Beholden's (beholden) Reviews

Review Requests: ON

1,499 Public Reviews Given

1,500 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I have a review template that is only used for in depth reviews, usually those that are specifically requested. These will be as comprehensive as I can manage, including everything I have noticed in reading the piece. Most of my reviews, however, are more in the nature of reactions to the piece with brief notes on things I find particularly good and suggestions on dealing with any obvious flaws in the writing.

I'm good at...

Reviews of stuff I particularly like. If I think the writing is good and the ideas original and inventive, I will say so and become enthusiastic about it. I will point out flaws, particularly where I feel that they interfere with a positive reaction to the piece, but I will also offer suggestions for fixing such problems.

Favorite Genres

I have a broad spectrum of genres I'll review. It's easier for me to list the genres I won't touch.

Least Favorite Genres

Romance, erotica, overly dark subjects without a good reason for existence.

Favorite Item Types

I'm unsure what is meant by this - I would have thought the genres sections covered this.

Least Favorite Item Types

See previous section.

I will not review...

Again, see the genres section that lists the genres I won't review.

1

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#4816856

Review of The End of the World As We Know It

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

A powerful little piece. Impressively clear-eyed and honest reflections of a life-changing experience, it speaks to our own understanding and brings up memories that, as adults, we would probably prefer to leave unconsidered.

I like that you've left it open-ended and without any neat conclusions. Ultimate judgement on how it has affected your own marriage must wait until your race is run, after all. But it is enough to look at what you know and compare it with our lives. I, for one, never had that experience, although I was told by my older sister that the old man did leave my mother once when I was too young to understand what was going on. It lasted a day or two, apparently, and then he was back again.

So my childhood was one of ignorance is bliss, I suppose. But I can still understand how shocking an experience such a break-up must be. And your piece certainly communicates this very effectively. One of the most moving essays I've read in a long time.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
2023 Quill Nominee

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4816702

Review of Case Closed

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I like it. A surprising amount of imagination went into the story. To look at the world through a monster's eyes was just the beginning. That you gave them real character was the key. How Jeffrey, the monster under the bed, had a childlike view of things, Dudley the closet monster, a personality considerably different, it was a tour of an entirely new world of monster desires and ambitions.

And their relationship to the boy, Davy, that they were centered on - quite masterful and delightful in execution. How Jeffrey thinks of putting the blame on Davy but then reflects that he's not a bad kid and decides instead that the Dad could be the scapegoat. Wonderful invention and depiction of Jeffrey's character.

The result is a story that delights through its simple creation of a world that most of us have probably forgotten - the age when there were monsters under the bed and in the closet, and yet somehow we all survived. Clearly those monsters were a good deal more benign than we imagined them to be. So well written too and not an error or typo anywhere. Makes my inner grammar nazi happy.

Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
2023 Quill Nominee

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4816420

Review of One Cloud-Filled Sky

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

A little gem of irony and a repeated lesson of "be careful what you wish for." It's a gripping tale, very well described, with the reader induced to feel as exhausted by the heat and light as the spaceship's crew. The final twist comes right at the end so one finishes the story appreciating the irony.

All of which certainly fulfills the "emotional" part of the prompt. It's an imaginative story to produce for a prompt and I wonder if it won that instance of the Cramp. I think it deserved to, although it's true I've not read the competion's offerings.

I found no errors or typos, and the tale flowed naturally and at an appropriate speed. Altogether, it's a fine tale and a most enjoyable read.

Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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#4816252

Review of Dragons

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

A charming little story with a pleasant twist in the tail. Obviously, the author has had considerable experience with children and schools because this story is totally at home with its subject. It speaks of the child's world naturally and with complete confidence.

The result is a tale that draws the reader in, gradually revealing that the dragon is a child in a costume and the quest is to find the right class for the lost dragon. All ends happily and the final twist is provided by a quote from the child's father. The ease with which the story is told is quite impressive and the descriptions quite vivid. Your style is ideally suited to this kind of writing, creating an atmosphere of safety in your hands as you lead us through the twists and turns of the tale.

Altogether, it's a delightful tale that takes us back instantly to our own childhoods. Very well done indeed.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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#4816069

Review of The Cat

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Ah, the appeal of stray cats. This reminds me that, in the early days of my first marriage, we were sometimes visited by an old, battle-scarred, and large cat who would stay for a few days and then disappear, only to return months later. I've often wondered what happened to him.

But your story is about indoor cats and of these I've only recently had experience. Our present cat is the queen of the household and a pleasure to serve. It was good to read of your adventures with a similar cat and a stray interloper. There was just one sentence that confused me: "...I could see the porch, the stone steps, my shoes... I wondered where they were..." Two things - why were your shoes outside? And why did you wonder where they were if you could see them? Seems a bit odd.

Apart from that, I found no errors or typos and the tale flowed well with a comforting ending. An enjoyable read.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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#4816062

Review of Soul Thief

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Very imaginative. I was impressed with the way you brought the prompt into the story so unexpectedly. So often we start from the prompt and allow the story to develop from there, but this one was halfway through before we had even a mention of the house in the picture.

You write well, at an appropriate pace, and used dialogue to tell much of the story. In fact, I must admit that my first glance at the text nearly discouraged me from reading it. I become a bit wearied by the advice to use plenty of dialogue in writing and there's a lot of it in this tale. But, on reading it, I realised that it was exactly what the story required and was not excessive at all. Very tight and to the point, in fact.

If the story has a weakness, it is that everything happens a bit too easily. The souls in jars present a problem until they're accidentally smashed, the journey across the lake to the house is solved by some very convenient stepping stones, and Harold is turned from his wicked ways by the simple expedient of the released souls attacking him. Since the story depends so much on the efficacy of magic, it deserves a rather more complicated solution, I think.

Apart from that, it's a well told tale without grammatical errors or typos. Evidence of some fine editing skills indeed. Most enjoyable.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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#4815644

Review of A Burning Matter

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

An interesting insight into the mindset of a group usually regarded as a cult by other denominations. Presenting it as a short story does enable the reader to understand how such events as those described can happen.

It is not my job to judge the organisation and its beliefs, so I must view the story as literature only. And it makes a good job of that, the writing being free of error or distraction from the main thrust of the tale. It's the glimpse of a world that is considerably different from those that most experience that gives the piece its fascination, however. That aspect is quite gripping in fact.

Having said which, I must admit that I found the ending a little abrupt and disappointing. There were no surprises, events panning out pretty much as expected. It should be possible to make more from the excellent description that preceded the denouement. The continuance of the story beyond death seemed an unnecessary extension with the intent only to make a theological point in opposition to the Witness' opinion of annihilation. I think it distracts from the main purpose of the story, the portrait of a man driven to desperate measures by the inflexibility of his society.

It's a minor point however. The story itself is fascinating and well written.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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#4815372

Review of Silver Side

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Ah, the imaginary friend. There's a lot of mileage in this as a subject - not many writers have explored it as yet. And I like that this one is based on the girl herself. In truth, probably most of them reflect certain aspects of their inventors.

Your intent is clearly to save the revelation of the imaginary friend until the end. There's one aspect that defeats this, at least for me. In the first sentence you say, "...my friend, slipping onto the countertop next to the sink..." The image of someone being on the countertop is so unusual that it demands explanation. Since there isn't one given, the reader has to invent one and then the possibilities become very limited, the imaginary friend being one of them.

So, if I were to suggest any improvements to the tale, I'd vote for the introduction to the friend being more natural, without clues to her difference from the norm. Otherwise, you have managed the process of learning about the friend very well. Without that hint of a clue, I dare say I'd have been surprised by the ending.

It's a minor matter and the whole story is a good picture of the relationship between girl and friend. Certainly, the friend seems to be beneficial in her advice and the girl is following her suggestions. A case of self help indeed!

The writing is without error or typo so your editing skills are also in evidence. Altogether it's a most enjoyable tale.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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#4815052

Review of The window at the end of the hall

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

This is a story that needs a little work on the technical side but evidences both imagination and creativity. The technical side is a matter of grammar and editing. Fix that and there is real potential here.

Let me give a few of the annoying little errors in grammar that rob the tale of its intensity.

"...a university student name Elliot had just move into his room." Past tense - it should be "moved."
"...cold, even on to warmest days..." "The," not "to."
"...longer than it should be. the end of that hallway was a small window..." Second sentence should start with a capital and the word "At."
"The landlady... had given a simple warning when move in..." Should be "...when Elliot moved in."
"...don't open that curtain. just leave it be." Second sentence needs a capital letter - "Just..."

These are all such minor matters that, if there were only two or three of them, a reader could ignore. But, scattered throughout the text as they are, they point to a major problem either in the lack of editing or language skills. Either way, I can only suggest you get one of the free grammar checkers available online, such as Grammarly, and use it to assist in editing. This won't solve all of the problem but it will get you some of the way there. After that, it's only practice and experience that can help.

I've spent some time on this because the story has qualities that deserve better presentation. It is unusual and tells a truly scary tale in an accomplished manner as regards pace and interest. Basically, I'm saying that you have talent and should be prepared to put in that little extra bit of work to ensure that the errors are weeded out. And now it's up to you.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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#4814891

Review of The Knight

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Ah, a piece that asks the hard questions. Any woman who considers these matters seriously is going to find it hard to construct an answer sufficient unto the question.

We might find it somewhat out of date to be worrying about knights and damsels these days. After all, knights in shining armour seem to be extinct and damsels in distress almost as rare. Yet the piece is about more than fantasy - it concerns the hidden nature of so many of us, hiding behind masks as we do.

And this highlights the unlikelihood of the ideal ever being attained. Any knight worthy of the name is going to be less than pristine after fighting those battles to win the lady of his choice, and that lady is bound to be disappointed by so worn and battered a rescuer. A conundrum indeed.

As for the piece itself, it's engagingly sharp in its understanding of the human condition and the writing is competent and clear. Add the fact that I found no errors or typos and it's a winner. Very enjoyable and pleasure to read.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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#4814726

Review of Stress & Consequences

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This one is quite interesting from a technical viewpoint. It gives no hint of its ultimate destination, even the description and genres chosen omitting signposts. So the denouement comes as a surprise, at least in its being a conversation between two characters introduced only at the end of the story. But the tale holds together very well and leaves the reader pondering the unexpected twists and turns of life.

Certainly, the aim of a short story, to contain a twist in the tail, is fulfilled. And the writing is competent and marred only by the choice of names for the firefighters. It's a minor point and I could be accused of nitpicking for having mentioned it, but I do think it has some effect on the reader's enjoyment of the story. The names Bob and Joe are just too commonplace to be instantly believable. One might get away with just one name of that kind but two is stretching things a bit. Throw in an unusual one and it could make all the difference.

Apart from that admittedly minor matter, the story is well told, close to most people's experience, and very believable as a result. Well done indeed.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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#4814588

Review of A Shadow of Guilt

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

This is rather different in that it telegraphs what it's about right from the start. The result is the reader is drawn into the piece purely by the description of the protagonist's thoughts. And this works very well, allowing the reader to understand how guilt must feel to the sufferer and how death may come as a final relief.

Which makes the descriptions supremely important to the story. They are expertly done with a series of vivid similes illuminating the journey home and the wavering between firing the gun and being unable to do the deed. It's very effective.

I found no errors or typos, the flow and relentless pace reflected the journey very well, and not a word inappropriate or did not add to the building emotion. In summary, it's an effective piece of writing and a deeply felt tale played out too often in a fallen world.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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#4814434

Review of Pedals of the Past

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Very well written. I must admit that my first thought was that it wasn't much to build a story on. But then I realised that you'd made such a good job of it that I shouldn't be so dismissive.

Part of my initial feeling was the result of my disorganised childhood, I suppose. Riding a bike wasn't something that I needed to be taught. My parents did not buy me a bike until I was twelve years old, by which time I'd been riding everything else I could get my hands on for years. And I learned by doing and assumed that was how everyone did it.

So it was a bit strange imagining a mindset that required a father to do the teaching. Once that's handled, the rest follows easily enough. And the story is quite heartwarming after that. Fairly predictable but, considering the intent and likely audience, it's sufficient.

What makes it stand out, however, is the way it's written. Everything flows smoothly and with appropriate pace and your style gives an impression of confidence in explaining the story. There are no errors or departures from the main storyline. Altogether an enjoyable read with a lesson in living included. Well done.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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#4814257

Review of The Open Window

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

An excellent example of the Sherlock Holmes type of detective story. A wise and observant detective schools a young policeman in the art of detecting from detail and logic. It's a clever contruction, resting on the difference between actual windows and the computer variation on that theme.

The real question is the amount of responsibility that could be attributed to the author of the chain email, St Antoine de Sedi. It's unusual for the author of such a document to include his name but the fact that he has gives us reason to consider the possibility of charges. Unlikely to succeed, it would even so be a good lesson to those mischievous souls who start such ridiculous things.

This leaves us with a death that could be considered a murder but without a real culprit to accuse. A clever little tale indeed. And very well written too, without error or deviation from the point. Altogether it's a delightful story completely worthy of following Sir Arthur Conan Doyles' original series. Well done indeed.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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#4813983

Review of NOTHING EVER GOES AWAY

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Writing about a cat is not an easy thing to do. We tend to regard our pets as interesting to everyone but that is not so. The truth is that what makes them interesting is the relationship they have to ourselves.

So, rather than to tell the reader how wonderful is the cat, it is necessary to look at the relationship. And you have demonstrated this expertly with your neat and expressive tale of SmiLing the cat. Incidentally, I do appreciate the meaning bundled in the name - the Latin name for the cat is "felix" which also means "happy." No doubt this refers to the smile all cats have, their mouths being shaped that way. And so the name is very apt and clever.

But to return to the story, you have indeed described a relationship instead of pointing at the cat's qualities and expecting the reader to understand. This allows us to see your understanding of the cat and to begin to share in that experience. And, if we're cat-experienced, we can tell that you too know what it is to live with and love a cat. It makes the tale a powerful one and that's exactly what you should be trying for. It's a veritable tour de force.

The ending is sheer brilliance. Instead of bemoaning the cat's passing, you point at the discovery of dust bunnies made dark with cat fur. This hits hard and we share in your experience of loss in that moment.

To sum up, this is a beautifully written piece and a fitting reminder of a cat well loved. Nicely done.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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#4813719

Review of Well...

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Okay, a review. Not of the single piece stored in your portfolio but rather of your brief cry of disappointment at not being reviewed as yet. And all I can offer in that regard is patience.

Although you would speed up the process if you were to write more. That would increase the chances of a reviewer stumbling across something of yours. It's a game of chance, after all. There are hundreds of authors scribbling away every day in here, posting their stuff, and hoping for reviews, so it's no surprise when they don't happen all that often. Far more people write than review. Reviewing, after all, is something we do for others and it goes against our natural self interest to indulge in it to the detriment of our own production.

So my advice would be to keep writing - they will come eventually. The reviewers, that is. Mostly through Read & Review but there are other links where you can ask for people to review your work. I'm not convinced it is any more effective than the randomness of R & R, however.

Another thing you could try is reviewing someone else's work. Some writers review in return for receiving one, so that could increase your chances. And, finally, you might write a brief complaint at not being reviewed as yet. But you've already tried that. And it does tend to get your complaint reviewed, rather than anything else. As I have just done.

Ah well, that's life.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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#4813160

Review of Old Man Yhamm

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Ah, a clever little twist of the tale at the last moment. Even old age is relative after all.

It's an enjoyable little story based on a thought regarding our increased longevity and, as such, that twist certainly delivers the goods. Well written and amusing too, although I do wonder why Yhann changed his name halfway through. Some editing needed there, I think.

Apart from that I found no flaws in the piece. It flows well and draws the reader in with details that don't seem to add up until well into the story. The suspicion that we're dealing with "cave people" dawns slowly and is confirmed as more information is supplied. It's a much better way of garnering interest than the usual info dump, as it allows the reader to contribute his own understanding of the scenario. Very nicely done.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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#4813054

Review of The Strength of Love

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Interesting. Your description of the accident and Ronald's slow escape from the car is quite gripping, almost in slow motion as you add detail upon detail. It's very effective for putting the reader right into the situation. We feel every inch of his struggle up the bank of the river to the road and flop exhausted with him when he reaches the tarmac.

Motivation is an important part of the piece and it is somewhat ironic that it's the swingset that drives Ronald on. Salvation by flatpack! And yet this too is true to life, such petty matters often occupying us in the hours of our greatest need.

It's a well written and vivid story, without great drama or fanfare, yet fascinating to anyone who has been in a similar situation. I found no errors or typos and can say honestly that it's a very well produced piece indeed.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4812847

Review of Static Becomes a Relic Here

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Surreal, unsettling, at times poetic, and hinting at meaning that is never grasped. It's different and therefore worthy of consideration. My only problem with it is that I'm unsure that you understand it as well. Without that, it's more of a flow of consciousness, a game of unrelated words that signify nothing in the end.

Which is not to disparage the piece - James Joyce's Ulysses, entirely attempting to record stream of consciousness, is highly regarded after all. But yours is rather different. There is intent behind the selection of words and phrases. Which implies meaning, of course. The only remaining problem would be that the meaning is not clear to the reader. And that leaves you only with emotion to reach him.

And the piece certainly does that. It evokes a response from the reader and that is what makes it unsettling. It's hard to accept feelings when their cause is unknown.

Usually, I don't like second person POV. I object to being told what I do and how I react. But, in this case, I think you're quite right to use it. It's a part of the unsettling intent of the piece and plays a definite part in its construction therefore.

Altogether, I think it's a brave and successful attempt to break away from the usual run of things. Beyond that, the apparent lack of meaning is a drawback. I would recommend that you keep the piece and develop it from time to time, but don't limit yourself to experiment. Everyone needs to express their thoughts at times and communication is the ultimate goal in this.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4812585

Review of Just One Wish

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

A million is a good start, even if it's not very original. Not sure the devil would be as picky about language as depicted but it's a minor point. And necessary for the story to proceed.

I enjoy this kind of story that imagines a rather different personality for legendary or mythical characters. There's no reason their sophistication should not keep pace with the world, is there? And the devil would surely have a lot to do with the way the world is developing.

And so we come to poor old Bill Gates. I admit I've used him in a story or two as well and he probably deserves it. But I do like using his computers. As for the story, it's a nice twist to identify the hobo at the last moment. Gives everything an entirely new meaning. Very neatly done.

It's flash fiction so the brevity of the tale is quite appropriate and you cope easily with the pace and flow of the genre. Altogether a neat little story and enjoyable as well.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

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#4812294

Review of The Secret of Holloway Manor

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

This is a rollicking tale, a roller coaster ride from one desperate sitiuation to another, and a mystery older than time itself. It is gripping and full of tension but at times does overstep slightly. The ending I found particularly deflating since the crisis had long passed by then.

But the story is very imaginative and engrossing. Most of my comments are regarding what the movie makers describe as continuity - breaks in the understanding of the reader regarding the exact positioning of things or characters. I've made several notes as I read the piece and these are included below:

The explanation of the family history in the first few paras (5 and 6) is slightly laboured. Too obvious an info dump, I think.

May be a good idea to embolden and/or enlarge the font for the chapter headings. They disappear otherwise and are useful to the reader as place markers.

There is little distinction between the two detectives. They react in similar ways and are brave and afraid in equal measure. They need to be differentiated a bit more and, perhaps, speak differently so that their voices are easily identified.

This I like very much - the idea of something being made from malice is quite poetic: "He was something else, something unnatural, something made of shadows and malice."

Chapter Four - The door becomes a problem. The detectives are in the room but intend to leave and the door shuts. It won't open. Then Dr Holloway appears in the doorway. Is the door open or shut? It's not clear. Sam's position is also confusing. She tries the door, it won't open. Then Holloway speaks and Sam turns to see the doctor standing in the doorway. But Sam had been facing the door - how could she turn and see Holloway?

Overuse of the expression "the very ... (walls, place, etc.}" Seems a bit outdated and does little to add to the description. One usage should be enough for any short story.

Chapter Six - continuity again. As they land in the pit, Elliot reaches for Sam but can't find her. Then, after his conversation with the apparition, Sam is suddenly available to be grabbed and spoken to. Seems an unnecessary confusion, this being lost and suddenly found again.

Watch the temperature - it drops several times but recovery is never mentioned. Does it get colder and colder? They'll be frozen soon!

Chapter Eight - The race to find the crystal. They had fallen a long way after seeing the crystal but now it seems as if they are back on that level. I think mention should be made of how they climbed from the pit up to the level of the house.

I don't recall the shard of metal. Are you sure it has prior mention? The concoction used against the crystal was a complete surprise. Amazing that they should have the foresight to prepare this.

Not sure about the final chapter. Is it really necessary? Much of the tension has been dissipated by then and to try resurrecting it may be more than the story warrants. Just my opinion, however.

These are all detail quibbles and are easily mended. The story is, as I have said, imaginative and well described, so it's a pity that these occasional distractions spoil its full effect. A final edit should make the piece a good deal stronger.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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#4805487

Review of A Face to Freeze You Solid

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

I like this one - always up for a good revival of a mythical tale. And you handled it very well. The connection with Medusa is very obvious, right from the first inkling that the bag contains a head, but I thought it was going to be a case of mistaken contents, perhaps a greasy bowling ball or something. So you caught me well and it was a surprisingly pleasant surprise not to see (or rather to avoid seeing) the old gorgon's head emerging from the bag. Nicely done.

It's well written too, with suitable pace and not a typo or mistake in sight. Always makes my job easier if I don't have to go into explanations of why an expression or apostrophe is in the wrong place. So I was able to sit back and just enjoy Perseus' return to fame without bothering to make notes. What more could one want from a short story? Nothing indeed.

I do wonder what they were going to do with the two statues of policemen however.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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#4805347

Review of Lenore

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

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Very atmospheric story, full of foreboding, and ultimately leaving the reader to imagine the events that caused a disappearance. It's that last that worries me slightly. Of course, I can infer all sorts of endings and any of them might be true. But it still feels a little like cheating somehow. Maybe it's a matter of taste, but I would prefer a more definite statement at the end.

The story is beautifully constructed, fine detail adding atmosphere to a plot that is never overstated, and the darkness of the time, the weather, and the events all creating a mood of dread. The final paragraphs are the ominous result of this gathering storm and the story succeeds well in pursuit of its stated genres.

It's amazing how much meaning is packed into that little word "Poe." It establishes so much of what can now be used in the creation of atmosphere - Edgar Allan Poe's name hardly needs the addition of "raven" and "nevermore" to be the iconic master of the dark tale of weird and terrible things. Brilliant use of the name.

And a most enjoyable story. Well done indeed.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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#4805241

Review of Jesse

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

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It's a powerful piece, full of the horror typical of the event described. The concentration on unremarkable details sets the tone and atmosphere at the beginning. This is exceptionally well done but may just edge into trying too hard. There are times when this brushes with incomprehensibility - I've made a note of the few that gave me pause and I'll append it below.

Otherwise, it's a very effective piece that elicits exactly the response required. It deals with a terrible event, after all, and so the piece is as hard to read as it is to think about such things. Art does not have to be beautiful for it to be good - just honest.

I found no mistakes beyond the slight advances beyond comprehension that I mention below. The fact remains that it would be hard to write a more effecive piece on this event and I can only rate it at five perfect stars.

Notes:

they seek refuge on motionless humans; some too buried in somber thoughts to care The flies are buried in thought? It's not clear who you mean at first and would bear a little rewriting.

squints down the quiet street; odd despite the many that litter it. The many what? It becomes clear, if the reader continues, that you mean people, but the damage has already been done. To refer rather to "many people" would avoid the problem.

a bitter reminder of the depth of his loneliness Whose loneliness? It's not clear who you're talking about until the reader moves on to later sentences. I think you need to somehow mention the prisoner before discussing his feelings.

So there we have it, a few minor quibbles but nothing that can't be mended with very little effort. Altogether a truly excellent piece.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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#4805000

Review of A Bad Bet

Review by Beholden

In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewing signature for the B.E.A.R. Fund.

What a wonderful tale and how disappointing that it has no ending. I must presume that's the reason for the stingy award of three stars from your previous reviewer. And it's true that the story cries out for a denouement.

But I think the story deserves much more for its originality, how well it is told, your delightfully leisurely pacing, and its gripping atmosphere. I love it so much that I can only deduct half a star in the hope that it might encourage you to finish it.

I suspect that you haven't spent much time on the story since putting it down eighteen months ago. The clue is in the odd little errors I stumbled over in my reading. All of them very minor but I would have expected them to be discovered and mended by now. Perhaps evidence that you don't go back and reread a piece once you think it finished. I urge you to change your ways if that's the case - it's how you eventually come to see how good (or otherwise) you are.

As for the errors, I made notes and will append them here:

The chairs shadows jumped onto the wall - a missing apostrophe! "chair's"

There was something familiar to to cadence - a repeated "to" instead of a "the"!

For a split second they shown bright - Interesting one this. My immediate thought was that "shown" should be "shone" but then I remembered that "shined" is more common in America. But that seems a bigger jump to "shown..." Either way, it ain't right.

So that's it. Absolutely beautiful story, told like a professional, and just requires finishing. A most enjoyable read.

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Beholden
Nominated for Quills Best Reviewer, 2023 and 2024
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .