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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bugzy
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98 Public Reviews Given
749 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
Review of Where I'm From  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this piece - the style is compelling, it is like I almost sang along to it. What a way to tell a life story, I feel like I know your through and through. You say it is a template... how did that work - pass it on!

I am from eighteen different schools, more towns and homes than I can count and too many long-forgotten “Best Friends Forever”.

I can really relate to this line - sounds like my life.

Thank you for this piece - really, really, well done
bugzy
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Review of Random Acts  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
What a great story. I loved the ending... didn't see that coming. Very well written, descriptive and I was right there traveling along with you.
Here are just a few little typos for you, just in case - and remember to turn off the ratings for the contest. I get mixed up with commas and periods with dialog, but I think I am correct in my suggestions here....

“What are you having?” she asked him ... needs a period after him.

“Well, what I usually have, the kielbasa and kraut seniors special”..s/b senior's special.


“Mkay, give me the menus,” she curtly demanded, and snatched them from our hands, as she did a military turn around and walked away.... unless this is slang i think you meant to say okay


“No, I used to live in Clarenceville, but after my wife died, I moved in with my daughter.” he said..comma after daughter

his eyes were welling, and I did not want those green eyes to cry. I tried to lighten the mood...he needs a capital

he paused for a moment,..needs a capital for he and prob a new paragraph would work better too


As He sawed away at his overcooked kielbasa...he shouldnt be a capital

“Yes, I know what you mean.” s/b a comma not period

Hope these are helpful - good luck in the contest. This was a great read!
cheers
bugzzzzy



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Review of Clarence  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Very compelling piece. This is a tragic tale and I read it right through without even taking a sip of my tea.
I enjoy your writing style. It is very clear and unafraid. You take on controversial subjects and bring them right to our faces. Well done.
I'll be back again... congrats on the poetry book - how exciting!!
cheeers
bugz
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Review of A Happy Place  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
hmmm.. what a lovely read. I am very well aware of guided imagery - for many reasons, one that I teach yoga, but have used it often in my life.

This is very well done, and yes I was right there along with you in your travels. Very sensual, I could feel all the sensations from bitter cold to the warm breeze touching me deeply inside... wow

A couple of typos and suggestions.. if you are for it ( just can't help myself)

.... It has snowed, again. this sentence seems redundant too me as you just said in the previous line that it is a snowy day

..... You drive carefully over the slippery patches of frozen goo that clings to the car's fenders like a mud flavored icee. ... since patches is plural, clings should be cling and ice s/b ice

..... you are a huge fan of the 'comma' but... haha.. you have quite a few too many. I am no expert but in a sentence for instance just like the very last one, At this instant, you can imagine no happier place - you really do not need it.

You write like me, you like to combine a lot of thoughts without using and - my editor of my novel is having a hay day with me right now about it and insists that I am wrong... waa... so when I find out who wins, I will let you know, but I think it will not be me.

Lastly and this is petty and probably just a matter of how this was originally typed and transposed here.. there are a lot of extra spaces between sentences and a couple between paragraphs.

Other than that... great read.. wish I understood cars and I would read more - and would fix my own car which is poochy right now.. but will see what else tickles my fancy in your port

cheerios
bugzy
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5
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is lovely and touching. It wasn't me, but you're welcome anyway... could have been and maybe will be still
hahah..

This reads almost like a poem and perhaps could be prose... well done
cheers
bugzy

ps - bet it was for your upgrade - I got one too!
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Review of On Wings  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This poem is amazing... I love the way you have written in this style. Your words have a lot of meaning and it flows so succinctly.
Thank you for sharing this.
cheers
bugzy
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Review of Unworthy  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is very haunting and sad. It brings the reader to a place of compassion for the subject of these words.
Well written
blessings
bugzy
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Review of A Bright Future  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great story. Creepy for sure and a humourous touch at the end.
Well done.. hope you write more
Cheers
Bugzy
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9
Rated: E | (5.0)
hahaha oh yes the internet is an addiction of the sneakiest kind - whether good or bad, I think the jury is out on that one!!
I am definitely one of the 'addicts' and feel that you wrote this for quite a few of us on here!
Good luck in the contest
cheers
bugzy
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10
Review of The Chase  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
What a lovely story, very well written. You bring the reader right along with you with your very descriptive style of writing.
It was a tragedy to be sure. But there is a lot of compassion to be felt for the main character.

A couple of minor typos....

. He moved back so that only his hands still rested on her wait.... s/b waist

The soft gentl curve from her hip,... s/b gentle

And for dialog.... "I love you." he said huskily. The I love you is followed by a comma not a period.

Well done
cheers
bugzy
11
11
Review of Unclear Visions  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like this one best of all your work so far. Fairy Tales are alas not part of my life either, although admittedly in some ways the life of a dreamer seems more attractive. Ignorance is bliss, does have a certain appeal.
Well done again, I hope you have more.
cheers
bugzy
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Rated: E | (4.5)
This is very well written touching on a sad topic, most of us can relate to. I loved the line... you failed to return to finish our song.
The emotions of sadness pours from this page and brings your reader right there along with you.
Well done
cheers
bugzy
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Review of Just Not Right  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
ahhh, I didn't feel this was so light hearted, made me sad. Love is a messed up thing even in the best of days, i guess!
This is well written and does have a light sing-songy rhyme but sorrowful all the same.
Welcome here, hope you have enjoy yourself
cheers
bugzy
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Review of The Phone Call  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is brilliant, tragic true shakespearian style
Well done!
cheers
bugzy
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15
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
What a fabulous story. I read right through until the end. Full of insight and learnings everyone can aspire to. The story flowed well, just enough descriptors - brought me right there.
I lived in San Salvador for 3 years and so was reminded of my time there as well - did you mean for it to take place in that city?

Just one punctuation error that I noted... “Supper starts at 5:00 - you do not need the quotation as it is a continuation of the previous sentence.

Welcome here and let me know if you need any help wandering around

blessings
bugzy
16
16
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautiful! What a lovely tribute to an unsung hero.
Well done and deserving of Monty's contest.
Congratulations!
cheers
bugzy
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Review of MIDNIGHT SOUNDS  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Another beautiful poem.
Congratulations on winning in Monty's contest- well deserved as always
cheers
judy
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Review of My need to know  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Beautifully written - I love your style.

Here is a quote of mine....."So living in the constant unknowing and still living, that is the lesson".

Congratulations on winning Monty's contest
Cheers
Judy

btw.. I doubt you are 'dull'
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Review of The Hitchhiker  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Very well written. Saddens me though... I was just talking about hitchhiking the other day with someone on here actually, saying it still holds a romantic notion for me and I wished I had hitchhiked across the country - but alas for the 'dangers'
So again I am .. ahem.. reminded - not such a good idea
Thanks!
cheers
bugzy
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Review of Grief  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Excellent story... very funny. Starts of so serious, draws the reader in, then when they least expect it... wham..!!
Favorite lines:

Right now he just wanted to focus his whole attention on that wad of gum, everything else hurt too much to think about

Mrs. Krantz will be waking up with her night terrors any minute now."

This was very well written. Thank you
cheers
judy
21
21
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is cute and speaks to all of us who would love to be a fly on the wall at some point.. we all have!!
I was thinking too of a story I heard from an little old lady I knew, who confessed one day under great diress to having put dirt in her brother's tea when they were little because she was mad at him!! He drank and never know but here she was 70 years later still tormented... poor soul!
NO typos... that I can see... well done
Cheers
judy
22
22
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is precious, lovely and although sleep eluded you, those thoughts were worth staying awake for.
My fav parts:
*Although you are miles away, I can feel you near me, and a single tear trickles down my cheek.
* now behind lidded eyes I see your face

Nothing I would change ,no typos.. hope you were not too tired the next day!
cheers
judy
23
23
Review of sacrficial ill  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Really well written, I love it.
I especially like... speak written word, not your mind
and
as the comfort we seek is not in the pleasure we find
Very true and well said

Couple of suggestions if I may??
3rd line, I would make one sentence with a comma instead
7th line - I would take out 'as'
8th line - could start with a capital
9th line - In could be in

Thanks for sharing this!!
cheers
judy

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Review of The Train Whistle  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Great story, well written. The only sentence that didn't seem to flow for me was " the makeup I'd carefully applied before I left this morning covered whatever that might still show. " perhaps you don't need the 'that'
Other than that, I didn't see any other typos.
I enjoyed your story, thank you for sharing.
cheers
judy
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Review of If You Could See  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very powerful poem, well written. It seems a little too wordy in a few spots, so may could take out extra word,in the first two lines and like beg, borrow and even steal....
Just my thoughts... congratulations on getting it published!
well done
cheers
judy
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