed a solemn and sad ritual for those who don't survive and for those who have to attend to final goodbyes.

Before that, it is slightly confusing. Maybe I'm dumb but it took a while for me to sort out what the seven statues were. The one thing that I held on to as I read was the C-130. I know what that is, so then I had only to wait to find out whether the statues were inside or outside the plane to begin visualising the scene. How confusing must it be for those who don't understand the significance of the designation C-130, however? I think the piece would benefit from an immediate identification of the plane for those less used to military codes for aircraft. And what an oportunity, to describe the awe of such a sight, the immense size and fat-bellied presence of that lumbering beast approaching in the early morning!

Once the coffins have been announced, the scene becomes recognisable and the proper response evoked from the reader. That was all well done and we felt the great sadness of the Major as he went through the requirements of his position. A fitting tribute to the fallen indeed.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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